Lazy Boyfriend.

Ive been begging my husband to go to the gym with me, but he won't

He will do it if and when he is ready. Try to change him and he may leave which is fine if that is what you want. If you really love him to death then show it.

My wife quit smoking 6 months before I did. Can't imagine how hard that was for her to do while I was still smoking and had cigarettes right in her reach. I eventually came around, inspired by her, and quit too. He may do the same.

Remember: Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Hmmm.

I have been on both ends of this spectrum.

One boyfriend I had went to the gym all the time. Like, two hours a day every day. And I was cool with that. I was very fit back then and did a lot of exercise on my own so the fact that he was looking after himself wasn't a problem. But then he started pushing me to do more exercise, more then I felt I needed or wanted and it got very annoying.

My last boyfriend however was incredibly lazy. He was a bit chubby but not overweight, but still, he was laaaaazy. I don't drive so I walk everywhere. He lived about ten minutes walk away from town and he would refuse to walk with me if we were going somewhere from his. The times he did walk with me he complained the whole time like a baby.

So I have mixed views. Not doing any exercise at all isn't great, and being bone lazy is annoying. But then having someone telling you to do exercise like a drill sergeant isn't fun either. I say maybe go on walks with him a few times a week, if you can persuade him. You know he's doing doing something healthy and he doesn't feel like he's expected to run marathons.

My Fiance is the same way :laugh: I don't really ask him to workout or eat healthy with me because I know he isn't at that stage in life where he feels the need to. Instead I consider it like my own little challenge. And I get to update him on how I'm doing along the way. And when I do, he tells me how proud of me he is, which is all the support I need :blushing: I am doing it on my own and I'm proud of myself!

Sounds like my husband. I recently held up a photo of my dad and told him that this is where he was headed. It was my dad in his casket at 66yr old. My dad was 350lbs when he died and my husband is about 300lbs and 35yrs old. I asked him if he loved me and the kids, he said yes. I told him to prove it, because he was going to do to us what my dad did to me and my mom if he did not change right here, right now. He is trying, but I have to remind him until it becomes a habit. Yes, it is laziness, but people don't like hard work and change is hard work. Keep encouraging, but don't push, lead by example, but don't drag. Unless your married, then push, pull, and drag to your hearts content.

Ok I now feel REALLY lucky having a super motivated OH who is encouraging me to do triathlons with him!

It may just not be his time right now...if you do what you do, your example may encourage him to get going. Keep doing what you are doing and winning!

^^^this .... we all need to be ready in our selves to start

My husband to a "T". When we met, we were both very active, he was a runner. He's been on the treadmill 2x this year and sneaks fast food on the way home from work now and then.

You can change you. That's all. Be a model for him, if he asks for help or guidance, be there for him. But that's all you can do.

My husband has slowly been making diet changes in the past few months. I've been eating clean for a while now and have really toned up, and I think he's noticed. He's given up all sodas and candy, which is a huge deal for him. He will still stop for McDs on the way home, and if he offers to cook it's always something unhealthy, but I've given him huge kudos for the small steps he's made. Make sure to focus on the small positives and really play them up, that might inspire him to make more changes.

I have been trying so hard to get my boyfriend to come to the gym with me and eat better. But he just does NOT want to change in a healthy way. It's really really difficult and probably one of the biggest stresses of my life. We've been together almost 12 years and both of us have been up and down the scale a lot in those 12 years [mostly up!] but now I really need to get healthy. He does too, but he doesn't see it that way. But ultimately, you have to do it for you. You can't do it for him, or FOR him. He has to want it.

People keep telling me as I progress on my journey here that he will eventually start wanting to do it, too. I hope so!!

Everyone has their own reasons and motivations. I dieted for years because of what other people wanted from me. And every time, I went back to how I had been. This time, it is for ME....and I've never been more successful, happy, or motivated!

He has to want it for himself. But, I do think that some of the steps you mentioned are great starts! Just lead by example and he will see how much better you feel and he'll follow suit!

My husband lost 75 pounds and I was the unmotivated fat one for 4 years. He did everything he could to try to get me to be more active and healthy. I paid him no mind. It wasn't until I finally decided for myself that I wanted to change my ways that I did. The best thing is to keep setting an example and be ready to help your significant other when they finally step up to the plate. I can honestly tell you that being hassled about it only made me not want to do it even more. :flowerforyou:

My husband is kinda over weight for his height too and he always talks about wanting to build muscle but when I beg him to go on the trail with me he would say "Nah, I'll wait here for you." I use portion control and measuring my food which he doesn't. I know the feeling.

Don't try to force him into it, he'll only end up resenting you. Do what you need to do for you. If you're the main grocery shopper in the house, buy stuff that will help support your goals. He will either choose to eat it and thereby adopt healthier eating habits, or he will make a point of going out and buying food that he wants to eat. Keep doing what you need to keep doing for you, and he'll either decide it's time for him to make the same choices, or he won't, but trying to coerce him into it will not get you very far. If/when he does get on board, be supportive without being overbearing.

It saddens me because I see these kinds of threads all the time.

The truth is, no amount of begging, encouraging or nagging will move his *kitten*. Just leave him be and get on with your new lifestyle. Don't let him drag you down.

I had sort of the opposite - I am divorced now, but my Ex is really thin and she could eat whatever she wanted. If I smell junk food I gain 5 pounds. She always kept the house packed with snacks and junk food!!! When I would tell her I did not want all that crap around she would get mad and tell me that I was the one who needed self control (which is true, but geez I am only human and when there is always a box of little chocolate donuts on the counter, they eventually will win).

So needless to say 7 months after we spilt - change my habits - cleared out the crap food and I am 35 pounds lighter.

I think it is really important for spouses/partners to be on the same page fitness/food wise - definitely a requirement if I meet someone new for sure!

We aren't always lucky to find someone with fitness goals. I used to avoid fit guys because I was not into fitness. Now that I want to be fit and healthy, I won't condemn my husband because he wants to eat crap...but I will ask that he at least keeps the junk somewhere where I won't see it all the time. Especially because I will be home a lot more than him. At least now we will be able to run together though =/