i JUST wANNA SCREAM!

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2

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  • msradio
    msradio Posts: 165 Member
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    Okay first off. That was really hard to read. But I empathize with your situation so I muscled through it.

    I applaud you for trying to stay off welfare, however, you really need to continue to pursue him for child support. He has a legal responsibility to his daughter, and if you don't hold him accountable for that, then he never will be.

    As far as your daughter being unappreciative, I can relate. Mine is 13 and when she is mad at me I hear "I wanna go live with daddy!" To which I reply, "Great, he can pay your phone bill!" Which he won't so that usually brings an end to that.

    It's hard as a single mom. But you continue to be strong and love her as much as you can. Remember that the child support is for her, and giving up because the system is difficult to deal with is really just letting her down. Thank u for ur input I was so angry when I wrote it I wasnt thinking lol

    All my best! :flowerforyou: Please try to use some punctuation in the future! I haven't read the thread, but I'm sure you've been trolled quite a bit for the lack of it.
  • msradio
    msradio Posts: 165 Member
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    I don't know how things are up there but down here DNA tests are mandatory anytime you go through support enforcement. It doesn't matter whether he said your daughter was his or not. Take the time off and go provide them with the paperwork. Just keep in mind they are like everyone else, overloaded with cases and understaffed. You are going to have to be your own advocate. Stay on top of your case and provide them with any information you hear about him. If he's in jail, let them know where. If he's working, find out where and then turn the info in to your case worker.
    They are the ones that did the next so they already know but thank you I am not going to give up I was just going to close the case but hearing some good advice on here I will cont on!
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,229 Member
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    I just want to add that once they have a court order on him, it is smooth sailing for you after that. Don't struggle! You need to provide the best life you possibly can for your daughter, and he needs to help you.
  • NWCountryGal
    NWCountryGal Posts: 1,992 Member
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    Hi MsRadio,

    Obviously you needed to have someone to listen to you. I read your story and am sorry about the hard times you are having. I don't feel led to give you a bunch of advice or anything like that. I think people just need to know someone is there to listen. Once you are able to rest/calm down, it will be better for you I think. That is how my life goes. Maybe have a good cry. Seems to me tears were made to use and they are cleansing too. I always sleep so good after I've cried it all out.

    Anyway, you helped me to remember how many folks are struggling with one thing or another in this world and it didn't hurt me a bit to try and be here for you.

    denise



    Before you read I only posted because my daughter can never read this and I'm at work and no access to a phone but then again my friends and family already feel my pain but what can they do? My daughter is now 14 yrs old she's at that age where she sometimes doesnt appreicate what ai do for her so it really hurts when I have everythng alone.

    I can honestly count on my hands how many times he has called her or done anything for her, I live in PA AND HE LIVES IN ny i Wwas alot younger when we first met and he could do no wrong! We were together for about a yr when I found out i was woith child he seemed happy but everythin changed once she was born.

    When she was 2mo he just left no goodbye he was just gone. I cried for weeks! When I got enough nerve I went to NY where I found him at his mothers with the woman he moved to NY and left his family for, she is now his wife but that's old news and not the point.

    Over the years I did try to get Child Support but they always had excues til I fell on hard times a lil over a year ago. In PA when you recieve Welfare you also have to open a case with Domestic Relations, so of course I did to my surprise now Domestic wants to help they locate her dad do paternity and all! Of course he was easy to find in jail!

    Since then the test results came back of course he is the father and also home from jail not working or trying to have contact with his child, I was pretty much over the entire situation til I got a lettter from domestic wanting to see me and wants me to bring pay subs, w2 ect and I was adsv if i don't i would be in trouble! The problem i have with this is the letter that was sent to my daughters father was returned back, so why bother me they don;t know where he is, it's not like they era going to send a search party to NY to locate him! So I feel like another 4 yrs will go by and since I'm back to work not using the system Domestic could care less about me or my daughter!
  • weighlossforbaby
    weighlossforbaby Posts: 847 Member
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    My mom divorced my biological father when I was 3 years old and married my step dad the same year. He never paid child support for me and my sisters. He signed us off as his kids so he wouldn't have to pay child support and my step dad adopted me and my sisters when I was 8 years old. We still visited our grandmother (my biological father's mother) because it was our decision and he lived in the same apartment building as her so we had to see him too. The last time I saw him and his mother was at my great grandmother's funeral when I was 19 or 20 years old and that's the last time I saw either of them. I did get a call from her after I got married in 2008 but I haven't heard from her since.
  • msradio
    msradio Posts: 165 Member
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    My mom divorced my biological father when I was 3 years old and married my step dad the same year. He never paid child support for me and my sisters. He signed us off as his kids so he wouldn't have to pay child support and my step dad adopted me and my sisters when I was 8 years old. We still visited our grandmother (my biological father's mother) because it was our decision and he lived in the same apartment building as her so we had to see him too. The last time I saw him and his mother was at my great grandmother's funeral when I was 19 or 20 years old and that's the last time I saw either of them. I did get a call from her after I got married in 2008 but I haven't heard from her since.
    It's crazy to me how sum men really just don't seem to care I don"t speak badly of him around her because it is still her dad but she now old enough make up her own mind about him, i asked her a few months ago did she call him on his bday her response was did he call me on mine? It really is sad!
  • msradio
    msradio Posts: 165 Member
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    Really? Ya'll have to jump on her? That's sad.

    I took the time to read it and I'm sorry hun. The system sucks and some dads are dilholes. You might never get a dime from him just keep doing what's best for your daughter. Good luck.
    Thanks sweete! I just needed to vent I'm not to concerned wit wat sum of these folks have said I am and will always be a strong person!
  • oregonzoo
    oregonzoo Posts: 4,251 Member
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    One day he'll be an old lonely old person and wish he had the balls to be a man and a father.

    I am sorry you go through this, my ex is very much in their life and supportive but it's still a struggle.

    As far as her appreciating you and the things you do, I have no answer.
    I've come to the conclusion that mothers day is just a day for adults to apologize for what little poops they were during their childhood/teen years.

    So keep on pursuing this, right always wins sometimes it just takes a LONG time. In the meantime use it as motivation for when you work out(no workout like an angry workout).
  • Bobby_Clerici
    Bobby_Clerici Posts: 1,828 Member
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    This is a tough situation.
    Lord knows I have made plenty of mistakes, and so we learn; we gather our energies, change for the better, and move along in life. I sure wish I could go back and relive some of my major screw ups.
    What's cool when we're carefree and young becomes a major hardship as the years pass.
    Just be grateful for the blessings in your life, and give that little girl a hug.
    Maybe somebody has a better answer; I sure hope so!
  • blair_bear
    blair_bear Posts: 165
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    You should bother, you could be in trouble, agencies and courts don't care about your excuse. If the situation is how you say it is then they will fix what is necessary and you will come out on the other side of the paperwork. You are a mother and you need to stay out of trouble if not for yourself, then for your child.

    My dad never paid child support or was a part of my life, but the year my mom had moved to NJ and was in the process of divorcing him, he owned a business and failed to pay taxes. Regarless of how fair it was, SHE was held responsible even though her name wasn't even associated with the business. She paid and then fought back not vice versa.

    YOU are in a much better position than she was because we now have a ways of tracking and arresting the deadbeats. There is system called, The Interstate Data Exchange Consortium (formerly the Electronic Parent Locator Network (EPLN), it allows caseworkers instant access to millions of state government records from participating states through networked databases. Some state Fish and Game won't issue licenses for people in rears and there is usually a sherrif's officer standing by when you go to pick it up. There are so many new and improved ways of going after people who fail to meet the fiscal requirments of biologically creating a child I couldn't name them all.

    Point is- let this system work for you instead of fighting it, it has come a really long way.
  • leomom72
    leomom72 Posts: 1,797 Member
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    bump
  • BandedTriaRN
    BandedTriaRN Posts: 303
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    bet you didn't know we are all grading your posts lol! Well, just keep at it. I think that they should get him to pay if he ever has any money and is out of jail. He should be forced to pay backpay too but good luck with that if he's that poor. They can also go after his wife if he's still married. But I'm not a lawyer. Wouldn't it be nice if we could erase some of the mistakes we made when we were young?
  • trishabellamy
    trishabellamy Posts: 6
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    THIS IS NOT FACEBOOK!!!!!!!!!
  • MinMin97
    MinMin97 Posts: 2,676 Member
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    You should bother, you could be in trouble, agencies and courts don't care about your excuse. If the situation is how you say it is then they will fix what is necessary and you will come out on the other side of the paperwork. You are a mother and you need to stay out of trouble if not for yourself, then for your child.

    My dad never paid child support or was a part of my life, but the year my mom had moved to NJ and was in the process of divorcing him, he owned a business and failed to pay taxes. Regarless of how fair it was, SHE was held responsible even though her name wasn't even associated with the business. She paid and then fought back not vice versa.

    YOU are in a much better position than she was because we now have a ways of tracking and arresting the deadbeats. There is system called, The Interstate Data Exchange Consortium (formerly the Electronic Parent Locator Network (EPLN), it allows caseworkers instant access to millions of state government records from participating states through networked databases. Some state Fish and Game won't issue licenses for people in rears and there is usually a sherrif's officer standing by when you go to pick it up. There are so many new and improved ways of going after people who fail to meet the fiscal requirments of biologically creating a child I couldn't name them all.

    Point is- let this system work for you instead of fighting it, it has come a really long way.
    A very encouraging and practical answer!
  • mamamudbug
    mamamudbug Posts: 572 Member
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    THIS IS NOT FACEBOOK!!!!!!!!!


    Nope, it's a support system for fitness minded people. Some of the posts above constitute support. You don't like a particular thread? Back out of it.
  • weighlossforbaby
    weighlossforbaby Posts: 847 Member
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    My mom divorced my biological father when I was 3 years old and married my step dad the same year. He never paid child support for me and my sisters. He signed us off as his kids so he wouldn't have to pay child support and my step dad adopted me and my sisters when I was 8 years old. We still visited our grandmother (my biological father's mother) because it was our decision and he lived in the same apartment building as her so we had to see him too. The last time I saw him and his mother was at my great grandmother's funeral when I was 19 or 20 years old and that's the last time I saw either of them. I did get a call from her after I got married in 2008 but I haven't heard from her since.
    It's crazy to me how sum men really just don't seem to care I don"t speak badly of him around her because it is still her dad but she now old enough make up her own mind about him, i asked her a few months ago did she call him on his bday her response was did he call me on mine? It really is sad!

    It is sad to have children and then have nothing to do with them when you don't want to support them. My biological father did drugs and was a woman beater. My step/adopted dad have been the only father I have ever known since I was 3 years old and he worked his butt off to take care of us which a father should do.
  • valeriebpdx
    valeriebpdx Posts: 499 Member
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    THIS IS NOT FACEBOOK!!!!!!!!!


    Nope, it's a support system for fitness minded people. Some of the posts above constitute support. You don't like a particular thread? Back out of it.

    Word. Good luck to you, OP. Hope the vent helped.
  • oregonzoo
    oregonzoo Posts: 4,251 Member
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    THIS IS NOT FACEBOOK!!!!!!!!!

    But it IS "chit chat fun and games" on a fitness minded website. Whatever issues personally we could have going on people could possibly need support for.
    If you have an issue with this, perhaps Chit Chat isn't the correct venue for you.
  • weighlossforbaby
    weighlossforbaby Posts: 847 Member
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    THIS IS NOT FACEBOOK!!!!!!!!!

    This place is for support and fitness and if you don't like it you shouldn't say anything!
  • mamamudbug
    mamamudbug Posts: 572 Member
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    THIS IS NOT FACEBOOK!!!!!!!!!

    But it IS "chit chat fun and games" on a fitness minded website. Whatever issues personally we could have going on people could possibly need support for.
    If you have an issue with this, perhaps Chit Chat isn't the correct venue for you.

    Exactly :flowerforyou:

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