hurtful comments = motivation?

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  • jcmartin0313
    jcmartin0313 Posts: 574 Member
    does anyone find that hurtful comments make them more motivated?
    No it would be the opposite for me. I would think no oneis going to tell me that, so Id go eat what i wanted, I dont do it for anyone but me and thats it.

    Hazel...let me do the opposite then...you are one smokin hot lady!!
  • Arperjen
    Arperjen Posts: 108 Member
    A long time ago the comments were hurtful (whether intentionally that way or not), but they never did me any good. I've grown a thicker skin over the last 10 years (figuratively AND literally), so the rare times a comment is made to me, I've had to train myself to turn on the "prove them wrong" switch. I come from a childhood of snide comments, backstabbers, and outright liars; it's taken me years to change my mindset and realize that I DO have value, that I am worth the effort. Yes, I still fall victim to the overwhelm sometimes, but I'm human. Just like binge days, you have to get up, dust yourself off, and keep going toward your goal.

    These days, I don't care too much what people think of me physically, nor do I care if they have seen progress or not. That little petty part of me that says "Ha ha, told you so" is aimed and ready come goal day. ;P

    This is a personal change for me, I'm not doing this for anyone else, and the only one I let in on it is my husband - and he's incredibly supportive of me. That's all I need.
  • weighlossforbaby
    weighlossforbaby Posts: 847 Member
    A long time ago the comments were hurtful (whether intentionally that way or not), but they never did me any good. I've grown a thicker skin over the last 10 years (figuratively AND literally), so the rare times a comment is made to me, I've had to train myself to turn on the "prove them wrong" switch. I come from a childhood of snide comments, backstabbers, and outright liars; it's taken me years to change my mindset and realize that I DO have value, that I am worth the effort. Yes, I still fall victim to the overwhelm sometimes, but I'm human. Just like binge days, you have to get up, dust yourself off, and keep going toward your goal.

    These days, I don't care too much what people think of me physically, nor do I care if they have seen progress or not. That little petty part of me that says "Ha ha, told you so" is aimed and ready come goal day. ;P

    This is a personal change for me, I'm not doing this for anyone else, and the only one I let in on it is my husband - and he's incredibly supportive of me. That's all I need.

    My husband is supportive too!!!! :happy:
  • celebrity328
    celebrity328 Posts: 377 Member
    The only thing that really hurt me was when I started a gym and my trainer accused me of sneakying food. I was so angry/hurt (wasnt true!) That I set out to prove her wrong :) to date I have lost 48 Lbs without stepping back in that gym! Best pay back was when I saw her in the store about a month ago and was like BAM what now ;D! She was shocked didnt have anything to say!

    So yes It really motivated me! and continues to motivate me but what she thinks really doesnt matter to me
    The look on her face was p r i c e l e s s!
  • winddancer57
    winddancer57 Posts: 9 Member
    When someone tells me I can't do it,then I feel a strong challenge to show that they are wrong,done it many times
  • enewsome2
    enewsome2 Posts: 355 Member
    Yes, and no.

    I've had some people say rude things to me about my weight, but now I don't really care. The only person I care about is my own inner voice. No one has to tell me if my body is good or not but me. Otherwise, no amount of criticism could keep me going as hard as I am.

    That being said. Whenever I see someone who has insulted me in the past, it does secretly make me happy that now they're wrong! HA!
  • AmyFett
    AmyFett Posts: 1,607 Member
    it would honestly just kind of make me think people were *kitten*. It's not like I don't know I'm fat. I'm working on losing it, people should be supportive, but if it were negative comments on a site like this or something, I'd just removed the friend from my list and ignore it.
  • PunkyRachel
    PunkyRachel Posts: 1,959 Member
    I "try" not to let it phase me. My brother has called me fatty for years, tell me I'll always be a fatty, no matter what I do. My dad says I need to lose weight,(he's always been slender) but yet, refuses to eat my healthy food. :noway: My mom now tells me I'm neglecting my husband because I spend too much time exercising. :grumble: I also lost my best friend of 23 years, because she's pissing I'm losing weight. She barely talks to me or whats to see me anymore.

    Well, I'm setting out to prove them all wrong, I will be a healthy skinny, beautiful and fit lady, someday. No one can stop me!!!
  • julialla
    julialla Posts: 232 Member
    Oh YES..........I hate to say this or even admit it. But a very (drunk) guy at a party told me that I'm "hot" but would be "so much hotter" if I lost a few pounds and got in shape. And then another guy friend on mine....told me the same thing. Ouch ouch ouch. So, yes, when I want to quit, I think about their comments........Important to say though, I'm not doing this for them! But for me, my health and fitness!
  • DrowningMermaid
    DrowningMermaid Posts: 143
    it hasn't happened in a long time, but when I do get hurtful or negative comments, I use them. I get angry and take that anger out on my workout. I think about it more, which fuels me further. Sure, it still hurts but in the end maybe it'll do me a little better when I'm hot.
  • weighlossforbaby
    weighlossforbaby Posts: 847 Member
    I "try" not to let it phase me. My brother has called me fatty for years, tell me I'll always be a fatty, no matter what I do. My dad says I need to lose weight,(he's always been slender) but yet, refuses to eat my healthy food. :noway: My mom now tells me I'm neglecting my husband because I spend too much time exercising. :grumble: I also lost my best friend of 23 years, because she's pissing I'm losing weight. She barely talks to me or whats to see me anymore.

    Well, I'm setting out to prove them all wrong, I will be a healthy skinny, beautiful and fit lady, someday. No one can stop me!!!

    Wow, it seems like you can't win with any of them. I am proud of you for doing this to get healthy! :flowerforyou:
  • verptwerp
    verptwerp Posts: 3,628 Member
    ...... to "PIINCHI"

    you said " I was dating a guy who one night while cuddling on the couch, pinched my stomach skin and said "babe you're so perfect, if you just lost a couple more inches from your stomach..."

    I hope you said back to him ..... "babe, you're so perfect, if you'd only get a brain ...." :drinker:
  • prairiewalker
    prairiewalker Posts: 184 Member
    yes and no...it's a very complicated and delicate situation...there's a more important question lurking behind your question....search your soul and be true to yourself...you'll find the answers...
  • PunkyRachel
    PunkyRachel Posts: 1,959 Member
    I "try" not to let it phase me. My brother has called me fatty for years, tell me I'll always be a fatty, no matter what I do. My dad says I need to lose weight,(he's always been slender) but yet, refuses to eat my healthy food. :noway: My mom now tells me I'm neglecting my husband because I spend too much time exercising. :grumble: I also lost my best friend of 23 years, because she's pissing I'm losing weight. She barely talks to me or whats to see me anymore.

    Well, I'm setting out to prove them all wrong, I will be a healthy skinny, beautiful and fit lady, someday. No one can stop me!!!

    Wow, it seems like you can't win with any of them. I am proud of you for doing this to get healthy! :flowerforyou:

    Yep, I feel like it sometimes. Thankfully my husband is the complete opposite of my family. I feel like he's my only support outside of MFP. He is awesome, he fell in love with me at my highest weight, and he knows I'm doing this for me and not him. He does nothing but praise me. Where everyone else just hates on me.
  • tammyandzach
    tammyandzach Posts: 922 Member
    One of the things that actually kicked me in the butt the most was that the midwife told me she was having a hard time finding the heartbeat because I had too many fat layers. Never again.
  • Fitnus
    Fitnus Posts: 1
    You MIL is jealous that you married her son, as twisted as that sounds. People that have to criticize others do so in order to make them feel superior. I'm 60 years old and even though I don't always agree with what my kids do in life health or otherwise, I keep it to my self it only causes insecurity in them and whatever else that may push their buttons. You weigh 130 lbs. unless you are a little person, it doesn't sound like you are overweight by much. Consider the source and ask your husband to maybe talk with her and let her know he thinks you are great! He may want to mention that the snide remarks are not nice and maybe if she can be nice, don't say anything at all or you won't come to visit. You are now his immediate family and he should protect you.
  • lilpoindexter
    lilpoindexter Posts: 1,122 Member
    No...but no one says anything to men...we are more accepted as fat people then women. If some stranger said something to me, I'm not sure what I would think...I damn sure wouldn't be motivated...When a family member's son was about 12 he called me "shrek"...I wasn't offended...but perhaps I thought I needed to be in better shape. I didn't start working out at that time, however.
  • prairiedawg2014
    prairiedawg2014 Posts: 367
    do not let hurtful comments motivate you!! if you truly want to lose weight...do it for yourself, not because people say hurtful things to try and get you motivated. i used to do that, but after dieting for a few weeks i would forget the comments that motivated me, or i would give up and think....f**k you. now i have lost the weight without anyone pushin me to......i did it for myself. thats what you need to do.....do it for yourself! good luck, i wish you much success.
  • yelpat
    yelpat Posts: 414 Member
    I think truly hurtful comments are inappropriate and not useful. However, hard but honest criticism is sometimes needed. I have seen far too many MFPrs seeking quick solutions to a problem that cannot be solved quickly.

    I agree
  • marie_cressman
    marie_cressman Posts: 980 Member
    i've been trying to use them as fuel. my mom is kind of... a *kitten*? LOL she likes to make comments about the way i look (not just me though... i think she does it to all my sisters, but she's meaner to me). she will tell her friends "marie looks great!" but when it's just us she tells me to have my extra skin cut off (i have excess from the weight loss and having kids...). once she told me i looked fat. gee, thanks mom. i had only dropped 100lbs at that point. i guess it wasn't good enough? psh...whatever woman. LOL

    what's more encouraging to me is hearing the positive. i have a decent group of people following my weight loss/fitness efforts via facebook (old friends, family, etc) and their comments and encouragement mean so much to me.
  • PunkyRachel
    PunkyRachel Posts: 1,959 Member
    Nope... sorry. I was married 16 years married to a man that always put me down, I could never ever lose the weight despite really wanting to please him. Now that he is no longer in my life, I am finally finding ample motivation of my own... the positive, self-loving kind! :wink:

    Wow! That's horrible, but I'm glad you got away from him. No one deserves that treatment! I was/is put down nonstop by family. It really f*cked me up, being told all the time by my parents I'm no good, I need to be more like my perfect brother and nothing I ever did was worthy of their love. It was why I had tried to kill myself twice before meeting my husband, and I met him at 17. I fell for my husband because he was the 1st person to ever respect me and was kind to me and told me I was beautiful even at my fattest. He still does nothing but spoil me with love and kindness. I'm blessed to have him, he changed my life!
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