The Ex Coming for a Visit

Options
2»

Replies

  • leannems
    leannems Posts: 516 Member
    Options
    You and your current husband should determine what you are and are not comfortable with. You seem to have decided that you are comfortable with grandma staying, but not necessarily your ex. If you're not comfortable with him staying over, then you shouldn't do it. It won't help your son to see his biological father if the environment is tense.

    Once you decide what you and your current husband are comfortable with, then you can address your son accordingly. You are making time for him to see his son, you have included his mother in the process when you weren't required to. You've really gone above and beyond; asking him to find a hotel for a few days and drive 30 minutes a day is not too much to keep the peace of your home. And if grandma is worried about him getting lose, then she can stay with her son and help him get there. I think its unreasonable to ask you to house your ex if you are not comfortable with it.
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
    Options
    Why would you invite somebody who doesn't like (is uncomfortable with -- whatever) your husband and one of your children? I think the ex's mother should do a better job to understand that is not a healthy situation for anyone.

    Yes, your ex will ideally be involved in his child's life -- but he has been gone for 3 years. BAM! now you have two dads is a LOT to ask a kid to process -- especially with transitioning back into school on top of it. I would tell them that maybe a trip later on, after dad has gotten himself settled and they've actually saved money to make this trip makes the most sense -- NOT what they are proposing.
  • babigurl86
    babigurl86 Posts: 138
    Options
    i know you want to be fair and for everyone to be happy (i've been in a very similar situation) however you need to put your husbands comfort first,yes, it'll be hard or your ex to travel but your home should not be an option,its been a long time since he has seen his child but that's his own fault. this 1st visit sets the bar for the future,he may be unhappy that you have a new husband and child but he needs to respect that and find somewhere else to stay,he will only respect your husband and new life as much you do xxx
  • lizziebeth1028
    lizziebeth1028 Posts: 3,602 Member
    Options
    It's not up to you to figure out what to do. It's his responsibility to figure out his lodging and transportation. If he doesn't have the money, that's a consequence of his own actions.

    ^^^Yea this is my feeling too. He's free to visit his son but it's his responsibility to work out the details!! The MOST I would offer him is to pitch a tent in the yard. And I think his Mother is taking advantage of the fact you and her have a close relationship. She should realize it's awkward to stay at your house with her son. She may have done so in the past and that's lovely of you to open up your home....but things are different now. They need to book a hotel room even if it's 30 miles away...it's not that far for godsake!
  • MrsLVF
    MrsLVF Posts: 787 Member
    Options
    He is not your problem anymore. Your ex & his mom need to get a hotel room and a map. If they can't afford it they should wait until they have the money. Until then use Skype!
  • bsix3
    bsix3 Posts: 291
    Options
    It's his responsibility, not yours. You're thinking with your heart and feeling sorry for him. I wouldn't suggest compromising your husbands comfort for that...especially in his own house.
  • verptwerp
    verptwerp Posts: 3,659 Member
    Options
    My two cents .....

    Sounds like an awful, awful idea ...... this time & every possible time in the future ......

    You do not have to be a people-pleaser ...... just say no !
  • CAW210
    CAW210 Posts: 73
    Options
    As far as the grandma, she is very welcome in our home....my new husband adores her due to the fact she treats our child better than his own parents do. But I do agree with you all.....thanks for your advice!

Categories