Me vs The Scale

spulsifer92

So this morning I woke up and went to go weigh myself like i do every morning. And the scale was gone... My fiance took it and hid it. Why? Ill admit, I have a problem. I do weigh myself wayyy too much. At least 3 times everyday. Most days more. He thinks he is helping by taking it but it was been stressing me out sooo much and its only 9:00 Am.
I don't know if its helping or hurting my situation. Any thoughts?

TavistockToad

talk to your fiance about it?

spulsifer92

Yes and he wont give it back. told him he was treating me like a kid and i was upset. Hes dead set on that hes helping.

queenliz99

May be he is trying to help you. Using your scale three times a day is a little excessive

spulsifer92

I know it is Its one part of my previous eating disorder still left...

malibu927

Your weight fluctuates throughout the day, so you'll never get the same readings. That's why it's recommended to only step on it first thing in the morning, after using the bathroom and before eating. It sounds like he's trying to help you understand that you are obsessed with it and need to step back.

jdt242

That would make me angry at first, but speak to him about it and I am sure his intentions are in your best interest. Speak about it and work on a more balanced approach together.

spulsifer92

I know he means well. Its just really hard for me. I like to see my weight go down durring the day. Thats why I do it. But I weigh myself 1. when i get up 2. after i workout 3. after my shower 4. when i go home for lunch 5. when i get home after work 6. after my pm workout. 7. after supper 8. before bed..... Then I cry because i "gained" 2+ lbs

TavistockToad

spulsifer92 wrote: »

I know he means well. Its just really hard for me. I like to see my weight go down durring the day. Thats why I do it. But I weigh myself 1. when i get up 2. after i workout 3. after my shower 4. when i go home for lunch 5. when i get home after work 6. after my pm workout. 7. after supper 8. before bed..... Then I cry because i "gained" 2+ lbs

i would get back in touch with your treatment team to work on this.

spulsifer92

I don't have one....

malibu927

Talk to the people you've been working on your ED with. That is not healthy at all.

TavistockToad

spulsifer92 wrote: »

I don't have one....

ok, then i would go to a doctor and tell them you are relapsing into your ED.

spulsifer92

My parents told me if I didn't stop how i was treating myself they were going to take me to the hospital. so i stopped. Everyone knows they just don't talk about it. I'm scared to tell my doctor. I don't want to have to go to treatment and talk about feeling and emotions.

LeahFerri

spulsifer92 wrote: »

My parents told me if I didn't stop how i was treating myself they were going to take me to the hospital. so i stopped. Everyone knows they just don't talk about it. I'm scared to tell my doctor. I don't want to have to go to treatment and talk about feeling and emotions.

This is just repressing the problem. This sort of action doesn't actually resolve the underlying issue. As someone who has struggled with mental health, I can tell you that if you don't resolve underlying issues, the problem will not go away and will continue to seep insidiously into your life no matter how much you try to repress it.

I know talking about things can seem like an insurmountable obstacle, but there's no other way to convey what's going on in your head to someone who has the training and experience to help you straighten things out.

ETA your fiancé is trying to help you. It's like the people who verbally bonk me over the head and tell me to eat even when I have zero desire and energy to do so. They do it because they care about me and because not eating regularly makes my mood tank dangerously

TavistockToad

spulsifer92 wrote: »

My parents told me if I didn't stop how i was treating myself they were going to take me to the hospital. so i stopped. Everyone knows they just don't talk about it. I'm scared to tell my doctor. I don't want to have to go to treatment and talk about feeling and emotions.

unfortunately no one can help you if you dont want to help yourself.

spulsifer92

Yeah, I have my yearly doc appointment in November. I should tell her. ive been trying to. i want help its just hard for me to admit i need it.

zamphir66

spulsifer92 wrote: »

My parents told me if I didn't stop how i was treating myself they were going to take me to the hospital. so i stopped. Everyone knows they just don't talk about it. I'm scared to tell my doctor. I don't want to have to go to treatment and talk about feeling and emotions.

What do you want/expect us to say? Are you looking for validation in these behaviors and feelings? Take us through your thought process in creating this thread. How did you feel as you typed it out, and how do the responses make you feel?

auddii

spulsifer92 wrote: »

My parents told me if I didn't stop how i was treating myself they were going to take me to the hospital. so i stopped. Everyone knows they just don't talk about it. I'm scared to tell my doctor. I don't want to have to go to treatment and talk about feeling and emotions.

If you don't learn to talk about your feelings and emotions, you are going to have problems making your relationship last with your fiance. He is clearly trying to help you because he loves you, and you feel like he is treating you like a child. You two will need to work that out, but beyond that, you need to get better for yourself.

It is very difficult for people with an eating disorder to work through their issues on their own, so I would definitely recommend finding a specialist who works with eating disorders. You may have upped your calories, but you are clearly still dealing with disordered behaviors (the repetitive weighing) and feelings.

spulsifer92

Well I kinda wanted people to tell me that I was right for being upset. But the more comments and the more I type in response I just feel horrible and pathetic. Just kinda validating that I have a problem i guess...

stacyjh1979

spulsifer92 wrote: »

I know he means well. Its just really hard for me. I like to see my weight go down durring the day. Thats why I do it. But I weigh myself 1. when i get up 2. after i workout 3. after my shower 4. when i go home for lunch 5. when i get home after work 6. after my pm workout. 7. after supper 8. before bed..... Then I cry because i "gained" 2+ lbs

You sound a little bit like me except for the last part (and I'm more like 3x a day not 8). I get on the scale a lot but more just out of curiosity and to see the trend of how my weight fluctuates. It's helpful to me but I never let it upset me because I know there is NO way I "gained" a pound or two overnight. I eat at a large deficit so there is zero chance I consumed 3500-7500 calories surplus. I understand if you have an ED you probably know that but still get consumed by it anyway. I am an alcoholic so I can certainly relate to irrational/over the top behavior (which is what I attribute for the fact that I weigh myself so much) and I agree with what Leah said. You need to work on yourself on the inside and find the root causes behind your feelings and emotions. Do this for you because you are worth it!

psibaby

a nice compromise would be to have it out first thing in the morning and then put it away until the next day.

stacyjh1979

I guess I should have also addressed the original topic...I can understand both sides. I have no doubt your fiancee is well meaning in taking and hiding your scale but you are an adult and if you don't want to work on your ED no one can force you into it. Maybe talk to him about a compromise like he can put your scale out in the morning and you can weigh yourself first thing after you pee before you eat or exercise and then he puts it up until the next morning or something like that. There needs to be a healthy balance on both sides so no one is getting 100% what they want but instead something you can both live with.

_lyndseybrooke_

spulsifer92 wrote: »

I know he means well. Its just really hard for me. I like to see my weight go down durring the day. Thats why I do it. But I weigh myself 1. when i get up 2. after i workout 3. after my shower 4. when i go home for lunch 5. when i get home after work 6. after my pm workout. 7. after supper 8. before bed..... Then I cry because i "gained" 2+ lbs

Yeah, I'd hide your scale too. That's absolutely ridiculous. You need some professional help, because your eating disorder is anything but "former." It's clearly alive and well.

AskTracyAnnK28

spulsifer92 wrote: »

Well I kinda wanted people to tell me that I was right for being upset. But the more comments and the more I type in response I just feel horrible and pathetic. Just kinda validating that I have a problem i guess...

Your fiance loves you and is worried about you. Your extremely lucky to have someone in your life who cares that much. Most single women (like me) would give anything to be with someone like that.

Please seek treatment for your ED issues before he gives up on you.

Listen, I had a boss about 10 years ago who divorced his first with because he couldn't deal with her eating disorder any more. If you don't want that happening to you then get help.

Sorry if I sound mean I'm just giving you some tough love.

ana3067

spulsifer92 wrote: »

Well I kinda wanted people to tell me that I was right for being upset. But the more comments and the more I type in response I just feel horrible and pathetic. Just kinda validating that I have a problem i guess...

Well, you DO have a right to be upset. It's how you feel. Does that mean that the situation is wrong and that your actions are healthy? Not necessarily. Still doesn't negate that you are allowed to feel as you do. Talk to your fiance about it. If you're unable to weigh yourself once in the AM and that's it, without the urge to keep weighing yourself, then havinga limit on it would probably be helpful. Maybe once a week instead.

spulsifer92

Everyone has very good advice, I appreciate it. I am trying to get better. But like everyone is saying, i cant do it alone. I need help from a professional. I understand that. I just don't want people to think any less of me or that im "crazy".

Liftng4Lis

TavistockToad wrote: »

spulsifer92 wrote: »

I don't have one....

ok, then i would go to a doctor and tell them you are relapsing into your ED.

+1

stacyjh1979

You're not crazy, an ED is a legitimate illness. There are always going to be people who look down on illnesses like ED, addiction, anxiety, depression and other mental health issues because they are either not educated on the illness or they are just set in their way and don't want to learn and they will view those people as "weak, lazy, crazy, etc". If people do think less of you what's the worst that can happen? Do those people really matter? You have people (at least one, your fiancee) who not only loves you but wants to try to help treat your illness. He doesn't know what else to do. Do what you need to do for yourself so you can find true inner peace and happiness. Keep in mind this saying we use in AA: "What other people think of me is none of my business" What they think is on them it doesn't have anything to do with you.

LeahFerri

spulsifer92 wrote: »

Everyone has very good advice, I appreciate it. I am trying to get better. But like everyone is saying, i cant do it alone. I need help from a professional. I understand that. I just don't want people to think any less of me or that im "crazy".

Is there a reason anyone (other than your fiancé, who clearly already knows something is up) has to know? I didn't even tell my family when I went into therapy, although I knew I would have to tell them eventually when the free sessions my university offers every student ran out. When someone asks me if I can do something during that hour, I just say I have a meeting (if they ask when I say no). Nobody ever presses. I know the meeting excuse probably doesn't work as well in other environments, but there are other reasonable excuses.

I think you're more worried about thinking less of yourself--thinking you should be able to deal with this on your own. But you can't, and even if you could, you don't have to.

spulsifer92

I guess no one has to know... I dint really think of that. i dont know why...

kangaroux92

ask him to help you by doing baby steps tell him to let you way once a day for a week or 2 then once every 2 days for a week and so on less and less until you can only have to do it once a week. tell him you cant cut it cold turkey and i think thats reasonable steps in the right direction. i also weight my self alot i never had a disorder just a bad habit i guess.