I lost 24 pounds in 3 months (128lbs-104lbs) but then i gained it all back now 128 again

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  • brianpperkins
    brianpperkins Posts: 6,124 Member
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    You say that you're recovering from an ED. Have you discussed this with your ED specialist or are you setting weight goals without consulting them?
  • CatalinaJoye
    CatalinaJoye Posts: 26 Member
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    first time ive ever even admitted i have an ED is on here because it is pretty anonymus but no i have never gotten help or told anyone and i dont plan to
    AllyCatXandi wrote: »
    CatalinaJoye wrote: »
    personally i think 104 is not a healthy weight for me not that i care, for heavens sake id throw up until i was throwing up blood to get to 104 but it was such an amaziing feeling to be that once in my life, i still want to be to 104 but through healthy eating not starving, overexercise or bulemia

    Honestly, I think you should be talking to a doctor about this...

  • brianpperkins
    brianpperkins Posts: 6,124 Member
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    CatalinaJoye wrote: »
    first time ive ever even admitted i have an ED is on here because it is pretty anonymus but no i have never gotten help or told anyone and i dont plan to
    AllyCatXandi wrote: »
    CatalinaJoye wrote: »
    personally i think 104 is not a healthy weight for me not that i care, for heavens sake id throw up until i was throwing up blood to get to 104 but it was such an amaziing feeling to be that once in my life, i still want to be to 104 but through healthy eating not starving, overexercise or bulemia

    Honestly, I think you should be talking to a doctor about this...

    The following is blunt ... deal with it.

    Your failure to see a doctor about your ED indicates you are not in recovery as you claim. In fact, the stated goal weight that you admit is unhealthy is indicative of disordered thinking, eating, and body image. Right now you are merely repeating a previous unhealthy behavior cycle while telling us you're recovering.

    Good luck when you finally take the steps towards recovery. Until then ...
  • Falcon
    Falcon Posts: 853 Member
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    so I guess being stuck on a fishing boat is a lie or a defense screen?

    Until you get help, you're only going to repeat the same thing over again. You need local emotional support and a realistic weight loss goal. Talk to someone you trust, seek help with a doctor and he will help come up with a plan.

    Sounds like 104 is an unhealthy weight if you had to go to that extreme.
  • CatalinaJoye
    CatalinaJoye Posts: 26 Member
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    brianpperkins wrote: »
    CatalinaJoye wrote: »
    first time ive ever even admitted i have an ED is on here because it is pretty anonymus but no i have never gotten help or told anyone and i dont plan to
    AllyCatXandi wrote: »
    CatalinaJoye wrote: »
    personally i think 104 is not a healthy weight for me not that i care, for heavens sake id throw up until i was throwing up blood to get to 104 but it was such an amaziing feeling to be that once in my life, i still want to be to 104 but through healthy eating not starving, overexercise or bulemia

    Honestly, I think you should be talking to a doctor about this...

    The following is blunt ... deal with it.

    Your failure to see a doctor about your ED indicates you are not in recovery as you claim. In fact, the stated goal weight that you admit is unhealthy is indicative of disordered thinking, eating, and body image. Right now you are merely repeating a previous unhealthy behavior cycle while telling us you're recovering.

    Good luck when you finally take the steps towards recovery. Until then ...

    yes i am in recovery actually, but nobody said you need a doctor to do that for you. For myself i have been gradually working towards binging and purging less. From 3X a day to a couple times a month now. No i am not completley fixed with my disordered thinking, you are right about that. However, bulimia (the act of binging and purging) is what i am trying to stop, not disordered thinking which is actually categorized as a different disorder altogether. Yes I would like to fix both, but as in my capability and what i can do by myself I can only fix bulemia. And yes, you are also right if I am going to fix Distorted Body Image I should go see a specialist, but i cant bring myself to do that. Only another person with a serious eating disorder could understand why i feel like i cant talk about it.
    I didnt intend for this discussion to go this way, but i do need to stand up for myself. we all have problems, this is mine.
  • brianpperkins
    brianpperkins Posts: 6,124 Member
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    You admit that you strive to reach what you've called an unhealthy weight. Take a step back and think ... if somebody else told you that, would you consider it recovery?

    The logical position is no.

    Your behaviors are demonstrating that you are not self recovering. Your refusal to seek help screams volumes about your true state. The combination of behaviors, goals, and refusal of help make me think that a paraphrasing of Strother Martin applies to you.
  • Falcon
    Falcon Posts: 853 Member
    edited October 2014
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    If you're still purging, it's not considered recovery. Seek help now. Go tell someone in your family what you've been doing and tell them you need help with this.

    If you don't you will end up in the hospital from failing organs, and the truth will come out one way or another. This is not healthy on what you're doing. You are endangering your health because you're in denial that you need help.

    No one should go through this alone.
  • CatalinaJoye
    CatalinaJoye Posts: 26 Member
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    call it what u want i have drastically reduced the number of times per month i eat a large amount of food then throw up
    i cant talk about this. growinng up i was told never to talk about feelings or self conflict because it is weak i can and have been dealing with it myself
  • CatalinaJoye
    CatalinaJoye Posts: 26 Member
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    and comeon you guys like u really care if i get help or not, none of u even know me
  • Falcon
    Falcon Posts: 853 Member
    edited October 2014
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    In my family our parents told us we can talk to them about anything that is bothering us. My sister and I have confided in each other. It is not considered weak when you seek help especially from a problem that is life threatening.

    You admit to eating a large amount of food and then throwing it back up? This is not self recovery and anyone on this website including those who are recovering from ED will tell you the exact same thing.

    You are in denial about your problem. That shows in your posts. Until you're ready to admit you need help then you are continuing to harm yourself.
    CatalinaJoye wrote: »
    and comeon you guys like u really care if i get help or not, none of u even know me

    That is where you are wrong. This website was based to help to either lose weight or recover from ED. We support each other and right now our support is telling you to go get help.

  • brianpperkins
    brianpperkins Posts: 6,124 Member
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    When we tell you what you don't want to hear ... you retort with we don't care?

    Illogical, unhealthy behavior rarely gets encouraged. You are still young ... the choice is yours ... either get the help your posts indicate you need before you do permanent harm (assuming you haven't done so already), or continue on your current path where you set goal weights you then deem unhealthy.
  • TheVirgoddess
    TheVirgoddess Posts: 4,535 Member
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    Oh sugar, please talk to someone. And if you can't talk about it, show them this thread.

    We may not know you at all, but that doesn't mean we don't want to see you get better.

    Good luck.
  • Falcon
    Falcon Posts: 853 Member
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    I had a niece who was beginning to think like this at age 12. My step mom knew what was going on with her and I walked in on the discussion what she had been doing. I helped my Niece setup healthy weight loss goals. We had several talks about moderation and how to eat and when to stop eating.

    If you think I have no clue, then you are dead wrong.
  • CatalinaJoye
    CatalinaJoye Posts: 26 Member
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    ya know falcon, i had a really tough upbringing my mom is a drug addict, and prostitute. Ive never met my dad. but i can say this with a family like this nobodys gonna care if i have an eating disorder, my mom could hardly care to get me to school or make me meals half the time. Believe me, a daughter with an eating disorder is the least of her worries, i am not in contact with any other relatives or close friends to talk to this about. It is even less appealing to talk to a doctor whos a complete stranger
  • Aemely
    Aemely Posts: 694 Member
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    Falcon wrote: »
    If you're still purging, it's not considered recovery. Seek help now. Go tell someone in your family what you've been doing and tell them you need help with this.

    If you don't you will end up in the hospital from failing organs, and the truth will come out one way or another. This is not healthy on what you're doing. You are endangering your health because you're in denial that you need help.

    No one should go through this alone.

    Listen to this good advice. Bulimia is very dangerous. Please seek treatment. Take care of yourself. You are important.

    http://www.bulimia.com/topics/bulimia/

    "Frequent cycles of binging and purging put severe stress on your body. ... This type of stress may cause arrhythmia, heart palpitations, heart attacks or death. Repeated vomiting erodes the enamel of your teeth, leading to yellow teeth, mouth sensitivity and rapid tooth decay."
  • Falcon
    Falcon Posts: 853 Member
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    CatalinaJoye wrote: »
    ya know falcon, i had a really tough upbringing my mom is a drug addict, and prostitute. Ive never met my dad. but i can say this with a family like this nobodys gonna care if i have an eating disorder, my mom could hardly care to get me to school or make me meals half the time. Believe me, a daughter with an eating disorder is the least of her worries, i am not in contact with any other relatives or close friends to talk to this about. It is even less appealing to talk to a doctor whos a complete stranger

    I'm sorry you've had that kind of upbringing, but you are important. Don't kid yourself on that. We are concerned that you're continuing to purge. Try looking up an ED support group locally in your area. You can't go this alone.
  • normal702
    normal702 Posts: 2 Member
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    CatalinaJoye you made a comment which I could totally understand

    "and come on you guys like u really care if i get help or not, none of u even know me "

    You are right I don't know you but I don't think I need to know you to care first of all, secondly I do know you in the sense that I can completely relate to your bulimia, the insidiousness of it, the craziness, the danger and the feelings, thoughts, emotions, and feelings of just not being able to not do it. I suffered from active bulimia for years (from 5x to 7x a day). Many people do not understand and I didn't either even though I was the one suffering from it until I did get help (true, not an easy thing to do) I know for me I could have never done it by myself and I say that only to share with you that now 20 years later I have fallen back to the desire to binge and purge a few times in the past few years. I know it truly is an illness and it is of the mind, thinking and for me feeling out of control in many areas.

    It is a horrible thing to suffer from and one that doesn't ever go away if one is not diligent in changing and it's not just the behavior. Yes I do care because I understand and my hope is that you can come to the place where it does not plague your life at all, not just from 3x a day or 3x a month. I look at it this way, you either are pregnant or not. One can never be just a little bit pregnant. You deserve to live the freedom I have come to experience and live a healthy life not having to do yourself any harm like you are.

    I think people here are just trying to get you to see the truth of what is happening but only you know when you are ready to see that truth and until then please do not stop sharing and hopefully you'll be able to share with someone in person. It totally is nothing to be embarrassed about and who the hell cares anyway it is your life, your body and you deserve better. Please try and be realistic about your goals, taking into consideration your health and future. Sorry for the long post. It touches my heart when a fellow sister/woman is living what I once lived with and for me it was hell.

    By the way, today I suffer the consequences from my active bulimia years ago. Something I never thought would affect me. Teeth have broken easily because they are brittle, my bone density is nowhere where it should be, my joints now are damaged due to the nutrient deficiency and damage which in turn case pain and now I can not exercise like I love to. It did it to myself and well now I modify and spend a lot of money on veneers because I don't want chipped front teeth :)
  • normal702
    normal702 Posts: 2 Member
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    I didn't see page 2 until after I posted. It sucks that you had such a *kitten* upbringing, I know, I dealt with incest, ran away at the age of 15 and have worked hard at becoming a better person which it sounds like you are trying to do. My family could care less and I could write a novel at the hurt and pain it causes me but it is now my life and I surround myself with people who care by being unlike my father, unlike those who hurt. It is your life and you deserve better.
  • CatalinaJoye
    CatalinaJoye Posts: 26 Member
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    Thankyou normal702 its kinda nice hearing that from somebody who was actually in my shoes and not just someone who thinks they understand lecturing me on things theyve never actually been through. I really appreciate it

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