What is it that people REALLY want?? A liar or a believer?

I cant say for anyone else but I want people to be honest with me. I mean so long as people are doing it for the right reasons and not just to be nasty.

Hell If i am doing bad day after day I invite you all to kick my *kitten* lol =D

I always try to do the same for the few buddys I have picked up this past week.

P.S Feel free to add me

There is this thing called "grace," which is giving someone else the desire and ability to do the right thing. Desire and ability are very powerful! And then the way you word something can make a difference in how palatable it is to another person...you can come off wrong in the ears of another hearer...and then your message does not get through.

What has helped you and made you stronger and happier is what you have to give!

Hmmm, I made a similar post about a month ago and it ended up being locked because people starting flaming each other over the topic.

In answer to your question though, when I see someone not sticking with their goals, I don't post negative comments, but I don't post positive comments either. To me, that is meaningless, but offering unsolicited advice/criticism to MFP friends is overstepping boundaries.

It was locked, because people turn fanatic when confronted by the notion of personal responsibility and life accountability.
Fanaticism is the brother of doubt.
And as was said...
I think that folks that really want to succeed embrace the thought of being held accountable. Those that don't want it... well, if you already had it all figured out, then what the heck are you doing on this site anyway?
Call me out. Ask me questions.
If I'm getting something wrong, educate me.

I'm accountable to myself, and that's working well enough for me. There are lots of other aspects to this site (not least the tracking function) than diary checking. I certainly don't have everything all figured out, but I'm still being successful. I guess everyone looks for different things from friends, whether in real life or online. Personally, I'm not looking for friends who will parent or police me. Each to their own.

Hmmm, I made a similar post about a month ago and it ended up being locked because people starting flaming each other over the topic.

In answer to your question though, when I see someone not sticking with their goals, I don't post negative comments, but I don't post positive comments either. To me, that is meaningless, but offering unsolicited advice/criticism to MFP friends is overstepping boundaries.

It was locked, because people turn fanatic when confronted by the notion of personal responsibility and life accountability.
Fanaticism is the brother of doubt.
And as was said...
I think that folks that really want to succeed embrace the thought of being held accountable. Those that don't want it... well, if you already had it all figured out, then what the heck are you doing on this site anyway?
Call me out. Ask me questions.
If I'm getting something wrong, educate me.

I'm accountable to myself, and that's working well enough for me. There are lots of other aspects to this site (not least the tracking function) than diary checking. I certainly don't have everything all figured out, but I'm still being successful. I guess everyone looks for different things from friends, whether in real life or online. Personally, I'm not looking for friends who will parent or police me. Each to their own.

GO TO YOUR ROOM!
lol
Seriously, when a ticker says 69lbs lost, somebody is doing something right.
Terrific Job...Keep Punching!

Hmmm, I made a similar post about a month ago and it ended up being locked because people starting flaming each other over the topic.

In answer to your question though, when I see someone not sticking with their goals, I don't post negative comments, but I don't post positive comments either. To me, that is meaningless, but offering unsolicited advice/criticism to MFP friends is overstepping boundaries.

It was locked, because people turn fanatic when confronted by the notion of personal responsibility and life accountability.
Fanaticism is the brother of doubt.
And as was said...
I think that folks that really want to succeed embrace the thought of being held accountable. Those that don't want it... well, if you already had it all figured out, then what the heck are you doing on this site anyway?
Call me out. Ask me questions.
If I'm getting something wrong, educate me.

I'm accountable to myself, and that's working well enough for me. There are lots of other aspects to this site (not least the tracking function) than diary checking. I certainly don't have everything all figured out, but I'm still being successful. I guess everyone looks for different things from friends, whether in real life or online. Personally, I'm not looking for friends who will parent or police me. Each to their own.

GO TO YOUR ROOM!
lol
Seriously, when a ticker says 69lbs lost, somebody is doing something right.
Terrific Job...Keep Punching!

lol :flowerforyou:

If they are not making progress and you can't bring yourself to contribute good things for bad actions- or commenting on their poor choices would be confrontational. DELETE Them. I've seen plenty of people put in their profile description, Please don't add me if you're not serious about this, etc etc- I'm the type of person who will hold you accountable when you do bad, When you put that out there then all the people who add you have a warning- and are adding you for the right reasons, someone whose not ready can re-add you when they are- with the disclaimer on your prof that says HEY if you eat crap and don't excersize I'm going to give you crap.

And this is why my diary is private. I am an almost 40 year-old woman, and I am the only one that is accountable for my actions. I do not need unsolicited criticism from people who are having trouble figuring out their own diets and/or exercise program. I stay under my goals on most days, but I do go over every once in a while, and I will usually write a statement when I close my diary as to why. Again...me being accountable to me. I also do not have a problem asking others for help if I need it. It would drive me crazy if someone made suggestions about my day...it's my day, dang it! But then, I have always been fiercely independent - so this is not a new thing for me. :laugh:

Each person has to figure out what works for them. If they are lying, the only person they are hurting is themselves. You know it, I know it, they know it. We can't do it for them - it has to come from them. I feel that my "job" on here as an MFP friend is to encourage and support, and give my opinion when asked. If I see that one of my friends is having a hard time, I find that a quick, "Hey - are you doing OK? Anything I can do to help?" msg goes a long way. That gives them an opportunity to open up and talk about what is going on...which is more helpful than picking apart their day.

Makes perfect sense to me!

Maybe being a few hundred calories over their daily goal *is* an achievement for some people if they were at one point huge eaters. They could be cutting down gradually. I'm not fussed about being a little under or over, so if someone was all "BAD VERY BAD" at my diary I'd not be impressed. Why not offer positive reinforcement for things like eating a lot of veg, getting in enough protein, a great day of exercise, etc, and send a pm to there's anything going on that they need to talk about? Could be that someone who's going over on calories is having a rough time and needs a friendly ear.

If you can't accept that some dieters go through periods with lots of bad days and still need to hear "hey, that's ok, you're doing great anyway", you should probably cull your friends list so that neither you nor the overeater is made unhappy by the friendship.

I believe in tough-love. I call it like I see it with my friends, no beating around the bush or sugar-coating. I won't be your crutch.

Same here.
And I have booted plenty who don't make the cut, and others have left the arena of accountability to cower in the estrogen echo chamber.
Weak, insecure people would rather get a WTG as they rush toward a cliff like a lemming.
Success oriented achievers see value in honest, free flowing feedback.

^ this guy is a jerk & will give you lots of opinions on every thread possible...............

On your question.. if you cant say anything nice, dont say anything at all.. it still holds true!

I usually stay out of people's diaries unless they specifically ask for feedback. Maybe that makes me a bad friend, but I know that by being here they are consciously reminding themselves of their goals and their efforts to meet them - I don't need to. I'm happy to congratulate them when they've done well or let them know where they could have done better when they ask me, but I don't feel that it's my place to intrude when I don't know why they made the choices they made.

This^^^^ & I also try to congratulate on their weight loss or NSV's, I also will make an effort to offer my opinion if they have posted something personal on their "wall" BUT generally I stay out of diaries

It isn't just the over eaters BUT the ones that are training like athletes & eating like children, better to stay quiet sometimes

Russ

I want to be held accountable x

I always appreciate encouragement from my friends and happy to receive their thoughts and opinions, even pointing out my flaws.
unfortunately some are very sensitive and hate it, just makes me wonder why they add friends and act like drama queens and knaves when someone gives a suggestion to help them improve in their weightloss plan.

I made that mistake once, a friend of mine had a right strop when I suggested trying some home cooked food rather than supermarket ready meals once in a while!

I'd like to be held accountable too, but I do see that most of the people on here that I am friends with, is doing this quite differently than me. I am really trying to eat -different- foods, lots of proteins and no more white bread, pasta and sugar. Not only to lose weight, but because these types of food makes my stomach hurt etc.

What I generally see is that a lot of people eat the same types of food they probably would otherwise, just in smaller amounts. Is that really good for them? I'm just asking, I'm not trying to judge, and that's why I'm not saying anything about it either.
The types of food some people eat every day, are now the types of food I eat when I slip, am having a carb-up-day or when I'm with family and don't get to cook my own food i.e. - not my everyday choices who consists of MAINLY proteins, then the other macros.

Am I wrong to feel like people who really want to succeed in the long run, for life, change their lifestyle etc, don't just eat smaller portions, but eat healthy food, more vegetables, meat and unprocessed foods?

I had a friend who has been working out for years, played sports on a high level and been around nutritionists, "call me out" on my daily meanplan and how carbs should be my main source of food if I am going to be low on calories.

What do you respond to these people? I don't wanna be rude and be like "lol you need to read up on nutrition sweetie", but I definitely don't want to ignore them or see them (especially this friend!) eat themselves depressed, having no energy after eating 1100 cals of bread only everyday etc.

Tough stuff!