Lazy Boyfriend.

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jillian2315
jillian2315 Posts: 7 Member
in Motivation and Support
Does anyone else struggle with living with someone who is heavy and has no motivation to fix it like you? I live with my boyfriend of 5 years and he is overweight for his height. I love him to death, but it doesn't help my motivation when he refuses to exercise with me or even slightly change his habits due to lazy-ness. I am really doing well on my own so far, but I wish I could help get him motivated... I have made a slight amount of success by talking him into going to play racquetball...and he said "well if you make my lunch for me, I'll eat what you make"...lame. haha. Oh well progress is progress right?
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Replies

  • hayden2218
    hayden2218 Posts: 15
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    When it comes to people you love, you are in a hard place. But what it comes down to is having the people you love live a long healthy life along WITH you. We work so hard for our health because we want to stick around! And we want the people we love to do the same. Maybe having a serious conversation about how important this is to you and how much his support means would be helpful (if you haven't already). He's gotta want it for himself. Maybe sharing reasons about why you yourself are inspired to get healthy will inspire him to? Or sneaking in fun things to do that are like work outs without him actually knowing it.

    I'm sorry I'm not actually any help hahah. But just wanted you to know you aren't alone!
  • bbbsmama
    bbbsmama Posts: 96
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    Ive been begging my husband to go to the gym with me, but he won't :/
  • Maximumresults
    Maximumresults Posts: 175
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    It may just not be his time right now...if you do what you do, your example may encourage him to get going. Keep doing what you are doing and winning!
  • DangerJim71
    DangerJim71 Posts: 361 Member
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    He will do it if and when he is ready. Try to change him and he may leave which is fine if that is what you want. If you really love him to death then show it.

    My wife quit smoking 6 months before I did. Can't imagine how hard that was for her to do while I was still smoking and had cigarettes right in her reach. I eventually came around, inspired by her, and quit too. He may do the same.

    Remember: Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
  • jonesdav254
    jonesdav254 Posts: 99 Member
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    DangerJim71 is ALL OVER IT. You are doing this for you. If your BF is the true love of your life, then his love is enough to sustain you to do what you need to do for your health. You might try approaching this from the point of view of his health and being very saddened by health issues that might befall your BF. If you seek a workout partner and your BF is not willing to be that person, find a friend, neighbor or other relative to help workout with you.
  • BVannillie
    BVannillie Posts: 140
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    Hmmm.

    I have been on both ends of this spectrum.

    One boyfriend I had went to the gym all the time. Like, two hours a day every day. And I was cool with that. I was very fit back then and did a lot of exercise on my own so the fact that he was looking after himself wasn't a problem. But then he started pushing me to do more exercise, more then I felt I needed or wanted and it got very annoying.

    My last boyfriend however was incredibly lazy. He was a bit chubby but not overweight, but still, he was laaaaazy. I don't drive so I walk everywhere. He lived about ten minutes walk away from town and he would refuse to walk with me if we were going somewhere from his. The times he did walk with me he complained the whole time like a baby.

    So I have mixed views. Not doing any exercise at all isn't great, and being bone lazy is annoying. But then having someone telling you to do exercise like a drill sergeant isn't fun either. I say maybe go on walks with him a few times a week, if you can persuade him. You know he's doing doing something healthy and he doesn't feel like he's expected to run marathons.
  • cadaverousbones
    cadaverousbones Posts: 421 Member
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    If you two live together, start just buying healthy groceries and he will have to eat it cuz that will be what is around... and for exercising like someone else said, get him to do exercise without realizing its exercise, like swimming, hiking, playing frisbee golf or something thats FUN but also exercise :) And having a talk with him about health and stuff like someone else mentioned if you haven't already talked to him.
  • galaxiegal
    galaxiegal Posts: 90
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    My Fiance is the same way :laugh: I don't really ask him to workout or eat healthy with me because I know he isn't at that stage in life where he feels the need to. Instead I consider it like my own little challenge. And I get to update him on how I'm doing along the way. And when I do, he tells me how proud of me he is, which is all the support I need :blushing: I am doing it on my own and I'm proud of myself!
  • danalong323
    danalong323 Posts: 12 Member
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    I can not get my husband to diet or exercise with me either. He has put on the weight just like I have during the course of our marriage but doesnt see it as an issue. I would get so discouraged when dieting because I was doing it alone because he would not work out or go for walks with me. It was a very nasty up/down roller coaster ride for me that I finally said F* it... I WILL DO THIS WITH OR WITHOUT HIM!!!! I have now lost 18lbs since June 1st with the help of a girlfriend and MFP!! Sometimes you have to do what is best for you and worry about your boyfriend/husband later. They will eventually come around when other men start finding you SEXY!!!! :)
  • SaraHaxton1
    SaraHaxton1 Posts: 33
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    Sounds like my husband. I recently held up a photo of my dad and told him that this is where he was headed. It was my dad in his casket at 66yr old. My dad was 350lbs when he died and my husband is about 300lbs and 35yrs old. I asked him if he loved me and the kids, he said yes. I told him to prove it, because he was going to do to us what my dad did to me and my mom if he did not change right here, right now. He is trying, but I have to remind him until it becomes a habit. Yes, it is laziness, but people don't like hard work and change is hard work. Keep encouraging, but don't push, lead by example, but don't drag. Unless your married, then push, pull, and drag to your hearts content.
  • momma3sweetgirls
    momma3sweetgirls Posts: 743 Member
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    Is he supportive otherwise? He may not have the same goals as you, but as long as he's not going out of his way to sabbotage you or unsupportive in other ways, then I'd leave it alone. He has to want to lose weight and you forcing him isn't going to help. Let him get there on his own.
  • FTIM2015
    FTIM2015 Posts: 460 Member
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    Ok I now feel REALLY lucky having a super motivated OH who is encouraging me to do triathlons with him!
  • junejadesky
    junejadesky Posts: 524 Member
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    Don't let him keep you from changing. Once you make changes your life will begin to change and he can either be inspired by it or learn that you just don't work well together anymore. It's a hard road..... but if it no longer suits you....
  • donna_glasgow
    donna_glasgow Posts: 869 Member
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    It may just not be his time right now...if you do what you do, your example may encourage him to get going. Keep doing what you are doing and winning!

    ^^^this .... we all need to be ready in our selves to start
  • Sharyn913
    Sharyn913 Posts: 777 Member
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    Remember: Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

    Love this verse! :)

    OP- Just keep doing what you do. My husband is the same way. I try to encourage family walks in the evening but he's just not in the right mental mindset, so I leave him be. He eats fast food 5+ times a week. I wake up earlier (I'm out the door by 5:30am for the gym) but I get home in enough time that I can either cook him breakfast, or send him out the door with something. I think anything I give him is better than four chili covered hot dogs from the convenience store. After being awake since 5:30am, working all day, even with a toddler, I still try to cook dinner so he doesn't stop by a drive thru on his way home. He cooks too, but he is Italian so everything is fattttttttttttening!! LOL. Just leave him be and make changes that aren't noticeable but still help him.
  • wookiemouse
    wookiemouse Posts: 290 Member
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    My husband to a "T". When we met, we were both very active, he was a runner. He's been on the treadmill 2x this year and sneaks fast food on the way home from work now and then.

    You can change you. That's all. Be a model for him, if he asks for help or guidance, be there for him. But that's all you can do.

    My husband has slowly been making diet changes in the past few months. I've been eating clean for a while now and have really toned up, and I think he's noticed. He's given up all sodas and candy, which is a huge deal for him. He will still stop for McDs on the way home, and if he offers to cook it's always something unhealthy, but I've given him huge kudos for the small steps he's made. Make sure to focus on the small positives and really play them up, that might inspire him to make more changes.
  • angieleighbyrd
    angieleighbyrd Posts: 989 Member
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    You can't force someone to do something just because you want them to. Especially something like this. If they don't want to do it and they start doing it just to please you, they will fail.

    This part is gonna sound mean, but well whatever....

    It's called willpower for a reason. You shouldn't let what someone else does to their own body effect what you are doing to yours in anyway. Don't use his laziness as a reason to think you will fail at this, or you will.
  • TXGirl821
    TXGirl821 Posts: 115
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    I have been trying so hard to get my boyfriend to come to the gym with me and eat better. But he just does NOT want to change in a healthy way. It's really really difficult and probably one of the biggest stresses of my life. We've been together almost 12 years and both of us have been up and down the scale a lot in those 12 years [mostly up!] but now I really need to get healthy. He does too, but he doesn't see it that way. But ultimately, you have to do it for you. You can't do it for him, or FOR him. He has to want it.

    People keep telling me as I progress on my journey here that he will eventually start wanting to do it, too. I hope so!!
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,793 Member
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    Regardless of all the motivational mantras and encouraging philosophies, individual weight loss and fitness is not a team sport.

    You have to do what you have to do for you. Don't wait for others. They'll either get with it or they won't, but don't let it inhibit you.
  • Shannon2714
    Shannon2714 Posts: 843 Member
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    Everyone has their own reasons and motivations. I dieted for years because of what other people wanted from me. And every time, I went back to how I had been. This time, it is for ME....and I've never been more successful, happy, or motivated!

    He has to want it for himself. But, I do think that some of the steps you mentioned are great starts! Just lead by example and he will see how much better you feel and he'll follow suit!

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