Public Humiliation When You're Obese

2

Replies

  • AmyP619
    AmyP619 Posts: 1,137 Member

    Past: I was depressed and put a halfassed effort to control my eating for the last 6-7 years. What a joke. I wasn't fooling anyone. I did food addict and overeaters anonomous meetings, had sponsors, the whole shabam.
    Present: I just joined this website. It does motivate me and I like the idea. I am hoping to gain a few friends who understand the struggle of obesity and are committed to recovery. I am exercising 5 days per week and I really do fing it motivating to enter in my exercise accomplishments on the sites. If you are obese and want to create a group for support and accountability, let me know. Good luck everyone. Sara

    add me!!!! I'm with ya!
  • AmyP619
    AmyP619 Posts: 1,137 Member
    Unfortunately, bigotry toward obese people is still one of the safe havens for nasty people. It's perceived by them to be acceptable because fat people "choose" to be fat. While these people are able to conceal their shortcomings deep inside their psyche, we wear ours out there for the world to see, and judge and comment about...

    It's almost to me like people just need someone to look down upon to make themselves feel better and overweight people are an easy mark.

    Completely AGREE!!
  • kashubian
    kashubian Posts: 11 Member
    I know exactly how you feel, Sara. I have about 6 pictures on my computer that I can stand to look at myself in. I have pictures on my facebook that my husband put there because of the kids or our grandson and I won't even look at them, I'm ashamed. A series of injuries and long recoveries after surgeries landed me here. According to this website I actually qualify for obese, and I hate myself even more for that. To have someone say "you just have to accept yourself as you are now, love yourself and then you can fix it" doesn't get that there is no happy switch to flip. I can act bubbly and happy, but I still hate how I look and feel and no amount of faking that will fix it. What I can do is work toward loosing the weight that is so hard for my ****ty knees to carry around. I hate everything snapping and hurting in the morning. I hate how it hurts to go up and down stairs, and the crackling I hear. I hate that I hate how I look holding my newborn grandson in those pictures. But I can eventually fix that through hard work and with the support of others when I have a bad day. Recently I've found some great people to challenge me and motivate me. That type of support system is elemental to success. Everyone has down days, that's human. Having someone to offer a hand up when you need it will help keep you from staying down. Friend me if you like, if not that's ok, too. What ever you do, keep at it, slow and sure. Never give up or give in and don't let the *kitten* keep you down. Best of luck.
  • Apazman
    Apazman Posts: 494 Member
    Here's the dope...

    The truth is that Fat people are looked as second class citizens, just like hispanics, blacks, whatever. When people think of fat people they think they are lazy and stupid, similar words that people to describe other minorities. Its just the way it is. You are different, and as much as we would like to believe its whats inside that counts, thats a bunch of BS .. people look at your first THEN hear what you have to say.

    Also being 100lbs or more overwieght is much harder than 20 -30 for many reasons, but I think there is one important distinction that people don't often talk about.

    When you are 100lbs or more overwieght, when you do lose weight there is a certain amount of body dysmorphia that happens. Things often times look soo much worse. You begin to wonder "why am I doing this? I wanted to look better, not worse."
    Depression hits, and it hits hard. I hope that more people begin to talk about how you will lose weight .. but you will also get depressed by the results, but you got to keep trying. People need to be prepared for that possibility.
  • kashubian
    kashubian Posts: 11 Member
    wow, Sissy4EverX3, awesome transformation. Best of luck hitting 100 lost. I'm pulling for ya!
  • Sissy4EverX3
    Sissy4EverX3 Posts: 247
    wow, Sissy4EverX3, awesome transformation. Best of luck hitting 100 lost. I'm pulling for ya!

    Thanks. :) I'll get there. I've slowed down on my loss, intentionally, so that I could get used to the lifestyle change and train my brain it will have to be this way for the rest of my life. It's not a quick fix. I can definitely see myself putting it all back on if I don't.
  • mondesa
    mondesa Posts: 61 Member
    I dont have time to read this now but i have been there so many time! Anyone wants the extra support please feel free to add me
  • caraiselite
    caraiselite Posts: 2,631 Member
    it's even worse when you lose the weight.. then gain it back.
  • nszocinski
    nszocinski Posts: 156 Member
    Sarah, you can add me! Parents would discourage their children from making rude comments about a person with a disability but don't think twice when a kid says something disparaging about someone who is overweight. Please send me a friend request. I understand your frustration.
  • newyearsresolutionfailure
    newyearsresolutionfailure Posts: 14
    You can add me. I'm currently at 298, down from my biggest of 307. I've been doing this for a little over a month. The goal is to get healthy. Acknowledging you have a problem is the first step. The next is to simply do something about it. That is what we are all here doing.
  • Rockmyskinnyjeans
    Rockmyskinnyjeans Posts: 431 Member
    I've spent most of my life as an overweight or obese person (it flip-flopped back & forth). I would be glad to offer support and to be friends with any of y'all. I have spent a lifetime of struggle with my weight and I decided I'm not going to let it win anymore. I love the support I've found on here and would love to be support to y'all, too. It's the best form of motivation!
  • rcthale
    rcthale Posts: 141
    What a lot of people don't get is that it is 100 times harder to lose weight if you've been overweight since childhood. For a lot of people, weight loss is like their bodies' "remembering" their older skinny selves. Not so with lifelong obesity.

    My wife struggles even after Lap-Band surgery. Better foods, smaller portions, it's still losses this week and gains the next. I'm convinced that there's more complexity going on than just calories-in-calories-out. There's a wall she's pushing against, and I believe that's it's partly genetic.

    I think weight discrimination is based on a lack of familiarity, like racism and homophobia. Chatting with someone at work is one thing, but hanging out with them, doing things with them, being friends, and really getting to know them is another. I don't know what the solution is. We can't force people to get to know each other.
  • sarajaxon
    sarajaxon Posts: 21 Member
    I am so grateful for all the responses! OK, so here is my picture. I will never accept it. I feel so ashamed of that image. By the grace of God and this on line community I hope to regain my pride. Love and peace to all!
  • sarajaxon
    sarajaxon Posts: 21 Member
    it's even worse when you lose the weight.. then gain it back.
    isn't that the truth.....
  • jcmartin0313
    jcmartin0313 Posts: 574 Member
    There is no way around it, exercising or even just existing when you are morbidly obese is difficult and makes us self conscious. Sometime over the past year I managed to arrive at a EFF EM and EFF Obesity point in my life. I wish I had some formula to help you but what I can tell you is that if you wait on your head to get right before you take charge of your health you will never do it. I have embraced the mantra Just Begin and Keep Beginning Each Day. At some point it will click and you too will begin to believe.
  • richesandwonders
    richesandwonders Posts: 15 Member
    I understand so completely. Today I was running outside during a rainstorm. A man on a bike passed me. He gave me a thumbs up and told me "You're doing great!". I almost burst into tears, because it took me a few moments to realize he was encouraging me, not ridiculing me.

    I've gotten so accustomed to being put down by strangers, that the idea of a compliment was entirely foreign.

    Keep going, eventually we'll get where we want to be.
  • rayita001
    rayita001 Posts: 150 Member
    Reading everyone's comments reminds me a lot of myself. I've been overweight all my life. As a kid in school, I was always the largest one in class, and with that came the crel comments and nicknames from fellow classmates. As an adult, I have never been ale to go under 200 lbs, but this time I'm determined to do so. I'm lucky to have a supportive husband and 7 year old daughter. I'm sure my 4 1/2 month old will soon be cheering me on as well.

    Feel free to add me!! Together, we can do this!
  • janessafantasma
    janessafantasma Posts: 312 Member
    I am so grateful for all the responses! OK, so here is my picture. I will never accept it. I feel so ashamed of that image. By the grace of God and this on line community I hope to regain my pride. Love and peace to all!

    Don't ever be ashamed of who you are! You can be disappointed, upset, angry, even baffled over your appearance, but don't feel shame.
  • kmm7309
    kmm7309 Posts: 802 Member
    Okay, so I had read a really good article about this recently, but I CANNOT find it. Basically the article I read that that out of however many men surveyed, more than half would prefer to date a woman with a physical handicap (such as an amputation) over a woman who is obese. And it talked about job discrimination, price hikes against fat people (clothing costs, airline and bus fees). I wish I could find it! While looking, I found a couple of articles you might enjoy...

    Reported discrimination based on weight has increased 66% in the past decade, up from about 7% to 12% of U.S. adults, says one study, in the journal Obesity. The other study, in the International Journal of Obesity, says such discrimination is common in both institutional and interpersonal situations — and in some cases is even more prevalent than rates of discrimination based on gender and race. (About 17% of men and 9% of women reported race discrimination.) -- http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/weightloss/2008-05-20-overweight-bias_N.htm

    http://healthland.time.com/2011/03/31/global-spread-more-people-think-fat-people-are-lazy/
  • kazoooo8
    kazoooo8 Posts: 71
    I am so grateful for all the responses! OK, so here is my picture. I will never accept it. I feel so ashamed of that image. By the grace of God and this on line community I hope to regain my pride. Love and peace to all!

    Don't ever be ashamed of who you are! You can be disappointed, upset, angry, even baffled over your appearance, but don't feel shame.

    I love what you said, but its easier said than done, unfortunately. I struggled with putting a picture up too. I'm not going to my 30 year class reunion this year because of my weight and possible snide remarks and shame. Its a damn shame that we have to feel shame over something like this because inside I KNOW I'm a great person.
  • janessafantasma
    janessafantasma Posts: 312 Member
    I am so grateful for all the responses! OK, so here is my picture. I will never accept it. I feel so ashamed of that image. By the grace of God and this on line community I hope to regain my pride. Love and peace to all!

    Don't ever be ashamed of who you are! You can be disappointed, upset, angry, even baffled over your appearance, but don't feel shame.

    I love what you said, but its easier said than done, unfortunately. I struggled with putting a picture up too. I'm not going to my 30 year class reunion this year because of my weight and possible snide remarks and shame. Its a damn shame that we have to feel shame over something like this because inside I KNOW I'm a great person.

    We don't have to feel shame, society just wants us too because it justifies society's feelings over being disgusted by overweight people. By feeling shame, we are telling ourselves that we don't meet expectations, that we are breaking rules, and that we deserve the judgements we receive. I realize that by using society, it can seem like a blanket statement or a generalization, but it's the easiest term to use, and with barrage of weight issues we see everyday, overweight people are being told in the nicest way possibly: you're gross.

    No one should be judges, regardless of body type, but it happens and it disgusts me.
  • vbrent07
    vbrent07 Posts: 115
    I was actually having a conversation about something similar to my friends on fb yesterday. I know how you feel because right after I had my son I was 250 pounds. I have lost 80 pounds but when I was heavier it seemed like a lot more people were just plain rude to me. I had my son and was devastated because I found out he has a bad type of muscular dystrophy when he was 2 months old and I really didn't give a crap how I looked because I was to busy worrying about him! I think the media/Hollywood plays a big role in this because they seem to think that skinny is the way to be and even if your slightly obese it's the most awful thing in the world. I think as a whole society is all about looks and less about a persons personality which is just plain sad. I just look at it this way, along with a lot of good people in the world there are some really shallow, ignorant ones and I don't associate with them. There are just to many other things that are more important in this world then to worry about another person's weight.
  • kazoooo8
    kazoooo8 Posts: 71
    I am so grateful for all the responses! OK, so here is my picture. I will never accept it. I feel so ashamed of that image. By the grace of God and this on line community I hope to regain my pride. Love and peace to all!

    Don't ever be ashamed of who you are! You can be disappointed, upset, angry, even baffled over your appearance, but don't feel shame.

    I love what you said, but its easier said than done, unfortunately. I struggled with putting a picture up too. I'm not going to my 30 year class reunion this year because of my weight and possible snide remarks and shame. Its a damn shame that we have to feel shame over something like this because inside I KNOW I'm a great person.

    We don't have to feel shame, society just wants us too because it justifies society's feelings over being disgusted by overweight people. By feeling shame, we are telling ourselves that we don't meet expectations, that we are breaking rules, and that we deserve the judgements we receive. I realize that by using society, it can seem like a blanket statement or a generalization, but it's the easiest term to use, and with barrage of weight issues we see everyday, overweight people are being told in the nicest way possibly: you're gross.

    No one should be judges, regardless of body type, but it happens and it disgusts me.

    Oh I totally agree with you! Just to think at one time back in the ages, if you were heavy, you were thought to be wealthy cuz that meant you had money to buy food.

    I have been on both sides of the coin... up until I was about 35, I was atheletic, slim, trim and jogged 2 miles every day and LOVED it. I then got into a bad, very lonely relationship, stopped jogging, stopped living basically. That and perimenopause caught up to me and now I'm 100 lb overweight.. I'm no longer in that relationship and trying to take back control again. Its a vicious cycle of being depressed because of my weight, trying to start a "program" only to have it hurt or the weight not coming off because I'm not young and in shape anymore and I'm perimenopausal, back to being depressed. What a cycle!!!
  • happyfeetrebel1
    happyfeetrebel1 Posts: 1,005 Member
    You can add me :)
    I too am obese and working on it. Once upon a time, i worked out hard and really cared. Then, next thing i know, i am overweight and can't control my eating. If i was sad, i would eat. If i was happy, I would eat. If i was depressed, I would eat. etc...eating my emotions put me close to 100 pounds over weight. I (as you put it) half assed tried to control myself, but it wasn't enough. If i had a bad day...I'd eat more cause i felt like such a loser. People in public would look at me like i was some sort of allien. Others would try to convince me it was all in my head...NO, the scale says so :)
    Or, my favorite....well, you're tall, you can carry the extra weight.
    I lost 15 pounds 2 years ago, then got pregnant - two years later...i'm back on it. I am still up 23 pounds from when i got pregnant. Once i get those off, i think i will feel more motivated to continue.
    WE ARE STRONGER THAN THAT FOOD!!!
    Keep working hard...It will pay off!

    I hear the you'll tall, you can carry the extra weight all the damn time....hate it! I guess them saying that is suppose to make me feel better or something.

    You can add me also. I'm also obese and working on it big time.

    I hear that too! I'm 5'11 and who cares? I'm still fat! Granted, I'm LESS fat, but I've got about 30 more lbs still, just to be at the top of 'normal'

    I understand completely!
  • MartiJ521
    MartiJ521 Posts: 434
    I'm so self consious that I don't like eating in public :/
  • dovesgate
    dovesgate Posts: 894 Member
    Funny thing about weight loss. For years and years I'd known that I needed to do something about my weight. I eventually got to the point that I had panic attacks at the thought of meeting my husband's friends from work. I was ashamed at the thought of what they would think when they saw me and ashamed that they would think less of my husband for having a fat wife. It is definitely a social stigma to be obese.

    I have two major turning points: My husband had been on blood pressure medication and was trying to lose weight to get off the pills. I realized then I was heading the same direction if I didn't start taking care of myself. My second was when my parents decided to take us kids and our spouses on a Carribean cruise in the fall. I vowed that I would not be "the fat one" in the pictures. I vowed that my weight will not prevent me from doing something I want to do, like parasailing in the Bahamas or hiking around the Virgin Islands. Some excursions do have weight restrictions and I will not be the one turned away for being too heavy.

    My highest known weight was 265 (though I am sure it was more at one point). My weight as of this morning is 199.4. I'm still 20lbs from being "overweight" instead of obese but I am determined to get there and beyond. When it clicks for you, it clicks. Do as much research as you can into what might work for you. Don't freak when the scale goes up and down because it is normal (I actually log all gains and losses to watch my pattern). Find out what will motivate you. Surround yourself with people who are upbeat and positive and working towards the same goal. Don't be afraid to try new things when one way isn't working very well for you.

    It is understandable to dislike yourself for getting so big. The kindest thing you can do for yourself is to start taking care of yourself even when you feel like you don't deserve it.
  • SenshiV
    SenshiV Posts: 131 Member
    Well I'll add: "Don't be ashamed on you or how you look, DO be ashamed of wanting to change your like (for whatever purpose which will mainly include health above others) and do nothing about it"

    People here has already went through the first hassle which is registering and even posting! No just go and use that diary until you learn what food are good, bad, or maybe just not bad not not nice to eat the same day or in the same amounts, exercise on incremental phases little by little and you'll see that you made a good decision coming here :)

    Good luck again!
  • jodycoady
    jodycoady Posts: 598 Member
    hey listen, you are doing the right thing, and it's going to be so tough.....keep the faith in yourself and God as well....you will be rewarded for taking care of yourself!!!:happy:
  • KyleB65
    KyleB65 Posts: 1,196 Member
    Hello Sara,

    I know exactly what you are talking about. It always seemed to me that overweight people were the last identifiable group whom it was okay to ridicule! Made me feel horrible!

    It was medical issues that kicked me into eating better and living an active life. This was a little over a year ago. Now, I am no longer obese. In fact, I now weigh less than I did when I graduated high school.

    The feeling is great! And, I am able to enjoy activities like running and biking which I though were things of the past!

    All the best on your journey. With focus, determination and hard work. You will succeed!
  • ShannaHeidelberg
    ShannaHeidelberg Posts: 30
    I understand what you mean about not being respected. Obese people are labeled as being lazy, which makes it harder for us to get jobs and certainly no one wants to invite us to be on any kind of sports team. Instead of being depressed all the time, I try to have a sense of humor about my weight. Don't get me wrong, I realize when I lose weight, I'll have more energy, feel better about myself and, hopefully, get rid of some health problems. My sense of humor gets me through the day though. When people ask me why I walk so fast I tell them my theory of society thinking obese people are lazy so if I walk faster, I'll appear thinner. You should see the looks I get with that one. lol I weigh about 282 right now and just started MyFitnessPal about a month or two ago. I've lost 9 lbs at this point and what this program does for me is makes me more aware of what I'm putting in my mouth. I haven't lost anything in the past week or so but I haven't gained anything either so I'm still looking ahead and trying to be positive. My biggest problems are drinking and exercising. I've changed from whiskey and coke to gin and diet tonic so that's a start but I really need to get motivated to exercise! :grumble: I'll get there and you hang in there! We can do this! :happy:
This discussion has been closed.

Categories