Would you be hurt?

13»

Replies

  • Carrot1971
    Carrot1971 Posts: 272 Member
    Thats not the worst. My kids didn't do anything for my birthday either. They are 16, 14, and 13. They earn allowance so the "no money" excuse is out the door. So what is worse? People forgetting your birthday or not caring enough to do anything about it? Makes me feel like a horrible person right now.
  • vytamindi
    vytamindi Posts: 845 Member
    I would be hurt, but I would talk to him about this. I mean, immediately WHILE it was happening.

    Next time, I would let him and the kids go, and then on the money that wasn't spent on the vacation, I'd send myself on one.
  • Missmissy0003
    Missmissy0003 Posts: 250 Member
    Please go to counseling either individually or together. Or maybe speak with your clergyman.
  • AmyFett
    AmyFett Posts: 1,607 Member
    guys don't realize they're even doing something wrong half the time. The majority are airheads. Sounds like my hubby. Except had that been my child, I'd take her little butt back to the condo and let her sit there until she cooled off instead of letting her act like that in public.
  • kimad
    kimad Posts: 3,010 Member
    I would be uspet forsure.

    I am kind of into birthdays (even at almost 32) so what stung me the most of the entire post was that on YOUR birthday he got to have fun and you had to deal with your 5 year old. YOU should have been having fun and he sucked it up to care for her. I have 6.5 year old twins so I get the mood issue 100%.

    I am also a bit of a loud mouth, he would have known that very second that wasn't going to fly.

    I think it is worth mentioning to him...
  • christine24t
    christine24t Posts: 6,063 Member
    That's not saying he can't have a relationship or do things with mom or siblings. But his obligations are to you not them.
    That's not being selfish. Its called being a husband and a dad.

    Very true.
    Unless you said "go have fun with the family, i'll deal with our daughter," he should've stayed to help you with her. Not to mention he should at least plan a bday dinner for you, etc.
  • RejoicingL
    RejoicingL Posts: 95 Member
    Communication is key. Talk to him about how you feel, without being confrontational. My husband isn't the present type either, but I have just come to accept that's just who he is.
  • KatiD83
    KatiD83 Posts: 152 Member
    #FWP

    This.

    I'm convinced I'm never going to get married. According to these MFP forums, marriage and/or long-term relationships lead to petty situations where couples can't even have a simple, honest conversation with each other. Having a bad day because [significant other] [did something/didn't do something/said something/didn't say something]? TALK TO THEM FFS. THEY MADE A COMMITMENT TO YOU.

    EHRMAGERD RELATIONSHERPS


    Agreed! I'm single for life and happier because of it.
  • katrinkap
    katrinkap Posts: 443 Member
    I would be hurt too.... My husband NEVER does anything for my birthdays, so now I tell him what I am doing for my birthday... And I by myself a present and we are both ok with it... Weird I know, but it works for us!

    Also I am an extremely lucky woman when it comes to helping with the kiddos.... When one of the kids is in an ugly mood and I am at my breaking point, he takes over.. He is an amazing dad!
  • AmyFett
    AmyFett Posts: 1,607 Member
    It's funny to me.. after reading these posts.. why are women so vain? My husband doesn't give me flowers or cards or anything. We've been to hell and back for each other and I KNOW he loves me. Isn't that enough? I don't expect crap for my birthday, anniversary, anything like that. I tell him, if he wants to do something for me, all he needs to do is do the dishes or something simple like that. I don't understand the fascination with material things. I guess that's because I've literally lost it ALL once and after that, it seems meaningless, just be thankful you have each other and your children!
  • channel11
    channel11 Posts: 38 Member
    You have to communicate very clearly and in detail how he hurt you. If after a good heart to heart he is still as disassociated as the way he was on the trip (especially your birthday) then it's a much more difficult and deeper issue. I can't imagine any partner treating the other without respect and understanding, like he did to you. Communication is key for a loving, caring and compassionate relationship. I'd be shocked if this was the first time you felt this way about how your husband treats you. You already know in your heart exactly where your relationship is at. Onward ho, be strong, live the life you deserve to have.
  • acar414
    acar414 Posts: 19
    So, he knows he sucks as a husband. You know he's probably not going to change. You're not going to leave him over it. So, stop expecting anything for your birthday or anniversary. You're setting yourself up for disappointment if you keep thinking he will get you something or do something special. Treat yourself to a spa day or a new outfit that will make you feel good.

    I'm sorry but i don't agree with this advice. I think people are hard wired to "expect" things, especially on their birthday, ESPECIALLY from their husband. There is no excuse for not stopping at a store to, at the very least, pick up a birthday card. That's just blatantly rude and insensitive. Just because her husband acted like a jerk doesn't mean she should lower her standards-as his wife and mother of his child, she (or anyone in a situation like this) deserves MUCH more than that.
  • channel11
    channel11 Posts: 38 Member
    I think she's talking more about caring, respect and loving attention on her birthday rather than material things. I hear what you are saying about the material stuff and I totally get it and agree with you on that point.

    @ Dextress
  • AmyFett
    AmyFett Posts: 1,607 Member
    I think she's talking more about caring, respect and loving attention on her birthday rather than material things. I hear what you are saying about the material stuff and I totally get it and agree with you on that point.

    @ Dextress

    i didn't really mean just her, but just reading peoples' responses is what gets me. It's kind of disgusting.
  • channel11
    channel11 Posts: 38 Member
    I think she's talking more about caring, respect and loving attention on her birthday rather than material things. I hear what you are saying about the material stuff and I totally get it and agree with you on that point.

    @ Dextress

    i didn't really mean just her, but just reading peoples' responses is what gets me. It's kind of disgusting.

    I hear you, people can be pretty quick to judge, too bad for sure.
  • Melroxsox
    Melroxsox Posts: 1,040 Member
    It's funny to me.. after reading these posts.. why are women so vain? My husband doesn't give me flowers or cards or anything. We've been to hell and back for each other and I KNOW he loves me. Isn't that enough? I don't expect crap for my birthday, anniversary, anything like that. I tell him, if he wants to do something for me, all he needs to do is do the dishes or something simple like that. I don't understand the fascination with material things. I guess that's because I've literally lost it ALL once and after that, it seems meaningless, just be thankful you have each other and your children!
    exactly!
  • AmyFett
    AmyFett Posts: 1,607 Member
    I think she's talking more about caring, respect and loving attention on her birthday rather than material things. I hear what you are saying about the material stuff and I totally get it and agree with you on that point.

    @ Dextress

    i didn't really mean just her, but just reading peoples' responses is what gets me. It's kind of disgusting.

    I hear you, people can be pretty quick to judge, too bad for sure.

    I totally get where the OP is coming from, my hubby is an airhead at times too. But he doesn't do it on purpose. All these girls who are like WAAAHHH he didn't buy me flowers, it's pathetic!
  • kmm7309
    kmm7309 Posts: 802 Member
    Nobody's going to agree with me, but I wouldn't be all that upset. When I turned 21, I figured birthdays being about me were over, and I was right. This past birthday (23) I sat at home, by myself, all day, while my husband and his brother worked on fixing an old car for fun. It wasn't an ideal birthday, but it's really just another day at this point. We've never exchanged gifts, so that wouldn't bother me either. We don't even exchange anniversary/Christmas/Valentine's gifts. We've been married 7 years, and it's not that big of a deal anymore. We do pick one gift to buy ourselves on Christmas (last year was a TV), and that's it.
  • HealthyNFit4Life
    HealthyNFit4Life Posts: 185 Member
    I don't think the OP is feeling hurt because he didn't get her anything, she just felt like he didn't really acknowledge her on her birthday by leaving her with a whiney child, not getting a card, etc. I am sorry that you feel your children didn't do anything for your birthday either. I know that when I was a kid I didn't really do anything for my parents. We thought that saying happy birthday was enough. Since this is an ongoing issue, I suggest that you really sit down and talk with him to tell him how you are feeling. How does he act on general days towards you??
  • catshark209
    catshark209 Posts: 1,133 Member
    I would tell that since you didn't get really do anything on your birthday, that on a weekend you chose you going out and he gets to watch the kiddo! Don't give him a choice about it either, cuz it's clear he didn't give you one!

    THIS
  • glovepuppet
    glovepuppet Posts: 1,710 Member
    i'd forget his birthday and x-mas presents and then, next time i wanted a vacation, i'd go on my own and leave him home with the kids.

    cuts both ways.

    I kind of agree with this. I wouldn't be nasty or mean, but I definitely wouldn't make too big of an effort. Also, I would probably would stop any little things you might do to make him feel appreciated. I hate to say that -- but sometimes the only way to make people have empathy when they are THAT oblivious to upset them and shake them out of their little world. And after that kind of vacation, I would pretty much be booking a weekend get away for myself at a spa or fancy hotel.
    exactly. you don't need to be nasty or mean.
    if not getting a present bothers him then he learns how bad she felt. but even if not getting a present doesn't bother him then he's still given her the gift of child free time in which to have some 'me time' and some fun.
  • Ayla70
    Ayla70 Posts: 284 Member
    I think I'd be more pissed than hurt. It's a vacation for everyone so why should you be the only one stuck dealing with your child. You guys could have taken turns staying with her. I think you should talk to him about it so you can avoid this sort of thing in the future... it's possible he didn't realize what a tool he was being. I don't think I'd be too bothered by his lack of creativity and effort in getting you gifts... I think most guys generally suck at it. I'd be more upset at how he treated you on your birthday.

    ^^ this...
  • slkehl
    slkehl Posts: 3,801 Member
    I would be but I think adults tend to go into kid mode around their parents and siblings. Which could explain the lack of responsibility. I wouldn't worry about it too much if this has only happened a couple times. There's worse things in life.
  • SouthernSweetie74
    SouthernSweetie74 Posts: 844
    I haven't read through all of the replies, so this may have been addressed already.

    You are obviously very hurt by your husband's actions. My concern is that you are coming here, to strangers on a public forum, asking if it's okay for you to be hurt. You do not need anyone else's permission to be hurt, and it doesn't matter whether anyone else would be hurt by these kinds of actions from a significant other. If his actions bother you, they bother you, and you need to talk to him about your feelings. You need to sit down with him and have a conversation either completely alone, just the two of you, or, perhaps, with a neutral party who can mediate. Communication is one of the most important aspects of a healthy relationship. You need to clearly communicate your desires, your needs, and your feelings. You should also be willing to listen to his thoughts and ideas, and you should both be willing to compromise and do what it takes to serve each other. But you cannot control your husband's actions. You can only control your own, so you need to make up your mind how you feel and how you want to be treated and how you are going to treat him before you ever even know his response. If his response is negative, how are you going to deal with that? It's okay for you to feel the way you do. It's okay to be hurt, to be angry. What's not okay is for you to bottle it up and hide it and let it grow and swell. I did glance at a couple of posts long enough to see that you said something in a joking manner. He may not get it when you do that. You need to sit him down and tell him exactly how you feel, all joking put away.

    Thank you. That will be $200. :tongue: LOL Jk :smile: :flowerforyou:

Categories