Fed up of slim friends making me feel worthless and fat.....

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Replies

  • cincysweetheart
    cincysweetheart Posts: 892 Member
    First of all… if they really are treating you badly, they are not friends. You deserve better than that. And you should not be afraid to tell them that if they want to keep you as a friend, they need to knock it the hell off. No second chances. You're done putting up with sh**! They need a good "come to Jesus" moment! There is no excuse for treating anybody like that.

    Secondly… Are they really treating you badly or are you feeling fat, worthless or demoralized because of your own personal demons? I'm not accusing. Just asking. Because so many times I think we allow ourselves to feel that way simply because deep down we hate who we are. And sometimes people who already are who we want to be makes that feeling even worse. I know I've been there.

    If it's the first… kick 'em to the curb! You don't need that kind of negativity. And besides… there are already enough people in the world who want to make you feel that way… you don't need it from your friends. Friends will support you and make you feel better about yourself. Period.

    But if it's the second… Well, first of all… just be honest with yourself and recognize that it's the case. But that's also a good thing… because if it's you… you can change that. I'm not saying it's easy or something that will happen overnight. But change is always possible. You may need outside or even professional help in some cases… but change is possible.
  • jiagetsfit
    jiagetsfit Posts: 273 Member
    There will always be someone you know who will berate you because you are thin or fat, rich or poor, or smart or outspoken or....well this list can go on. They are also humans and are acting out because of some insecurities of their own. Their definition of you cannot, should not and will not define your individuality. At some point of time even you must have shamed someone for some reason.

    But if it hurts you, then you must speak to them about it and reconsider your friendship.
  • jenilla1
    jenilla1 Posts: 11,118 Member
    I don't hang around with people, including toxic family members, who bring me down. I don't have the time and patience for negativity. <3
  • Missjulesdid
    Missjulesdid Posts: 1,444 Member
    Are your friends making you feel worthless or are YOU making yourself feel worthless??? If it's your friends who are actively beating you down then drop them and get new friends. If it is just your jealousy of their slim bodies and your own insecurity, then look inside yourself for the answer.
  • wrenegade64
    wrenegade64 Posts: 410 Member
    I beat it by knowing which ones are friends and which are not. FRIENDS support you, stand by your side, cheer for you, and love you whether you are 80 lbs or 800 lbs. Anybody that does NOT fit in that category, KICK EM TO THE CURB!!!
  • Shawshankcan
    Shawshankcan Posts: 900 Member
    If your friends are saying/doing something that makes you feel this way - your friends are worthless and you need new friends.

    If it is how you feel when you are around them because you envy their physical appearance, that it is on you and you can change that one day at a time.
  • 999tigger
    999tigger Posts: 5,235 Member
    Be nice if the OP could just clarify whether its intentional acts by the friends or its just how she feels. Depending which one it is the answers are quite different.
  • giggitygoo
    giggitygoo Posts: 1,978 Member
    It could be possible that you are projecting your insecurities onto them. If that's the case, you have to find the answers within yourself.
  • ThePhoenixIsRising
    ThePhoenixIsRising Posts: 781 Member
    sofaking6 wrote: »
    If they say and do things to deliberately make you feel bad, then the real and only question is; why do you put up with it?

    All of my friends are gorgeous and skinny, and most are rich to boot. The only one who isn't skinny is a superstar prodigy federal attorney at 30. Do I compare myself to them and find myself lacking? Yes, all the time. Is that productive? Not at all. And I figure, if people that awesome want to hang out with me all the time even though I'm fat and single and was just out of work for almost a year, there must be something seriously amazing about me. Of course, it would be great if I knew what that was, but hey... :)

    Love this!!!
  • findingmyw1ngs
    findingmyw1ngs Posts: 107 Member
    santd wrote: »
    Do you have friends that make you feel fat and worthless. Or demoralized! tell me your story of how you found your confidence to beat those feelings.....

    Two things..
    1)No, those aren't friends.
    2)Some people do it without meaning to. If you're gonna be overly sensitive to what others say about your body then you need to either a-tell them not to talk about your body (and you don't talk about theirs either) or b-suck it up and just realize that you're making a difference in your life for you and no one else
  • vlheureux
    vlheureux Posts: 34
    I know how you feel sister. My friends don't do it on purpose either; my best friends are both short and stick thin but eat like there's no tomorrow. I'm taller than them, chubbier than I'd like to admit, eat salad for two meals a day, and feel like a cow beside two giselles. But I'm slowly shedding the weight, and I can't wait until I can agree to wear a bikini and go to the beach beside them while not feeling like every guy looks at me as the ugly friend.
  • KameHameHaaaa
    KameHameHaaaa Posts: 837 Member
    Friends don't do that. I used to keep people like that in my life. And y'know what? It only made me feel bad, triggered emotional eating etc. I felt like I was just supposed to be the fat friend/punchline/there to make others look better. THAT'S NOT HOW FRIENDSHIP WORKS. My old coworkers/"friends" posted this once at my old job in the kitchen. EVERYONE saw it and at the time I just laughed with them all because that's just what I did. 8 years later I still have the picture of it just as a reminder of what I don't want in my life: People that do this kinda ****. I've lost almost 90 lbs since I stopped hanging out with those people too, self-esteem and confidence is slowly coming back.

    vauf2z4fn2k9.jpg
  • wmcmurray61
    wmcmurray61 Posts: 192 Member
    I agree. That is not a friend as I know friends to be. I have friends of all shapes and sizes and colors and sexual orientations. They are my friends because I love who they are inside. It's easy to be pretty and thin and ugly on the inside. And shallow. Incredibly shallow.
  • ndj1979
    ndj1979 Posts: 29,136 Member
    get new friends….
  • Icandoityayme
    Icandoityayme Posts: 312 Member
    If there is one thing I have learned over the years it's that we teach people how to treat us. I got rid of the toxic people in my life. If they aren't helping then they are hurting. Sometimes you just have to delete people you care about out of your life. Doesn't mean you don't care about them, it means you care about you more and you are who you have to live with for the rest of your life.
  • PikaKnight
    PikaKnight Posts: 34,971 Member
    Nobody can "make" you feel these things. This is on you letting them do what they are doing to you.

    Step back and think whether they are actually doing what you think, or if you are taking what they are doing in a way that they might not mean it to be taken.

    (I.e. friendly joking and you are being overly sensitive about it).

    If they really are treating you as you claim, then those aren't friends you should be keeping in your life.
  • WW_Jude_V2
    WW_Jude_V2 Posts: 209 Member
    KameHameHaaaa wrote: »
    Friends don't do that. I used to keep people like that in my life. And y'know what? It only made me feel bad, triggered emotional eating etc. I felt like I was just supposed to be the fat friend/punchline/there to make others look better. THAT'S NOT HOW FRIENDSHIP WORKS. My old coworkers/"friends" posted this once at my old job in the kitchen. EVERYONE saw it and at the time I just laughed with them all because that's just what I did. 8 years later I still have the picture of it just as a reminder of what I don't want in my life: People that do this kinda ****. I've lost almost 90 lbs since I stopped hanging out with those people too, self-esteem and confidence is slowly coming back.

    vauf2z4fn2k9.jpg

    I have no words for this. Sorry this happened to you.....smh.
  • Miss_1999
    Miss_1999 Posts: 747 Member
    KameHameHaaaa wrote: »
    Friends don't do that. I used to keep people like that in my life. And y'know what? It only made me feel bad, triggered emotional eating etc. I felt like I was just supposed to be the fat friend/punchline/there to make others look better. THAT'S NOT HOW FRIENDSHIP WORKS. My old coworkers/"friends" posted this once at my old job in the kitchen. EVERYONE saw it and at the time I just laughed with them all because that's just what I did. 8 years later I still have the picture of it just as a reminder of what I don't want in my life: People that do this kinda ****. I've lost almost 90 lbs since I stopped hanging out with those people too, self-esteem and confidence is slowly coming back.

    vauf2z4fn2k9.jpg


    *HUGE HUGS* I am beyond sorry. You're absolutely right- that's NOT acceptable, and that is NOT what friends do. Friends are loving and supportive. They're here to lift us higher, and support us, not make fun of us and bring us down. Anyone who is making you feel bad about yourself for who you are, isn't your friend, or someone you want to be around. A true friend, loves and accepts you, regardless of your size or what you look like. I would NEVER, EVER speak a word to any of my friends, EVER about their weight unless it were a *LITERAL* life or death situation, or their heath were seriously at risk and I knew this, and then, it would NOT be in a demeaning or hurtful manner. It would be me asking what I can do to help, because I love them, and want to have them with me for many years to come.

  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
    I'm sorry your friendships are not feeling good to you right now. The answer is simple, either change your friends, or change yourself.
  • Chezzie84
    Chezzie84 Posts: 873 Member
    KameHameHaaaa wrote: »
    Friends don't do that. I used to keep people like that in my life. And y'know what? It only made me feel bad, triggered emotional eating etc. I felt like I was just supposed to be the fat friend/punchline/there to make others look better. THAT'S NOT HOW FRIENDSHIP WORKS. My old coworkers/"friends" posted this once at my old job in the kitchen. EVERYONE saw it and at the time I just laughed with them all because that's just what I did. 8 years later I still have the picture of it just as a reminder of what I don't want in my life: People that do this kinda ****. I've lost almost 90 lbs since I stopped hanging out with those people too, self-esteem and confidence is slowly coming back.

    vauf2z4fn2k9.jpg

    That is disgusting.
    I think it speaks volumes about them as people.
    I would have marched straight up HR and lodged a formal complaint.

  • QueenE_
    QueenE_ Posts: 522 Member
    My two very close friends are very supportive. My acquaintances like to make rude remarks.
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
    I dont assume that my friends are so shallow and insipid that they look at each other that way. Well actually I just know they aren't because I wouldn't have become friends with them. If your friends tell you that you are fat, you need to not be their friends. If you are just basing this on what you think is happening, then they need to get new friends.
  • Drea_h85
    Drea_h85 Posts: 312 Member
    Those aren't friend drop em like it's hot!
  • SomeNights246
    SomeNights246 Posts: 807 Member
    Not until I started losing weight. Then people started letting their 'ugly' show. Not surprisingly, as I lost weight, I lost friends, too. Friends should be supportive. If someone is putting you down, they're not your friend.
  • SomeNights246
    SomeNights246 Posts: 807 Member
    999tigger wrote: »
    Be nice if the OP could just clarify whether its intentional acts by the friends or its just how she feels. Depending which one it is the answers are quite different.

    Also, this.

    Because when I was overweight, it was how I felt.

    As I lost weight, it was intentional acts.

    Both situations are very different from one another.
  • catb58
    catb58 Posts: 239 Member
    KameHameHaaaa wrote: »
    Friends don't do that. I used to keep people like that in my life. And y'know what? It only made me feel bad, triggered emotional eating etc. I felt like I was just supposed to be the fat friend/punchline/there to make others look better. THAT'S NOT HOW FRIENDSHIP WORKS. My old coworkers/"friends" posted this once at my old job in the kitchen. EVERYONE saw it and at the time I just laughed with them all because that's just what I did. 8 years later I still have the picture of it just as a reminder of what I don't want in my life: People that do this kinda ****. I've lost almost 90 lbs since I stopped hanging out with those people too, self-esteem and confidence is slowly coming back.

    vauf2z4fn2k9.jpg

    And this is why I seldom count co-workers as friends. Friends choose each other. You make the best of your co-workers...or not...do what you can to keep things at a peaceful co-existence.

    I have distanced myself from a friend of 20 years who acts unhappy that I've been losing weight more steadily on MFP than she is on WW. I got tired of little comments and urgings to "eat this...it has no points." She was quickly becoming a "frenemy." There is no longer any place in my life for people who are going to chip at my self confidence as I work to improve it.

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