Staying Committed Tips

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HawkeyeMatt
HawkeyeMatt Posts: 12
in Introduce Yourself
Hi all, I've rejoined My Fitness Pal after an extended hiatus. Sorry for the long post but it's hard to condense my frustration. I am about 5'9 and currently weigh 245 pounds. I am looking to get down to around 190-200 which I feel is a good weight for me given my body frame. I've lost weight in the past but over the past 12 years, or so, I've always been hovering anywhere from 230 up to 260 pounds.

I'm not averse to working out, in fact, when I stick with it I love it because it makes me feel great and gives me a ton of energy. However, I have obviously had a hard time sticking with a routine which is why I can't seem to get down to my ideal weight. My poor food choices are the #1 reason I am overweight and I fully admit it. I eat bad food because it "of course" tastes good and I tend to be selfish with my eating wants. However, I always feel bad after doing this for long periods of time.

I also like to make excuses not to workout, I have two young children, 2 and 4, so the only time I have to work out is in the early mornings which is hard to always get motivated to do. When I do get up and work out I am more disciplined and eat much better during the day. I try and workout at least 4 times a week when I'm trying. However, if I miss a workout I fall right back into poor eating habits, I know it doesn't make sense but I just do.

So now I am at a crossroads in my life. I am 40 years old and my 30 year old wife is losing faith that I'll ever stick with it to reach my fitness goals. She eats right and is getting back in to exercise as she wants to get back to her pre-baby weight of around 140, she's about 20 pounds off. She loves me but she's frustrated that I can't stick with it and I'm confused as to why I can't either. It may cause us to drift further apart until ultimately we get divorced because of my lack of commitment.

We're trying to find time to do some activities together, like playing tennis but it's hard finding time to do activities together with 2 and 4 year old boys in our lives. It's not like we can just walk out the door and go do something together, it's a coordinated effort just to find any time together as I'm certain other parents can understand.

Back to my main point I guess. Does anyone else on MFP feel like their poor eating habits are tremendously ingrained in their psyches and have any of you found ways to overcome it? Honestly, the thing that has worked best for me, in the past, is to really watch what I eat, plenty of fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and lean proteins at least 5 or 6 days a week. Yet I allow myself a cheat day where I can eat my favs and that way I don't feel deprived and just want to quit.

However, I've been told by a few people that I shouldn't do that either which just makes me feel like "what's the point?" I have so much respect for those individuals that can eat healthy all the time. I don't know how they do it but I know I lose interest in trying if I don't feel I can enjoy some "not so healthy" food now and then.

So bottom line, I enjoy working out if I can mix my workouts up, even though it's tough to get up early. I am not averse to healthy foods but I must admit that I have a very unhealthy want for foods that I know aren't good for me. So, in a nutshell, I'm open to all advice from others that are, or have been in my shoes, or people in general. I want to succeed but I'm having a hard time figuring out the solution on my own and I know there's a lot of good people out there that struggle as well. Thanks for taking time to read my post and for any feedback you may have.

Replies

  • angelraguel
    angelraguel Posts: 142 Member
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    Am gonna send you a friend request as im off out in a sec and havent got time to make a reply to your post and dont want to lose it :)
  • vonnywaft
    vonnywaft Posts: 182
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    So what about taking those two little boys to the park and kicking a ball about for 30 minutes, or to the pool and swimming about throwing them about for 30 mins. What about finding something good for them to do - like a sports or martial arts class and some weeks you take them and your wife gets to have the time, other weeks she takes them and you work out? It has to be planned and it's not easy but if you get in a good routine it can work. On a Tuesday my 11yo goes to basketball and I train straight after with the grown ups, she hangs around with other parents while I train, on a Wednesday she has a swimming lesson at the gym for 30 mins so i swim while she's in that, or i could do weights but I usually swim. On a Saturday she goes to a drama club and some weeks i go to the gym while she's at that. Also what about going for a walk with the boys, make it an adventure and see what you can discover - take a buggy for the little one - it's all exercise.

    And as far as food goes - LOG IT! I find logging it makes me aware and accountable. My behaviour changes just through the act of recording what I am doing and it makes me think about the bad choices before I make them. that doesn't mean I don't still make bad choices, but i'm so much more aware of it and therefore do it less. Good luck.
  • tizzie_14
    tizzie_14 Posts: 72
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    I find that I don't choose the bad foods if I just busted my *kitten* during a workout. This isn't to say that I haven't had slip-ups and eaten crappy. (last week) Most of the time, I can't justify to myself eating a piece of pizza after I just sweat my butt off. Counter-productive. If food is your main problem, then I say allow yourself the cheat day. EARN the cheat day. You have to live and bad habits take time to change. Can you workout after you put the kids to bed? Can your wife watch the kids while you work out? I also think finding something you like to do for exercise is extremely important. Feel free to send a FR. We can all use as much support and motivation as we can get. Best of luck. Just remember... if it's important to you, you'll find a way, if not, you'll find an excuse.
  • Blreed1964
    Blreed1964 Posts: 1
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    Maybe instead of having a planned or allowed cheat day, indulge is something without having a set day or time. This might allow you to feel more free and less tied down during the times when you are eating healthy (which would then be all of the time)
    :)
  • HawkeyeMatt
    HawkeyeMatt Posts: 12
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    I do like to get the boys out and do things with them. You don't think about the fact you are burning a small amount of calories doing simple things like pushing them on a swing. As far as working out goes, I hate leaving the little ones with mom in the evenings if I can avoid it so I choose the morning workouts. It is nice to be done with them early and not have to worry about them at the end of the work day. Just very hard getting up early because I tend to not get enough sleep the night before. I am a night owl so going to bed at 10 to get up at 5:30 is not an easy task.
  • Gianna44
    Gianna44 Posts: 124
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    I think that for most of us, poor food choices is what got us here, whether quality or quantity. Keeping a food diary really works because it holds you accountable - whether counting Weight Watcher points (did that), or logging food here and staying within your goal. I, for one, could never say "I will never eat that again", but instead try to work it into my diet - maybe not everyday, but occasionally. (Some people have made those drastic changes and it worked for them - just not my thing). Regardless, something will have to change - either all at once, or in moderation.

    As for the exercise - I sympathize with the time thing. My husband and I have 3 sons (now 15,12, and 10), and it only gets harder to find the time since we now take them to all of their events/games, etc.

    Do you like biking? My husband and I used to use a double trailer and go on bike rides a lot when our kids were young like yours.
    How about soccer? Even the youngest can try to kick a ball around, and like you said, all of those "little" things really can add up.

    You can do this!
  • iLoveMyPitbull1225
    iLoveMyPitbull1225 Posts: 1,690 Member
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    Find foods you enjoy, have a day where you dont count( commonly called a cheat day but I dont see it as cheating really), and find excersise you enjoy.

    Those are the top three things that really really helped me lose. When I was depriving myself of what I craved 24/7 I was caving into tempation and quite miserable. It is best to look at this as a lifelong comittment to health. I am not going to force myself to eat plain boiled chicken for the rest of my life! and Im not going to just run on a treadmill like a rat for hours! I would be hating my life if I thought I would never eat another cupcake or an order of french fries.

    I really love to cook, but when I started my weightloss journey I got super into researching healthy recipes on sites like skinny taste and such. Like, I love pasta. I have found countless low cal recipes for pasta. Yes, I stil whine a little when the olive garden commericals come on, but ya know.

    That brings me to another point, of restaurants. Research the menu and nutrition before you go out or use the App on your phone if you have it to look up what will fit into your macros/ allowance. This makes it less stressful and you WILL feel good about it! and you dont have to miss out.

    Hope these ideas help!!
  • iLoveMyPitbull1225
    iLoveMyPitbull1225 Posts: 1,690 Member
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    Also, You and your wife should totally try cooking together. it would show her some initiative and effort and its something you could do together towards reaching your goals.
  • mjterp
    mjterp Posts: 655 Member
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    My attitude towards this is NOT diet...lifestyle choice.
    I choose to make changes that I can live with and STILL enjoy life.
    Changes I have made?
    Drinking plenty of water (logged on MFP, of course. Water raises your metabolism)
    Logging
    Eating every 3-4 hours (not a TON...just SOMETHING. eating half my sandwich late morning, the other half early afternoon)
    -From this my stomach seems to have shrunk...I can't eat the quantities that I used to! And I don't feel deprived if I still feel somewhat hungry because I know I can eat again in a few hours)
    then Logging EVERYDAY (even weekends when I was taking breaks until I found out how much it was UNdoing what I was doing Monday through Friday...)
    Holding myself accountable to MFP friends
    moving my calories earlier in the day (I had been eating most of my calories before going to bed. THIS change seems to have made the biggest difference in my shape changes)
    Adding movement (I bought a fitbit. This is the area I struggle the most. Every few weeks I up my goals)

    I had company over...I didn't say NO to the restaurants that she wanted to take me to. I just ate a lot LESS (and had leftovers for the next day!!!YUMMM) We had a TON of fresh fruit around and I didn't miss desert because the fresh fruits were SO good. I could have had dessert...I don't deprive myself. It really is about lifestyle change for me. I will be a MFP member for life. Much like a have a budget for my financial expenses, MFP has become my budget for my caloric expenses. I always have the choice to cut my expenses or increase my income! (cut food intake calories or earn more calories by exercising!)
    I can't wait for the day when activity becomes second nature! I know it will happen because I have seen it happen with others on MFP. THIS is where I get my ideas on changes to make. Every healthy habit I establish gets me that much closer to my goal weight and subsequent goal of lifelong maintenance.

    I haven't stopped living or ENJOYING things...but I will say that my tastes have changed. I used to do fast food regularly...now all that grease makes me feel literally nauseated! One habit at a time. Progress NOT perfection. THESE have become my mantras.

    Welcome back! I hope you stick around. and feel free to friend me!
  • ksun10
    ksun10 Posts: 76
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    I was the same way. Its so hard to change your mentality on food and exercise once you are set in your ways. I just, for lack of a better term, lied to myself about the food. When I really didnt feel like eating carrots, Id make myself think "mmmmm carrots sure do sound good." After a few weeks, they really did sound good and I wasnt having to trick myself anymore.
  • BetterMike
    BetterMike Posts: 131 Member
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    Me - 44 and was slightly obese now middle of overweight heading towards healthy.

    So if your main question is how to keep motivation, I can tell you one thing I did. I wrote myself a note that I keep where I can see it often which says "Stop eating yourself to death". Morbid and not for everyone but it works for me. It helps me keep the frame of mind I had when I wrote it. Pissed at myself and my habits!

    Between food and exercise for losing weight you're looking at 80/20 in favor of the food part. In my opinion, don't diet (eating things you won't be able to sustain happily for life). Do eat things you like but count the calories/ eat smaller portions. I think you'll naturally starting eating better just to get the calories right.

    Sending friend request.

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