Self-sabotage - why am I still doing it?!

blobby10

Have been working really hard in the gym for 5 days a week since the start of last year but only really upped my game since start of this year. Although I've not lost weight I must have lost inches as I have lost a dress size. I'm really enjoying my exercise and like seeing the way my body is getting more toned.

So WHY oh WHY do I keep sabotaging further progress by eating badly? As I'm eating I'm thinking "I don't even want this, why am I eating it? I've just undone all the hard work of the past couple of weeks". An example - every weekend day for the past 4 weekends I've gone way over my calories aim - by 2000 cals sometimes!

This is happening more and more often - used to be confined to week before TOTM. Any amateur psychologists out there who could suggest why?

xtxtxtx

I'm not an amateur psychologist but when I do this, it's because I'm scared I will do it and the anxiety I experience from having done it isn't as bad as the "what if I do it?" anxiety. I really need to learn to deal with the "what if I do it?" kind.

eldamiano

This is just called breaking into a habit, not a cause for psychological concern.

2013sk

Maybe your not eating enough during the week and being pretty strict with yourself?

The weekend comes, and you blow out! Im a little like this I am good Mon - Fri, and Sat & Sun I feel the need to eat crisps, sweets, choc, icecream - Pure crap!!

Its because I am in the house and probably boredom, if I was out and about I wouldn't be passing the fridge all the time

katepig54

its lack of will power. have a strong word with yourself.

HBMairi

2013sk wrote: »

Maybe your not eating enough during the week and being pretty strict with yourself?

The weekend comes, and you blow out! Im a little like this I am good Mon - Fri, and Sat & Sun I feel the need to eat crisps, sweets, choc, icecream - Pure crap!!

Its because I am in the house and probably boredom, if I was out and about I wouldn't be passing the fridge all the time

Could be your body is craving carbs. Have a carb day once a week, it can actually help.

Roaringgael

Comfort eating.
I used to associate it with reward/ comfort.
Habits are hard to break.
There is a lot more information that only you have.
The amount and type of food you eat. What has already been suggested.
Use MFP and record everything you eat without trying to change it and see what it says.
Self awareness is very useful.

FredSetToGetFit

I do this as well. I agree with almost everything everybody said before. I don't eat enough during the week, and sit in front of the tv too much over the weekend. If I would choose one thing, it's boredom. Time to get busy over the weekends?

LMRoses

I saw a psychiatrist after I had my baby as there was concern I was at risk of postpartum depression. I was okay on that front after a few weeks, but he did also help me address some of my anxiety issues. Self-sabotage is a real thing, and it's not just a lack of willpower, or carbs, etc etc. It's acting in a way to prevent yourself from bettering your situation, despite rationally wanting the betterment, out of an anxiety stemming from, among other things, poor self-worth. Your inner view of yourself (poor) no longer matches the reality (you're getting healthier, improving yourself). This causes an anxiety and so to 'remedy' this, you basically bring yourself back down. My psychiatrist explained it roughly that way to me, and it made sense for me in my situation, knowing myself. He said it's also why so many celebrities crash and burn when they really make it. I'm absolutely not a professional, and don't know your situation, but that fitted me and I find it helps me to understand why I do what I do. I hope you can work your way out of the anxiety cycle

LeslieTSUK

For me I just wasn't ready to go that extra step and really commit my all 24-7 till i turned 40, then it was like a switch turned on in my head, sat back, thought, if i can control my diabetes permanently for 3 years, then loosing weight is simple, had 1 cheat day 3 weeks ago then just got over it.

At end of day, we can make and find every excuse possible, but it boils down to how badly you want to do it and most importantly why you want to do it?

The why if powerful enough will make the how badly all that more stronger.

blobby10

Acria wrote: »

I saw a psychiatrist after I had my baby as there was concern I was at risk of postpartum depression. I was okay on that front after a few weeks, but he did also help me address some of my anxiety issues. Self-sabotage is a real thing, and it's not just a lack of willpower, or carbs, etc etc. It's acting in a way to prevent yourself from bettering your situation, despite rationally wanting the betterment, out of an anxiety stemming from, among other things, poor self-worth. Your inner view of yourself (poor) no longer matches the reality (you're getting healthier, improving yourself). This causes an anxiety and so to 'remedy' this, you basically bring yourself back down. My psychiatrist explained it roughly that way to me, and it made sense for me in my situation, knowing myself. He said it's also why so many celebrities crash and burn when they really make it. I'm absolutely not a professional, and don't know your situation, but that fitted me and I find it helps me to understand why I do what I do. I hope you can work your way out of the anxiety cycle

Acria this makes sense! Thank you! Hope you are stronger as a result of knowing this.

x

blobby10

Thank you to everyone who has replied. I know that it is MY problem/issue and I'm the only one who can sort it out. I also know that life isn't as peachy as it could be at the moment and I'm sure this is a contributing factor however much I deny it. But the biggest problem, like so many of you have mentioned is that I see unhealthy foods as a comfort.

But today is the day I start the change. I've done it before - I gave up chocolate sweets, crisps etc for 3 months at the start of the year. Didnt make any difference to my weight which is partly why I started eating them again!)

But thank you again - everyone's perspective is very helpful

GameOfPearls

you guys inspire me

blobby10

Well folks, I did it. Yesterday stayed within my calorie goals, no chocolate, sweets or rubbish and didnt comfort eat when I got home! New day today - lets see if I can do it again

ASG_21

blobby10 wrote: »

Well folks, I did it. Yesterday stayed within my calorie goals, no chocolate, sweets or rubbish and didnt comfort eat when I got home! New day today - lets see if I can do it again

Commenting with my husband's account because I'm too lazy to log out and log into mine (lol), but I just wanted to give some encouragement Take it one day at a time, you can do it!!

lisaabenjamin

katepig54 wrote: »

its lack of will power. have a strong word with yourself.

This. Harsh but true.
That said, I too find the weekends so much harder to be "good" because I don't have a routine like I do during the week. I've recently started running first thing on a Saturday morning (which in itself is hard because I looooove my weekend lie-ins!) but I'm finding it gets me into a good mindset for the rest of the day (and gives me extra calories to play with!).

sbenner17

I am in the same boat. I am horrible with self-sabotaging. I had a nutritionist look at my food diary and first thing she said was I wasn't getting enough to eat in the mornings. Even as I work on changing my diet, I still self-sabotage. It's a real thing, sometimes I think it is because of my food addiction and sometimes I think it is because I am scared to change.
Take a deep breath and think I can do this.

tisaria

You might want to keep track of when the binge urge hits you to help find out why it's happening. Maybe if there is some pattern, you can pinpoint why you feel the need to eat. I struggled with this and just now am coming out of a 7 month torpor. My dad died and I just stopped caring about trying to take care of myself. Depression and grief really wrecked my world and my daily routine. Sometimes, things as simple as stress/boredom/lack of a plan or schedule all combine and can throw you off really badly and for a long time.

It started a little before dad died, but I put on 20 of the 39 lbs I worked my butt off for a year and a half to lose. I know why. It is from letting go of the good habits I trained myself to do. I quit the gym, stopped having a schedule for my day, quit budgeting time to work out, and have not been tracking my food faithfully. I didn't hold myself accountable and told myself I didn't care and it didn't matter. Truth be told, I feel mentally fuzzy, lazy, and guilty, and a bit depressed. I moved to a new city, took a new job.. and everything went to crap! I no longer go for my 20 minute mile and a half walk to work. I no longer do my 3 mile lunch walk or 30 minute workout. I don't go to the gym for 90 minutes 3 or 4 times a week. I no longer make my dog happy by taking her for a 30 minute walk after work.

What I *do* is make excuses and it makes me feel terrible. My pants don't fit and my cellulite has returned in force on the back of my thighs. I have very little self confidence and it is caving me in. It's affecting my relationship. It makes me feel antisocial. It makes me angry that I destroyed the work I spent hours achieving each week. My opinion is that it is so much harder to deal with the fallout of cheating/not following your plan/not working out than to commit yourself to "behaving" and making good choices, which just multiply the good results over time. You see yourself toning up, your clothes fit better, you feel better physically, your brain seems to clear of fog, other people start to notice, compliment you, motivate you, push you to keep on the good path. You find yourself absolutely addicted to all the good feelings. That's the place I want to return to.

I think it might help you to try to do something else productive or active for 15 minutes when you feel the binge urge hit and have a drink of water. Call a friend, start the laundry, take a walk, whatever! If after the 15 minutes, you still want the food, have a little! I find that if I measure something out and put the container away and leave the kitchen, it helps keep me on track. I also made sure I purged any super bad foods from the house or buy small quantities of addictive snacks. Maybe take a look at what you're binging on and look for a healthier alternative. I got hooked on Popcorn Indiana popcorn.. they have a sea salt kind and also a kettle corn that are wonderful snacks to kill a hunger pang and also are pretty good for you. There are lots of threads on here with everyone's go to snacks to give you ideas. My favorite website of the moment is www.skinnytaste.com --omg it is amazing! Such great recipes that are so delicious and easy to make and good for you!

Are you making sure you factor in snacks between meals when budgeting calories for the day? If it means you have to wake up and take a walk so you can enjoy a banana or granola bar between breakfast and lunch, it might be worth it. You'd feel better for the 15 mins of exercise and it is satisfying to get a little snack to hold you over.

I think the best thing I did for myself the first time around was get a real life "lets-both-make-healthy-decisions-buddy" to help me, to both motivate me to log, to make good choices, to poke me when I was feeling lazy and demotivated and make sure I got my daily workout time in. It ended up that I had to eat a lot more to compensate for the amount of exercise I found myself addicted to doing! I want to get back to that happy and healthy place/state of mind. I am doing it! I think you can, too.

Lots of rambling, but the TL;DR version: know that you aren't alone in making the bad decisions, we all do it sometimes. We are here to help you choose to make the good decisions! Everyone struggles at some point and your success will depend on whether you decide to push through and try again and make the good choices. Good luck!!

KEColorado

Your post speaks to me - my reality! I lost 6 lbs, then completely self-sabotaged and now gained even more back. But yesterday I logged back in and started again. I think I can do this. I can do this.

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nicola8989

I do the same and I think people have many different reasons. For me it's comfort eating, boredom eating and low self-esteem. Have you thought about keeping a diary and jotting down the feelings you get every time you self-sabotage?

Liftng4Lis

I agree with the poster saying maybe you're restricting yourself too much during the week.

Shalaurise

Pumpkin scone season is assisting me in my lack of weight loss.
Once the season of pumpkin everything is gone, I will likely be back to normal as the treat that I am binging on will no longer be available... Then again, if it was available all year I wouldn't be like "eat is now or never!" so there is that...

JoyeII

Are the weekends your "rest" days from the gym?

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klkarlen

Acria wrote: »

I saw a psychiatrist after I had my baby as there was concern I was at risk of postpartum depression. I was okay on that front after a few weeks, but he did also help me address some of my anxiety issues. Self-sabotage is a real thing, and it's not just a lack of willpower, or carbs, etc etc. It's acting in a way to prevent yourself from bettering your situation, despite rationally wanting the betterment, out of an anxiety stemming from, among other things, poor self-worth. Your inner view of yourself (poor) no longer matches the reality (you're getting healthier, improving yourself). This causes an anxiety and so to 'remedy' this, you basically bring yourself back down. My psychiatrist explained it roughly that way to me, and it made sense for me in my situation, knowing myself. He said it's also why so many celebrities crash and burn when they really make it. I'm absolutely not a professional, and don't know your situation, but that fitted me and I find it helps me to understand why I do what I do. I hope you can work your way out of the anxiety cycle

I agree with the part in bold above. I've seen so many people in my life do this. In more ways than just over eating.

terri_mom

My problem is exposure to bad foods on weekends (DS in sports, so hard to take a salad to the basketball court or bowling alley or baseball field). And a DH that doesn't care how much he or I weigh, so he makes "bad" food. I need the willpower to eat healthy in front of others who are not eating healthy, and to make healthy food while DH makes unhealthy food. It makes me feel like a short-order cook, but it will eventually be worth it ! ! ! Also, it's hard to exercise while sitting on the bleachers, and I haven't figured out how to fix that situation yet. I hope you find a buddy, and the strength you need to stand-up to the munchies.

brenn24179

I think believing you can learn to live a different way. That you deserve the good life. Like someone said self worth. You can set boundaries with yourself and say No. I didn't believe it possible but have been able to do this, I am finally taking care of myself.

astrose00

I have a similar problem. I know what it's like to achieve a goal and blow a goal by gaining it all back (and more). I have tons of regret and am so mad at myself that I have to do this AGAIN. I am hoping that I remember the struggle whenever I'm tempted again. Right now, it's so easy for me to just say no to cravings. I am OCD like that. I need to bottle that for when I reach my goal. I do not want to go through that again. Nothing that I ate on my way to 80lb gain in 2 years was worth it. And most of the things weren't even that good. If your problem is like mine, "we" just need to find other things to fill the voids of boredom and emotional eating. Instead of binging, do something fun. I love photography and doing photoshop. I also love working out and riding my bike. The feeling after doing those things is amazing. The feeling after eating fried "this" and sugary "that" is... yuck and blah. Never ever worth it. And on top of it I have this fat gut and wide butt with thunder thighs. Yay. Good luck.

pplastics

blobby10 wrote: »

So WHY oh WHY do I keep sabotaging further progress by eating badly? As I'm eating I'm thinking "I don't even want this, why am I eating it?

It is in that moment that you have to stop yourself. Spit out what is in your mouth and put the rest away. Change the behavior...change the pattern of overeating.

Try taking a moment each time you go to eat and ask yourself one simple question: Am I hungry? If the answer is no, find something else to do. If the answer is yes, eat something within your calorie goals. It really is as simple as that.