Changing Name?

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mandiemma
mandiemma Posts: 128 Member
in Chit-Chat
What are your thoughts on changing your last name if getting married? My friend is taking the big leap but there is some contention about her changing her name. She is a professional and wants to keep her last name professionally and take his privately but her soon to be husband wants her to take his name professionally as well.

thoughts?
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Replies

  • JeaninePaige
    JeaninePaige Posts: 464 Member
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    Personally, when I get married I am taking my husband's name and I will change it professionally, as well.
    But everyone's different.
  • chelle866
    chelle866 Posts: 53
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    i would have no doubt whatsoever with changing my name. im for it 100%, to me, thats one of the many reasons to get married, to love someone that much that your willing to take their last name. i cant wait to get married and i really cant understand why anyone would not want to change their name?
  • Jbjessi
    Jbjessi Posts: 288
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    I changed my name. Its showing your man that his name has value to you and you want to be a part of that
  • jealous_loser
    jealous_loser Posts: 395
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    I can see how you would want to keep your last name professionally, but how do you do one without the other *is confused*
  • rbl1225
    rbl1225 Posts: 235 Member
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    Well I know I am thinking of keeping mine and adding his my first name is Rebecca-Lee and I love the hyphen so if her last name is say jones and his is smith Jones-Smith or if she wants to really have hers still show Smith-Jones that way it is still in her last name so people can find her :)
  • beach_please
    beach_please Posts: 533 Member
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    I don't think not taking someone's name necessarily shows a lack of commitment or love. I took my husband's but my sister-in-law kept hers when she married into the family. Her reason: she didn't' like the way it sounded with her first name. What would bother me (and what she's dealing with now) is that her child has a different last name than her.
  • jdploki70
    jdploki70 Posts: 343
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    Depends on her definition of "professional". If she is licensed or a doctor or has some other notoriety associated with her maiden name, she should keep it until she changes business offices or until it is more feasible. Going to a doctor for years and then having them change their name suddenly leads to a lot of confusion for clients. If, on the other hand, she simply works in an office or similar, it doesn't really matter that much as any references can be found by searching her maiden name.
  • Im_NotPerfect
    Im_NotPerfect Posts: 2,181 Member
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    Disclaimer: This is only my opinion...

    But I'm a bit old fashioned, and to me taking a husband's last name is part of the package. I think it's actually an offense to the guy if you don't. My SIL didn't take our last name when she married my brother and I still don't get it....and feel rather offended.

    She can always hyphonate as others have mentioned.
  • kayleesays
    kayleesays Posts: 564 Member
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    Still not sure. I mean, my last name is a man's name, anyway, it came from my father, so my inner feminist kind of sees no point either way.

    I may hyphenate, I may keep my father's name, I may take my husband's. Honestly, whatever sounds the coolest. *shrugsies* I definitely don't think it's my OBLIGATION to take my husband's name, that's some messed up internalized patriarchal bullshizzy.
  • hollyk57
    hollyk57 Posts: 520 Member
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    I couldn't wait to drop my last name and take my hubby's when I got married...
  • JuneyJo
    JuneyJo Posts: 182 Member
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    When I got married, I changed my name all over the place because I was happy as could be and wanted EVERYONE to know about it. When I got divorced, I really wanted to go back to my maiden name, but we have kids. My decision has been that I will keep my kids' name until they're grown up. So, assuming I ever decide to walk the plank... I mean aisle... again, I'd probably hyphenate.

    Everyone's different if she has a high profile job where everyone knows her name, changing it could cause a few ripples.

    You never know. To each their own. I hope she and her hubby-to-be can work it out so they're both content with the decision.
  • singingsoprano
    singingsoprano Posts: 19 Member
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    I somewhat changed my name. Went whole hog on my first marriage and changed everything. Then he decided he didn't really want to be married. Had to change it all back. What a PAIN!

    2nd marriage, didn't really want to go through the whole process of the SS office, etc. I use both names interchangeably. At my kids' school I'm Mrs. K Husband'sLastName, most other places I'm Mrs.K MaidenName. My husband didn't really care, if he had, I might have changed it.

    That being said, for my singing, I didn't change it at all, and I won't. I'm known by my maiden name, and that's what it will be for performing.
  • kimi131
    kimi131 Posts: 1,058 Member
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    I definitely want to change my name personally and professionally when I get married. I've always told my dad, "I love you, but I'm changing my last name someday." Of course, with a last name that sounds like (spelled differently) than a brand of toilet paper (and I teach high school, so you can imagine the jokes), who wouldn't want to change their name? My boyfriend's last name isn't much better though, so I might be SOL, haha.

    I say to each their own though. I know a lot of women who keep their last names or use both.
  • rungirl1973
    rungirl1973 Posts: 2,559 Member
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    When I got married, I changed my name all over the place because I was happy as could be and wanted EVERYONE to know about it. When I got divorced, I really wanted to go back to my maiden name, but we have kids. My decision has been that I will keep my kids' name until they're grown up. So, assuming I ever decide to walk the plank... I mean aisle... again, I'd probably hyphenate.

    Everyone's different if she has a high profile job where everyone knows her name, changing it could cause a few ripples.

    You never know. To each their own. I hope she and her hubby-to-be can work it out so they're both content with the decision.



    Same here. I work with a lot of vendors/contractors outside my company. While I'm not thrilled that I still have my kids' father/sperm donor's last name, I'll probably never change it professionally. I may hyphenate.
  • ThenewMrsGill
    ThenewMrsGill Posts: 12 Member
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    I just got married nearly two weeks ago, and i did change my last name. We already have a little girl and i gave her his lastname. I see it as us becoming our own little family, see it as respectful and apart of getting married. Saying that i dont have any ties to my dad so i dont see my last name as a big deal xx
  • TanzaMarie
    TanzaMarie Posts: 94 Member
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    I am keeping my name. Pretty much case closed. My boyfriend agrees. I have a pretty ethnic name and his last name is Ford, which makes my name not as....me. I'm 30 and won't get married for a few more years. But the biggest reason is that I started my own business and therefore changing my professional name just isn't worth it so we can share last names. Perhaps it's different for me because neither of us want children, although my cousin married and Argentine and that's just how the do it down there. If he wanted to take my name, I'd be all for it, but I don't see why I'm the one who has to give up her name - even if that is the social convention here.
  • mandiemma
    mandiemma Posts: 128 Member
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    just a clarification - She is a lawyer with a lot of clients and publications under her maiden name - therein lies her problem. She believes if she changes it, clients, publications, etc. will no longer be recognizable as hers.

    It is very interesting on everyones positions though... keep it coming!
  • iLoveMyPitbull1225
    iLoveMyPitbull1225 Posts: 1,690 Member
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    Whatev. She should do what she wants.
    Since you said shes a lawyer and the publications, I'd hyphenate the name.

    But me personally I cannot wait to take my (future) husbands name when we get married. :)

    and secondly, I wouldnt let my career dictate my life like that.
  • DarkFlutter
    DarkFlutter Posts: 408 Member
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    When I got married, I knew I would be changing my last name as I hated mine (FIX) growing up. Too many ways to pick on that name.

    However, my husband and I also discussed both of us changing our names. We tried combining his name and mine to make our own unique name that came from both of us. However, since this couldn't be done right away, we decided I would just take his name.
  • DawnAnonymous
    DawnAnonymous Posts: 25
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    I think it's up to her. A name should not be the stressful part of getting married. In some cultures the maternal name is passed on, in others both parties keep their name. I've even had friends that, once moved to America, got confused about the name changing tradition and passed thier first name off to their children as a last name. It's just a name. But, don't let it be a problem. If that starts in the beginning just wait until the real stuff hits the fan.

    I personally was happy to ditch my maiden name...my husband's last name sounded so much better and my father was never around so it wasn't something I held onto. I even ditched my middle name in the process and rebuilt my professional career from that point on. We all work in the same industry too so I can name drop on both sides!

    Well wishes,
    Dawn Hunter (could have stayed a Bookman :ohwell: )
    :wink:

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