Boyfriend wants me to gain weight! :(

bonelessskinless

It's a normal reaction to feel uneasy about major life changes your significant other is making. If you improve yourself greatly and he stays the same it will be very easy for you to leave him and we are all programmed to know that. Give him chances to improve things (his weight or whatever he feels like he should be doing better) about himself while you work on getting your body to where you feel it needs to be.

You can say things like, "Come workout with me !" or "I feel like having a productive day, wanna join me?" or "If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be?" and encourage him to change the things he wants to change in himself. If you grow together that's awesome!

If you KNOW that you're going to lose the weight and you see he will never change then a breakup may be imminent. If he continues to stifle your efforts to lose weight even after giving him a chance to change his ways you should break up with him sooner rather than later and tell him why.

Just be prepared for him to tell you, "I'll change! I promise!"

ItsCasey

Well this is not a hard one to figure out.

You know why he keeps saying those things to you? Because you're still there. He's done it again and again, and you've told him it bothers you, but he keeps doing it. Your behavior suggests to him (and me) that you don't think you deserve better and that regardless of how badly he treats you, you aren't going anywhere.

Seems pretty clear that he's the kind of guy who has to learn lessons the hard way, so man up and kick his *kitten* to the curb. Then go find some self-respect.

chubbard9

My BF is much like yours, and likes the "fluffy" of me, but at my weight I am too unhealthy, but unlike your bf, mine is supporting me in my journey, even offering to run and swim with me(when he hasn't done either in years, but doesn't make a difference because he's skinny as ever)... He just doesn't want me to get too small he's funny and likes a little more cushion "for the pushin". TMI, sorry, but I love that he's willing to help me out and reach my goal... If he was not being supportive and telling me to "eat more' after reaching(almost) goal, I would be upset, an non-supportive partner is not going to cause a successful relationship... I would seriously talk to him-see what his viewpoint REALLY is, because after all - He is supposed to LOVE you for YOU, no matter how skinny or "not fluffy" you have become! and KUDOS on your loss and realising that you are HAPPIER! That's all that matters-for you to be happy! Man or no man!

nicolen763

Do what makes you happy!

If you were unhappy when you had extra weight then don't gain any! Your only going to make your self miserable.
Maybe you shouldnt be with him if he makes you feel that way.

MeIShouldB

Your body is not a democracy, its your empire, and you are the empress. He needs to stow it.

I FREAKING LOVE THIS!!!

craigmandu

My advise......

Tell him it isn't going to change. The next time he says "I wish you would eat more", simply say "Sorry, it's not going to happen".

It's not his call, even if you are married, it isn't his call. This is your body, and you are in charge of it.

grimendale

It's entirely possible that this is coming out of insecurity. A lot of times, people get nervous when their significant others start making dramatic improvements to their appearance or life circumstances because it makes them wonder if they are still in their significant other's league. It could be a simple as he's worried about losing you to someone else when you lose weight because you feel like you can do better. If you want this to work, try talking to him. My girlfriend used to be resistant to my losing weight. When I talked to her, it was a combination of not wanting me to feel like I had to lose weight and worrying that I would spiral back to the way I was when we met (borderline anorexic, eating 200-300 calories a day, max, and working out constantly). Once we discussed things, everything got a lot smoother.

SteelySunshine

My go to advice as always is dump him. You can take it with a grain of salt or not. I always have one foot out the door and I am always willing to pack a bag mine or theirs.

I have a hunch in this case my go to advice is spot on though. If he has a true preference that is pretty hard wired and it will get worse and he will be looking at bigger women if he isn't already. The fact that he is saying this more and more often is a clue he is losing it. Do whatcha gotta do to leave or get him to leave. I don't know what your lease situation is or if you need someone to pick up half the rent, if you do a room mate for now would be a solution right? Anyway, I don't see it as salvageable since he seems like a control freak and you seem to need support from your partner and he isn't giving it. I don't think wanting or needing support is a bad thing, but if you aren't getting it, it is time to find it elsewhere he isn't giving it ever.

norcal_yogi

yes lots wrong with what he is saying. wtf ever. don't stand for it and do not let his comments influence how YOU feel about YOU.

chaser1977

He might also be afraid that if you lose the weight, you might leave him. Or that other guys will hit on you. Sounds like he has some insecurity issues.

This. So much this.