Fed up of slim friends making me feel worthless and fat.....

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santd
santd Posts: 234 Member
in Motivation and Support
Do you have friends that make you feel fat and worthless. Or demoralized! tell me your story of how you found your confidence to beat those feelings.....
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  • shadowofender
    shadowofender Posts: 786 Member
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    1)No I do not have friends like that because that's not what friends are
    2)Occasionally my very fit friend says something that hurts my feelings. Either I say something to her or I get over myself because she didn't mean to hurt me because of point 1.

    Sometimes things hurt our feelings and the person didn't mean it. It's hard to separate hurt feelings from intentions, I know. So take steps back, figure out if they meant it or not, and have a serious conversation if they did. Confidence comes from within and honestly the more I work on my own self image, the less things people say on accident or on purpose hurt me.
  • healthygreek
    healthygreek Posts: 2,137 Member
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    Your "friends" make you feel fat and worthless?
    They don't sound like friends to me.
  • redsk
    redsk Posts: 27 Member
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    santd wrote: »
    Do you have friends that make you feel fat and worthless. Or demoralized! tell me your story of how you found your confidence to beat those feelings.....

    At some point in your life you need to decide to exclude people from your inner circle who do not add to who you are. If your friends make you miserable, why are they your friends? Are they actively making you miserable or are you just making yourself feel bad? What are you getting out of the relationship? Why are you okay with being a victim to the point where you post about it? That may sound harsh but it isn't meant to be. I just don't get it.
  • Sabine_Stroehm
    Sabine_Stroehm Posts: 19,263 Member
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    healthygreek wrote: »
    Your "friends" make you feel fat and worthless?
    They don't sound like friends to me.

    +1
  • NoelFigart1
    NoelFigart1 Posts: 1,276 Member
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    No, because I would never call someone who treated me that way a friend.

    Or family for that matter...

    I wish I could tell you how to become more confident, but I can't. I was born scrappy as hell.

    I can tell you that your weight is not the sum total of your worth. I mean, if you're asking do I have friends that are prettier than I am, sure. Do I have friends that are more talented as some things than I am? You bet. I'm also the superlative in my own group for other things. We like to egg each other on to shine, 'cause that's how we roll.

    Find a group of people that you enjoy cheering on who will cheer you on. Does wonders.
  • TossaBeanBag
    TossaBeanBag Posts: 458 Member
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    Those aren't friends.
  • RavenLibra
    RavenLibra Posts: 1,737 Member
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    NO ONE can make you feel.. your feelings are your own... it is up to you to choose them... to reflect on them... and decide what action ., you ought to take... don't react...act... there are two way to view the world.. one as though everything is a miracle.. or 2 as though everything is a tragedy... see the miracles and smile.. or see the devil in all you meet... your life is by your design... who you choose to surround yourself is a reflection of what you want and expect out of life... so if you don't like it... change it.
  • gamesandgains
    gamesandgains Posts: 640 Member
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    Those aren't your friends. I found confidence within myself. I don't need anyone to reach my personal goals.
  • Patttience
    Patttience Posts: 975 Member
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    What are these people saying or doing to you?

    And how do you usually respond to them?

    The thing is, from what i've read of other people who've lost lots of weight and have confidence issues, when you lose the weight you often still have the same problems. So you need to go do some work on your confidence and self worth. I suggest therapy/councilling. This also helps a lot with weightloss because your mood and stress levels affect your appetite usually in a bad way.

    If you've never done much counselling before, it may take a little longer to get the rapid benefit from it that i do these days - reason being you need to be very open and have a therapist/councillor you trust and have confidence in. Anyway go along and be prepared to spend at least a year on it.

    When i'm having problems and go see my councillor , i don't spend the whole time talking about my diet, though i do talk about it. Last time i went i had had a binge and i told her all about it. Normally i talk about whatever is causing my emotional problem. In part its the venting that helps relieve the pressure and distress but if you get into an ongoing habit of blaming other people for everything, and not accepting any responsibility, then it will take longer to get better.

    All that said, my councillor/psychologist is very overweight herself but i think she's wonderful.
  • 999tigger
    999tigger Posts: 5,235 Member
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    Are these friends actually doing anything to make you feel this way? Do they treat you differently or is it how you view things because they are slimmer and you are not? Theres a big difference, the first is down to their behaviour and you being able to deal with it. As pointed out above that wouldnt be a sign of being friends.

    If its the latter, then its up to you to refocus yourself and gain confidence. You are more than just what you weigh. You should use part of it to motivate in a positive way your desire to reach goal. Its hard to just gain instant confidence because it can be a gradual process to change your mindset.

    Your true friends and faily will know you better and can remind you of the positive things about yourself, why they like / love you, what you are good at etc.
  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 17,959 Member
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    If your "friends" are making you feel this way, you need to kick them to the kerb. That's not friends.

    If your actual friends who happen to be slim make you feel bad for not being slim, simply by being slim, then that's something you need to work on with yourself.

    For me, starting to overcome low self esteem and feelings of low worth was to distance and externalise those feelings. I started to really think how I would react and what advice I would give if someone close to me was having those feelings. I realised I'd be so sad for them and would work so hard to help them see that they were a wonderful person with oodles of worth. I started transitioning that reaction into my internal reactions to me own negatice self talk. I would NEVER put up with someone talking to someone else the way I talk to myself - and it was time I stopped allowing it to happen. It took a long time, and I still don't have it perfect and probably never will. It takes work, but it can be done. Learning to love and value yourself is hard, but fake it til you make it.

    But yeah, if these people are actually doing stuff to make you feel that way, tell them to take a hike.
  • sofaking6
    sofaking6 Posts: 4,589 Member
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    If they say and do things to deliberately make you feel bad, then the real and only question is; why do you put up with it?

    All of my friends are gorgeous and skinny, and most are rich to boot. The only one who isn't skinny is a superstar prodigy federal attorney at 30. Do I compare myself to them and find myself lacking? Yes, all the time. Is that productive? Not at all. And I figure, if people that awesome want to hang out with me all the time even though I'm fat and single and was just out of work for almost a year, there must be something seriously amazing about me. Of course, it would be great if I knew what that was, but hey... :)
  • uconnwinsnc1
    uconnwinsnc1 Posts: 902 Member
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    At the start of my "journey" I cut every weak link out of my life. It was hard because there were a few people I really cared about, but I knew they'd be no part of my future. A few times I slipped up and tried to convince myself they were worth my time, but then I come to my senses and realize why I put them behind me. In other words, find out who your true friends are.
  • Chezzie84
    Chezzie84 Posts: 873 Member
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    No. My friends would never do that to me.
    Maybe you need to choose better friend's.
  • rainbowbow
    rainbowbow Posts: 7,490 Member
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    Only you can choose to feel worthless or demoralized. If others around you are influencing your own self image I'd choose not to hang around.
  • badholland
    badholland Posts: 67 Member
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    Like others have said, is it your friends making you feel that way or is it coming from you?

    I know that when I have a night out with my girlfriends it usually goes:

    Me in the mirror: Oh I look super cute tonight
    Me when I meet friends: Oh my god I am so fat and ugly and they're all so gorgeous and thin and glamorous

    But it's me making me feel that way, because I'm comparing myself and always putting myself at the bottom. It's easy to keep doing that once you start too - I'm short and kind of stumpy and find myself fixating on my friends long legs or something like that. Well obviously I'm never going to win a long leg battle so why do I do it? I'm still not sure. I know this isn't very helpful but I'm just trying to point out that sometimes it's ourselves making us feel that way.

    If they actually are doing or saying things to that effect though - well, then, they're not really friends at all.
  • shadowloss
    shadowloss Posts: 293 Member
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    The question you have to ask yourself: Are your friends saying something "Directly" to you, or are they making comments that you imply are directed at your weight?

    I only ask, because it happened to me and got me on my way to being more fit. There were comments about how others had lost weight, how others looked great for spending time in the gym, how one woman was thankful that her husband now obsesses over going to the gym, was more fit.

    All these comments I took as personal jabs at my weight. However in retrospect, they were only celebrating the accomplishments of my other friends, and I was taking it personally, because I had a bad self image. Now I am ashamed for not being more excited for my friends successes and celebrating with them, rather than crawl in my hole of self pity.

    As others have said, if they are true friends they are really crappy at the idea of tough love, or they are not really friends OR you are reading too much into it and may want to reflect on what was said and see where the negativity in the comments came from? Your "Friends" or You?

    Best of luck on your journey. It all starts with you!
  • jesiann2014
    jesiann2014 Posts: 521 Member
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    Listen sister, if you feel fat and worthless don't blame that on your 'friends'. I'm gonna go out on a psycho-babble limb here and suggest that your feelings have very little to do with your friends.

    And, yes, the word 'friend' seems to have lost it's original meaning in society today.
  • JoannaEngel84
    JoannaEngel84 Posts: 49 Member
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    santd wrote: »
    Do you have friends that make you feel fat and worthless. Or demoralized! tell me your story of how you found your confidence to beat those feelings.....

    Why are they even your friends?

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