"I hope you work hard for that!"
kits3n
Posts: 10 Member
Ok, I started MFP after I'd already lost some weight- in truth I am down a full 90lbs and on my way to fit. I run 2 miles a day, do strength training, and try to bun another 200 calories on top of that daily- even through the worst of my recently developed pollen allergies. For months I have been planning this epic weekend with a festival on saturday and a carnival on sunday and had promised myself some extremely tasty morsels, not as a reward so to speak because I don't believe in food as a reward, but rather a thank you to myself for taking such good care of myself and working so hard. I don't look fat in clothes anymore. Naked I've got some definite trouble areas, but no one's looking at me in normal clothes and thinking yup she's fat- I just don't look the part anymore. Or so I thought. Yesterdays treats were mainly alcohol based, and today was a lobster roll, a sushi burrito, and the crown jewel- a bowl of cake fried ice cream with blackberry sauce. It was amazing. As I was taking it from the truck to my seat this very thin woman commented "I hope you work hard for that!" I was shocked. She sounded pleasant enough when she said it. Maybe now that I've lost weight people assume by looking at me I'm more confident and can take a joke- but really I'm not. It made me feel terrible. I do work hard, and I thought that showed- but maybe not. I keep going back and forth between thinking emotionally that the woman was judging me negatively, and thinking more realistically that she was judging me positively- and ultimately it doesn't matter either way. How do I stop obsessing about this kind of thing? Should I expect comments like this now? It's very confusing.
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forget them, and their opinions.. they really don't matter in the grand scheme of things. just know you do work hard for it and you've earned the right to stuff your face with all of the delicious goodness you want.0
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just ignore the skinny commenter- just an ignoramus!!! ppl are so stupid, so cruel, anything to make themselves feel superior - feel sorry for her- lots of insecurities!! I hope you enjoyed all your treats! having them just once in a while ups the satisfaction level I think...0
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Some people are thoughtless/ mean. 'Sorry that you had to hear that.0
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Last Thursday on the train a scruffy slightly smelly man told me that the aliens were taking over the earth and already have control of party plan sales systems. I'd pay as much attention to the lady who spoke to you as I did to him. It's a stranger. Who said something stupid. It's not on you to worry about, it's on them.0
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Most people you meet don't know the journey you've been on, they only see that momentary snapshot.
Don't worry about. Sounds like you're totally rocking it. :drinker:0 -
I'm so sorry. I wouldn't even know how to handle that. I obsess a lot too. I can't imagine why she would need to comment! I hope you can forget about her and don't worry about what anyone else thinks. 0 -
I'm not nice enough to take comments like that. If a stranger says something like that to me, they'll hear my not very nice side.0
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She was probably feeling bitter because the way she maintains her very thin frame is by not allowing herself to enjoy any treat foods. I would not concern yourself about it, you had every right to have some treat foods and enjoy them.0
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It doesn't sound like she meant it maliciously. That doesn't mean it was okay (it was an incredibly stupid comment), but don't take it personally. The read I get from it is that she probably doesn't allow herself treats like that because she thinks one has to "work" for them to stay in shape. That's silly, of course - treats are fine for everyone once in a while - but some people really do have that mindset. She was probably just trying to crack a joke about allowing oneself treats. Ignore it, forget about it. You're doing great.0
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Alatariel75 wrote: »Last Thursday on the train a scruffy slightly smelly man told me that the aliens were taking over the earth and already have control of party plan sales systems. I'd pay as much attention to the lady who spoke to you as I did to him. It's a stranger. Who said something stupid. It's not on you to worry about, it's on them.
Best advice ever! LOL. I love it.
I think you should forget it too. you know you work hard for it and deserve it. If it happens again though, just tell him/her you don't have to, you just always look amazing!0 -
some folks (no matter size) just want to be negative, boss others around, say something not nice, etc. it is something in their own life that makes them unhappy - not anything you are doing!
good job learning that food is not a reward. tried to explain this concept to some other folks and got shunned! LOL
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Yesterdays treats were mainly alcohol based, and today was a lobster roll, a sushi burrito, and the crown jewel- a bowl of cake fried ice cream with blackberry sauce. It was amazing. As I was taking it from the truck to my seat this very thin woman commented "I hope you work hard for that!"
Your body and your choices are yours, not someone else's property to comment on. Moon 'em, kick 'em in the shins, tell 'em to go copulate with themselves. Random strangers are not allowed commentary on your life and she's a trashy wench for thinking she has the right.
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kaseasteele wrote: »I'm not nice enough to take comments like that. If a stranger says something like that to me, they'll hear my not very nice side.
a woman (older) said something not kind to another (younger) on public transport the other day. i couldn't stop myself - i jumped in and asked if she thought she was her mother and why she felt the need to give unwanted advice. she didn't answer even though she was now standing directly between the two of us (in a mostly empty train). HAHAHA the younger woman thanked me after.0 -
My ex "I love you in spite of your weight" and after he gained a few pounds "if I keep going like this I'll weigh as much as you by next year".
My friends mum, said to a room full of people about her daughter "oh yeah, Debbie used to be a beast, she was 107kg".
Same lady on the weekend commented to a group of people on how "cream pants showed all your bulges and fat bits" ... now, I was the only one wearing "cream pants (riding johds)" ... I don't think I'm being overly sensitive to think she meant me.
People say *kitten* all the time. Mostly I don't think they mean to be nasty, in fact sadly they are so damned ignorant of what comes out of their mouths and how it might affect the listener based on their own perspectives, challenges and experiences. Don't take it to heart. Just think to yourself "yeah, I might be overweight, but you're ugly, at least I can do something about it" and move on
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Piss on her and what other people think. YOU know what you've accomplished and YOU know the work you've put in. Heck, I would have looked down at it looked at her and said, "You know, you're right, I deserve two".0
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bluntlysally wrote: »kaseasteele wrote: »I'm not nice enough to take comments like that. If a stranger says something like that to me, they'll hear my not very nice side.
a woman (older) said something not kind to another (younger) on public transport the other day. i couldn't stop myself - i jumped in and asked if she thought she was her mother and why she felt the need to give unwanted advice. she didn't answer even though she was now standing directly between the two of us (in a mostly empty train). HAHAHA the younger woman thanked me after.
Haha! That's awesome. I'm glad you did that. I've developed some very thick skin since joining the military. If someone bothers me or is rude to me, I'll let them know. I will no longer stand for that crap!
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Congratulations on the weight loss! Like you said, you DID work hard. Sometimes people don't understand how simple little comments like that can affect others. 90 pounds is AWESOME. You should be nothing but proud.0
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I posted a picture of a cake on FB put yummy! some arsehole goes careful Steph 1 slice of that cake and your be fat again!!
Considering I am struggling to keep weight on now with all the gym activity and working with horses I dont think so.. but yer some people are arseholes ignore them!! 
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Graelwyn75 wrote: »She was probably feeling bitter because the way she maintains her very thin frame is by not allowing herself to enjoy any treat foods. I would not concern yourself about it, you had every right to have some treat foods and enjoy them.
Quoted for truth.
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I posted a picture of a cake on FB put yummy! some arsehole goes careful Steph 1 slice of that cake and your be fat again!! Considering I am struggling to keep weight on now with all the gym activity and working with horses I dont think so.. but yer some people are arseholes ignore them!!
'some arsehole' who is presumably a friend, if he's on your facebook?0 -
"I hope you work hard for that!" - I would take that to mean that she hopes you have to work hard for eating that because she would if she had allowed herself to eat it. I suspect she thinks some people are 'naturally slim' and can scoff continuously and never put on a lb and she suffers jealously about that idea.
I'd take it as a twisted compliment that you are looking good and people are wondering how you manage to look so good if they catch you in a moment when you are eating something they struggle to put down. Congratulations on your weight loss!0 -
However it was meant, she means nothing to you, a complete stranger. What matters is how you feel about yourself. You should be proud of what you've achieved and you should be the one making choices about what you eat. Have some faith in yourself and value your opinion above that of some snide / insensitive woman you don't even know.0
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Think you are taking it far too seriously and to heart. the women as far as I unerstand didnt know you and theres nothing to suggest she meant it in any vindictive way. She might have said the same to someone with a supermodel figure. Its not worth worrying about or dwelling one.0
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I see nothing bitter or malicious about that comment at all- you just sound like you're projecting your insecurities on a random comment made in jest about the high calorie nature of the food.
I wouldn't lose another moment's thought over it. Next time someone says something- say damn right- that marathon I ran... that squat session- that blank blank blank really paid off for me.
And leave it. It's not that serious.0 -
Thanks everyone, I get that the problem is with me and my thinking more than anything- I'm just having trouble adjusting I guess. I spent a lot of my life getting picked on, having nasty comments made that I'm just kind of hyper sensative and not sure how to change my thinking. Appreciate all the helpful comments- I felt really dumb and embarrassed in the moment it happened but as always with strangers, it's dissipated with a little time and distance. The ice cream was worth the work out- and I hope to have it again in a few years maybe xD0
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"Not at all! It's gonna work hard for MEEEE!"0
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Seriously though. She wanted it. That's the ONLY reason she said something. It had nothing to do with you and your weight and everything to do with she wanted one too but won't let herself have it.0
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Thanks everyone, I get that the problem is with me and my thinking more than anything- I'm just having trouble adjusting I guess. I spent a lot of my life getting picked on, having nasty comments made that I'm just kind of hyper sensative and not sure how to change my thinking. Appreciate all the helpful comments- I felt really dumb and embarrassed in the moment it happened but as always with strangers, it's dissipated with a little time and distance. The ice cream was worth the work out- and I hope to have it again in a few years maybe xD
Not necessarily. I've learned the hard way over the years: a comment would be made, I'd not respond either out of shock or feeling it wasn't appropriate given the situation at the time, whatever, then dwelling on it endlessly, questioning myself, etc. NOW, I tend to be like poster bluntlysally up-thread (LOVE the name, BTW!). I ask them directly what they mean and wait to see if they even respond. Most of the time they are caught off guard by the return question that a lot of stuttering and mumbling happens.
OP, in your case, I would've said, "I'm sorry. I don't know what you mean." If she responds, then you'll know her intent and can react appropriately. If she doesn't, then you brush it off as NOT YOUR PROBLEM. Crazy people out there...0 -
>>"I hope you work hard for that!"
Two ways to respond:
"Why yes I do and I love every minute of it." (or some other confident remark)
Or
"Nah, it's pretty easy really. I bet even you could do it."
It all depends on your mood at the time.
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It doesn't sound like she meant it maliciously. That doesn't mean it was okay (it was an incredibly stupid comment), but don't take it personally. The read I get from it is that she probably doesn't allow herself treats like that because she thinks one has to "work" for them to stay in shape. That's silly, of course - treats are fine for everyone once in a while - but some people really do have that mindset. She was probably just trying to crack a joke about allowing oneself treats. Ignore it, forget about it. You're doing great.
I totally agree with this.
I have noticed a HUGE increase in rude, nosy, and just plain stupid comments as I've gone from a size 22 to size 10/12. Now that I am considered pretty normal size (especially for my geographic location and height of 5'8") it seems that many other women of ALL sizes feel free to make comments & judgments openly, whereas before they were doing it only in their minds and/or behind my back. Ugh. Don't let it get you down, OP!
One comment I've had quite a lot is overweight/obese women around age 60 who tell me I won't be able to eat this or that (usually ice cream) when I'm older because it will make me gain weight. "Enjoy it now!" they say to me or even comments like "When I was your age I was about your size". These are total strangers, mind you. I am inclined to take it as a freaky backhanded compliment, but I also wrestle back the urge to tell them "5 years ago I weighed 300 lb, I don't really need your assistance". I have also had women my own age talk to me about losing baby weight and "isn't it harder after kids?" I've never had kids. At 170 lb they seem to assume that I am my all-time heaviest and was probably like them & weighed around 120-130 during my teens and twenties rather than well over 200 lb since I was 15.
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