The Fat Mom
DanniB423
Posts: 777 Member
My 1st grader came home today and was visibily upset getting off the bus. I asked her what was wrong and she said she didn't want to tell me. I told her that I couldn't help her feel better if she didn't tell me what was bothering her. She said "I am sad because today a girl in my class said something so mean. She said that she is so lucky because she has a skinny mom and my mom and *enter little boys name*'s Mom are big fat Moms." As soon as I regained color in my face I explained to her that what the girl said was mean and that you should never comment on anyones outside appearance and it is what is INSIDE that matters, etc. My daughter went to play and I sat the couch feeling like I had been kicked in the stomach. My eyes filled with tears. I KNOW the little girl is a just a kid. I totally get that. Kids say stuff they don't mean or understand sometimes. But boy that hurt. It hurt 1. Because I am a fat mom. 2. My daughter has NEVER commented on weight at anytime what so ever. She is my best little friend and it hurt my feelings FOR her that someone insulted me because she was so visibily sad by it. 3. My daughter had never called a person fat or mentioned "fat" to me prior. I am her mom. She loves me. And now someone pointed out my flaw. Like oh.. My mom is fat? That is bad? Should I feel something about it? It was just a flood of emotion. And also motivation I guess. I also hope this little girl was just talking and that she is not getting any pressure to be thin at home.. in a negative way I mean. I don't know. It was just embarassing and eye opening. Thanks for reading.
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I'm sorry that happened to you. Having little kids point out things can be the absolute worst. I'm sorry that you and your daughter had to experience that.0
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Aw I am so sorry you went through that, it sounds awful! But it does teach you something about your parenting, doesn't it? I mean, you said your daughter has never commented on your weight or anyone elses, which looks to me like you have taught her that it is what is on the inside that counts. Same can't be said for the other little girl's mum. Just be proud of yourself for teaching that to your little girl.
I know I am making judgements here when I obviously don't know anyone involved, so I'm sorry about that! Your post just got to me. I really hope you are feeling better.0 -
Bless your heart; kids can be so cruel. I wonder what her "skinny" mom is teaching her about how to treat people. I tell my daughter that people come in all sizes; you said the right things to your daughter and she will be the better person for it. Peace.
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Oh yikes. I'm sorry. My kids joke about fat people (they're in 1st grade too) and I try to nip it in the butt, but they got it from school. If it's any help, they don't really mean anything by it... they just find it fun, like fart jokes... but yes it stings. I admit it's one of the parts of kids growing up that I really wasn't looking forward to.0
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I'm so sorry that happened to you. Chances are the little girl knew exactly how mean she was being--kids can be really cruel! It sounds like you handled it really well with your daughter. I wouldn't worry about it changing the way she views you. There will always be bullies in life who will find SOMETHING to criticize, whether it's too fat or too thin. I know it's easier said than done, but try to let it go and not think about it. Don't let a little 6 year old bully get the better of you!!!! BTW FWIW you look really beautiful in your picture. :-)0
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Soon they will start telling her: "Your momma is so fat...." jokes. Its inevitable.0
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Bless your heart; kids can be so cruel. I wonder what her "skinny" mom is teaching her about how to treat people. I tell my daughter that people come in all sizes; you said the right things to your daughter and she will be the better person for it. Peace.
I was thinking the same thing, and it may be that the "skinny" mom is not even aware of what she is teaching her impressionable child. She is probably sitting on the phone, yakking away with her other "skinny mom" friends, while the kid is within earshot. They are little sponges like that.
Be proud of the fact that you are raising your daughter the right way, by being a thoughtful active parent.0 -
Thanks so much everyone. I appreciate it! And I know kids are kids and may find it fun. But being the punchline and having my daughter upset about it just stunk to high heavens. That had never happened to me before
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Sorry that you and your little girl were hurt by that, I know if that I would be crushed if my daughter came home and told me that. It sounds like she didn't want to tell you what was said because she knew it would hurt your feelings. You should feel good about that because it sounds like you're raising a very thoughtful and respectful child. Hope your day gets better!0
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Even though it hurt you, (understandably so) Well done for using it as an opportunity to teach your sweet girl that beauty comes from with in. Keep it up!0
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Thank you! That is so nice. I was thinking to myself.. oh man it is my MISSION to make sure MY child is never the one making the comment to make someone feel how I do right now! We can only do our best but boy are they little impressionable sponges.LeslieB042812 wrote: »I'm so sorry that happened to you. Chances are the little girl knew exactly how mean she was being--kids can be really cruel! It sounds like you handled it really well with your daughter. I wouldn't worry about it changing the way she views you. There will always be bullies in life who will find SOMETHING to criticize, whether it's too fat or too thin. I know it's easier said than done, but try to let it go and not think about it. Don't let a little 6 year old bully get the better of you!!!! BTW FWIW you look really beautiful in your picture. :-)
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I am sorry both you and your child had to go through that. I am glad you were able to make something positive out of it for your daughter. I have a 5th, 2nd, K, and 2 younger children. Commenting on a person's physical appearance in any way has been discussed a lot in our home as well. Usually because they think anyone who is large "has a baby in their tummy", and it has to be explained. Or they see any other abnormality and think they need to loudly discuss it. I don't want my children to be the mean kids. I was really big as a child, and I have things pretty under control now, but I know how awful it felt whenever I would get teased, or someone would comment on my weight. I have become very proud of how my kids relate to people of different shapes, sizes, and appearance, and I see you are doing that for your daughter as well. GREAT JOB MOM!!!
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She did say she did not want to tell me because I might be sad! I assured it that I was okay and just wanted her to know how important it was to never do something like that to someone! I was crushed. Totally SHOCKED and crushed. But it also gave me a nudge and reaffirmed that this journey is one I need to be on!mimismommy11 wrote: »Sorry that you and your little girl were hurt by that, I know if that I would be crushed if my daughter came home and told me that. It sounds like she didn't want to tell you what was said because she knew it would hurt your feelings. You should feel good about that because it sounds like you're raising a very thoughtful and respectful child. Hope your day gets better!
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Thank so much. My sister and my daughter's aunt survived cancer. She is legally blind and has no hair due to her chemo. She has always known why and how her aunt looks a little different and that is okay! I think being with her daily has influenced my daughter not to be so effected by seeing someone with an abnormality or different look. Not all kids have that or are so used it. So that I am thankful for.I am sorry both you and your child had to go through that. I am glad you were able to make something positive out of it for your daughter. I have a 5th, 2nd, K, and 2 younger children. Commenting on a person's physical appearance in any way has been discussed a lot in our home as well. Usually because they think anyone who is large "has a baby in their tummy", and it has to be explained. Or they see any other abnormality and think they need to loudly discuss it. I don't want my children to be the mean kids. I was really big as a child, and I have things pretty under control now, but I know how awful it felt whenever I would get teased, or someone would comment on my weight. I have become very proud of how my kids relate to people of different shapes, sizes, and appearance, and I see you are doing that for your daughter as well. GREAT JOB MOM!!!
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I have always been the fat mom! When my 18yo was little someone made a similar comment, her comeback was well at least my mom is comfy to hug.
Also, when same daughter was in first grade a little boy told her she had a mustache, her answer to to that was "that's okay..My mom has a beard.. BAHAAHAHA..So my answer is at least you are not the fat AND hairy mom! 0 -
Oh dear, this is awful. I actually can relate to your daughter a lot, since a similar thing happened to me. My mom was thin when I was growing up, but she made a point to NEVER talk about weight with me (hers, mine, or anyone else's), so I didn't think at all about 'fatness' until I was 10--I remember then that my aunt laughed at me for having 'fat' thighs, and said I was chubby (I was actually at the low end of normal weight for my height at the time). That made me feel really bad about my self-image for the first time. Also, my aunt made fun of my mom for being fat and told her she should go on a diet (my mom is 120 lbs, lol). My aunt and her daughter are both super thin, and I still feel kind of bad when I see them (even though I am still lower end of normal BMI) because they make little jabs at my weight.
OP, you are doing a GREAT job by raising your daughter with the right attitude. It's unfortunate that she'll hear these things from outside--just try to keep doing what you're doing. I'm still so, so, so grateful that my mom never talked about dieting to me growing up. I knew some girls my age in elementary (!) who were already 'dieting', and I never bought into that since I never heard that kind of talk at home.
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LOL too funny! Sounds like your daughter has a great personality! And you as wellfunfatfriend wrote: »I have always been the fat mom! When my 18yo was little someone made a similar comment, her comeback was well at least my mom is comfy to hug. Also, when same daughter was in first grade a little boy told her she had a mustache, her answer to to that was "that's okay..My mom has a beard.. BAHAAHAHA..So my answer is at least you are not the fat AND hairy mom!
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Your story gave me a flashback. In Junior High I heard my friend on the bus, my next door neighbour, joke to her seatmates about my dad looking like "Santa Claus". I ended our "friendship" that day. By the way, later in life dad faced a few issues, adult onset diabetes being one of them, and he lost a significant amount of weight. He is working to be as healthy as he can be so he can be with us longer. Who has character? Who is the model for who I want to be?0
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I'm sorry, Huggsssss0
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You made me tear up... You're a good mommy...0
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Oh Dana! I am so sorry! How hurtful for you and your wonderful, loving daughter! Your post brought back so many memories for me. I was the fat mom, at my biggest I was 386 pounds. My husband and my children loved me anyway and never acted like they were ashamed of me. My younger son, even in high school , had no problem hugging me in front of his friends. Come to think of it, even his friends hugged me. But there were others who taunted them from time to time about their "fat mom".
I decided to get serious about my weight long after the kids were grown and gone because it started impacting my life and health. I guess once I hit my 50's my body decided it wasn't willing to support that extra couple of people in weight anymore.
Although this was painful for you, maybe this can be your wakeup call? You don't have to be the fat mom. I guess what I'm saying is don't wait to get healthy like I did. I wasted so many years being too fat to do things with my family. Take it from a former fat mom, it's so much better to be the healthy mom. Forget skinny, that's for unhealthy folks. You want to be the normal weight and healthy mom, and you can be.0 -
Tammy_1971 wrote: »You made me tear up... You're a good mommy...
Aw thank you! That means so much!0 -
Thank you so much!! I do not want to wait! I have started this journey and it has been a rollercoaster. And as much as it hurt it also felt like a kick in the butt! I am proud of you and happy for you that you are the healthy mom now!pawoodhull wrote: »Oh Dana! I am so sorry! How hurtful for you and your wonderful, loving daughter! Your post brought back so many memories for me. I was the fat mom, at my biggest I was 386 pounds. My husband and my children loved me anyway and never acted like they were ashamed of me. My younger son, even in high school , had no problem hugging me in front of his friends. Come to think of it, even his friends hugged me. But there were others who taunted them from time to time about their "fat mom".
I decided to get serious about my weight long after the kids were grown and gone because it started impacting my life and health. I guess once I hit my 50's my body decided it wasn't willing to support that extra couple of people in weight anymore.
Although this was painful for you, maybe this can be your wakeup call? You don't have to be the fat mom. I guess what I'm saying is don't wait to get healthy like I did. I wasted so many years being too fat to do things with my family. Take it from a former fat mom, it's so much better to be the healthy mom. Forget skinny, that's for unhealthy folks. You want to be the normal weight and healthy mom, and you can be.
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Your story gave me a flashback. In Junior High I heard my friend on the bus, my next door neighbour, joke to her seatmates about my dad looking like "Santa Claus". I ended our "friendship" that day. By the way, later in life dad faced a few issues, adult onset diabetes being one of them, and he lost a significant amount of weight. He is working to be as healthy as he can be so he can be with us longer. Who has character? Who is the model for who I want to be?
That is horrible! Big kudos to your father for getting healthy!0 -
That terrible. Kids don't mean it but is still hurts. You sound like a great mom! *Hugs.0
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I would not care about how other people felt, but I would really want to know how my daughter felt about my fatness. That can be a loaded question, but honest. You do not want it to be the gorilla in the room now.0
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Hmmmmmm I don't know. I feel like she should continue to see people for beyond what is on the outside. I do not see it that way. I do not feel there is any "gorilla" in the room. She hasn't mention it and is going on about her evening just fine. I do not think I need to sit down with my six year old and say "So, now that someone told you I am fat. What do you think about Mommy being fat?" Why would I do that?I would not care about how other people felt, but I would really want to know how my daughter felt about my fatness. That can be a loaded question, but honest. You do not want it to be the gorilla in the room now.
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And she knows Mommy has been working very hard to make better choices and "be HEALTHY" not "smaller". We take walks together.. Talk about fruits and vegetables and have even started cooking together. MFP has helped me in the right direction. I still have a long way to go but I feel a conversation like that would be a step backwards. I am on my way.0
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DanniBuchanan1 wrote: »And she knows Mommy has been working very hard to make better choices and "be HEALTHY" not "smaller". We take walks together.. Talk about fruits and vegetables and have even started cooking together. MFP has helped me in the right direction. I still have a long way to go but I feel a conversation like that would be a step backwards. I am on my way.
It doesn't sound like you need to change a thing. 0 -
My son (he's in 2nd grade) and I recently had to have this talk, because someone called HIM fat. So we talked about how people come in all shapes and sizes, that fat isn't "bad", it's just one of the parts that make up our bodies (like muscle, bones, skin).
We talked about how we love people that are tall, short, young, old, etc, and we don't love them more or less because of how their body looks. And that laughing about the way someone looks is rude and hurtful.0
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