The Fat Mom
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Oh Dana! I am so sorry! How hurtful for you and your wonderful, loving daughter! Your post brought back so many memories for me. I was the fat mom, at my biggest I was 386 pounds. My husband and my children loved me anyway and never acted like they were ashamed of me. My younger son, even in high school , had no problem hugging me in front of his friends. Come to think of it, even his friends hugged me. But there were others who taunted them from time to time about their "fat mom".
I decided to get serious about my weight long after the kids were grown and gone because it started impacting my life and health. I guess once I hit my 50's my body decided it wasn't willing to support that extra couple of people in weight anymore.
Although this was painful for you, maybe this can be your wakeup call? You don't have to be the fat mom. I guess what I'm saying is don't wait to get healthy like I did. I wasted so many years being too fat to do things with my family. Take it from a former fat mom, it's so much better to be the healthy mom. Forget skinny, that's for unhealthy folks. You want to be the normal weight and healthy mom, and you can be.0 -
Tammy_1971 wrote: »You made me tear up... You're a good mommy...
Aw thank you! That means so much!0 -
Thank you so much!! I do not want to wait! I have started this journey and it has been a rollercoaster. And as much as it hurt it also felt like a kick in the butt! I am proud of you and happy for you that you are the healthy mom now!pawoodhull wrote: »Oh Dana! I am so sorry! How hurtful for you and your wonderful, loving daughter! Your post brought back so many memories for me. I was the fat mom, at my biggest I was 386 pounds. My husband and my children loved me anyway and never acted like they were ashamed of me. My younger son, even in high school , had no problem hugging me in front of his friends. Come to think of it, even his friends hugged me. But there were others who taunted them from time to time about their "fat mom".
I decided to get serious about my weight long after the kids were grown and gone because it started impacting my life and health. I guess once I hit my 50's my body decided it wasn't willing to support that extra couple of people in weight anymore.
Although this was painful for you, maybe this can be your wakeup call? You don't have to be the fat mom. I guess what I'm saying is don't wait to get healthy like I did. I wasted so many years being too fat to do things with my family. Take it from a former fat mom, it's so much better to be the healthy mom. Forget skinny, that's for unhealthy folks. You want to be the normal weight and healthy mom, and you can be.
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Your story gave me a flashback. In Junior High I heard my friend on the bus, my next door neighbour, joke to her seatmates about my dad looking like "Santa Claus". I ended our "friendship" that day. By the way, later in life dad faced a few issues, adult onset diabetes being one of them, and he lost a significant amount of weight. He is working to be as healthy as he can be so he can be with us longer. Who has character? Who is the model for who I want to be?
That is horrible! Big kudos to your father for getting healthy!0 -
That terrible. Kids don't mean it but is still hurts. You sound like a great mom! *Hugs.0
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I would not care about how other people felt, but I would really want to know how my daughter felt about my fatness. That can be a loaded question, but honest. You do not want it to be the gorilla in the room now.0
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Hmmmmmm I don't know. I feel like she should continue to see people for beyond what is on the outside. I do not see it that way. I do not feel there is any "gorilla" in the room. She hasn't mention it and is going on about her evening just fine. I do not think I need to sit down with my six year old and say "So, now that someone told you I am fat. What do you think about Mommy being fat?" Why would I do that?I would not care about how other people felt, but I would really want to know how my daughter felt about my fatness. That can be a loaded question, but honest. You do not want it to be the gorilla in the room now.
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And she knows Mommy has been working very hard to make better choices and "be HEALTHY" not "smaller". We take walks together.. Talk about fruits and vegetables and have even started cooking together. MFP has helped me in the right direction. I still have a long way to go but I feel a conversation like that would be a step backwards. I am on my way.0
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DanniBuchanan1 wrote: »And she knows Mommy has been working very hard to make better choices and "be HEALTHY" not "smaller". We take walks together.. Talk about fruits and vegetables and have even started cooking together. MFP has helped me in the right direction. I still have a long way to go but I feel a conversation like that would be a step backwards. I am on my way.
It doesn't sound like you need to change a thing.
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My son (he's in 2nd grade) and I recently had to have this talk, because someone called HIM fat. So we talked about how people come in all shapes and sizes, that fat isn't "bad", it's just one of the parts that make up our bodies (like muscle, bones, skin).
We talked about how we love people that are tall, short, young, old, etc, and we don't love them more or less because of how their body looks. And that laughing about the way someone looks is rude and hurtful.0 -
Oh my goodness!! That is terrible that someone said that to him! But I love your message to him! It is SO true!My son (he's in 2nd grade) and I recently had to have this talk, because someone called HIM fat. So we talked about how people come in all shapes and sizes, that fat isn't "bad", it's just one of the parts that make up our bodies (like muscle, bones, skin).
We talked about how we love people that are tall, short, young, old, etc, and we don't love them more or less because of how their body looks. And that laughing about the way someone looks is rude and hurtful.
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we want our kids to be accepting, sure. But we are also their role models....I wouldn't want my kids to think being overweight is ok, because I want them to be healthy. No one should be calling names or making fun of anyone for their looks, whether it is something they can't control like a birth mark or something they CAN control, like their weight, but to sugar coat it and not really talk about it.....I dunno.0
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I see what you mean but I feel the changes i am making with food and activity speak louder than words. She knows it it for health.Jennloella wrote: »we want our kids to be accepting, sure. But we are also their role models....I wouldn't want my kids to think being overweight is ok, because I want them to be healthy. No one should be calling names or making fun of anyone for their looks, whether it is something they can't control like a birth mark or something they CAN control, like their weight, but to sugar coat it and not really talk about it.....I dunno.
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Well, I suppose it doesn't matter what your daughter thinks then? I am more concerned with what my children think than anyone else but it is difficult to read my children's minds. And as they say, what you 'do' speaks volumes over what you 'say'! But I also think that if you are overweight, and I have lived in neighborhoods where it was all about your look, house, etc, and I was 20 lbs overweight, then you better get used to comments, because they never go away and they are everywhere.
Good luck on the healthy lifestyle and getting to where you want to be.
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DanniBuchanan1 wrote: »My 1st grader came home today and was visibily upset getting off the bus. I asked her what was wrong and she said she didn't want to tell me. I told her that I couldn't help her feel better if she didn't tell me what was bothering her. She said "I am sad because today a girl in my class said something so mean. She said that she is so lucky because she has a skinny mom and my mom and *enter little boys name*'s Mom are big fat Moms." As soon as I regained color in my face I explained to her that what the girl said was mean and that you should never comment on anyones outside appearance and it is what is INSIDE that matters, etc. My daughter went to play and I sat the couch feeling like I had been kicked in the stomach. My eyes filled with tears. I KNOW the little girl is a just a kid. I totally get that. Kids say stuff they don't mean or understand sometimes. But boy that hurt. It hurt 1. Because I am a fat mom. 2. My daughter has NEVER commented on weight at anytime what so ever. She is my best little friend and it hurt my feelings FOR her that someone insulted me because she was so visibily sad by it. 3. My daughter had never called a person fat or mentioned "fat" to me prior. I am her mom. She loves me. And now someone pointed out my flaw. Like oh.. My mom is fat? That is bad? Should I feel something about it? It was just a flood of emotion. And also motivation I guess. I also hope this little girl was just talking and that she is not getting any pressure to be thin at home.. in a negative way I mean. I don't know. It was just embarassing and eye opening. Thanks for reading.
That is really upsetting. Really upsetting. Feel the upset, but use it to make yourself feel better. Use it to work a little harder and to eat a little better. Sticks and stones etc....words do hurt and when they hurt our babies, they're very real. Don't let it beat you. Beat it.
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DanniBuchanan1 wrote: »And she knows Mommy has been working very hard to make better choices and "be HEALTHY" not "smaller". We take walks together.. Talk about fruits and vegetables and have even started cooking together. MFP has helped me in the right direction. I still have a long way to go but I feel a conversation like that would be a step backwards. I am on my way.
Good attitude! It's about being healthy not being smaller as you said or a certain number on the scale or clothing tag. My younger daughter struggles with her weight as I did. Frankly I taught her how to be fat, not how to be healthy. Her daughter is now above her healthy weight range. This is not a legacy you want to give your daughter and it sounds like you are already making those changes to pattern healthy eating and attitude about weight. You sound like an awesome mom with good, sound attitudes to share with your daughter. Keep it up! You are headed in the right direction.
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This is one of my fears and part of my motivation for my son. I know kids can be cruel, kids made fun of my mom when I was in school. My mom was also a lunch lady so it didn't help things. I don't want my son to ever be in that situation. So every time I start slipping I keep in mind he'll start school next year and how by me getting myself healthy and into shape I can save him and myself some heartache.
I feel for you and your daughter, but I'm happy to hear you're doing something and including her instead of just saying it'll be ok and ignoring the situation.0 -
Jennloella wrote: »we want our kids to be accepting, sure. But we are also their role models....I wouldn't want my kids to think being overweight is ok, because I want them to be healthy. No one should be calling names or making fun of anyone for their looks, whether it is something they can't control like a birth mark or something they CAN control, like their weight, but to sugar coat it and not really talk about it.....I dunno.
I think the most important thing she can teach her child is how not to be rude- and it seems like she nailed it. We don't need to have the debate about who can and who can't control their weight, as we don't know who's struggling with issues like thyroid problems, uncontrolled PCOS, and a host of other conditions. Her mother is showing her that she's making positive changes to lead a healthier lifestyle. There's one thing for sure, you can control being rude- like the child that pointed out the "fat mommies", and teaching your children to respect the dignity of every human being is one of the most important things they will ever learn.
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The thing is there are more and more fat mommies and children then thinner. I am a fat mom. I know it. My kids know it. But they also know I want to be healthy and thinner. They are both so skinny and extremely active. They worry they will be fat like me. It is our culture as well. I have taught them if they remain active and do not eat junk and are healthy eating they will not be fat. They don't eat junk and I make sure they are active. I try to lead by example by being as active now as I can and losing the weight. I have also taught them to never call names or make fun of a thin or fat person and why it is not nice to stare or talk about or treat anyone different no matter how they look.0
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That's hardcore motivation to get in the shape you want0
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