Diving into the community! :D

Hi all,

I have been using MFP for a few weeks now and like the site very much! It's been easy for me to use to track my calories, without having to monitor a million other doodads like on some other sites, lol. Since I feel very serious in pursuing my goals (want so much to get out of the 2--'s this year >_<) I decided I should quit being a scaredy and see how the forums are like, because it is greatly comforting to know so many others are going through the same things, in pursuit of the same goal!

This has been a year of great change for me. More than portion control or cravings, my greatest form of self-sabotage has often been my own emotions. I have always sought the least-confrontation routes to dealing with things in my life and bottled my feelings. I stayed devoted to bad situations that only brought me down and made me very feel depressed, which had incredibly hampered any progress towards accomplishments I had been trying to make in my life. I decided that this year would be the year that my life would change and that instead of hoping and wishing for something good to happen, I would push past the fear and make it happen!

That first step was the hardest, but now I am amazed at what an effective prison my own fear and self-doubt was! Today I completed registration for college and am looking forward to starting classes next month. I am even working up the courage to attend events which I think would be fun and I think my self-esteem is improving, because I can look at myself in photos and just see myself, a person of value, whereas before, I couldn't look at myself at all and my unhappiness with my own appearance would drive me to tears and emotional upsets would propel me into bouts of bingeing. It was difficult and marked with lots of starts and stops, but I think I have effectively learned to channel my bingeing urges into writing or otherwise expressing what was within. It has been very therapeutic for me and I found I was able to capture those feelings and let them go without having to sabotage myself again. It has also become easier for me to communicate with others and today I kept up eye contact with my academic counselor instead of staring at the wood grain pattern on his desk, lol. I was so proud of myself!

I really do think things will only get better from here. I have a long way to go towards my goal, but I look forward to it (ooh, a challenge!) and with the support of this community, I think I really will be able to accomplish the healthy lifestyle that I would like for myself. ^_^

Pleased to meet you, everyone! =D