What is it that people REALLY want?? A liar or a believer?

personally, I like it when they hold me accountable, but also understand if there is something going on. Well, as long as they aren't rude about it. So if I go over, a "hey, maybe instead of pasta, you could try ______ with that. It has less calories and tastes pretty good" or "hmmmm seems like a run would be good to help you get back under" or something like that...

I believe in tough-love. I call it like I see it with my friends, no beating around the bush or sugar-coating. I won't be your crutch.

Sometimes it is not the advice or opinion we give but how we deliver it. :flowerforyou:

or the opposite- the ones hat barely eat 700 calorie, almost no protein, etc.... and evryone cheers them on- to their grave - of malnutrition.

I'd like someone to be encouraging. I don't need someone to point out my flaws, I focus on them enough already. I've gone over more than I've gone under, but I'll bet it is 1/3 of what I used to eat, believe it or not! And I am logging; I am holding myself accountable and learning about what's really in the food I eat. I have been learning so much, and making changes for the better. That is no small deal. It is a huge step on my journey to fitness.

In the same way, I don't feel like I need to point out someone else's mistakes. It is hard to judge, when what the numbers say is "over" might actually be way under their former norm...

But...Maybe if it is someone you are close to and you are concerned about a pattern you are noticing, you could bring it to them gently in a private message?

I usually stay out of people's diaries unless they specifically ask for feedback. Maybe that makes me a bad friend, but I know that by being here they are consciously reminding themselves of their goals and their efforts to meet them - I don't need to. I'm happy to congratulate them when they've done well or let them know where they could have done better when they ask me, but I don't feel that it's my place to intrude when I don't know why they made the choices they made.

If someone doesn't ask for your opinion you shouldn't give it.

Seconded. I'd rather my friends just say nothing at all. I usually have more harsh things to say to myself than my friends would anyway.

Or maybe if you don't want opinions you shouldn't post things on the very public internet. Just sayin' Makes sense.

What's the point of doing something like this if you're gonna lie about it? You won't get any fitter by fibbing.

I get more out of it.....and actually put more thought into making better choices when someone says...."really...3 slices of pizza when 2 would suffice" or "a double meat cheeseburger when a single meat will fill you up"
When i overdo something at the moment i am thinking well i have already messed up a little bit why not just mess the entire meal up or the entire day up.....
When i hear it from someone else.....the next time around....i am thinking you know...this is not such a good idea.

On the flip side of it.......i have a really hard time telling someone else those same words.....i know some people are thinner skinned than others and i would hate to think i offended someone.

I try to tell my husband to let me know if i am overdoing it.....but he is really no help....he will tease at the moment...and the rest of the time tell me its ok...i can start again tomorrow...or after we go back to work or whatever. The only real exception to this is when i am at like a Chinese buffet......he will say, "really, San, plate #7" ....when he wont eat over 2 plates.

Let me know when i can do better, how i can do better and when i haven't exercised in a week......at least the next day...i think about it and try harder.
San

What I have come to realize is that until someone is really ready to lose weight, nothing anyone says or does is going to make them start. I was this way. It's true. I am ready now, for today, for the last 4 months. In commenting on diaries, if I can say something positive, I do - with enthusiasm. Encouragement is great! Praise is great. But if someone is eating way below their calories or way above their calories, I will not comment. As a previous poster said, until you are ready it would just embarass that person and make them give up. Just my opinion.

i didnt really read alot of the other responses and maybe someone said this but the way i look at it is kinda like how i was taught to deal with employees

praise in public, correct in private - when they are doing good and are under their goal or near it say something on there profile. if they have fallen off the wagon a little or havent logged thier food throw them a message and just ask whats up

I agree that you shouldn't post empty praises about people's eating habits, especially if you don't really feel like that. On the other hand, I'm not sure it would help to point out that they're way over their goals and have been for several days/weeks whatever. Unless you know that person really well, you have no idea what might be going on in their life to make them eat like that. They may even be doing it on purpose. I've had times when I was calorie cycling, or experimenting with the calorie levels, where in my diary it probably looked really bad, but it was all under control.

I wouldn't see an open diary as an invitation for constructive criticism either. People might have their diaries open just to share ideas, or because knowing that people can see it makes them more accountable. Mine is private now because I don't really benefit from someone saying "wtg" on my diary, but also because I don't need the negative feedback. If I've eaten over my calorie goal, I'm aware of it. "Hey, today isn't a great day" isn't the kind of thing that would ever help me. If someone has made comments that seem to indicate that they want a proverbial kick up the backside, then that's obviously ok. Bring on the constructive criticism! If you're really worried about someone, perhaps drop them a (private) note saying that you've noticed they've been going over quite a bit, and is there anything you can do to support them.

Otherwise, maybe try not looking in people's diaries if it bothers you. There are other (and in my opinion better) ways to support people than just commenting on their diaries. Praise their weight loss, praise their continued logging onto MFP, praise the exercise they log, write on their wall showing an interest in what's going on in their life. Ultimately, although most of us are here for the same thing (weight loss and/or health & fitness), we all do it in different ways and sometimes, the fact that someone is even logging onto MFP is good enough for them, at that moment.

I usually stay out of people's diaries unless they specifically ask for feedback. Maybe that makes me a bad friend, but I know that by being here they are consciously reminding themselves of their goals and their efforts to meet them - I don't need to. I'm happy to congratulate them when they've done well or let them know where they could have done better when they ask me, but I don't feel that it's my place to intrude when I don't know why they made the choices they made.

I couldn't agree more!!!! Going into diaries without being asked to feels too intrusive... I dont want to be judged and I am in no position to judge others.

Ooh, I was having exactly this debate with myself the other day. I have a friend (not on MFP) who is on a "diet" but when we go out, she's always the one who eats the meals that are about 1,000 calories. And she is aware of the calories! I'd say that she's over calories about 4 days a week. Sigh. And I go back and forth between saying, Yeah, maybe that's not the best choice, why don't we do X or Y or Z that would be better or biting my tongue and realizing that I can talk to her until I'm blue in the face and if she's not ready to take the plunge then nothing I say won't make a difference. I'm not sure what to do. I know for me that the idea that others could see my diary sometimes makes me feel more accountable---I know it's out there and knowing that other people can see it sometimes can encourage me to make better choices. Guess it depends upon the person and how it's said and whether you get the feeling that what you've said will make a difference.