Compromise in a Relationship

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galaxiegal
galaxiegal Posts: 90
in Chit-Chat
Not food related (well maybe it can be) but, have you ever found yourself telling your SO that they never compromise with you on things and then when you think about it, you wonder if you can actually say that *YOU* compromised in that particular situation? Happened last night. I sleep with the TV off because I'm a light sleeper, and he sleeps with it on. So most nights he ends up crashing on the couch because he can't sleep without it and I can't sleep with it. I told him he should get wireless headphones for the TV, he told me to get ear plugs. So I told him he just doesn't want to compromise. But, then again, I wasn't exactly offering anything up in trade. I realized maybe I am trying to compromise on the wrong thing. Instead of looking at it as who sleeps with headphones/earplugs, I should look at it as my SO sleeping in bed with me comfortably, in exchange for throwing in some earplugs.

I am sure this happens often and with more couples than just me. Does anyone really know how to compromise? or do we just assume that its the other person not compromising when we don't get our way. I don't like to think I am selfish but, maybe I am (well if I am so is he!). It's easy to say you always compromise, but in reality, are you compromising or is he?

Thoughts?
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Replies

  • ket_the_jet
    ket_the_jet Posts: 1,257 Member
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    Sounds to me like neither of you wanted to compromise.

    That said, if he wants to distract you with the visual of the television, he should get ear phones.

    If he listened to the radio, maybe you should get ear plugs.
    -wtk
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
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    Way to much thinking going on here....
  • lizziebeth1028
    lizziebeth1028 Posts: 3,602 Member
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    I like to sleep with the TV on, my SO doesn't. We set the TV on sleep timer so I can drift off to sleep with the TV on and it will shut off an hour after we've gone to bed. By this time I'm usually sounds asleep and don't even notice that the TV isn't on anymore. Honestly...it's important for you two to be sleeping in the same bed. Something has to give. I was skeptical with the sleep timer but it works and I actually feel like I'm getting a better nights sleep!!
  • doorki
    doorki Posts: 2,611 Member
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    Who goes to bed first? My wife sleeps with the TV on, which I am fine with except it is really awful TV. So I go to bed after she falls asleep and I change the channel to something that is actually worthwhile.

    For your situation, if he goes to bed first, perhaps he could use the sleep timer on the TV?
  • Captain_Tightpants
    Captain_Tightpants Posts: 2,215 Member
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    Ear plugs are more comfortable than headphones.
  • iLoveMyPitbull1225
    iLoveMyPitbull1225 Posts: 1,690 Member
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    Relationships are largely comprimise. Every couple deals with it, because NO two people are exactly alike.
    Literally me and my bf go through the same thing with the tv! I hate it. Some nights he will turn it off. Some nights we turn it down. Some nights he leaves it loud and I just pass out regardless. My boyfriend doesnt like to watch Mean Girls, but I dont like to watch civil war movies. But we survive.

    But back to my point.... I think relationships would be completely unfair without comprimise. One person would clearly be getting "their way" all the time and the other probably would not be very happy, and thats not a healthy relationship. Communication is also a large part of relationships. Through healthy communication, listening and making changes to show your partner that you are making an effort, you can learn to work as a team. Thats how I prefer to look at it: teamwork as opposed to comprimise, that word makes it seem like one person gives something up. Its more of learning to work together to accomplish a mutual goal, with the goal being happiness with one another.
  • missiemandy
    missiemandy Posts: 15 Member
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    Who goes to bed first? My wife sleeps with the TV on, which I am fine with except it is really awful TV. So I go to bed after she falls asleep and I change the channel to something that is actually worthwhile.

    For your situation, if he goes to bed first, perhaps he could use the sleep timer on the TV?

    "I change the channel to something that is actually worthwhile." -made me laugh :P
  • galaxiegal
    galaxiegal Posts: 90
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    We go to bed at the same time, but he falls asleep first. I turn it off after he's asleep but he always wakes up when I turn it off. Kind of like how I would wake up if it was turned on. We've done the whole timer thing. Doesn't work out so well :grumble:
  • DieVixen
    DieVixen Posts: 790 Member
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    Not food related (well maybe it can be) but, have you ever found yourself telling your SO that they never compromise with you on things and then when you think about it, you wonder if you can actually say that *YOU* compromised in that particular situation? Happened last night. I sleep with the TV off because I'm a light sleeper, and he sleeps with it on. So most nights he ends up crashing on the couch because he can't sleep without it and I can't sleep with it. I told him he should get wireless headphones for the TV, he told me to get ear plugs. So I told him he just doesn't want to compromise. But, then again, I wasn't exactly offering anything up in trade. I realized maybe I am trying to compromise on the wrong thing. Instead of looking at it as who sleeps with headphones/earplugs, I should look at it as my SO sleeping in bed with me comfortably, in exchange for throwing in some earplugs.

    I am sure this happens often and with more couples than just me. Does anyone really know how to compromise? or do we just assume that its the other person not compromising when we don't get our way. I don't like to think I am selfish but, maybe I am (well if I am so is he!). It's easy to say you always compromise, but in reality, are you compromising or is he?

    Thoughts?

    I think earplugs would be easier to sleep in thean headphones
  • pinuplove
    pinuplove Posts: 12,874 Member
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    Get earplugs. A. More comfortable than a headset! B. Getting your spouse back in the same bed is more important than 'winning.' Consider it karma in the bank of life.
  • doorki
    doorki Posts: 2,611 Member
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    We go to bed at the same time, but he falls asleep first. I turn it off after he's asleep but he always wakes up when I turn it off. Kind of like how I would wake up if it was turned on. We've done the whole timer thing. Doesn't work out so well :grumble:

    Where is the TV in relation to your bed? Put it on his side so only he can see it and tell him to turn it down.
  • juliecat1
    juliecat1 Posts: 3,455 Member
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    Sounds to me like neither of you wanted to compromise.

    That said, if he wants to distract you with the visual of the television, he should get ear phones.

    If he listened to the radio, maybe you should get ear plugs.
    -wtk

    Agree. The tv would bug me more because of the light than the noise.

    I have a strict no tv in the bedroom rule. Call me uncompromising all you want but that's not what the bedroom is for.
  • galaxiegal
    galaxiegal Posts: 90
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    Get earplugs. A. More comfortable than a headset! B. Getting your spouse back in the same bed is more important than 'winning.' Consider it karma in the bank of life.

    Well, I am not trying to "win" I just find ear plugs uncomfortable but yea I guess they would be more so than headphones. :ohwell:
  • AprilRenewed
    AprilRenewed Posts: 691 Member
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    Not food related (well maybe it can be) but, have you ever found yourself telling your SO that they never compromise with you on things and then when you think about it, you wonder if you can actually say that *YOU* compromised in that particular situation? Happened last night. I sleep with the TV off because I'm a light sleeper, and he sleeps with it on. So most nights he ends up crashing on the couch because he can't sleep without it and I can't sleep with it. I told him he should get wireless headphones for the TV, he told me to get ear plugs. So I told him he just doesn't want to compromise. But, then again, I wasn't exactly offering anything up in trade. I realized maybe I am trying to compromise on the wrong thing. Instead of looking at it as who sleeps with headphones/earplugs, I should look at it as my SO sleeping in bed with me comfortably, in exchange for throwing in some earplugs.

    I am sure this happens often and with more couples than just me. Does anyone really know how to compromise? or do we just assume that its the other person not compromising when we don't get our way. I don't like to think I am selfish but, maybe I am (well if I am so is he!). It's easy to say you always compromise, but in reality, are you compromising or is he?

    Thoughts?

    OMG, this is my husband and my EXACT situation!!! LOL EXACTLY! Down to him on the couch and everything!

    We've never fought about it, but I recently decided, if I wanted him to sleep in the bed with me, which I did, I'd have to be the one to compromise.

    He turns the TV down as far as he can stand it, and I try to give him a few minutes before I come to bed. That way, he falls asleep soon after I come to bed, and I turn off the TV after I know he's asleep.

    This seems to be working.
  • BigDaddyBRC
    BigDaddyBRC Posts: 2,395 Member
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    The solution is..... WATCH PORN TOGETHER IN BED
  • _Timmeh_
    _Timmeh_ Posts: 2,096 Member
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    IMO, there should be no " trading"
    I can't stand the tv on when trying to goto sleep. The volume changes the light gets brighter with different scenes then goes dimmer then flashes to bright then the volume goes up during a commercial.
  • galaxiegal
    galaxiegal Posts: 90
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    The solution is..... WATCH PORN TOGETHER IN BED

    :laugh: Not much sleeping going on for either of us in that case!! :wink:
  • Mom2rh
    Mom2rh Posts: 612 Member
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    White noise machine.
  • KickassAugust
    KickassAugust Posts: 1,430 Member
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    Compromise = Everyone leaving the table not getting what they want... both equally unhappy with the turn out!

    Why don't you make him get the headphones and you wear the earplugs...
  • _Elemenopee_
    _Elemenopee_ Posts: 2,665 Member
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    Maybe you can BOTH compromise? He with wireless headphones and you with earplugs? They're really not that uncomfortable if you have a good pair. I have tiny ears and putting anything in them bothers me. My husband had a box of his old motorcycle ones that were bright orange/yellow. Those are REALLY comfortable.

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