Friend comment

joselo2
joselo2 Posts: 461
in Motivation and Support
My friend just said she doesn't think I should lose much weight because 'it won't be the same' if I am slim. I don't know what to think, maybe she worries I will change as a person... has anyone ever lost friends from losing weight? I do not want it to happen to me! Confused

Replies

  • pastryari
    pastryari Posts: 8,646 Member
    It's about making yourself happy, not anyone else. If your friend isn't supportive of you trying to get healthy, find a new friend.
  • JoolieW68
    JoolieW68 Posts: 1,879 Member
    Hasn't happened to me, I'm the same person I was only a helluva lot happier.

    If you do lose her, then she really wasn't a very good friend, IMO.
  • Di3012
    Di3012 Posts: 2,247 Member
    My friend just said she doesn't think I should lose much weight because 'it won't be the same' if I am slim. I don't know what to think, maybe she worries I will change as a person... has anyone ever lost friends from losing weight? I do not want it to happen to me! Confused

    Why would you have to lose friends? If you did, it would most likely be because THEY change towards you rather than the other way around.

    It is a very strange thing for your friend to say, are they insecure with their own weight and do not want you to be slimmer as it will make them feel overweight or something?

    Do what you want to do, just do not bow down to emotional blackmail.
  • gspea
    gspea Posts: 412 Member
    Yes - but in the end they were not really friends. They couldn't see past the 'fun' we had to the harm I was doing to my body... I have found new friends that like me for who I am not for being fat or thin or short or tall. They understand that I need to do this for me and not for them...

    Don't let your friend discourage you or change your mind. You do what you need to do for YOU...

    Keep up the good work..
  • cheerforsteelers
    cheerforsteelers Posts: 686 Member
    It does happen! It could a result of jealousy, being in a different place in your life, and/or letting go of bad habits (which includes the friend at the time who encourages poor choices). While I'm still far from my goal weight, the small changes I have been making have been picked up by my friend and when we're out at dinner she proceeds to question: Oh, you're eating healthy now? Why? Why don't you just get dessert...it has been a long week! Comments like that are easy to fall into. If any friends are being a negative influence or bring you down, try talking with them. If that doesn't work then you might need to figure out who to cut out of your life.
  • depressednurse
    depressednurse Posts: 7
    People fear change. Some people fear their friends making changes. Beacuse if you fix your flaws. Their flaws are more likely to get noticed. You need to do whats best for you. If your friends don't like it, get new friends.
  • mscrumbyy
    mscrumbyy Posts: 116
    People fear change. Some people fear their friends making changes. Beacuse if you fix your flaws. Their flaws are more likely to get noticed. You need to do whats best for you. If your friends don't like it, get new friends.

    Exactly this. Sometimes people struggle when their friend is happier in themselves because it highlights their own insecurities. If they can't be happy for you making positive changes for yourself though I wouldn't have them down to be such good friends after all.
  • NamibianRose
    NamibianRose Posts: 151 Member
    Misery loves company. Of course, thats assuming she isnt slim herself. If she is thin and said that to you, run and never look back. Either way don't let her bizarre comment affect you.
  • celebrity328
    celebrity328 Posts: 377 Member
    I notice that w/husbands family that they treat me alot different now then they did in the past. I think that because im trying to drop the weight its like always in their face that they are obese.

    On the 4th of July I was asked if I wanted desert and I was very polite and said no... I felt bad at first but I cant have sugar etc. But between bites they want to complain they need to lose weight?! i dont get it ;/ I think some people want to change and others just want to complain about it and hope it just goes away.
  • Erisad
    Erisad Posts: 1,580
    She' could afraid you'll get hotter than her. People don't want the fat friend to lose weight because they feel better next to you in comparison right now, but I'd hope your friend isn't that shallow. Do what's best for you and if she doesn't like it, phoooey on her.
  • b1delane
    b1delane Posts: 261 Member
    People fear change. Some people fear their friends making changes. Beacuse if you fix your flaws. Their flaws are more likely to get noticed. You need to do whats best for you. If your friends don't like it, get new friends.

    Love this answer!!
  • SpazzyMal
    SpazzyMal Posts: 276 Member
    It can be any number of things that are causing your friend to feel this way, but likely it's some insecurity on their part. Whether it's that you will have nothing in common afterward (maybe they're scared you'll take up new, healthy hobbies), or that you will look nicer, or just that they're not content with their own bodies, it all ultimately boils down to you, not them. You have to do this for yourself and if your friends can't support you or keep up, then you may end up having to cut a few ties. Try to talk with them and get a feel for their feelings and see if they will come around first, but if there's too much resistance it may just be time to grow apart.
  • runfatmanrun
    runfatmanrun Posts: 1,090 Member
    You should be doing this for you. She just get to benefit from you being healthier. But it's about you. Not saying get rid of her but make her realize that you appreciate her concern but that you have no intention of changing on the inside, just outside.
  • family_girl2626
    family_girl2626 Posts: 46
    As a health professional I am going speak about the health angle. Is your friend going to be there to make sure you take you high blood pressure medication or you diabetic pills that you may need due to obesity?? A true friend will be there with you through you changes, cheer you on and possibly want better for herself as well. Give her time, she will come around in the mean time acknowledge her concerns and do what you need to do for you!!! Good luck
  • PunkyRachel
    PunkyRachel Posts: 1,959 Member
    My best friend for 20+ years, hardly talks/spends time with me anymore. She is over 300 pound and like a size 26 I think. She used to be my walking buddy. It was originally her idea to try and lose weight, she introduced me to zumba classes, she thought it was a lot of fun. I have encouraged her and told her truthfully that I can tell she has lost inches, even though the number on the scale isn't moving. Then she stopped exercising with me, slowly. Towards the end, it was always, "your walking too fast", "I'm tired, lets quit early", "I have a headache", Then she excuses to not walk at all, started. So I finally stopped trying to get motivate her. She just wasn't having it. She later openly told me part of her avoiding me is because of my weight loss, and that she is jealous, that I'm losing and she didn't. I told her I have been kicking my own *kitten* to get where I'm at, its so hard losing weight. I'm still sorta friends with her, but not like before :frown:
  • Lisseth03
    Lisseth03 Posts: 518 Member
    I had a friend who lost a lot of weight, he did Insanity but I know his eating habits were poor (he would actually tell me what he ate all day and it was like under 1000 calories) Anyway he lost a *kitten* ton of weight and something in him changed, idk, he stopped talking to me and my friend and just slowly drifted off into his own world. dont know if that had to do with losing weight, but even if it did, he didn't do it the healthy way.


    if working out and eating healthy make you happy, it can only make you a better person I think :)
  • chelseabell91
    chelseabell91 Posts: 29
    Agreed! you're doing it for yourself!
  • nuskin
    nuskin Posts: 8
    Another thing that may bother your friend is something of a trend when some people lose weight. The changes can be positive, but there can also be negatives. Some people when they lose weight become cocky or judgemental ( like the harshest critics of smokers are ex-smokers). I have had friends whose significant other started cheating when they ( the sig other) lost weight. You're friend may worry this could be how you'll react, and their own insecurities will amplify this. So try to address your friend's feelings on this and keep your feet on level ground and if it's not just a petty jealousy thing, you should be able to get through this with friendship intact. But remember this is for you and your well being above all else.
  • battleborn
    battleborn Posts: 8
    Had a friend that was over 300 lbs. She got bypass surgery and lost 130 of it. And then something happened. She started getting attention from guys and cheated on her husband then ditched all of her really good friends. I was sad for a long time but now when I look back on it I'm glad to know what kind of person she really was and do not miss her anymore.

    Loosing a lot of weight is like winning the lottery. It doesn't change the person you are it just magnifies the person you are.

    Prove your friend wrong...........
  • kiminikimkim
    kiminikimkim Posts: 746 Member
    Sounds like when you're around her, she feels thin next to you. She is threatened by your goals. I predict she may try to sabotage you in the future.
  • Lady_Bane
    Lady_Bane Posts: 720 Member
    She' could afraid you'll get hotter than her. People don't want the fat friend to lose weight because they feel better next to you in comparison right now, but I'd hope your friend isn't that shallow. Do what's best for you and if she doesn't like it, phoooey on her.

    this
  • GiGiBeans
    GiGiBeans Posts: 1,062 Member
    Ask her exactly what she is concerned about. She would know better than any of us would.
  • joselo2
    joselo2 Posts: 461
    Thank you all! To be clear, I am a man, and I weigh about 400lbs. My friend is a woman who weighs about 100lbs. I don't understand it. I hope I don't change when I lose weight, I think I will not, maybe she needs to know this.
  • emmab852012
    emmab852012 Posts: 82 Member
    shes just jealous! she probably hates something about themselves that they arent ready to change so they are jealous you are doing something about yourself!
  • NamibianRose
    NamibianRose Posts: 151 Member
    Thank you all! To be clear, I am a man, and I weigh about 400lbs. My friend is a woman who weighs about 100lbs. I don't understand it. I hope I don't change when I lose weight, I think I will not, maybe she needs to know this.

    Maybe she feels you'll lose the weight, find a girlfriend and not be her friend anymore? Or not be as close of a friend anymore? Either way, no offense to your friend, but her comment was very selfish.
  • thrld
    thrld Posts: 610 Member
    My friend just said she doesn't think I should lose much weight because 'it won't be the same' if I am slim. I don't know what to think, maybe she worries I will change as a person... has anyone ever lost friends from losing weight? I do not want it to happen to me! Confused

    I think you should ask her about this comment (in a kind manner). Say "I've been thinking about what you said, and I was wondering what you meant -- what won't be the same.?"

    Then listen.

    You may need to remind her that you are not changing personalities, and that it will be a challenge, but one you want to take, and that you may need encouragement and support from time to time, but know you can do it with her help.
    {by asking her for support, it gives her a role in your new life as well as letting her know your expectations of her as a friend. it seems to me that a lot of friends feel 'left behind' or unneeded when their pal starts working out, or they just don't know what to do/say because this a part of the pals world they know nothing about, and maybe can't see beyond their own envy}
  • gwenmf
    gwenmf Posts: 888 Member
    It's about making yourself happy, not anyone else. If your friend isn't supportive of you trying to get healthy, find a new friend.

    Exactly this. Friends get nervous and sometimes jealous......but if this is a true friend, they'll only want what's best for you
  • beckajw
    beckajw Posts: 1,728 Member
    My friend just said she doesn't think I should lose much weight because 'it won't be the same' if I am slim. I don't know what to think, maybe she worries I will change as a person... has anyone ever lost friends from losing weight? I do not want it to happen to me! Confused

    My friends all congratulated me and told me how much better I looked. If she's really your friend, she'll support you.
  • vryanz
    vryanz Posts: 49
    Maybe, since you are heavy, she feels 'safe' being your friend. Maybe she feels that if you lose the weight, you won't be able to maintain a platonic relationship. Like women who are friends with gay guys, lots of women feel safe being friends with heavy men- Because they may not be sexually attracted to heavy guys, they feel no pressure in the relationship. They are easily able to maintain 'just friends'.
    Anyway, just another perspective to think about.
    And, as selfish as it may seem, it does sound like she values your friendship.

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