my boyfriend's ex = my motivation

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  • Kara_xxx
    Kara_xxx Posts: 635 Member
    Ashlinmarie, I hear what you're saying but can we really blame men for this?? Not sure it's something they do, consciously or subconsciously, to make women this insecure and thereby competetive, that they would prefer to be 'envied' rather than 'liked'? I just think it's a bit of a sad way to get your kicks...

    If I found out that any of my ex's new other halfs spent any time pondering about what I weigh these days, and rubbing their hands if they find they're a pound lighter or whatever, I'd laugh and think get a life you sad mare.
  • Ohmydaze
    Ohmydaze Posts: 403 Member
    Same here! I mean, I've never met any of them, but one was a model, who I'm a little jealous of, being only 5'2 myself, and another has apparently "let herself go" which again pushes me to be fit and sexy. I'm sure as hell not going to be the chubby Ex. I'm sure they're both lovely people, and I'm very aware that I'm the one with my boyfriend not them, and we're not in competition. I don't see anything wrong with having a little confirmation that you're an upgrade, especially if you work damn hard to look good.

    Oh, that sounded a little *****y.

    *Shrug* It is what it is.
  • nostripewhite
    nostripewhite Posts: 53 Member
    Man, women are terrible.

    You're an adult, why are you bothered by someone being 'mean' to you behind your back?

    Grow up, move on. Why is she a factor in your life?
  • cobracars
    cobracars Posts: 949 Member
    Revel in your happiness, if that's what keeps you motivated to become a more fit and healthier you. I'm sure there must be other reasons you've lost 39 pounds and for that I congratulate you.

    Its not like if she had passed away a year ago that you wouldn't have bothered to lose weight, right? Right? So truth be told she's not your only motivation, just a small part of the broad spectrum of reasons why you or anyone else would want to get healthy.
  • kathyms13
    kathyms13 Posts: 497 Member
    ive just been for my walk, 40 mins around town with freddie in my ears mincing , then i saw my ex, he is such a beep. but i saw him in a few shops and as i stood waiting to pay i could see his leary eyes looking. do you know i felt so good ......... he is 15 years younger than me and a real mess and his gf must be well over 20 stones. IT WAS SUCH A GOOD FEELING i felt like ... look at me i may be older but i look a beep better than you do.
  • laus_8882
    laus_8882 Posts: 217 Member
    If I found out that any of my ex's new other halfs spent any time pondering about what I weigh these days, and rubbing their hands if they find they're a pound lighter or whatever, I'd laugh and think get a life you sad mare.

    Totally this. You and the ex sound absolutely barking and the all you've demonstrated here is that your boyfriend has awful taste in women and is incredibly ungracious when it comes to his former partner. Just think, a few weeks or months down the track you might lose your job or take ill and fall into comfort eating to cope with the stress. Soon enough you'll be the ex and your boyfriend will be badmouthing you to some other daft woman.

    Why not use something positive to motivate you? A holiday you want to go on, a really gorgeous dress, increased stamina or knowing that you've finally conquered your poor eating habits. But another person's weight problem? That's just sad.
  • MessyLittlePanda
    MessyLittlePanda Posts: 213 Member
    oh lol I know this one, my boyfriend's ex is a hottie and she looks like his ideal woman, she is skinny with long dark hair, bit of a goth. I used to try to emulate her style, but since I've been getting back into my sports and fitness interests and doing my own thing, I've given less of a monkeys about her, in fact I've lightened my hair and started to wear more colour, because I'm more confident in myself, the weight loss is some of it but more of it is about the things I can do and achieve now compared to how I used to be. My identity is much more about my cycling activities now than it is about looking a certain way or having a certain style, and I know my BF is proud of me for overcoming illness and getting back on my bike. I can't wait til he sees me cross the line in my race in 2 months time, to have him be proud of my hard work means everything. I want to be me, for the first time in a long time, I don't feel as though I should be more like someone else.

    And just because someone is good looking, it doesn't make them an attractive person automatically....sometimes you see very attractive people (both sexes) and then they open their mouths and say something nasty or beatchy and you go ugh!
  • LaMujerMasBonitaDelMundo
    LaMujerMasBonitaDelMundo Posts: 3,634 Member
    Karma....but then again, since you are being mean too....hmm, watch out down the road. Karma
    Totally this. You and the ex sound absolutely barking and the all you've demonstrated here is that your boyfriend has awful taste in women and is incredibly ungracious when it comes to his former partner. Just think, a few weeks or months down the track you might lose your job or take ill and fall into comfort eating to cope with the stress. Soon enough you'll be the ex and your boyfriend will be badmouthing you to some other daft woman.

    I agree with the two posts. While I understand your hatred towards your bf's ex but remember that a mistake cannot be corrected by another mistake & that a fire cannot be extinguished by a gas. Sorry for telling you this but it seems that you stoop down to her level which isn't good. You're just showing him that you're no better than his ex. Life is like a wheel & you will never know if later on you'll be his next ex-gf which he'll badmouth to his next gf. If your boyfriend is acting like that against his ex then chances are that he'll do it against you if things won't workout between the two of you.
  • Cornock
    Cornock Posts: 254
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  • almostatgoalweight
    almostatgoalweight Posts: 234 Member
    How would people feel about being laughed at here on mfp because their weight loss goals were not met and it took longer to reach goal weight? Or the fact that half the people on this website will actually gain weight rather than lose it? If that seems okay, maybe someone should start a group and invite OP.
  • TheNewDodge
    TheNewDodge Posts: 607 Member
    Chicks are gnar
  • sandrajune72
    sandrajune72 Posts: 492 Member
    Man, women are terrible.

    You're an adult, why are you bothered by someone being 'mean' to you behind your back?

    Grow up, move on. Why is she a factor in your life?

    Because she uses her kids against us.She can't bear to see us happy. For as long as his are kids involved, she's always gonna be a part of my life. I tried to be friends, but she's so bitter she threw it back in my face. And she's the one that left him, btw, I wasn't with him til a year later. She has no reason to hate me, but she does. OK, it might seem childish to be pleased she's put on a bit of weight, but I think I'm entitled to a little giggle at her expense after what she's put us through! :tongue:
  • lovehandles3076
    lovehandles3076 Posts: 27 Member
    I don't really think it's mean but why does your current boyfriend's EX motivate you? It would be more of a EX boyfriend's new girlfriend that would motivate me. Just seems kinda backwards to me. You already have him so what are you worried about, and you are beautiful! So I don't think you have anything to worry about!
  • jeezekaitlynn
    jeezekaitlynn Posts: 18
    I think that is hilarious!! It may be mean in some peoples eyes, but if it gives you motivation who the heck cares!!! :laugh:
  • missymuffet459
    missymuffet459 Posts: 162
    I always compared myself to my BF's ex-girlfriends but they are exes for a reason. I realized that was a way to project my inner insecurities with my looks.

    Motivation is always important, but would you be still feeling this way even if she was skinner then you?

    Just my two-cents, not knocking on anyone's thoughts or feelings.

    I used to use my BF as motivation, but now my health and my life is my motivation.

    if she were skinnier than me, i'd be motivated by her too. :smile: i know she's an ex for a reason. and we're happy together. shes not a part of our lives or anything. i just think its funny that this is happening to someone that's being unneccesarily mean to me. and it makes me feel "empowered" if you will. :bigsmile:

    If she is not apart of your lives then who cares what she looks like? If she is talking crap, that is her jealousy and insecurities, don't stoop to her level. By looking at her pics on FB she must be getting to you which is what she wants.

    You are beautiful thin or not. You already got the guy- you already won.
  • angieleighbyrd
    angieleighbyrd Posts: 989 Member
    Posts like this make me glad there is no unwanted drama in my marriage. Seriously. Grow up

    Edit. It's also why I don't have very many female friends. Sorry but I hate seeing women bash other women. I think women should stick together not tear each other down. It makes me sad.
  • HMVOL7409
    HMVOL7409 Posts: 1,588 Member
    Well I'm sure some of us have felt like this at one time or another. However, remember you're on MFP for a reason right? To lose weight, which you have and now she's gained. So you were once in her shoes. You don't know her situation as to why she has gained (why should you even care) and would you have wanted someone laughing at you? If you want it as motivation so be it. However he's with you now, that's all that matters and your motivation should be to get healthy for you not to stick it to someone.
  • imaspaceguy90
    imaspaceguy90 Posts: 8
    LOL . I say, if it keeps you motivated, but some things are better to just keep to yourself (no offense). As long as you think this way on a sub conscious basis, I think you have every right. If karma existed for everything we thought about......well.... lets just say that it would be like final destination.
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