Self hating remarks...

Lkoblara
Lkoblara Posts: 137 Member
in Motivation and Support
I'm not a super active member on MFP but I am a lurker and I use the tools daily. I noticed a trend in the forums, especially before and after type posts, where members refer to their "before" self as "disgusting" "big fat blob" "skinny fat" whatever.

While you think you're only insulting yourself, by doing this you insult other members at different parts of their journeys. I for one would kill to be "skinny fat" and there are probably some members on here who would love to be the weight of your "before" start weight. Or they are proud to be at that weight now.

My point is, try to be mindful of your words. How you perceive yourself at any weight can greatly effect others. Support yourself at every stage and you're indirectly supporting others. "I was unhappy/unhealthy at this weight..." "I wasn't who I knew I could be..." "I was determined to get back to the old me..." sounds so much more uplifting than "this photo was back when I was a gross fatty."

We're all walking the same path, so choose to be kind. That includes to yourself ;)
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Replies

  • stephenwebbe
    stephenwebbe Posts: 31 Member
    I agree! I noticed the same thing.
  • kimdarren
    kimdarren Posts: 76 Member
    Completely agree. Being positive is so much better than insults and negativity.
  • htalexander
    htalexander Posts: 81
    Glad u posted and couldn't agree more!
  • Lkoblara
    Lkoblara Posts: 137 Member
    I'm glad I'm not alone in this thinking! :)
  • DeathOracle
    DeathOracle Posts: 4
    Exactly! I'm so glad someone addressed this.
  • sazzyp1973
    sazzyp1973 Posts: 517 Member
    nice post
  • Jxnsmma
    Jxnsmma Posts: 919 Member
    I know, I hate when people say they were at their most disgustingly fattest most horrible self at 150 lbs, and thats my goal weight....
  • obeserat
    obeserat Posts: 218 Member
    I don't really see whats wrong with expressing how you feel about yourself . I think my username says
    how I see myself even though I've lost 37lb already
  • hayden2218
    hayden2218 Posts: 15
    I absolutely agree 100%. We all have to be careful with what we say after words like "I am...."

    Just in general, saying words like "I am fat, I am ugly, I am useless...." What horrible things to wish on ourselves! To train our own minds to believe! Isn't there enough of that abuse in society as it is? We don't need to do it to ourselves.

    I'll tell you what I am....

    I am learning. I am trying. I am blessed to have a working, moving body.

    Speaking positively about ourselves and our journey will only be beneficial to our minds AND our bodies. Be kind to yourself and others will follow your example! :)
  • ElyseL1
    ElyseL1 Posts: 504 Member
    I couldnt agree more!! I tend to think that a lot of these people have self esteem issues though and that makes me feel a bit better. Cause I may be larger then there starting weight, but i know I can still look damn good when I try too. :)
  • RhonndaJ
    RhonndaJ Posts: 1,615 Member
    Well said.
  • SueMizZou
    SueMizZou Posts: 146 Member
    I agree. Negative self talk is part of our problems. Stay positive. Overweight discrimination is a real issue. We don't need to make each other feel bad, there are plenty of others who will do it for us.
  • DopeItUp
    DopeItUp Posts: 18,771 Member
    Hmm sounds too politically correct to me, sorry. If someone doesn't like me referring to my formerly disgusting self then I guess they can cry in their tub of ice cream. :D
  • skinnyinnotime
    skinnyinnotime Posts: 4,078 Member
    Errm, nope, I'll refer to myself with whatever words I choose to.
  • FrugalMomsRock75
    FrugalMomsRock75 Posts: 698 Member
    Hmm sounds too politically correct to me, sorry.

    rofl


    I was a freaking nasty fat blob. Period. I was lazy, and I was slowly killing myself by getting bigger and bigger.

    Hi, I'm Kim, and I'm a food addict. I've been in recovery for 1 year, 5 months, and 10 days...

    isn't that how it actually works? Obviously, everyone who is here that is obese has realized they they, too, are fat and need to do something about it.

    *shrug*
  • patchesgizmo
    patchesgizmo Posts: 244 Member
    nice post:heart:
  • skinnyinnotime
    skinnyinnotime Posts: 4,078 Member

    While you think you're only insulting yourself, by doing this you insult other members at different parts of their journeys. I for one would kill to be "skinny fat" and there are probably some members on here who would love to be the weight of your "before" start weight. Or they are proud to be at that weight now.

    We're all walking the same path, so choose to be kind. That includes to yourself ;)

    You would KILL to be skinny fat, hmm sounds kind of negative to me. Be kind to yourself!!
  • RLDeShazo
    RLDeShazo Posts: 356 Member
    I used to think the same thing. Like when "skinny" girls would go on and on about how fat they were. Or how I would see someone unhappy with their current weight and I would think, "I would sell my first born child to be that small!" (she hates it when I offer to sell her)

    But I have come to realize that no matter what size they are or what I see on the outside from my point of view, they see something they don't like. Just as I am not happy with what I looked like at 394, they can be equally unhappy at 294. or 194. or 144. or even 124. As long as they don't endanger their health (physical, mental, and emotional), then we are all on the same path. Just at different spots.
  • NanaDino4
    NanaDino4 Posts: 63
    I totally agree and the worse offense to me IMO are the skinny ones who call themselves fat and are on here asking for advice to lose weight when you can see their bones....they need help of another kind.
  • Lkoblara
    Lkoblara Posts: 137 Member

    While you think you're only insulting yourself, by doing this you insult other members at different parts of their journeys. I for one would kill to be "skinny fat" and there are probably some members on here who would love to be the weight of your "before" start weight. Or they are proud to be at that weight now.

    We're all walking the same path, so choose to be kind. That includes to yourself ;)

    You would KILL to be skinny fat, hmm sounds kind of negative to me. Be kind to yourself!!


    I didn't say anything negative about myself. There is nothing wrong with saying you want to lose weight. That's IS why we're all here right? I'm just saying that in this kind of forum it might be considerate and *nice* if posters would choose a more positive way of referring to weight/size/activity level.

    If some members have no concerns with being supportive and considerate then obviously my post isn't addressing them. But some people might not realize that what they say about themselves is a reflection of what they think of others.

    (and why be snarky? why not have a discussion without being rude? This is why I haven't posted that much in the message boards. not very welcoming.)
  • Lkoblara
    Lkoblara Posts: 137 Member
    I used to think the same thing. Like when "skinny" girls would go on and on about how fat they were. Or how I would see someone unhappy with their current weight and I would think, "I would sell my first born child to be that small!" (she hates it when I offer to sell her)

    But I have come to realize that no matter what size they are or what I see on the outside from my point of view, they see something they don't like. Just as I am not happy with what I looked like at 394, they can be equally unhappy at 294. or 194. or 144. or even 124. As long as they don't endanger their health (physical, mental, and emotional), then we are all on the same path. Just at different spots.

    I totally agree. When I was in high school and 135 lbs I thought I was fat... Ha ha, I'd love to talk to my 16 year old self today!
  • RhonndaJ
    RhonndaJ Posts: 1,615 Member
    For those who say they can and will describe themselves however they like, is it really too much to ask for the addition of a couple of words?

    It's one thing to say 'I was a disgusting blob of fat' and quite another to say 'I felt as if I were a disgusting blob of fat'.

    Personally, I'm thick enough skinned that I only think in passing 'sheesh, if that's what they thought about themselves at that weight, what the heck would they think about me at this weight'? And then go read something else. But there are enough people on here with esteem issues who could be sent into a downward spiral by those casually spoken words.

    Sure, there is freedom of speech and all that but it's an over used excused for people to just be rude to one another and themselves.
  • livinginwoods
    livinginwoods Posts: 562 Member
    I agree. However some thrive on self pity and negativity. It shows in their daily posts and lives.
  • Lkoblara
    Lkoblara Posts: 137 Member
    For those who say they can and will describe themselves however they like, is it really too much to ask for the addition of a couple of words?

    It's one thing to say 'I was a disgusting blob of fat' and quite another to say 'I felt as if I were a disgusting blob of fat'.

    Personally, I'm thick enough skinned that I only think in passing 'sheesh, if that's what they thought about themselves at that weight, what the heck would they think about me at this weight'? And then go read something else. But there are enough people on here with esteem issues who could be sent into a downward spiral by those casually spoken words.

    Sure, there is freedom of speech and all that but it's an over used excused for people to just be rude to one another and themselves.

    Exactly! It doesn't bother me personally but being a compassionate person I can only imaging a more fragile person reading it. The whole "tough love" thing is overused as well. There are so many other effective ways to "be real" without being rude.
  • Liberty_7728
    Liberty_7728 Posts: 51 Member
    Thank you for putting that into perspective. You are absolutely right! We could all use a little reminder of a bigger picture. I appreciate your posting this.
  • FrugalMomsRock75
    FrugalMomsRock75 Posts: 698 Member
    For those who say they can and will describe themselves however they like, is it really too much to ask for the addition of a couple of words?

    It's one thing to say 'I was a disgusting blob of fat' and quite another to say 'I felt as if I were a disgusting blob of fat'.


    I didn't just FEEL like I was. I was! My body fat was over 50%. I WAS A FAT, LAZY, PATHETIC BLOB. Period.

    Get over it. I didn't call you fat. I am talking about ME. I used the first person there^. I was disgustingly obese, and then I woke up (thank God). I'm now trying to correct it.

    As I said above: everyone who comes here has obviously realized that they need to change. Otherwise, they wouldn't be here!
  • composerclark
    composerclark Posts: 38 Member
    For those who say they can and will describe themselves however they like, is it really too much to ask for the addition of a couple of words?

    It's one thing to say 'I was a disgusting blob of fat' and quite another to say 'I felt as if I were a disgusting blob of fat'.

    Personally, I'm thick enough skinned that I only think in passing 'sheesh, if that's what they thought about themselves at that weight, what the heck would they think about me at this weight'? And then go read something else. But there are enough people on here with esteem issues who could be sent into a downward spiral by those casually spoken words.

    Sure, there is freedom of speech and all that but it's an over used excused for people to just be rude to one another and themselves.
    I feel this is an excellent point!

    I also feel that the motivation to finally take action against our weight problems is often something negative; in my case it was seeing a picture of myself on the beach last summer and thinking, "OMG! I resemble a whale! When did that happen?"

    I should have said, "OMG, I feel as if I resemble a whale! When did that happen?"

    But the point is, I was appalled with myself, so much so that I finally decided to do something about it, and I suspect many others could say the same thing, hence the "self-hating" comments.

    So, while I agree that the words "I feel" are a more diplomatic way of stating things, and it is important to be positive about ourselves and others, saying something negative about the way we feel we used to look seems understandable to me.
  • grrrlface
    grrrlface Posts: 1,204 Member
    People see themselves differently to how they see others or others see them.

    When I called myself 'fat' I was not referring to anyone else.
    I'm now 'skinny fat', I'm still referring to myself. I'm not using it in a derogatory way towards others, I'm describing what I look like.

    It's factual about my body. I'm not out to hurt someone's feelings.
  • rjmwx81
    rjmwx81 Posts: 259 Member
    At my current weight, I *am* a fat disgusting unhealthy slob. That doesn't mean that anyone else is. Some people are wonderful, healthy, happy, and energetic at my weight. I am not. My weight drains me of energy, making me grumpy,, irritable, and overall not a good person to be around. I can only speak for myself, and if anyone else reads anything more into it, that's their issue, not mine. Personally, I need the negative attitude to motivate me. The "oh, I'm fine the way I am" school of thought is how I ballooned up in the first place.
  • chelsa1986
    chelsa1986 Posts: 71
    I live by the belief (on forums), 'If you wouldn't say it in person, don't type it while hiding behind a computer screen.'

    When a morbidly obese person comments on your fantastic weight loss and asks how you feel now; would you stand there in the parking lot and say, "I feel so much better now that I'm not the disgusting fat pos drain on society that I used to be!"?

    No. I daresay you wouldn't. Because irl, that person would tell you off, start to cry, or at very least never speak to you again after that.

    Nobody looks at the b!tchy person bragging about how they used to be disgusting but now are athletic and incredible and feels inspired. They look at someone like me, who tells them they are great for trying. That they are wonderful just as they are, but that wouldn't it be better to let your body work as it was designed to. Someone who is positive and loving, because even though I'm not fat anymore, I'm still on this journey.

    I'm not bragging, I'm being honest. Try it sometime. Honesty is VERY different from having no filter.

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