Non supportive spouse

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jklavenga
jklavenga Posts: 8
in Motivation and Support
Who would think that when I finally made the decision to make some healthy changes that my husband would not be supportive?
Twelve years ago when we met I was 100 pounds lighter. Medical issues and laziness have added weight, depression and general bad attitude to my daily life. I would of have thought he would be thrilled with my decision to get healthy.
Confused, but still continuing.
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Replies

  • wmcmurray61
    wmcmurray61 Posts: 192 Member
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    Don't let him rain on your parade. He may feel a little jealous that you are doing something for you. Or maybe he has weight problems of his own and he doesn't want you to change so he won't have to think about changing himself. whatever the reason for this lack of support, you need to completely ignore his stance and do this for yourself. Because it could save your life.
  • jklavenga
    jklavenga Posts: 8
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    Thank you. Hoping that he will change his views when he realizes I am not changing mine. Hes not one ounce over weight. Works construction and is as fit as he was at 21.
  • libbydoodle11
    libbydoodle11 Posts: 1,351 Member
    edited October 2014
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    Non supportive like he won't watch the kids while you go to the gym? Take the kids with or have grandma watch them. Non supportive like he doesn't think you should lose the weight? Explain how much healthier you will be. Non supportive like he won't go to the gym with you? Who cares? You gotta take care of yourself. Non supportive like he eats oreos and kettle chips in front of you? You can have a serving of each if it fits into your daily calorie allotment.

    You are the only one responsible for taking care of you and making sure that your health is in tact. Keep on plugging away despite the obstacles. You are the one in charge here.



    What is your definition of non supportive?
  • joanthemom8
    joanthemom8 Posts: 375 Member
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    My husband isn't very supportive either. He thinks life should go on as always...but we've been married almost 25 years and we've both gained a little weight. I'm trying to be healthier, but he doesn't see that weight or lifestyle is an issue. I'm actually worried about him... even though he's not supportive of me, I know my own health is my responsibility. So, basically, I just ignore him (in this area, at least). Good luck to you!
  • Aine8046
    Aine8046 Posts: 2,122 Member
    edited October 2014
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    What is your definition of supportive? My husband would not join me for exercise, walks, or runs. And he keeps buying (and eating >:) ) cakes, pizzas, beer, and other not-very-healthy-stuff. Should I mention it does not affect his weight? >:) But he does not question me going for a run or buying protein bars. He is not very happy my new activities take hours from our family time weekly - but he handles it... This is supportive enough for me :)
  • blktngldhrt
    blktngldhrt Posts: 1,053 Member
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    I know how it feels. It's very hard to deal with a person you love not understanding or being supportive of your want to help yourself. Mine has no understanding of my health issues, doesn't make an effort to learn about it, and thinks I should just be able to exercise and push through; even though pushing through low blood glucose isn't advised. He's 5'11" 145 despite the fact that he eats horribly so he has no idea what it's like.

    My advice: Ignore him and keep on bettering yourself. You don't need his approval to do what's right for you. :)
  • mccindy72
    mccindy72 Posts: 7,001 Member
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    It's a little difficult to comment about the situation, as you are vague about it. How is your husband not supportive about your decision? Please elaborate.
  • VelveteenArabian
    VelveteenArabian Posts: 758 Member
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    How is he not supporting you?
  • ebbiewilliams9
    ebbiewilliams9 Posts: 69 Member
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    I'd try asking for support personally. "I just wanted to let you know that getting healthy and losing this weight is really important to me. I could really use your support." and let him know in what ways he can support you, but don't demand, ask, try to make a deal and let him know his help would make it easier for you.

  • QueenSuzyBee
    QueenSuzyBee Posts: 2
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    It would be a lot easier if we could go on this journey together. My husband is overweight with numerous medical issues like I am. I try my best to get good, wholesome, healthy foods in the house, but I can't tell you how many times he brings home "treats" from the grocery store. I have begged him to hide or lock away the chips, candy and cookies, but he refuses.

    I started going to the gym again about a month ago, and while it's not easy, it make me feel a lot better psychologically (not physically yet). He is supportive of this effort at times, but at other times he tells me how "unwell" and "awful" I look when I get home exhausted.

    Sometimes I feel he wants me to fail and be fat and miserable with him. He's been bugging me for months to get weight-loss surgery, but because of gastroparesis, I'm not a candidate. Also, I know that won't be the answer for me, as I keep eating even when I'm way past the point of being full.
  • angelexperiment
    angelexperiment Posts: 1,917 Member
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    QueenSuzyBee wrote: »
    It would be a lot easier if we could go on this journey together. My husband is overweight with numerous medical issues like I am. I try my best to get good, wholesome, healthy foods in the house, but I can't tell you how many times he brings home "treats" from the grocery store. I have begged him to hide or lock away the chips, candy and cookies, but he refuses.

    I started going to the gym again about a month ago, and while it's not easy, it make me feel a lot better psychologically (not physically yet). He is supportive of this effort at times, but at other times he tells me how "unwell" and "awful" I look when I get home exhausted.

    Sometimes I feel he wants me to fail and be fat and miserable with him. He's been bugging me for months to get weight-loss surgery, but because of gastroparesis, I'm not a candidate. Also, I know that won't be the answer for me, as I keep eating even when I'm way past the point of being full.
    Have him get you a healthy treat or drink like coconut water. I did this with my husband and I hide the sweets or have him hide them or I will throw them away. He will get the message eventually! My husband is not supportive I have fights every time I want to walk or workout! So hard guys! But I will not let him stand in my way! So add me any support is welcoming! You just steel yourself up ladies and say I will I can I must!
  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
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    How is he not supportive? :huh:
  • SallyJones1985
    SallyJones1985 Posts: 55 Member
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    Mine isn't supportive either, he constantly tells me I don't need to lose weight (I'm just over 200lbs, so clearly I do), and rolls his eyes every time I go to log anything. Personally I think he's worried about how hot I'm going to be (lol, telling myself I'm going to be hot helps keep me going, even if its not true) and just ignore and carry on anyway. He wants bacon and egg baps every day hes off work? Fine, I'll find a healthy alternative so I don't feel like I'm missing out and just not mention the foody styuff to him
  • opalsqueak007
    opalsqueak007 Posts: 433 Member
    edited October 2014
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    In the end, you are doing it for yourself, and by yourself. My husband is young, slim and strong, and does not know what it is to be overweight, so I would not expect him to join in / support me as he has never been fat or unfit in his life, and therefore cannot relate. As long as he doesn't force feed me Snickers bars, that's fine :)
    Edit - he also has no idea of what calories are - he bought me a pack of ginger biscuits yesterday, - 150 calories per biscuit, and said "here's a little something for you to have a small snack when you are hungry - lllloool ;)
  • getyourbeans
    getyourbeans Posts: 80 Member
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    I kinda get where you're coming from - I have a very loving boyfriend who constantly tells me I'm beautiful just as I am - it actually causes some arguments, because he thinks I don't accept/value his view, whereas I get annoyed that he doesn't recognise I want to lose weight for ME and how I feel. He is not the healthiest eater and I find that my discipline often wavers when we are together - he is not afraid to eat delicious or high calorie food in front of me. That's really more my issue though - I'm the one that needs to manage my self control and the food that goes into my mouth. While it would be nice for our spouses to be exactly the kind of cheering squads we wanted them to be, I think it's more realistic that we find ways to self motivate and appreciate the support (at whatever level) our partners do give us.
  • logg1e
    logg1e Posts: 1,208 Member
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    WTF? Come on - how many of you would refuse to support your partner? How many of you would not mind your children so your partner could exercise? How many of you would insist on having crap food in the house, let alone eating it in front of your partner? How many of you would undermine or sabatage a loved one's attempts to be happier and healthier?

    "Appreciate the support at any level" my foot!
  • logg1e
    logg1e Posts: 1,208 Member
    edited October 2014
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    I would be angry with the surgeon who'd given my partner a brain transplant yes. We love each other and support each other. That's our definition of "being a partner".

    Wouldn't you be disappointed with your daughter if she tried to undermine your efforts?
  • loro9159
    loro9159 Posts: 21 Member
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    Love this.
    You are the only one responsible for taking care of you and making sure that your health is in tact. Keep on plugging away despite the obstacles. You are the one in charge here.




  • Aine8046
    Aine8046 Posts: 2,122 Member
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    logg1e wrote: »
    WTF? Come on - how many of you would refuse to support your partner? How many of you would not mind your children so your partner could exercise? How many of you would insist on having crap food in the house, let alone eating it in front of your partner? How many of you would undermine or sabatage a loved one's attempts to be happier and healthier?
    My friend's husband, for example, is afraid that she will over-excercise and will have a heart attack and die during the race (she is an avid runner doing marathons etc). So, in his eyes, he cares about her health while she is pleasing her ego and feeding her vanity. If my husband would start doing something which I would believe hurt him in the future (however happy it would make him) I would not support him.

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