Public Humiliation When You're Obese

sarajaxon · July 2012

I weigh in at 245 right now. 100 lbs overweight. I hate it. (Does anyone else get nervous when they post? I feel so self conscious!)
I think obese people are not respected in society. Our opinions matter less. We are perceived as weak links. We do not have any public integrity, and unlike other issues that can be hidden from the public masses, obesity is bared to the world for all to see and ridicule. Where is your credibility when you always say you're trying to control your weight and dont, (or even gain)? I'll tell you where it is..... down the hopper!
Past: I was depressed and put a halfassed effort to control my eating for the last 6-7 years. What a joke. I wasn't fooling anyone. I did food addict and overeaters anonomous meetings, had sponsors, the whole shabam.
Present: I just joined this website. It does motivate me and I like the idea. I am hoping to gain a few friends who understand the struggle of obesity and are committed to recovery. I am exercising 5 days per week and I really do fing it motivating to enter in my exercise accomplishments on the sites. If you are obese and want to create a group for support and accountability, let me know. Good luck everyone. Sara

micheleluden · July 2012

You can add me

I too am obese and working on it. Once upon a time, i worked out hard and really cared. Then, next thing i know, i am overweight and can't control my eating. If i was sad, i would eat. If i was happy, I would eat. If i was depressed, I would eat. etc...eating my emotions put me close to 100 pounds over weight. I (as you put it) half assed tried to control myself, but it wasn't enough. If i had a bad day...I'd eat more cause i felt like such a loser. People in public would look at me like i was some sort of allien. Others would try to convince me it was all in my head...NO, the scale says so

Or, my favorite....well, you're tall, you can carry the extra weight.
I lost 15 pounds 2 years ago, then got pregnant - two years later...i'm back on it. I am still up 23 pounds from when i got pregnant. Once i get those off, i think i will feel more motivated to continue.
WE ARE STRONGER THAN THAT FOOD!!!
Keep working hard...It will pay off!

islandnutshel · July 2012

Sarah&Michele,

Every day you need to decide how you want to feel next year.
Lots of people on this site are looking for a quick fix, but there are also people here that have logged in for a year and lost a hundred pounds. Keep your goals small, keep your logging honest. Blog privately about what feelings have caused you to give up.
When you are inspired, write about it. Keep a list of things that inspire you or a to do list for when you feel like giving in. AND most important, celebrate every small victory. Every change in size, every flight of stairs that got easier. Every new kind of exercise you added to your ruitine.
You might not recognise the person you could be next year until you get there.
You are strong enough for this journey.
Friend me if you want to do this. I've been here since May, I have lost 26 pounds and have at least 50 more to go. So I am planning on being here for a while.

dnthaveasn · July 2012

You can add me
I too am obese and working on it. Once upon a time, i worked out hard and really cared. Then, next thing i know, i am overweight and can't control my eating. If i was sad, i would eat. If i was happy, I would eat. If i was depressed, I would eat. etc...eating my emotions put me close to 100 pounds over weight. I (as you put it) half assed tried to control myself, but it wasn't enough. If i had a bad day...I'd eat more cause i felt like such a loser. People in public would look at me like i was some sort of allien. Others would try to convince me it was all in my head...NO, the scale says so
Or, my favorite....well, you're tall, you can carry the extra weight.
I lost 15 pounds 2 years ago, then got pregnant - two years later...i'm back on it. I am still up 23 pounds from when i got pregnant. Once i get those off, i think i will feel more motivated to continue.
WE ARE STRONGER THAN THAT FOOD!!!
Keep working hard...It will pay off!

I hear the you'll tall, you can carry the extra weight all the damn time....hate it! I guess them saying that is suppose to make me feel better or something.

You can add me also. I'm also obese and working on it big time.

Lyerin · July 2012

I feel very self-conscious about the way that I look. I hate being fat and hate feeling like I need to hide because I'm ashamed. I love my gym because there are rarely any people there when I go and it is a very supportive environment.

I definitely think that fat people are less respected in our society. We are perceived as lazy. I absolutely hate it when my family members comment on people's weight, etc. - hello?? I'm fat too, do you think those negative things about me? I am not saying that being obese is in any way good, but I hate feeling like I'm being put down when I'm trying really hard and need support.

WhitneyT586 · July 2012

I've been overweight my entire life so I don't know any other way to be. But I'm figuring it out now. I can remember going on vacation and wanting to go horseback riding. They tried to put me up on this huge beast of a horse. I got up, got dizzy, and got the heck off. I love riding, but I was not going through the embarrassment of riding that monster. Just realized today, before I even saw this post, that I'm currently almost 40 pounds lighter than I was on that trip and would be perfectly comfy going riding and not having to be on the biggest horse there.

Any ladies looking for support are welcome to add me. Good luck all!

hottfarmchick724 · July 2012

i understand where you all are comming from! im currently about 80 pounds over weight and its tough for me to go out in public even just to pick up some quick groceries for supper! my hubby is super fit and is always saying how he loves me no matter what but he would like if i would loose the weight so i would be healthier for our kids and myself. he doesnt understand how hard it really is, because hes never had to deal with it like i have! hes alway like 'why dont you ride the bike i got you, or why dont you go for a walk?' when i tell him its because people are gonna see a fat person riding a bike and make fun of me, he tries to tell me 'no they arent they are gonna be proud of you for trying to be fit', but then low and behold, we see a 'fat'person on a bike and who is the first one to pick on them? he is! and when i point it out to him he just makes lame excuses and it makes me less inclined to workout myself! haha sorry for the vent! lol im here for support if anyone needs it, feel free to friend me!

dlwyatt82 · July 2012

I don't see how being obese has anything to do with my credibility. According to the dictionary, credibility is "the quality or power of inspiring belief." This generally comes from trustworthiness and expertise, neither of which are affected by how much fat is on my body (unless perhaps I were trying to give advice on how not to get fat, which would throw the "expertise" part into question).

I'm sure there are many judgmental people out there who do view us obese people in the ways you mentioned, but certainly not everyone. In assuming that they do, you're most likely just projecting your own poor self-image, assuming that everyone else sees you the same way. I have certainly done that in the past, while going through periods of depression. I will say this: almost every single bit of "humiliation" I've felt regarding my weight has been completely internal. I'm the one obsessing over it, not the rest of the world. On days when I'm feeling happy and not thinking those dark thoughts, I'm still just as fat as I was on a crappy day, but nothing terrible happens to me.

I can't really advise you on how to get out of that cycle. I'm not sure how I've done it myself (or if I will stay this way). I do know that since I started lifting weights a few months ago, it's given me something to focus on and be proud of. I'm still morbidly obese, and I still have a long way to go. In the gym, though, I'm already lifting heavier weights than probably 80% of the people there (and with better form than most), and getting stronger every day. I can see muscles defined in places that were previously all flab or bones (thighs and shoulders in particular). It's something related to my body that I can feel good about, with no ifs, ands or buts, and it's gone a long way toward keeping me from getting discouraged on the diet changes as well.

janessafantasma · July 2012

I weigh in at 245 right now. 100 lbs overweight. I hate it. (Does anyone else get nervous when they post? I feel so self conscious!)
I think obese people are not respected in society. Our opinions matter less. We are perceived as weak links. We do not have any public integrity, and unlike other issues that can be hidden from the public masses, obesity is bared to the world for all to see and ridicule. Where is your credibility when you always say you're trying to control your weight and dont, (or even gain)? I'll tell you where it is..... down the hopper!
Past: I was depressed and put a halfassed effort to control my eating for the last 6-7 years. What a joke. I wasn't fooling anyone. I did food addict and overeaters anonomous meetings, had sponsors, the whole shabam.
Present: I just joined this website. It does motivate me and I like the idea. I am hoping to gain a few friends who understand the struggle of obesity and are committed to recovery. I am exercising 5 days per week and I really do fing it motivating to enter in my exercise accomplishments on the sites. If you are obese and want to create a group for support and accountability, let me know. Good luck everyone. Sara

You bring up some really excellent points about respect and the labels that society places on overweight/obese people. It sounds like you're doing all the right things and as hard as it is to ignore the naysayers, do it. They have no bearing on who you are as a person or your integrity.

cobaltis · July 2012

Oh a lot of us around here know something about how you feel! Good luck!

laurasimmons · July 2012

I was once obese and I do have to agree that obese people are definitely treated differently. But I just used that as more motivation to help myself and to help others.

lisasdoinit · July 2012

this post made me cry. i just ..feel the same way.

anyone who wants to add me, feel free.

xo

kimad · July 2012

Don't be nervous to post on MFP, there are people at all stages of weight loss on this site and (most) are very supportive.
I started on this site at 245, and although I was miserable in my life becuase of my weight, I never thought I wasn't good enough... I had a partner for 9 years, we had kids, I have a spectacular job, great friends.. I just hated being overweight.

Anyways I joined MFP in April 2011 and have lost 83lbs. If I can do it, ANYONE can do it.
I even started running at 245 lbs and I didn't give a rats *kitten* what anyone thought...

Keep to it girl, the inner changes I have made are so worth every bump in the road.

sarajaxon · July 2012

Wow. You have all been so great. Thanks to those of you who offered some friendship on the site! It is nice to learn about how others get through things and how we perceive things. I know I am so self conscious. I even had my picture on the website and took it off! I am working hard and I am so appreciative of your thoghts and ideas! It is rather inspiring!

janessafantasma · July 2012

I don't see how being obese has anything to do with my credibility. According to the dictionary, credibility is "the quality or power of inspiring belief." This generally comes from trustworthiness and expertise, neither of which are affected by how much fat is on my body (unless perhaps I were trying to give advice on how not to get fat, which would throw the "expertise" part into question).

I'm sure there are many judgmental people out there who do view us obese people in the ways you mentioned, but certainly not everyone. In assuming that they do, you're most likely just projecting your own poor self-image, assuming that everyone else sees you the same way. I have certainly done that in the past, while going through periods of depression. I will say this: almost every single bit of "humiliation" I've felt regarding my weight has been completely internal. I'm the one obsessing over it, not the rest of the world. On days when I'm feeling happy and not thinking those dark thoughts, I'm still just as fat as I was on a crappy day, but nothing terrible happens to me.

I can't really advise you on how to get out of that cycle. I'm not sure how I've done it myself (or if I will stay this way). I do know that since I started lifting weights a few months ago, it's given me something to focus on and be proud of. I'm still morbidly obese, and I still have a long way to go. In the gym, though, I'm already lifting heavier weights than probably 80% of the people there (and with better form than most), and getting stronger every day. I can see muscles defined in places that were previously all flab or bones (thighs and shoulders in particular). It's something related to my body that I can feel good about, with no ifs, ands or buts, and it's gone a long way toward keeping me from getting discouraged on the diet changes as well.

I don't think it has anything to do with the OPs projection of a poor self image. Studies have actually shown that people who are obese are seen as lazy,self indulgent, selfish, unintelligent and of low socioeconomic standings. These are not projections that people put out, but perceptions of a somewhat unkind society. There certainly are people who are non-judgmental and are good, caring people, but obese people have to live with labels, fat doctors fat lawyer, the big girl with the pretty face.

ChapinaGrande · July 2012

I have been overweight/obese my whole life and I have always felt that, in American culture, even though a huge percent of us is fat, fat people are still considered something less than human or deserve less respect. When I was pregnant a few years ago, I "lost" weight (actually, my body lost, but the baby got bigger so I gained 3 lb the entire pregnancy--I was sick). I loved being pregnant for many reasons, but one day I had the sickening thought that one reason I liked being pregnant was that it was the only time when it was socially acceptable to have a tummy bigger than my boobs. Previously, people stared at my gut and cringed, but at that time, they stared and smiled, even though my waistline was really the same size. I was disgusted.

Edited to add: Sometimes I meditate on what it says about our culture when so many of us are obese, yet obese people are un-respectable. Could our culture as a whole be losing some self-respect? This is what happens in my mind when I try to sleep...

unsa48 · July 2012

I remember this one time I was on a theme park ride and I sat down in the middle of a row of seats but they couldn't start the ride because the safety locks on my seat wouldn't close properly. I was told I couldn't ride it and I was told to leave while my friends stayed on. The people who told me to leave were smirking and when they thought I wasn't looking, they laughed.

It was one of the worst days of my life.

hottfarmchick724 · July 2012

Wow. You have all been so great. Thanks to those of you who offered some friendship on the site! It is nice to learn about how others get through things and how we perceive things. I know I am so self conscious. I even had my picture on the website and took it off! I am working hard and I am so appreciative of your thoghts and ideas! It is rather inspiring!

i know how you feel about your picture! i couldnt put one up of me currently because i am too ashamed of what i let myself become, so instead i put one up from when i felt the prettiest and set that as my goal! to look like that again is great motivation, and i get to see it everyday when i log on. it reminds me of where i wanna be at the end! maybe you could try the same thing and see how it works for you!

SenshiV · July 2012

Girls (and boys).

Since you have decided to make a change on your life, I would recommend to start accepting yourselves as the person you are today, and so your best at becoming something you would like to. Don't be shy, add your picture for self confidence about that, this is not a judging site at all, you are welcome and please do ask for help or assistance if you think you need it, maybe you are not sure about some foods to eat, or want alternatives, or don;t know how to count his or that.

I wish you good luck in sticking to your new goal in life, please don;t get desperate because is not a quick road, but steady, it works, I'm leaving you a couple of links to sites I think could help you in some way or another:

http://nutritiondata.self.com/ : Enter any food in the search, if you want to search for something not commercial, add 'raw' to the search, for example, raw meat, raw tomato.

http://www.nutritionix.com/restaurants : If you eat outside (yeah you can do ir somethims this is not about starving yourselves), you can pre plan what to order if you can find any restaurants you like on his list.

Oh these is a couple of sites I have saved but haven't checked yet:

http://www.caloriecontrol.org/
http://www.fatsecret.com/

*

In this site (MFP), you will learn to eat better, so just start changing your eating habits, on your own pace, do exercise but don't go and try exerting yourselves exercising 6 or 7 days a week for 40-60 when you are just stating, and most most important...

Don't allow anyone to make you feel bad about changing your life!

No accepting criticism about what your are not eating anymore, what 'weird' (healthy) food you are buying that you didin't before, or anything related to get in your way.

Good luck and welcome

Anyone add if you like I don;t really have a lot of contacts but I like to see posts in my main

Have a great day.

Darcyw4 · July 2012

It is hard sometimes but you have to be able to look in the mirror everyday and say something nice to yourself. You have to love yourself - every inch. I used to hate my body when I was young and always wanted to be SKINNY. I went to the dr about a 9 months or so ago and was told that I weighed 307 pounds. that was the point where I knew I had to do something. I realized that changing my body, my life and my way of thinking isnt going to be overnight and I sure am not striving to be SKINNY anymore. I want to be HEALTHY. I work my *kitten* off at the gym, watch what I eat and if I have a craving then honey, I am going to eat it.

i would like to say something about how society looks at obese people - yes, I agree that there are some obese people that are treated differenty and i believe that there is a stereotype out there that we are lazy, smelly, etc. But, there are stereotypes on ALL kinds of people. I see a skinny girl wearing shorts where her cooter is hanging out - I instantly get ideas of crabs. I try really hard to not do that but sometimes I do. No matter who you are or how much weight you have to lose/gain/maintain, you cant worry about what other people think of you. the most important opinion is your own and once you realize that you are a good person and you are really putting your all into changing your life, then you can smile at yourself, love yourself and screw the rest of em. Like RuPaul says, "If you cant love yourself, how the hell are you gonna love somebody else? Can I get an AMEN up in here?"

AMEN!!!

askinnybanana13 · July 2012

Hi,

I have been on both sides of this issue

Far past: (high school) i had that body! ya know the one we all try for, in fact an athlete all star track champion, but never to far from the possibilities of being over weight or obese as it was a tough and strenuous effort to keep my body in shape and under control. I was 140 with body fat of 7%- but I very much had respect for those over weight because I know the work it takes to be fit.

Mid Past: I had my first son and held on to the weight gain (20lbs) then after my second son I was 213 lbs which was obese for me and even at times it was scary to look at my self in the mirror because as much as I knew I could fix this issue I didn't want to--- well kind of.

Not to Far away: in a matter of 3.5- 4 months I lost 78 pounds taking me to 135 with hanging skin all over my body ( I want to be fat again because everyone told me, how gross I looked) and looked like the walking dead. I was sick and hurting and then found out that I had a pre-cancerous mass growing in my neck which effected my bodies ability to maintain weight. I had surgery to remove it and then the weight rolled back to 170.

Now: I am a healthy 151 and can say that being on both sides of weight related issues I truly value my body and its ability to function at it's will.

I know your pain and fear of weight and food. But most of all I know your ability, you can do whatever you want to do, and I can help support you through!

Hannah

and most of all add your picture! come to reality with who your are today so that you may see all that you are and all that you may become.

smartmom0818 · July 2012

Being obese has been one of my biggest challenges in life. I can leave the house, smelling good, clean, looking neat and sometimes even pretty, and people still treat me like I have the plague. I stopped going out and even ask my husband to do the grocery shopping. Then, I finally just had enough and joined this site. I have only been on here for 10 days but in those ten days I have worked out, changed most of my eating habits, and even though I am still obese, I know that soon, I won't be anymore. We can't do anything but fix the mess we started but I'll be damned if I continue to let people make me feel like crap about it when I already feel bad enough inside. Good luck to you, add me if you need a friend.

islandnutshel · July 2012

Wow. You have all been so great. Thanks to those of you who offered some friendship on the site! It is nice to learn about how others get through things and how we perceive things. I know I am so self conscious. I even had my picture on the website and took it off! I am working hard and I am so appreciative of your thoghts and ideas! It is rather inspiring!

Time to put your picture back on! If you are intensely private, then an avatar will work or anything that comforts and inspres you.

NovemberJune · July 2012

:flowerforyou: You can do this! Be patient! Don't let set backs bother you too much. I agree that being obese affects how people perceive you unfortunately. But we know we are good people no matter what our weight. Good luck!

sarajaxon · July 2012

Hanna! What a crazy story! Did your skin ever adjust to fit your body again? How di you lose the weight so darn fast the first time?

mrsslimkatie · July 2012

Im a woman with a big body and an even bigger personality! I have one of those personalities that gets even more vibrant when I feel uncomfortable in order to overcompensate. I end up walking into every situation like I own the place and it puts people at ease. We all judge. Its human nature. The thing that makes judgment a negetive is when folks hold on tight to that opinion for dear life and close their mind to who the person really is. Yes I am big. Facts are that my biggness is the first thing people are going to see about me. I am also so many other things and I like to give folks the chance to get to know those things as well. I say if you let their judgement hold you back from shining like the star you are, then you run the risk of becoming as close minded as they are. Most people are genuinly good deep down. Those who hurt others are afraid and hurting. Its sad and unfortunate. I know its tough but sometimes you have to fake it until you make it. Eventually they see through to the real you. It took me months of going to the gym before I fealt like I fit in. Some women would look at me as if they couldnt forgive me for being fat. I figure maybe they are afraid to be fat themselves. In a balanced world I wouldnt have to win them over with my charm. Im personally willing to forgive them that because they too are perfect in their imperfection. There is a man at the gym I go to with a port wine stain on his entire face and the birthmark distorts his feature a lot. In my own humaness I sometimes avoid looking at him becuase I fear he will see even a casual and chance look as me staring and I dont want to hurt his feelings. Thats my problem not his and the more I see him the more comfortable I am becuase I am becoming less insecure about myself around him and everyone else in there. Am I an *kitten* because of it? No becuase I keep my mind open to change. Try giving people a chance to see through to your true self. I know its a hard thing to do but you and those judging people are worth the try.
edited to say I would love to accept anyone who wants to add me :flowerforyou:

Briantime · July 2012

Unfortunately, bigotry toward obese people is still one of the safe havens for nasty people. It's perceived by them to be acceptable because fat people "choose" to be fat. While these people are able to conceal their shortcomings deep inside their psyche, we wear ours out there for the world to see, and judge and comment about...

It's almost to me like people just need someone to look down upon to make themselves feel better and overweight people are an easy mark.

Sissy4EverX3 · July 2012

Add away, honey.. add away. I was 365lbs when I started out 18 months ago and am now down to 277. I can smell 100lb loss so bad I can taste it.

No, I don't feel awkward posting on the interwebz -- sometimes I feel like it's the only time I can open my mouth and not give 2 craps about what anyone thinks. Second, I was the brunt of many drivebys through 13 years of standing outside changing gas prices and being screamed at not only for raising them, but for being a fat pig. I learned to let it roll off. No sense in letting idiots consume your thoughts.

I learned in my Sociology class last semester that our looking-glass self is developed when we're children. How others perceive us is how we perceive ourselves. Even today, our looking-glass self can be affected. So don't let the morons and the jerks get in your head. And what voices are already there, change them. You can do it.

TXGirl821 · July 2012

Aw honey, I'm more than 100lbs bigger than you are! And yes, I've been made fun of. But, I've also been loved and supported and listened to. You kind of have to develop a thick skin, and realize also that you're absolutely not alone out there!

lostwisdom · July 2012

I've always been a little bigger than average, but since going through depression and anxiety over the past couple of years my weight has kinda ballooned to the point where I am 234lbs and only 5ft 1. I have severe social anxiety, but I'm starting to feel better going out and caring less what people might think of my weight, because at the end of the day I'm finally doing something about it and that's all that matters to me ^_^

This website has already helped me so much as well, just being able to openly state my weight is a totally new thing for me, and it's good to know I'm not the only one in this situation!

kelseyhere · July 2012

i understand where you all are comming from! im currently about 80 pounds over weight and its tough for me to go out in public even just to pick up some quick groceries for supper! my hubby is super fit and is always saying how he loves me no matter what but he would like if i would loose the weight so i would be healthier for our kids and myself. he doesnt understand how hard it really is, because hes never had to deal with it like i have! hes alway like 'why dont you ride the bike i got you, or why dont you go for a walk?' when i tell him its because people are gonna see a fat person riding a bike and make fun of me, he tries to tell me 'no they arent they are gonna be proud of you for trying to be fit', but then low and behold, we see a 'fat'person on a bike and who is the first one to pick on them? he is! and when i point it out to him he just makes lame excuses and it makes me less inclined to workout myself! haha sorry for the vent! lol im here for support if anyone needs it, feel free to friend me!

Don't be so shy. When I see a heavier person working out my first thought is, "good for them!!"

It's human nature to judge others, and if your weight is the most obvious thing, that's what people will pick on. Don't listen to haters, walk with confidence and remember that just because they're skinny doesn't mean they are healthy. Hold you head high knowing you are working on your health.

Public Humiliation When You're Obese

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