Down on Myself

alyssatuininga
alyssatuininga Posts: 29 Member
in Motivation and Support
Support/advice/suggestions needed. Like many of us I started this journey mostly for health reason. I wanted to feel better, not be so tired all the time, have my joints hurt less, be able to play with kids more, and just generally feel strong and fit. I didn't feel that way at 192lbs but I also did it to just feel better about myself. After 3 kids and gaining like 50 lbs I just felt fat and icky. I was hoping as I worked hard, lost weight and accomplished my goals I would start to feel better about myself. For some inexplicable reason it seems like lately I am feeling the opposite. I am down to a size 12, just hit 170 lbs and I am so much stronger/more fit. I can bike 20 miles, I can run 3-4 miles, and I can swim 3/4 mile. My muscles are so much more defined, my body is changing shape and even I can look in the mirror and see the difference. BUT I feel like I struggle everyday though with feeling like it isn't enough. Every time I step on the scale I am not like "yeah I lost another lb (or 2)". I am like "big deal another lb". I am working out 7-10 hard working hours a week and I never feel like it is enough. Yesterday I shaved almost 10 minutes off my tri bike route doing it alone and yet I wasn't happy or proud I was just pissed at myself for having to stop and take a break halfway up the hill of pure evil. At the end of a workout I don't feel glad or proud I feel bad that I didn't do more that day. I know some of it is the nervousness I feel about my sprint tri coming up in about 6 weeks but I think most of it is mental and I don't get it. I tend to be a perfectionist but this is driving me crazy. Anyone else experience this???

Replies

  • simeson
    simeson Posts: 10 Member
    I have the "never good enough" attitude as well. It SUCKS because I am the best coach and supporter to those around me but tend to never be good to myself.
    A few things I do to make it easier on myself.....

    1. I write a gratitude journal every day. I pick ten things and before I go to bed at night I write 10 things that I am thankful for. IE) jogging that extra three minutes....not choosing the cookie....the jeans being looser then last week....buying a smaller bra this time around. Sounds hokey and it can be tough to actually stick with it daily but its REALLY made a HUGE difference in my world.

    2. I started reading some daily affirmations in the morning. I did this because I do A LOT of negative self talk. Its just in my blood to keep pushing harder, better, faster and in doing that I don't allow for self praise. So I take two minutes and read this list before I start my day. I'd be happy to share it with you just shoot me a message.

    For people like you and I who strive for perfection and have finally found some movement towards our goal actually finding pride can be tough. Write yourself a journal, write notes and stick them to your mirror of positive things. Do you have a cheerleader in your life giving your props for all the wonderful things you are doing??

    Have you done a side by side before and during picture?? It might help to visually see how far you've come!! Be proud that you're not only changing your life but the lives your children are living and the way they see you is being affected as well!

    Keep at it girl
    xo
  • TeachTheGirl
    TeachTheGirl Posts: 2,091 Member
    Sadly, I see myself in a lot of what you're saying.

    I find the thing that upsets me the most is that I find something that helps me feel better about myself, but after a while of practicing that method, it doesn't do what it once did and I find myself seeking something else to make me feel validated. I struggle with feelings of inadequacy daily and it's really difficult to talk to anyone about it because they don't understand the mental turmoil going on inside of my head and heart.

    I wish I could offer some advice, but I look forward to finding more tools to help me in my journey and I will gladly pass along anything I find that works!

Categories