Trying to lose weight but feeling like a bad wife/mom
got2gethealthy
Posts: 16 Member
I am around 150 pounds overweight. I have lost 49 lbs since the middle of April and have hit a plateau. I am a food addict. I have cut all wheat and dairy out of my diet and have been trying to lose weight eating healthy food. The problem is that I have a husband and 3 boys (none of them have a weight problem) who like to and of course need to eat. Right now I am having a really hard time cooking food. I feel like I am tempted and triggered when I am cooking and I have been avoiding cooking. I will make them easy stuff that I can just pop in the oven from the freezer or I will even buy them fast food or order pizza Tonight my husband complained that I don't cook for them anymore. I tried to explain to him that it is hard for me and that I feel like I need a break from cooking because I don't want to eat certain foods and that they don't want to eat anything healthy that I would cook for them. He asked me if I was weak and if that is why I couldn't cook. I told him that yes I do feel weak. I don't want to feel like a bad wife and mom because I am not cooking for my family but I also really don't feel like I can cook for them without eating the foods that I am cooking I don't know what to do. Can anybody give me some advice?
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Replies
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Cook the healthy foods. If they don't like it, they do not have to eat it. It doesn't really make sense to focus on health for yourself, but still suggest that your family chooses unhealthy options. And as hard as it is, try to quit feeling guilty. You have to be healthy to be the best you, mom, and wife. Know that you are not "fighting temptation." Your body wants to be healthy and strong! Congraulations on your loss so far!0
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You can still cook, just make healthier versions of the foods they like...in the process of making yourself healthy, you don't want to make them unhealthy, right? Also, get them to help you cook. You're not a bad wife of mom, you can do this!0
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I would try to either cook something healthy that still tastes good for everyone or eat the same as them but more veggies less of the other stuff to keep under on calories. Meet in the middle. Healthy meals my husband and son love:
Turkey meatloaf with cauiflower mashed potatoes
Lean steak, pepper and onion stuffed baked potato
Apricot chicken stuffed peppers
Slow cooker pulled buffalo chicken
Just to name a few. Google ideas, try skinnytaste or sneakychef. You already know it is not right to give your hubby and kids unhealthy food to help you eat healthy. Even if they do not have a weight issue they could later, or get high cholesteral blood pressure etv.one last suggestion if you really really can not all eat the same meal, one or t two days a week make all their dinners so you dont have to face the issue every day. If you are not handling raw meat you could keep a snack near by so you can munch on something.0 -
I am a mother/wife of 3 boys and a hubby that can eat anything and not gain a lb, I use to be in the same boat. I decided that what I cooked is what everyone ate. I am not a health freak, I just try to cook good healthy meals for entire family, and they actually enjoy it. It's hard sometimes, but you can do it. For me, to be able to lose the weight and eat healthy, I needed the support of my family and thus far, they have been there for me. I sometimes would cook things up ahead of time like (boneless skinless chicken breast) because I love salad topped with chicken!! Good Luck!!!0
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Make your health the priority. If you're healthy, it's SO much better for the entire family in the long run. You're being a good wife/mom, not a bad one, by taking care of yourself because then you can take better care of them.0
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What we do is a 50/50 split for our kids. 3 or 4 days a week they eat what we eat (chicken and veggies) and 3 or 4 days a week we cook them something they would like. Yeah, it's tough at times, but we all have to learn at some point to fight those urges to eat that food.0
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Can't your husband cook??
Get a grill, men generally like to grill. Tell him to have at it.0 -
don't feel guilty. a good mom is one that sets a good example and you trying to be healthier is a great example for them. If your husband is hungry enough he'll eventually make it himself ( there is no law that the wife/mom has to do the cooking). hang in there.0
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Why can't the man cook? I know several men who cook even though they work outside the home and have wives who do not. That said, you are doing the best thing in the world for your family--the health problems that come from being very heavy can really affect the family. Don't let them guilt you into abandoning your health and your well being.0
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Can't your husband cook??
Get a grill, men generally like to grill. Tell him to have at it.
This!! Just because he has a stick and berries doesn't mean he can't cook! My wife and I share cooking duties. So if he doesn't like what you made, give him a pan and say "have at it sport"!
Oh wow...I realize I sound like a middle aged woman. Darn, I guess my wife finally has trained me well after all of these years...0 -
I agree with making a healthy meal for everyone to enjoy, and then letting anyone that doesn't like it to fend for themselves.0
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I went through that, he knows how to cook.0
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make healthy meatloaf without flour or brown sugar! Make delicious steak, chicken, mashed potatoes... you know, man food!!! But without the added fats, sugars, and flour! You CAN eat healthy and please the men of the house too, you just have to figure out what they like that can be made more healthy, and feed them that!
Make gluten free desserts, healthy ice cream, etc. But make it all in smaller quantities so it's just enough for one meal, so that you aren't tempted to go back for bingey seconds while the rest of the family is stuffing their faces too.
And I'm sure they don't mind the pizza and fast food either.0 -
Well I feel ya on that, I have 10 yr old twins that I'm raising by myself (right now) & they r not hearing me cooking healthy food I barely get them to eat the veggies that they do eat. So cooking is a chore. So if u get any good advice I will take head myself. Good Luck & I'll be praying for u0
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Thank you for the advice everyone. My husband can and does cook sometimes but I guess he is missing having me cook for him. I know that I should just put my foot down and cook healthy and have an eat or starve attitude. I have tried this before but they would complain and waste the food and I would end up feeling frustrated that I cooked and the food went to waste. I need to give this a shot again though and be consistent! I know that my family should be eating healthy as well so they don't run into health problems down the road. I appreciate the support from you all0
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I have twins too. Identical boys who will be 9 in August.0
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feeding your kids crap is just increasing their risk of inheriting your weight issues.
they'll get a taste for ready meals and pizza which could las a lifetime.
like other posters have already said, cook healthy meals for the whole family. i've always fed the kids the same as i have, because they need to eat healthy food even more than i do! i might add extras to keep their calorie intake high enough for their age but they're eating the same veg & lean meats. we talk through the veges to make sure everyone gets something they don't mind eating, and they understand the importance of good nutrition for life.
your kids are building their bodies. it's your duty to make sure you're giving them the best ingredients to grow them with.0 -
Haha you just made my day with your stick and berries comment0
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I am trying to incorporate healthy into their diets also... hubby is def overweight but has no desire to change.. my 11 year old is not so healhty either, but I blame myself for that. So, tonight I cooked BBQ ribs, yellow rice, and broccoli. I had boiled chicken and broccoli and tomatoes... I fixed my son's plate and gave him a measured amount... but for hubby, I just loaded his plate up and sat it down in front of him. If he wants to keep eating that way, I can't and won't try to change him, but I don't have too. and I will encourage my son to eat better.
Good luck to you! Just remember you can do it... you can make better choices no matter the circumstances..0 -
You ARE a good mom, because you are trying to get fit and healthy so your children ( and hubby) can benefit from having a healthy active role model in their life.
If you are feeling guilty about what you are cooking, it sounds to be like you don't have a very good arsenal of healthy recipes on hand. Cooking healthy for your family can only be looked at as a good thing! If they complain or aren't supportive of you ( shame ) perhaps have a cheat night where you cook something comfort food or do take out.
When my mom lost 60 lbs, we thought for sure my Dad was going to be her biggest hurdle. He is a picky meat and potatoes kinda guy - doesn't like to try much etc. I was amazed that he gobbled up most all the new things she cooked. She switched his white rice ( that he literally ate with everything) to brown, and guess what? he liked the taste better! She made spaghetti one night and used spaghetti squash - he loved how tasty it was! She made his favorites like stir fry, with reduced sodium sauces - he never even noticed the difference!
What I am saying is - you need to make it your normal family lifestyle. There are so many ways you can make your favorites healthier with alternatives. That is what we are all here for, to help, support, and pass ideas back and forth :-)0 -
You ARE a good mom, because you are trying to get fit and healthy so your children ( and hubby) can benefit from having a healthy active role model in their life.
If you are feeling guilty about what you are cooking, it sounds to be like you don't have a very good arsenal of healthy recipes on hand. Cooking healthy for your family can only be looked at as a good thing! If they complain or aren't supportive of you ( shame ) perhaps have a cheat night where you cook something comfort food or do take out.
When my mom lost 60 lbs, we thought for sure my Dad was going to be her biggest hurdle. He is a picky meat and potatoes kinda guy - doesn't like to try much etc. I was amazed that he gobbled up most all the new things she cooked. She switched his white rice ( that he literally ate with everything) to brown, and guess what? he liked the taste better! She made spaghetti one night and used spaghetti squash - he loved how tasty it was! She made his favorites like stir fry, with reduced sodium sauces - he never even noticed the difference!
What I am saying is - you need to make it your normal family lifestyle. There are so many ways you can make your favorites healthier with alternatives. That is what we are all here for, to help, support, and pass ideas back and forth :-)
Thank you!0 -
Its the same in my family, I'm the only other girl other than my mom, the rest are boys. They complain about everything she makes basically. Chicken and salad does not cut it in this family.
Heres a few ideas you could do:
-Fake breaded chicken! Link for recipe : http://www.hungry-girl.com/newsletters/raw/1540
(p.s you can use the breading recipe for fish as well!!!! & have some sort of dill dipping sauce as well!)
- Grilled chicken burgers ( make sure you use whole wheat for yourself)
- Tacos! Get hard shell ( if thats what they preffer) and get a whole great pita for yourself. As for the powder that u add to it, seperate your meat, then put the powder in for them.
- Wholegrain pasta & homemade spaghetti sauce, or pesto?
- Fajitas! Grilled peppers, beef or chicken, onions, sour cream ( have it low %), salsa, bam! Healthy meal & the boys love it.
- Cauliflower "fried rice". THIS IS AMAAAAZING. You can even supplement with chicken. Link here:http://apps.fit2fat2fit.com/2011/12/chinese-fried-rice-recipe/
- Crockpot meals , check out link for some ideas! Link here: http://www.littlebshealthyhabits.com/2011/12/two-clean-crock-pot-meals.html
- Sweet potato fries. Bake them in over or on BBQ, spice them with some cinnamon, or other spices . Tons of recipes online!!!
- im really excited about this one!!!! Cauliflower PIZZA . Ive been dying to try this . Link here for recipe :http://www.recipegirl.com/2012/01/16/cauliflower-crust-hawaiian-pizza/
Hope these help!!0 -
Cook the healthy foods. If they don't like it, they do not have to eat it. It doesn't really make sense to focus on health for yourself, but still suggest that your family chooses unhealthy options. And as hard as it is, try to quit feeling guilty. You have to be healthy to be the best you, mom, and wife. Know that you are not "fighting temptation." Your body wants to be healthy and strong! Congraulations on your loss so far!
^^ This! I have a husband and 2 children. I cook healthy foods that I can eat. If they don't like what I cook, they either don't eat, or cook something for themselves. My husband will try anything I cook, my son is a little more picky but I'm hoping that eventually we will all be eating healthy. If they decide to eat unhealthy things, I'm not going to be the one cooking it for them. The idea is to get the whole family to eat healthier. Well for me it is. No one needs to eat unhealthy.0 -
Thank you for the advice everyone. My husband can and does cook sometimes but I guess he is missing having me cook for him. I know that I should just put my foot down and cook healthy and have an eat or starve attitude. I have tried this before but they would complain and waste the food and I would end up feeling frustrated that I cooked and the food went to waste. I need to give this a shot again though and be consistent! I know that my family should be eating healthy as well so they don't run into health problems down the road. I appreciate the support from you all
a roast dinner (if you eat boiled potatoes they can still eat roasted ones), pasta with lean meat & tomato sauces (let them grate cheese on top of theirs), tropical fruit salad (they could have a little ice cream with theirs), chicken kebabs are healthier than they taste, burgers can be home made with lean meat, etc.0 -
Try eating a healthy snack like a salad or Greek yogurt before you start to cook or chew extra gum. This keeps the snacking down. Your boys are nine start having them help you cook.
Try hungry girl.com for good recipes. You can do this!!!!0 -
I love to cook. Everyone eats what I cook. I plan what I want to. The men just eat larger portions of it, for example, I will take a half cup of rice and the fellas can have a cup.
Everyone should be eating the same things you are eating. If you are making a casserole or dish from scratch, create it as a meal or as a recipe so that you can pull it up again and again and have all the calories already counted for you.
Add me as a friend if you want some great food ideas!
Ruth0 -
I cook for my family of 5 nearly every night. I have 3 teenagers (one is a vegetarian) and maybe that makes things a bit easier. I'm confused. Why doesn't everyone eat healthy food? weight problem or not? And, if you serve something with less nutritional value, why don't you just have a smaller portion. If you offer a veg or two as sides everyone has options. Or, that could be the day you pop something into the microwave for yourself. If you have picky eaters, heard somewhere that it takes 7 times to acquire a taste for a new food. Just keep offering a wide variety of foods. Also, what if you were to ask your pickiest eaters for help in planning dinner. I always found that the more invested my kids were in food preparation, the better things tasted to them. If the problem is counting calories from home cooking that's easy! I think MFP has added a recipe calculator now. You can google others. You can do it! Good luck!0
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I have cut all wheat and dairy out of my diet and have been trying to lose weight eating healthy food.
From my view - that shows amazing willpower.
I have to cook 80% of the time for my family, two of whom have gluten intolerance. Everyone likes different foods and its very hard making a meal to suite all. Since I got on MFP - its even harder to include something that I can eat and to avoid eating the large portions and high calories items the rest of the family has. But I'm the one with the weight problem - they are all fine. My son is sitting right now eating a plate of food that is 3000 calories - but he is thin, and I have to learn to walk by it and not ask for any.
Give it some time and you will be able to cook for them without eating it.0 -
I know that temptation. It's 4.30pm and I'm cooking for my children to eat at 5pm - my husband gets home later so often we eat together after the boys are sleeping but then I don't want to 'double up' on dinner! And I feel really really hungry....How to avoid nibbling when the boys eat if I know I'm eating later? Tricky.
But you know what I do? Either I make healthy dinner for me and the boys - adjusting my portion/veg ratio acccordingly and leave a portion ready for the husband to heat up/steam by himself! (I might go to my zumba class or something)
Or
As I cook the healthy meal for my boys - meatballs, stir fry or home made tuna burgers with roast sweet potato 'chips' - I cook a plate of brocolli or veg and just sprinkle some balsamic vinegar so I satisfy my 'hunger' but don't splurge the calories. A fruit salad with natural yoghurt would do it too. That way there is no angst over 'bad mum'...and really you cannot call yourself that at all. You are looking after your health and your family's health - isn't that the definition of mum??
It is so lovely that you are focussing on healthy eating because it really does put the children on a healthy path - I find my boys sleep and play better/have even more energy (!) when they are not loaded with salty things or sugar. Hearty home cooked food is the best! And you can cook things that everyone can eat but remains within your plan.
And of course, you could always ask the other half to cook on a day or two so you can relax too.
Hope it goes well for you - keep posting. A problem shared as they say....
T0 -
Its the same in my family, I'm the only other girl other than my mom, the rest are boys. They complain about everything she makes basically. Chicken and salad does not cut it in this family.
Heres a few ideas you could do:
-Fake breaded chicken! Link for recipe : http://www.hungry-girl.com/newsletters/raw/1540
(p.s you can use the breading recipe for fish as well!!!! & have some sort of dill dipping sauce as well!)
- Grilled chicken burgers ( make sure you use whole wheat for yourself)
- Tacos! Get hard shell ( if thats what they preffer) and get a whole great pita for yourself. As for the powder that u add to it, seperate your meat, then put the powder in for them.
- Wholegrain pasta & homemade spaghetti sauce, or pesto?
- Fajitas! Grilled peppers, beef or chicken, onions, sour cream ( have it low %), salsa, bam! Healthy meal & the boys love it.
- Cauliflower "fried rice". THIS IS AMAAAAZING. You can even supplement with chicken. Link here:http://apps.fit2fat2fit.com/2011/12/chinese-fried-rice-recipe/
- Crockpot meals , check out link for some ideas! Link here: http://www.littlebshealthyhabits.com/2011/12/two-clean-crock-pot-meals.html
- Sweet potato fries. Bake them in over or on BBQ, spice them with some cinnamon, or other spices . Tons of recipes online!!!
- im really excited about this one!!!! Cauliflower PIZZA . Ive been dying to try this . Link here for recipe :http://www.recipegirl.com/2012/01/16/cauliflower-crust-hawaiian-pizza/
Hope these help!!
Thank you so much for all of your awesome suggestions!!0
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