Insecure

k900
k900 Posts: 140 Member
in Motivation and Support
I am 5'8 and 162 - 163 right now. My goal is 155 but i also want to tone up. I have not worn shorts in several years because of how insecure i am. Bathing suits scare the hell out of me and i haven't worn one of those since i was about 12 (i am 22). I have fair skin and i also have some stretch marks on my legs and that's why i am so insecure. I do not feel comfortable in my own skin. I try to wear hoodies as often as i can even when it's warm outside. Just wearing a t-shirt and jeans isn't easy for me. Hoodies are like my security blanket i can hide under.

It doesn't matter how many times people tell me i look fine or i have nothing to be insecure about i still am. I absolutely hate summer. I love winter because of being able to cover up. I don't want to be like this. I want to be able to wear shorts and a bathing suit without having a breakdown worrying about what other people are thinking. I would like to be able to show off my legs a little but i am too scared to try.

I don't know how to make this feeling go away.

Replies

  • p0kers0ph
    p0kers0ph Posts: 250 Member
    I'm definitely insecure. I've lost 62lbs, but I'm not happy with the way I look by a long shot!
    I haven't worn shorts, or a bathing suit since I was a child either, so you're not alone there.

    I am just trying to work on getting in more exercise and making myself feel better that way, getting stronger, fitter, and hopefully as time goes on the confidence will come.

    It's also difficult in my case because I think I still see myself how I was when I was 62lbs heavier, it's hard to change your mindset.
  • yaddayaddayadda
    yaddayaddayadda Posts: 430 Member
    If it helps... we're all insecure about something. The first thing you need to do is to realize that your insecurity is based on your self image, and your internal conversation. You need to change what you are saying to yourself about yourself. You are hardest on yourself, and if you start to think that others think of you in that negative way, it can be damaging to your self esteem. If this is happening to you, I would encourage you to seek counseling. Counseling has really helped me to become more satisfied with myself, and generally more happy with life.

    You can change the way you treat yourself:wink:
  • trophywife24
    trophywife24 Posts: 1,472 Member
    One thing that I have realized as I've been bettering myself is that other people are far more focused on their own insecurities to pick out others. We're all worrying about what we look like, and probably don't pay attention to other people as much as other people think they're being paid attention to. Does that make sense? I haven't had my tea yet. ;)
  • k900
    k900 Posts: 140 Member
    If it helps... we're all insecure about something. The first thing you need to do is to realize that your insecurity is based on your self image, and your internal conversation. You need to change what you are saying to yourself about yourself. You are hardest on yourself, and if you start to think that others think of you in that negative way, it can be damaging to your self esteem. If this is happening to you, I would encourage you to seek counseling. Counseling has really helped me to become more satisfied with myself, and generally more happy with life.

    You can change the way you treat yourself:wink:

    I have thought about trying counseling but i am just not comfortable around people i don't know and i probably wouldn't say much.
  • k900
    k900 Posts: 140 Member
    One thing that I have realized as I've been bettering myself is that other people are far more focused on their own insecurities to pick out others. We're all worrying about what we look like, and probably don't pay attention to other people as much as other people think they're being paid attention to. Does that make sense? I haven't had my tea yet. ;)

    That is true. I have never walked passed someone and judged them based on their weight or if they had stretch marks or anything like that. I am too busy worrying what they think of me.
  • hdsqrl
    hdsqrl Posts: 420 Member
    I highly recommend finding a pin-up photographer or something similar in your area. The one I went to did makeup, hair, and had all kinds of clothes I could try on - she worked with me to find my best angles, etc. The end result? Photos that are definitely a boost to the old confidence meter! It's scary walking in there, but you'll be flying high when you leave. :)
  • k900
    k900 Posts: 140 Member
    I'm definitely insecure. I've lost 62lbs, but I'm not happy with the way I look by a long shot!
    I haven't worn shorts, or a bathing suit since I was a child either, so you're not alone there.

    I am just trying to work on getting in more exercise and making myself feel better that way, getting stronger, fitter, and hopefully as time goes on the confidence will come.

    It's also difficult in my case because I think I still see myself how I was when I was 62lbs heavier, it's hard to change your mindset.

    Congratulations on the weight loss. Yeah hopefully it will come in time.
  • k900
    k900 Posts: 140 Member
    I highly recommend finding a pin-up photographer or something similar in your area. The one I went to did makeup, hair, and had all kinds of clothes I could try on - she worked with me to find my best angles, etc. The end result? Photos that are definitely a boost to the old confidence meter! It's scary walking in there, but you'll be flying high when you leave. :)

    I hate having my picture taken. The last picture family members have of me is when i was 12. I'm 22 now. I wouldn't even let my ex boyfriend take pics of me or us together.

    It's good it worked for you though. =)
  • leenie96
    leenie96 Posts: 65
    I heard this quote recently and it highly resonated with me, hope it helps you:

    "Self-image is a self-portrait in the gallery of your mind"
  • Nikiki
    Nikiki Posts: 993
    One thing that I have realized as I've been bettering myself is that other people are far more focused on their own insecurities to pick out others. We're all worrying about what we look like, and probably don't pay attention to other people as much as other people think they're being paid attention to. Does that make sense? I haven't had my tea yet. ;)

    This ^^

    I just bought my first pair of shorts a couple month ago and last week got another pair. I'm not happy with my legs yet and some days I take them right back off and get jeans. I just decided that life is too short to be worried about what people think of my pasty pale stretch marked legs!!! Granted my shorts come down almost to my knees so most of that is covered but the paleness is out there blinding people ;)

    I can say fit is very important, when I walk into target to look for cheap shorts I have to walk past dozens of low rise short shorts that would look awful on me and id feel like a blimp in to get to the normal rise longer shorts. Don't feel like you have to wear the short shorts! Get what you feel ok in and go out in that a few times. You'll realize pretty quick that people aren't judging you and you'll relax about it.
  • k900
    k900 Posts: 140 Member
    One thing that I have realized as I've been bettering myself is that other people are far more focused on their own insecurities to pick out others. We're all worrying about what we look like, and probably don't pay attention to other people as much as other people think they're being paid attention to. Does that make sense? I haven't had my tea yet. ;)

    This ^^

    I just bought my first pair of shorts a couple month ago and last week got another pair. I'm not happy with my legs yet and some days I take them right back off and get jeans. I just decided that life is too short to be worried about what people think of my pasty pale stretch marked legs!!! Granted my shorts come down almost to my knees so most of that is covered but the paleness is out there blinding people ;)

    I can say fit is very important, when I walk into target to look for cheap shorts I have to walk past dozens of low rise short shorts that would look awful on me and id feel like a blimp in to get to the normal rise longer shorts. Don't feel like you have to wear the short shorts! Get what you feel ok in and go out in that a few times. You'll realize pretty quick that people aren't judging you and you'll relax about it.

    I feel like i blind people with my skin tone too. ;) I want to be able to wear the short shorts. I feel like the longer ones wouldn't look right on me either but it's worth giving it a shot. I also thought about trying skirts because they can be more flowy instead of figure hugging.
  • Nikiki
    Nikiki Posts: 993

    I feel like i blind people with my skin tone too. ;) I want to be able to wear the short shorts. I feel like the longer ones wouldn't look right on me either but it's worth giving it a shot. I also thought about trying skirts because they can be more flowy instead of figure hugging.

    Well longer shorts don't look as great as the shorter ones but they look ok, definitely look t skirts too I love skirts and dresses!
  • lizziem90
    lizziem90 Posts: 22
    Well I used to be like that but then i had this major idea ..... well if i could get naked and have a boudoir photo shoot (not seedy it cost me a grand english pounds) why couldn't i wear more revealing clothes so guess what i did i booked the shoot. I bought the pics and loved them. Don't get me wrong I was nervous as hell but sometimes it takes jumping in at the deep end to get through feeling how u do. Bit extreme and I know most people wouldnt do that but its food for thought on what pushes you. I also used to be shy so I booked to go volunteering in sri lanka and then went travelling by myself in oz now I feel much more confident speaking to a total stranger.
  • brittany17love
    brittany17love Posts: 66 Member
    You just have to start loving what you see in the mirror, or let negative thoughts motivate you. I would literally pass out if I wore a hoodie in the summertime. I remember a time back in 7th grade I went through this phase. But, I would wear long sleeves in summer and thick pants and people would laugh at me.

    I would start wearing shorts more often around the house and it will probably make you comfortable in your own skin. Try and go clothes shopping and expand your wardrobe. I like you love winter and hate summer (I can't stand heat it makes me sick). I can't wait until winter comes around again (:
  • casperuk
    casperuk Posts: 195 Member
    Just get out there and look fabulous.

    Bollocks to what anyone else thinks. If they dont like you or the way you look well that's their own little problem
  • leserpent
    leserpent Posts: 27 Member
    if it helps, people don't generally care about what you look like. they will judge you on first impressions but beyond those first 10 seconds, looks do not matter. regardless of how much you weigh or what you look like, everyone has something to be insecure about. nobody is perfect but the happiest people are those who are happy with themselves. life is too short to be trapped by your own mind. xo
  • knowwhentoshutup
    knowwhentoshutup Posts: 318 Member
    The best advice I have is, fake it until you make it (with confidence, that is). Everybody has things they don't like about their bodies, but try not to obsess and, others won't even notice.

    Get a healthy body image, and focus on the things you do like.
  • Josie_lifting_cats
    Josie_lifting_cats Posts: 949 Member
    I recommend going to the store and trying on a bunch of stuff that you never would normally try on. You may shock yourself.... and for me, the surprise in how I looked was all I needed to decrease the insecurity a bit. (It's certainly not gone completely though!)
  • pen2u
    pen2u Posts: 224 Member
    Life is too short, no pun intended. I spent most of mine (I just turned 60) feeling the way you do. Please don't waste these glorious years hiding away! You are actively working on improving your looks - if that's not good enough for anyone, too bad. Dress the bod you have now, as they say on What Not To Wear. Be brave, wear shorts one time and see that the world doesn't come to an end. The first time I put on a sleeveless top I was very self-conscious. Now I wear them all the time, proudly. Yup, I've still got a little flab flappin,' come on I'm 60 years old. But, I'm way more fit this year than last and I'm enjoying it.

    Trust me, time's a-wasting, little missy...get out there!!!
  • BlackPup
    BlackPup Posts: 242 Member
    As lots of people have said no one is really paying thatuch attention to anyone else so don't let other peoples opinion matter. I have pale legs too but I like to feel comfortable so I often wear shorter clothes in summer though I usually hide my thighs because they are flabby and a bit stretch marked. Maybe start with small steps like wearing 3/4 length pants and then go from there.

    I also agree with the fake it till you make it cent about confidence - this is very true.

    Good luck I hope you can become a lot more comfortable in your own skin.
  • misslovely51
    misslovely51 Posts: 9
    I still see myself as heavier too when everyone else is telll
    ing me how great I look! i guess it's a process
  • misslovely51
    misslovely51 Posts: 9
    yes it does, lol
  • PunkyRachel
    PunkyRachel Posts: 1,959 Member
    I was the same way! I am 277 now, I've been overweight since high school. I used to not do much of anything, because I was scared of my own shadow, so to speak. Nervous about what people thought about my appearance, scared to talk to people, in fear they might not like what I say. I still struggle with the talking, but it's not nearly as bad. I finally said F*K IT! a few years back. I stopped wearing dull dark colors, jeans and long sleeves in the summer. I love bright colors now and I've always loved dresses, but now I will show a little leg or arm, instead of buying only floor length lol. I'm more active than I have ever been. I'm still not comfortable in large groups, but I suck it up and deal. I go to a zumba class now, I don't talk to anyone, I just do the moves and ignore everyone and pretend I'm the only one in the room. That helps me alot! I still self conscious of my stretch marks, but I try not to focus on my flaws and just have a good time.
  • yaddayaddayadda
    yaddayaddayadda Posts: 430 Member
    If it helps... we're all insecure about something. The first thing you need to do is to realize that your insecurity is based on your self image, and your internal conversation. You need to change what you are saying to yourself about yourself. You are hardest on yourself, and if you start to think that others think of you in that negative way, it can be damaging to your self esteem. If this is happening to you, I would encourage you to seek counseling. Counseling has really helped me to become more satisfied with myself, and generally more happy with life.

    You can change the way you treat yourself:wink:

    I have thought about trying counseling but i am just not comfortable around people i don't know and i probably wouldn't say much.

    You don't need to worry about that... a good counselor asks questions and helps you to look inward. I highly recommend counseling for anyone. We all go through difficult times and have issues. I have been able to work through my stuff with the help of an excellent counselor, and it has been well worth putting myself out there. That said, you must do what works best for you. Good luck with the journey.
    '
    Be nice to yourself:-)
  • lovelyworld
    lovelyworld Posts: 30 Member
    I feel very similar to how you've described, especially with stretch marks on my arms, legs, and it is hard. All I have to say is just remember that most girls do have stretch marks and wearing black tights slims my legs and makes me feel much more confident when I'm wearing skirts/dresses. I stay away from shorts haha - they cut my legs off in the worst of ways. Good luck :)
  • Guines9
    Guines9 Posts: 137
    Work out in a gym concentrating on your legs and in about three months you will have great Legs!
  • GaidenJade
    GaidenJade Posts: 171
    I completely get where you are coming from. I actually think of myself as paranoid. Because when I go out, I hear people laugh, especially girls my age or younger and I instantly think they are laughing at me. Sounds crazy I know, but I fight this sort of thing all the time. I think, people are always looking at me, judging me. Thing is, I am beginning to realize they don't care at all. People are self absorbed, they look at themselves and care less about what other people look like or dress like.

    At my starting weight of 230 lbs and 5'10" I felt like a giant, that if I breathed wrong I would knock things over and that I didn't belong in this world of tiny people. 17 lbs down I am starting to feel better in that area but my paranoia is still there (but it is getting better).

    Anyway, I told you all that crap about me because I wanted to point this out.

    Baby steps is the key. If you can't talk to someone like a counselor, I would try doing little things to help. Go to a park or somewhere where there aren't many people around, but there has to be some....you wearing shorts. Long shorts is fine, I don't wear anything but long shorts anyway. A half hour of walking or shopping or whatever then go home if you must and change. But spend this time watching other people. Watch how they interact with other people. Observe if they are scrutinizing others. I'll bet you they aren't.

    School often gets us in this defensive mode, thinking that mind set of making fun of others will continue forever. But it doesn't. It's all you. You choose to be scared or paranoid.

    You can choose to fight it, one step at a time.

    Good luck :flowerforyou:
  • britfout
    britfout Posts: 86 Member
    My best friend was like this all through jr high and high school... She was also bulimic it was really horrible for her. She didn't see what everyone else saw that she was so beautiful inside and out. We almost never see ourselves how we really look and we are our own biggest critic. Please go easier on yourself, idk what happened with my best friend but she doesn't hide behind hoodies anymore. Maybe something just clicked for her, don't waste your life hating yourself. You will be yourself for the rest of your life so you better learn to love it!!! Good luck!
  • PunkyRachel
    PunkyRachel Posts: 1,959 Member
    If it helps... we're all insecure about something. The first thing you need to do is to realize that your insecurity is based on your self image, and your internal conversation. You need to change what you are saying to yourself about yourself. You are hardest on yourself, and if you start to think that others think of you in that negative way, it can be damaging to your self esteem. If this is happening to you, I would encourage you to seek counseling. Counseling has really helped me to become more satisfied with myself, and generally more happy with life.

    You can change the way you treat yourself:wink:

    I have thought about trying counseling but i am just not comfortable around people i don't know and i probably wouldn't say much.

    You don't need to worry about that... a good counselor asks questions and helps you to look inward. I highly recommend counseling for anyone. We all go through difficult times and have issues. I have been able to work through my stuff with the help of an excellent counselor, and it has been well worth putting myself out there. That said, you must do what works best for you. Good luck with the journey.
    '
    Be nice to yourself:-)

    That's awesome, that counseling help you. I personally will never recommend it. I have been told, over and over, you should see a counselor, for various things in my life. I refuse because I had bad experiences with the 2 I did see as a teen. The 1st one called me a liar, when I was telling the truth, she just refused to believe me. The second one tried to tell me who I can and can't be friends with, and that pissed me off. So yea, I guess I just found the crappy ones.

    Sweetie, the best thing I can say is you just gotta love yourself in order to be able to show more skin off. I still have ways to go, 55 pounds left. I see the results in the mirror and I get so happy and excited and just want to show it off. This year the 1st year I haven't had a farmers tan, cause I'm in shorts/skirts and a tank non-stop!

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