Compromise in a Relationship

galaxiegal
galaxiegal Posts: 90
in Chit-Chat
Not food related (well maybe it can be) but, have you ever found yourself telling your SO that they never compromise with you on things and then when you think about it, you wonder if you can actually say that *YOU* compromised in that particular situation? Happened last night. I sleep with the TV off because I'm a light sleeper, and he sleeps with it on. So most nights he ends up crashing on the couch because he can't sleep without it and I can't sleep with it. I told him he should get wireless headphones for the TV, he told me to get ear plugs. So I told him he just doesn't want to compromise. But, then again, I wasn't exactly offering anything up in trade. I realized maybe I am trying to compromise on the wrong thing. Instead of looking at it as who sleeps with headphones/earplugs, I should look at it as my SO sleeping in bed with me comfortably, in exchange for throwing in some earplugs.

I am sure this happens often and with more couples than just me. Does anyone really know how to compromise? or do we just assume that its the other person not compromising when we don't get our way. I don't like to think I am selfish but, maybe I am (well if I am so is he!). It's easy to say you always compromise, but in reality, are you compromising or is he?

Thoughts?
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Replies

  • ket_the_jet
    ket_the_jet Posts: 1,257 Member
    Sounds to me like neither of you wanted to compromise.

    That said, if he wants to distract you with the visual of the television, he should get ear phones.

    If he listened to the radio, maybe you should get ear plugs.
    -wtk
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
    Way to much thinking going on here....
  • lizziebeth1028
    lizziebeth1028 Posts: 3,602 Member
    I like to sleep with the TV on, my SO doesn't. We set the TV on sleep timer so I can drift off to sleep with the TV on and it will shut off an hour after we've gone to bed. By this time I'm usually sounds asleep and don't even notice that the TV isn't on anymore. Honestly...it's important for you two to be sleeping in the same bed. Something has to give. I was skeptical with the sleep timer but it works and I actually feel like I'm getting a better nights sleep!!
  • doorki
    doorki Posts: 2,576 Member
    Who goes to bed first? My wife sleeps with the TV on, which I am fine with except it is really awful TV. So I go to bed after she falls asleep and I change the channel to something that is actually worthwhile.

    For your situation, if he goes to bed first, perhaps he could use the sleep timer on the TV?
  • Captain_Tightpants
    Captain_Tightpants Posts: 2,215 Member
    Ear plugs are more comfortable than headphones.
  • iLoveMyPitbull1225
    iLoveMyPitbull1225 Posts: 1,690 Member
    Relationships are largely comprimise. Every couple deals with it, because NO two people are exactly alike.
    Literally me and my bf go through the same thing with the tv! I hate it. Some nights he will turn it off. Some nights we turn it down. Some nights he leaves it loud and I just pass out regardless. My boyfriend doesnt like to watch Mean Girls, but I dont like to watch civil war movies. But we survive.

    But back to my point.... I think relationships would be completely unfair without comprimise. One person would clearly be getting "their way" all the time and the other probably would not be very happy, and thats not a healthy relationship. Communication is also a large part of relationships. Through healthy communication, listening and making changes to show your partner that you are making an effort, you can learn to work as a team. Thats how I prefer to look at it: teamwork as opposed to comprimise, that word makes it seem like one person gives something up. Its more of learning to work together to accomplish a mutual goal, with the goal being happiness with one another.
  • missiemandy
    missiemandy Posts: 15 Member
    Who goes to bed first? My wife sleeps with the TV on, which I am fine with except it is really awful TV. So I go to bed after she falls asleep and I change the channel to something that is actually worthwhile.

    For your situation, if he goes to bed first, perhaps he could use the sleep timer on the TV?

    "I change the channel to something that is actually worthwhile." -made me laugh :P
  • galaxiegal
    galaxiegal Posts: 90
    We go to bed at the same time, but he falls asleep first. I turn it off after he's asleep but he always wakes up when I turn it off. Kind of like how I would wake up if it was turned on. We've done the whole timer thing. Doesn't work out so well :grumble:
  • DieVixen
    DieVixen Posts: 790 Member
    Not food related (well maybe it can be) but, have you ever found yourself telling your SO that they never compromise with you on things and then when you think about it, you wonder if you can actually say that *YOU* compromised in that particular situation? Happened last night. I sleep with the TV off because I'm a light sleeper, and he sleeps with it on. So most nights he ends up crashing on the couch because he can't sleep without it and I can't sleep with it. I told him he should get wireless headphones for the TV, he told me to get ear plugs. So I told him he just doesn't want to compromise. But, then again, I wasn't exactly offering anything up in trade. I realized maybe I am trying to compromise on the wrong thing. Instead of looking at it as who sleeps with headphones/earplugs, I should look at it as my SO sleeping in bed with me comfortably, in exchange for throwing in some earplugs.

    I am sure this happens often and with more couples than just me. Does anyone really know how to compromise? or do we just assume that its the other person not compromising when we don't get our way. I don't like to think I am selfish but, maybe I am (well if I am so is he!). It's easy to say you always compromise, but in reality, are you compromising or is he?

    Thoughts?

    I think earplugs would be easier to sleep in thean headphones
  • pinuplove
    pinuplove Posts: 12,871 Member
    Get earplugs. A. More comfortable than a headset! B. Getting your spouse back in the same bed is more important than 'winning.' Consider it karma in the bank of life.
  • doorki
    doorki Posts: 2,576 Member
    We go to bed at the same time, but he falls asleep first. I turn it off after he's asleep but he always wakes up when I turn it off. Kind of like how I would wake up if it was turned on. We've done the whole timer thing. Doesn't work out so well :grumble:

    Where is the TV in relation to your bed? Put it on his side so only he can see it and tell him to turn it down.
  • juliecat1
    juliecat1 Posts: 3,450 Member
    Sounds to me like neither of you wanted to compromise.

    That said, if he wants to distract you with the visual of the television, he should get ear phones.

    If he listened to the radio, maybe you should get ear plugs.
    -wtk

    Agree. The tv would bug me more because of the light than the noise.

    I have a strict no tv in the bedroom rule. Call me uncompromising all you want but that's not what the bedroom is for.
  • galaxiegal
    galaxiegal Posts: 90
    Get earplugs. A. More comfortable than a headset! B. Getting your spouse back in the same bed is more important than 'winning.' Consider it karma in the bank of life.

    Well, I am not trying to "win" I just find ear plugs uncomfortable but yea I guess they would be more so than headphones. :ohwell:
  • AprilRenewed
    AprilRenewed Posts: 691 Member
    Not food related (well maybe it can be) but, have you ever found yourself telling your SO that they never compromise with you on things and then when you think about it, you wonder if you can actually say that *YOU* compromised in that particular situation? Happened last night. I sleep with the TV off because I'm a light sleeper, and he sleeps with it on. So most nights he ends up crashing on the couch because he can't sleep without it and I can't sleep with it. I told him he should get wireless headphones for the TV, he told me to get ear plugs. So I told him he just doesn't want to compromise. But, then again, I wasn't exactly offering anything up in trade. I realized maybe I am trying to compromise on the wrong thing. Instead of looking at it as who sleeps with headphones/earplugs, I should look at it as my SO sleeping in bed with me comfortably, in exchange for throwing in some earplugs.

    I am sure this happens often and with more couples than just me. Does anyone really know how to compromise? or do we just assume that its the other person not compromising when we don't get our way. I don't like to think I am selfish but, maybe I am (well if I am so is he!). It's easy to say you always compromise, but in reality, are you compromising or is he?

    Thoughts?

    OMG, this is my husband and my EXACT situation!!! LOL EXACTLY! Down to him on the couch and everything!

    We've never fought about it, but I recently decided, if I wanted him to sleep in the bed with me, which I did, I'd have to be the one to compromise.

    He turns the TV down as far as he can stand it, and I try to give him a few minutes before I come to bed. That way, he falls asleep soon after I come to bed, and I turn off the TV after I know he's asleep.

    This seems to be working.
  • BigDaddyBRC
    BigDaddyBRC Posts: 2,395 Member
    The solution is..... WATCH PORN TOGETHER IN BED
  • _Timmeh_
    _Timmeh_ Posts: 2,096 Member
    IMO, there should be no " trading"
    I can't stand the tv on when trying to goto sleep. The volume changes the light gets brighter with different scenes then goes dimmer then flashes to bright then the volume goes up during a commercial.
  • galaxiegal
    galaxiegal Posts: 90
    The solution is..... WATCH PORN TOGETHER IN BED

    :laugh: Not much sleeping going on for either of us in that case!! :wink:
  • Mom2rh
    Mom2rh Posts: 612 Member
    White noise machine.
  • KickassAugust
    KickassAugust Posts: 1,430 Member
    Compromise = Everyone leaving the table not getting what they want... both equally unhappy with the turn out!

    Why don't you make him get the headphones and you wear the earplugs...
  • _Elemenopee_
    _Elemenopee_ Posts: 2,665 Member
    Maybe you can BOTH compromise? He with wireless headphones and you with earplugs? They're really not that uncomfortable if you have a good pair. I have tiny ears and putting anything in them bothers me. My husband had a box of his old motorcycle ones that were bright orange/yellow. Those are REALLY comfortable.
  • jennifer52484
    jennifer52484 Posts: 888 Member
    If you wear earplugs, then how will you hear your alarm in the morning.
  • _Elemenopee_
    _Elemenopee_ Posts: 2,665 Member
    If you wear earplugs, then how will you hear your alarm in the morning.

    phone under my pillow set to EARTHQUAKE vibration :laugh:
  • MoveTheMountain
    MoveTheMountain Posts: 764
    Get earplugs. A. More comfortable than a headset! B. Getting your spouse back in the same bed is more important than 'winning.' Consider it karma in the bank of life.

    Well, I am not trying to "win" I just find ear plugs uncomfortable but yea I guess they would be more so than headphones. :ohwell:

    You should definitely be trying to win. It's retarded to sleep with the TV on - bug's the living crap out of me. Or, let him sleep on the couch.

    Well, now that I've cleared *that* up...

    This isn't really an appropriate example of when or how to compromise - you need sleep for health, and so does he. You can't (or certainly shouldn't) compromise on things that could impact your health.

    I'm not sure it's a compromise to sleep in separate bedrooms, but lots of couples do it, and it actually helps their relationship. You might want to think about it. (Or dump his butt for someone with normal sleep habits...) :bigsmile:
  • thebaconbeast
    thebaconbeast Posts: 560 Member
    Some things I could compromise on;

    I have definitive list of things I can't compromise on : sex , bacon , sleep, beer and exercising.
  • Lift_This_
    Lift_This_ Posts: 2,756 Member
    The solution is..... WATCH PORN TOGETHER IN BED

    and then reenact the good scenes.
  • wrevhn
    wrevhn Posts: 864 Member
    The relationship is more important than the battles won. Take yourself out and look at it as what side is easier and asking less? Or who is going to be more likely to bend? My hubs and I both are stubborn. I compromise a lot with things, but he has to with important things also. Sometimes I feel like I do more, until I stop and think about his side.

    I am totally a tv person. I need the light and noise, but low low volume and a dark show. I got hubs into it now. He needs it to sleep often times now.
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
    compromise - the art of making sure both parties mostly win but only slightly lose.
  • kllyeve
    kllyeve Posts: 18 Member
    There are headphones specifically designed to be worn to sleep in. They are ear buds called Bed Buds. Some models are sewn into a headband and some are just a soft ear bud. I was going to get a pair so that i could listen to my relaxation "tapes" ( I have an Ipod :P) in bed to go to sleep. They looked fairly comfortable.

    Maybe he could watch something on his ipod so that the light was less for you, he could wear the ear buds and then both would get a decent nights sleep.

    Its not so much a compromise but a creative solution.
  • b_fit4life
    b_fit4life Posts: 105 Member
    my SO and I actually sleep in separate beds most nights. I need to go to bed a bit earlier than him and he likes to stay up late watching TV. I could actually sleep through that but once he falls asleep he is a VERY light sleeper and wakes up with my every move or sound. Every time I would wake him up, he would wake me up. Neither of us ever got a good night's sleep! I REALLY resisted sleeping in a separate bed at first but now I love it! I get to sleep when I want and can stay asleep the whole night and he can go to sleep later when he is tired and he doesn't wake up as often if at all. We still do sleep together most weekends because we don't have anything to get up for.

    Our relationship has improved because I was willing to give his suggestion a try. When we both sleep better, we're both more pleasant to be around :-) Good Luck!
  • laurenkoszola
    laurenkoszola Posts: 101 Member
    The solution is..... WATCH PORN TOGETHER IN BED

    :laugh: Not much sleeping going on for either of us in that case!! :wink:

    Yeah but then by that point you're so exhausted that you pass out anyways!! :wink: :laugh:

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