What is it that people REALLY want?? A liar or a believer?

What I have come to realize is that until someone is really ready to lose weight, nothing anyone says or does is going to make them start. I was this way. It's true. I am ready now, for today, for the last 4 months. In commenting on diaries, if I can say something positive, I do - with enthusiasm. Encouragement is great! Praise is great. But if someone is eating way below their calories or way above their calories, I will not comment. As a previous poster said, until you are ready it would just embarass that person and make them give up. Just my opinion.

i didnt really read alot of the other responses and maybe someone said this but the way i look at it is kinda like how i was taught to deal with employees

praise in public, correct in private - when they are doing good and are under their goal or near it say something on there profile. if they have fallen off the wagon a little or havent logged thier food throw them a message and just ask whats up

I agree that you shouldn't post empty praises about people's eating habits, especially if you don't really feel like that. On the other hand, I'm not sure it would help to point out that they're way over their goals and have been for several days/weeks whatever. Unless you know that person really well, you have no idea what might be going on in their life to make them eat like that. They may even be doing it on purpose. I've had times when I was calorie cycling, or experimenting with the calorie levels, where in my diary it probably looked really bad, but it was all under control.

I wouldn't see an open diary as an invitation for constructive criticism either. People might have their diaries open just to share ideas, or because knowing that people can see it makes them more accountable. Mine is private now because I don't really benefit from someone saying "wtg" on my diary, but also because I don't need the negative feedback. If I've eaten over my calorie goal, I'm aware of it. "Hey, today isn't a great day" isn't the kind of thing that would ever help me. If someone has made comments that seem to indicate that they want a proverbial kick up the backside, then that's obviously ok. Bring on the constructive criticism! If you're really worried about someone, perhaps drop them a (private) note saying that you've noticed they've been going over quite a bit, and is there anything you can do to support them.

Otherwise, maybe try not looking in people's diaries if it bothers you. There are other (and in my opinion better) ways to support people than just commenting on their diaries. Praise their weight loss, praise their continued logging onto MFP, praise the exercise they log, write on their wall showing an interest in what's going on in their life. Ultimately, although most of us are here for the same thing (weight loss and/or health & fitness), we all do it in different ways and sometimes, the fact that someone is even logging onto MFP is good enough for them, at that moment.

I usually stay out of people's diaries unless they specifically ask for feedback. Maybe that makes me a bad friend, but I know that by being here they are consciously reminding themselves of their goals and their efforts to meet them - I don't need to. I'm happy to congratulate them when they've done well or let them know where they could have done better when they ask me, but I don't feel that it's my place to intrude when I don't know why they made the choices they made.

I couldn't agree more!!!! Going into diaries without being asked to feels too intrusive... I dont want to be judged and I am in no position to judge others.

Ooh, I was having exactly this debate with myself the other day. I have a friend (not on MFP) who is on a "diet" but when we go out, she's always the one who eats the meals that are about 1,000 calories. And she is aware of the calories! I'd say that she's over calories about 4 days a week. Sigh. And I go back and forth between saying, Yeah, maybe that's not the best choice, why don't we do X or Y or Z that would be better or biting my tongue and realizing that I can talk to her until I'm blue in the face and if she's not ready to take the plunge then nothing I say won't make a difference. I'm not sure what to do. I know for me that the idea that others could see my diary sometimes makes me feel more accountable---I know it's out there and knowing that other people can see it sometimes can encourage me to make better choices. Guess it depends upon the person and how it's said and whether you get the feeling that what you've said will make a difference.

I cant say for anyone else but I want people to be honest with me. I mean so long as people are doing it for the right reasons and not just to be nasty.

Hell If i am doing bad day after day I invite you all to kick my *kitten* lol =D

I always try to do the same for the few buddys I have picked up this past week.

P.S Feel free to add me

There is this thing called "grace," which is giving someone else the desire and ability to do the right thing. Desire and ability are very powerful! And then the way you word something can make a difference in how palatable it is to another person...you can come off wrong in the ears of another hearer...and then your message does not get through.

What has helped you and made you stronger and happier is what you have to give!

Hmmm, I made a similar post about a month ago and it ended up being locked because people starting flaming each other over the topic.

In answer to your question though, when I see someone not sticking with their goals, I don't post negative comments, but I don't post positive comments either. To me, that is meaningless, but offering unsolicited advice/criticism to MFP friends is overstepping boundaries.

It was locked, because people turn fanatic when confronted by the notion of personal responsibility and life accountability.
Fanaticism is the brother of doubt.
And as was said...
I think that folks that really want to succeed embrace the thought of being held accountable. Those that don't want it... well, if you already had it all figured out, then what the heck are you doing on this site anyway?
Call me out. Ask me questions.
If I'm getting something wrong, educate me.

I'm accountable to myself, and that's working well enough for me. There are lots of other aspects to this site (not least the tracking function) than diary checking. I certainly don't have everything all figured out, but I'm still being successful. I guess everyone looks for different things from friends, whether in real life or online. Personally, I'm not looking for friends who will parent or police me. Each to their own.

Hmmm, I made a similar post about a month ago and it ended up being locked because people starting flaming each other over the topic.

In answer to your question though, when I see someone not sticking with their goals, I don't post negative comments, but I don't post positive comments either. To me, that is meaningless, but offering unsolicited advice/criticism to MFP friends is overstepping boundaries.

It was locked, because people turn fanatic when confronted by the notion of personal responsibility and life accountability.
Fanaticism is the brother of doubt.
And as was said...
I think that folks that really want to succeed embrace the thought of being held accountable. Those that don't want it... well, if you already had it all figured out, then what the heck are you doing on this site anyway?
Call me out. Ask me questions.
If I'm getting something wrong, educate me.

I'm accountable to myself, and that's working well enough for me. There are lots of other aspects to this site (not least the tracking function) than diary checking. I certainly don't have everything all figured out, but I'm still being successful. I guess everyone looks for different things from friends, whether in real life or online. Personally, I'm not looking for friends who will parent or police me. Each to their own.

GO TO YOUR ROOM!
lol
Seriously, when a ticker says 69lbs lost, somebody is doing something right.
Terrific Job...Keep Punching!

Hmmm, I made a similar post about a month ago and it ended up being locked because people starting flaming each other over the topic.

In answer to your question though, when I see someone not sticking with their goals, I don't post negative comments, but I don't post positive comments either. To me, that is meaningless, but offering unsolicited advice/criticism to MFP friends is overstepping boundaries.

It was locked, because people turn fanatic when confronted by the notion of personal responsibility and life accountability.
Fanaticism is the brother of doubt.
And as was said...
I think that folks that really want to succeed embrace the thought of being held accountable. Those that don't want it... well, if you already had it all figured out, then what the heck are you doing on this site anyway?
Call me out. Ask me questions.
If I'm getting something wrong, educate me.

I'm accountable to myself, and that's working well enough for me. There are lots of other aspects to this site (not least the tracking function) than diary checking. I certainly don't have everything all figured out, but I'm still being successful. I guess everyone looks for different things from friends, whether in real life or online. Personally, I'm not looking for friends who will parent or police me. Each to their own.

GO TO YOUR ROOM!
lol
Seriously, when a ticker says 69lbs lost, somebody is doing something right.
Terrific Job...Keep Punching!

lol :flowerforyou: