i was "mean" to overweight kids

Calliesmom1
Calliesmom1 Posts: 78
in Health and Weight Loss
My neighbors are my boyfriends family. Aunts and uncles and such. And there are soo many kids running around here. His whole family is overweight. About 200 plus. I dont really get alot of support from them with my weight loss. The idea of wheat bread confuses the heck outta them. haha. Anyways there are two girls about 11 and 12. They are cousins. The youngest weighs 190 and the other is 180. I know cause they use my scale. They want to walk with me. I dont want discourage them from healthy choices. And im glad they want to exercise with me. But the few times i let them go they stayed far behind me and i can't lose sight of them cause im suppose to be watching them. I have to slow down. I recently told them that they cant come with me anymore. Their moms are upset with me now. Like pissed. I didnt mean to be mean about it. But they take it that i basically said her kids are too fat to exercise. Sigh. My boyfriend demands i make this right. What am i suppose to do? I trying to get better at walking. I want to run!
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Replies

  • MeMyCatsandI
    MeMyCatsandI Posts: 704 Member
    It's great that they want to join you, and it isn't your fault that they can't keep up. Personally, I think their own mother should be out walking with them. But how do you sugest that to HER without starting a war? Not sure :ohwell:

    Edit to add: Maybe you could add some "extra" walks to include them. Do your faster walking for YOU and then let them join you on a walk for THEM? Maybe you could plan a special weekend walk time to spend with them. Because it really would be good for the girls to walk too.
  • ethansmug
    ethansmug Posts: 159 Member
    Can they skate? I mean if it's not a dirt trail or something that you are on then maybe if they can skate or ride a bike or something they could move more swiftly and keep up.

    I understand the desire to mend the fence, but your boyfriend should tell his family to get their fattness out there and walk with the kids instead of making you out to be the bad guy.
  • smileybsa83
    smileybsa83 Posts: 16
    Two options...take a separate walk with the kids, at the slower pace, or tell the mother to get off her booty and walk with her kids.
  • dad106
    dad106 Posts: 4,868 Member
    I'd tell the Mom look, Your girls can't keep up with me and I am worried for their safety when I can't see them. It has nothing to do with their weight but more with their level of fitness right now. Maybe you could work on that with them in a few months we can try again.

    Maybe instead of walking with them can you come up with other exercises that you can do together that would be a bit safer?

    I mean at 11/12, they should be able to be on their own for a little bit.. and you shouldn't have to watch them 24/7.
  • 3dogsrunning
    3dogsrunning Posts: 27,167 Member
    Do they have/ can they get bikes? They should have no problem keeping up then.

    If not, and it were me, I would do an extra walk, to go with them, and to get my workout in. ETA - not saying younshould have to, I just would anyway because theynshowed an interest and I would like to encourage that.
  • PhilyPhresh
    PhilyPhresh Posts: 600 Member
    Two options...take a separate walk with the kids, at the slower pace, or tell the mother to get off her booty and walk with her kids.

    EXACTLY what I was going to say... this girl must be a genius!
  • Calliesmom1
    Calliesmom1 Posts: 78
    Thanks i like the idea of 'separate ' walks. I think their moms should try and do more with them but i think suggesting this would get me in more trouble.
  • caraiselite
    caraiselite Posts: 2,631 Member
    race with them. give them a treat if they go faster and 'win'
  • Jenny111372
    Jenny111372 Posts: 87 Member
    When I do my "power" walks as I like to call them..lol..I don't do them with anyone unless they can keep up! I walk an avg speed of 7mph..little over 4 miles in 54 mins..pretty brisk walk..so if you can't keep up, you aren't going. Even my kids know that..they are 10 and 14..if they wanna go, I usually pick a different time, usually in the evening and they go with me. As for your situation, one, they aren't YOUR kids so I fail to see your responsibility in taking them..two, like someone else said..tell their Moms to get out and take them themselves..sorry, harsh but NO, I'm one of those parents, my kids are MY responsibility! Hope you find some kind of peaceful resolution!
  • abbysmommy7
    abbysmommy7 Posts: 211 Member
    quote]
    Maybe you could add some "extra" walks to include them. Do your faster walking for YOU and then let them join you on a walk for THEM? Maybe you could plan a special weekend walk time to spend with them. Because it really would be good for the girls to walk too.
    [/quote]

    YEP exactly what I was thinking
  • jynxxxed
    jynxxxed Posts: 1,010 Member
    Try inviting their mother along as well? Tell her you can alternate speeds to ensure the kids are always being watched.. kind of 'take turns'.
    Sounds like she'll likely decline, but maybe it will make her realize that it's HER responsibility. :P
  • Jenni0101
    Jenni0101 Posts: 15 Member
    I used to get my super fit ex to go for a run before he picked me up so we could go together. That way we both got a decent workout in that worked with our different fitness levels.

    You could try walking by yourself first and circling back to come pick them up?
  • tinksmommy2006
    tinksmommy2006 Posts: 575
    Can they skate? I mean if it's not a dirt trail or something that you are on then maybe if they can skate or ride a bike or something they could move more swiftly and keep up.

    I understand the desire to mend the fence, but your boyfriend should tell his family to get their fattness out there and walk with the kids instead of making you out to be the bad guy.

    have them ride a bike and tell them they have to keep with your pace:)
  • losermomof3
    losermomof3 Posts: 386 Member
    Two options...take a separate walk with the kids, at the slower pace, or tell the mother to get off her booty and walk with her kids.

    Agree!!!
  • RoosterB
    RoosterB Posts: 214 Member
    They'll get fit in no time at their age. Bear with them...
  • Dayna5K
    Dayna5K Posts: 136 Member
    I used to get my super fit ex to go for a run before he picked me up so we could go together. That way we both got a decent workout in that worked with our different fitness levels.

    You could try walking by yourself first and circling back to come pick them up?

    Now that is a good idea.
  • mermx
    mermx Posts: 976
    I'd tell the Mom look, Your girls can't keep up with me and I am worried for their safety when I can't see them. It has nothing to do with their weight but more with their level of fitness right now. Maybe you could work on that with them in a few months we can try again.

    Maybe instead of walking with them can you come up with other exercises that you can do together that would be a bit safer?

    I mean at 11/12, they should be able to be on their own for a little bit.. and you shouldn't have to watch them 24/7.


    this
  • cmeade20
    cmeade20 Posts: 1,238 Member
    I would do your own workout alone- be it a walk or whatever. Then when you have the time take the girls for a walk or a swim or bike ride that way you dont have to worry about them getting in the way of your weight loss. And tell the boyfriend to tell his family to lighten the hell up and stop being so sensitive.
  • LadyBeryl
    LadyBeryl Posts: 344 Member
    They want to walk with me. I dont want discourage them from healthy choices. And im glad they want to exercise with me. But the few times i let them go they stayed far behind me and i can't lose sight of them cause im suppose to be watching them. I have to slow down. I recently told them that they cant come with me anymore. Their moms are upset with me now. Like pissed. I didnt mean to be mean about it. But they take it that i basically said her kids are too fat to exercise. Sigh. My boyfriend demands i make this right. What am i suppose to do? I trying to get better at walking. I want to run!
    Your boyfriend is right. You need to apologize not because you don't want them coming with you but if they feel you "basically said her kids are too fat to exercise", they are offended. Unless you wanted to offend them, you need to apologize WITHOUT the "if I offended you" condition.

    If you don't want them to join you, that is your business. If you care about the kids and want them to exercise with you, adjust your pace for them. Eventually, they will get in better shape and move faster. In the mean while, be patient and SLOW DOWN.

    At least you have the empathy to start this thread and question your actions.
  • ethansmug
    ethansmug Posts: 159 Member
    Race them to a predetermined finish line and whoever wins gets a dozen powdered donuts, that should motivate them =P
  • ironanimal
    ironanimal Posts: 5,922 Member
    Look her in the eye and point to the two appendages attached below her belly button. Tell her those are for walking her own fuccing kids.
  • lorettaasmith
    lorettaasmith Posts: 418 Member
    I encourage my 17 year old daughter to exercise with me, but she doesn't like to run. SO, when she is home and willing, I walk with her, and then run when she's done. The extra exercise doesn't hurt me!
  • AmyFett
    AmyFett Posts: 1,607 Member
    maybe your boyfriend should take them
  • slkehl
    slkehl Posts: 3,801 Member
    I used to get my super fit ex to go for a run before he picked me up so we could go together. That way we both got a decent workout in that worked with our different fitness levels.

    You could try walking by yourself first and circling back to come pick them up?

    Good idea!
  • Martina_Who
    Martina_Who Posts: 172 Member
    Agree, try seperate walks :)
  • Martina_Who
    Martina_Who Posts: 172 Member
    I walk an avg speed of 7mph..little over 4 miles in 54 mins..pretty brisk walk..

    Ahm bit confused here at this!!

    If you walk at 7mph then you sholuld be doing 7miles in 60mins not 4miles in 54mins
    Thats about an average of 4mph not 7mph!!
  • Kalraii
    Kalraii Posts: 89
    The idea about you doing your initial exercise alone then picking them up towards the end is a great one. You can always say you are training to do a marathon in the future but you can cater for the kids too. But I personally know I can't 100% concentrate on myself when being hassled - even by dogs on the leash. Do the main bulk of it alone then pick them up after! Definitely a good one! Best of luck! :smile:
  • sunshine_gem
    sunshine_gem Posts: 390 Member
    All the other suggestions are great and can be done but I fail to see why it's your job. Their parents need to take some responsibility for their own kids and quite frankly, if at 11 and 12 they're 180 and 190lbs then they are fat. It's that simple. Their mothers can hate it all they want but those are the facts. I do understand it's a complicated situation you're in. No matter what you say you're probably going to offend someone and it's difficult to see what the best option is. I just don't think you should have to compromise your own workout to accommodate someone else's kids. The parents need to look at their own behaviour. This all may sounds really harsh, but losing weight and getting fit is hard enough as it is without having to fight other people's battles.
  • ElizabethRoad
    ElizabethRoad Posts: 5,138 Member
    I walk an avg speed of 7mph..little over 4 miles in 54 mins..pretty brisk walk..

    Ahm bit confused here at this!!

    If you walk at 7mph then you sholuld be doing 7miles in 60mins not 4miles in 54mins
    Thats about an average of 4mph not 7mph!!
    She goes really fast for the last 6 minutes.
  • GauchoMark
    GauchoMark Posts: 1,804 Member
    chances are... the mom will not help.

    If it was anyone else besides a couple of kids, I'd say tough luck. HOWEVER, they are MORBIDLY obese at ages 11 and 12. IF no one takes time for them to teach them how to eat and exercise, they are going to be in even worse shape later. It also sounds like you might be their only role model in that area. As an adult, you have a responsibility to teach them and if they are willing to exercise with you, then you need to take time for them. If that means slowing your own weight loss by a fraction for a few months until they can build the stamina to hang with you, then so be it.

    Otherwise, take separate walks, but you have to help them.

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