question for people who have been fat all their life

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Wow. Seems like I could have written so many of these stories myself. It is hard to wrap my mind around the fact that I am no longer that overweight child, and that I am an adult now and in control of my own life/health. It is hard.

IIRC, I started gaining about the age of 11. Don't even know WHY...its not like we were rich people who had a lot of junk food and school lunches were a LOT healthier back then, even though I usually had a cheese sandwich from home (because 35 cents was not in the family budget for a school lunch). I ran around a lot...was outside most of the time because parents WANTED you outside and not underfoot (and no computers ....and TV was only available if the grownups weren't using it). Now I am not saying I was morbidly obese, but I was always overweight.

So how did that happen? Maybe it was genetics...mom and sis were both the same way. I had to go through jr. high and high school being mercilessly teased and taunted about my weight. Wasn't easy and I ended up a very shy, lonely and beaten down person. But that's definitely another story. When you are a kid, you don't know how to change things...you try to rely on your parents to help but when you have parents like I did, that help wasn't available. I was on my own and I wasn't capable of doing anything to help myself. So I dealt...or tried to.

I'm on the in-between. I don't remember being at a healthy weight but I can't wait to see what happens when I get there! It is exciting and terrifying at the same time. I always have had my weight to hide behind, an excuse to think I'd be rejected so I would not even try. Whether it was making new friends or a guy I wanted to talk to or date. I was quiet and shy except around my family and friends I'd known all my life. But last November ALL my excuses got blown to pieces when this guy actually asked me out. I know that seems so trivial but it meant a lot to me. It changed my persepective on so many things including my weight issues. Unconciously I started eating better and wanting to work out (he's a gym rat and loves to lift heavy so that was inspiring). I started exercising nearly every day and then I found MFP. I'd been a WW member off and on for years but never kept it off. MFP is so much easier, not to mention being free is really great in this economy. I couldn't see paying someone to teach me what I already knew. So here I am, nearly 40 pounds lighter, starting to run and loving it. I think I started doing this for "him" but now I'm doing this for ME and me only. Its a challenge but I'm going to beat it.

I've always been chubby.

I was never obese though, and the most I've ever weighed was 175lbs in 6th grade.

I have a different body shape than models, more chest and hip, so people with my body type usually weigh more. I also worked out 4x a week last year, and I gained a lot of muscle, which unfortunately doesn't show through fat.

I think a huge part of my "chubbiness" is because my mother was a teenage mom, who never learned to cook, and therefore we ate out EVERY night. Pizza Hut, McDonalds, Taco Bell, and Chinese buffets were a usual menu.

I was the fat kid... always heavier than the rest of them at school... I also was the cr@ppest at those stupid "school runs" or "fitness tests" or whatever... I came in dead last because I was always so chunky.

I suppose I accepted it for the longest time... Telling myself "Well, Mom's fat so I must be destined for fatness too" When my doc brought forward a reality check I was like "Well, maybe I should try to take care of myself so I don't cost my husband a wife..." I hope to one day be a normal size... like a size 12 or something. I just don't want to be an XL or a size 18 anymore.

I have no clue what's underneath all this either... I've dropped nearly 50lbs and I am halfway to what I thought was my goal weight... Now I'm thinking I'll be dropping a little more. I have not lost many pant or shirt sizes since starting so I'm worried I might not ever be smaller. I know I have a large frame, I'm 5'11" for crying out loud... But I want to look like I've dropped 100+ pounds by the end of it all... I don't know if that will happen.

I was never small..... I don't know what it's like to be thin either. I still see myself as fat though, and I've lost almost 115lbs! I started at 303.4 - and I'm currently at 189.2. I'm not sure when the mental changes. Baby steps I guess.

I was always a chubby kid. growing up, (around) 15, 16, my highest weight i was 180 size 18 pants. I used to get picked on, but I never cared what other people thought. I never had a problem getting a date, so It wasent a big deal. I would watch my BF who was 109 pounds date these jerks that treated her like nothing more than eyecandy. I never had that problem. I would listen to people make remarks about how she had an eating disorder, and they would pick on her ,for being "bulimic or aneroxic" and she wasent. I decided than, it dident matter what you weigh, people were going to say something anyway. The problem wasent with us, the problem was what these people had with themselves, When i was 17 I started dropping weight and went down to 160. I did NOTHING diffrent to lose weight, i just dropped the weight. I dident feel any diffrent, but i did notice none of my clothes fit properly.

Than at 18 i started drinking HEAVELY. and packed on the pounds, in 3 months i had had balloned from 160 back to 180, and since then it just kept going up and up. AGAIN, i never cared what people thought, and i still had no problems getting a date so i never let it bother me. I topped at 200. when I stopped drinking it did not fall off as easily as it had packed on, Later I Broke my foot, and spent 5 month in a wheel chair, balloned up to 250. At at last I herniated 5 disks falling down a small flight of stairs, I have since than topped at 290(at 37 years old, that is my heavest to date). The herinated disks took so long to heal i have permanate nerve damage in my leg. Some days its hurts to move, some days it dosent. I also have a physically demanding job so some days i had to work through the pain, and this made my leg worse. My husband, my kids and my family loved me for who i am not how much i weigh. Since i quit my job and decided to be a stay at home mom for the summer, i decided to pay attention to what i was eatting with MFP. I was suprised at the crap i was eating, and started changing things here and there.

In 2 months I have lost 6 inches and 6 pounds.

I was "chubby" for as far back as I remember. I started getting heavier through high school and steadily worse over the past few years. I was never teased and I had great friends, but still felt depressed and lonely and I hated my body (I was heavier than all of my friends and boys were never interested in me). Unfortunately I dealt with these feelings with food. I'd stay up really late at night, then I'd depend on sodas and energy drinks to get through the day. I was lethargic, my grades suffered, and I kept gaining weight. I never talked about my issues with anyone, I hid behind baggy clothes and I used humor as a defense mechanism. I think I was close to 175 - 190 lbs at graduation (I'm 5' 6" and I was inactive, so I was all belly and jiggly parts).

After high school, things got a little bit better. I started dating one of my best guy friends at 19 and suddenly started feeling more comfortable in my own skin...which took a lot of reassurance from him. I stayed around 190-ish lbs for the first 6 or 9 months of our relationship. I was the most comfortable with my body that I'd been in years and I finally realized that I didn't need to lose weight to get a boyfriend. I found a guy who loved me and found me attractive the way I was. We've been together for 4 1/2 years now and over that time, I kept gaining... we always had lots of sodas and snacks and spent a lot of time cuddling and watching movies which lead to me topping out at around 235-240 lbs.

I was 232 when I started my journey and I've had a lot of support from my boyfriend, friends, and family. I don't remember how it looks or feels to be smaller and I'm looking forward to it, though I'm also somewhat anxious about it...which seems silly, but I'm worried about getting a lot of attention for doing what most of my friends have been doing their whole lives (eating right and getting exercise).:embarassed:

Now, I have finally learned what I was doing wrong, what I need to do over what I was doing, how to properly exercise and NOT hurt myself (although I still hurt alot).... I will do this or else.

I have been heavy from the time I was raped at age of 8. I have tried to hide under my fat so nowone would want me. I am still trying to work it out, I have been in councling for years.