Ethics Question..
totaldetermination
Posts: 1,184 Member
You see your best friend's partner coming out of a hotel room with someone else (ie not your best friend). Its very obvious something has gone on between them - they're all over each other even as they leave the room. They didn't see you.
Do you say anything to anyone about it ?
What if it was your sibling / parent or child who's partner came out of the room ?
If your best friend saw your partner coming out of a hotel room with someone else, what would you want your best friend to do ?
If your 3 answers are different, why is that ?
Do you say anything to anyone about it ?
What if it was your sibling / parent or child who's partner came out of the room ?
If your best friend saw your partner coming out of a hotel room with someone else, what would you want your best friend to do ?
If your 3 answers are different, why is that ?
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Replies
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Hummmm, you Said partner so they are not married. It really depends on the best friend. I have been in the situation and my friend didn't leave him even though he was cheating. They would argue and get back together. So I kept my mouth shut. Than I had a situation where the gentleman tried to hook up with me. I told her, he lied and she believed him over me. Friendship of 13 years gone just like that. Last I had a friend and I seen her guy with a girl however she was cheating so was he. So I stayed out the Way and let them cheat on. Every situation I told, it ended in drama and back fired on me. Choice is yours, know your friend. Best friends are irreplaceable.0
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If was my siblings or child. I am confident they would believe me, my character integrity is that high. I am a very bold woman, I probably would've said hi. So they can.perhaps feel guilty and tell themselves. That way if you were approached you could say, I wanted them to tell you first. But since the opportunity already passed, hmmmm0
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I would have to tell them. I would feel terrible if they went about their lives without knowing that they're partner was with someone else. It is my business because that's my friend/family and I look out for them. If they don't speak to me after that, I would know that they aren't a true friend anyways. Same with family. I would also try to take some pictures or get a video of their partner with another person, incase it did backfire on me.
I would want my best friend to tell me if they saw my partner with someone else. I would believe her because my friends are people I can trust and who look out for me.0 -
I would say something if the person is a close enough friend and definitely if it's a relative. I'm not the one in the wrong. If people don't want their inappropriate activities reported they shouldn't engage in such things. I don't have a problem saying something to the betrayed party. I've just had so many close friends who were cheated on (and I didn't know it back then) that now I make it a policy to say something if it's something I personally heard or saw.
I would definitely want to know if my husband came out of a hotel room with some other woman.0 -
I can't know for sure unless I was faced with it, but I believe I would not say anything in either case. Nor, would I want to be confronted by a friend about what he/she saw regarding my partner. No one knows what is between two people. I think it presumptuous and nosey to carry tales.
If I witnessed something continuously and thought it dangerous or humiliating to my friend, I might confront their partner in private.0 -
Oh **** yes. If it were my Monger or Shan's SO/or spousal unit, they'd actually better run, not only will I be on the hotline RIGHT THEN with Monger/Shan, but I will take care of business, and either of them (Monger/Shan) would not hesitate to do the same for me. Some might call that redneck, down South, we call it taking care of family. And your family is more than just blood.0
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I'd confront the partner and give them the chance to tell my friend/relative and if they refused or didn't within a reasonable period (I'm talking a few hours), I'd tell my friend/relative. Been there, done that.0
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I too would confront the cheat, tell them I know, and give them the chance to come clean. And be there for my friend when they needed. Instead of being the one to bring bad news and be accused of trying to break them up.0
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Yes I would tell my friend or who ever. I would be hurt if a so called friend knew and didn't tell me. Ok I would be livid, crazy with rage. But I have temper. I was raised to be respectful to those you love and care about. Knowing and not saying something is, in my eyes, very disrespectful.
It would not be easy, as I hate to see my friends hurt, but it would to be done.0 -
This happened to me. I was driving back to work from lunch. I passed a motel and saw my best friend's wife coming out of a motel room with another guy. I never told him and I never confronted her. It's a lose/lose situation.
If you bring it up and they work it out, you are the bad guy. If you bring it up and they don't work it out, you're the guy that helped ruin their marriage.
They divorced about 2 years later.
That was 29 years ago, I've still never brought it up. He's moved on. She's moved on. Everybody is happy.0 -
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I didn't see anything.0
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UncleGorilla wrote: »The true question is... What does reporting what you see to anyone prove, and/or solve?
In reality, one has absolutely no idea what occurred in that room. It's likely they had sex, but the witness doesn't know that for sure, unless that person was watching through the window... and that beckons an entire new set of ethical and legal questions.
My statement above will likely lead to a, "But you have a moral obligation to your friend, etc etc.." Why? Who died and made me the Morality Police?
Most people who "tattle on" other people's behavior mask their true intentions, albeit subconsciously most of the time.
They're not reporting these details to "help their friends." They're propagating gossip in an effort to appear "noble" whilst condemning another party and "putting them in their place."
It's crap.
"But Uncle Gorilla, adultery is a sin..." (Gotta love the Bible-Beaters)
A. Wooptie-doo
B. Let's take the ever present-Bible-defense head-on...
Adultery is a sin. So is Gossip. In fact, "gossip" is referenced as a mortal sin twenty-seven (27) times throughout the Bible. (I'm not a big religious guy. I'm a lawyer, and I love using the other side's facts against them.
)
Thus, for those riding your moral high-horse... while you're holding the Bible and dialing your friends to "report the details," you might want to pickup a few rocks while you're at it. Your glass house may be a bit stuffy.
That's interesting you've mentioned the "Bible-Beaters" and "sin", I haven't seen anyone mentioning the "Bible", "sin", or morality? But I suppose those things could most definitely come into play with some people or their intentions. I can't speak for everyone in the world, and what they think or how they feel. As for me, the two people I love the most besides my spouse (IE: Monger and Shan), I look out for. If someone hurts them, it hurts me. I carried bedpans full of water to fill a bathtub up for Monger when she had her tonsils taken out at age 11 because the hot water wasn't working in the hospital bathtub. I stood beside of her when she married her husband at age 19. She stood beside of me when I married my husband at age 24. We were there for each other when all of our children were born. If she told me today she needed a kidney, I'd ask when I needed to be at the hospital. So, do you honestly think for a second, if I saw someone doing something I KNEW was going to be damaging to her, that I'd keep it to myself? Hell no I wouldn't. This is MY sister that God forgot to give me. Maybe I'd be casting a stone at Steve (her husband) that didn't need to be, but if I'm wrong, it's not the first time I've been wrong, and I'm not too big of a person to apologize.
And if I'm not wrong, then I've saved someone I love from a potential STD, more heartbreak, and being with someone that doesn't love her. If they work it out, that's up to them, it's not my marriage, but I'll be damned if I'm going to turn a blind eye while someone I love more than myself is being *potentially* hurt, and I KNOW this. If there's nothing going on- then, no harm, no foul. However, I've known Monger for 25 years, and I've known Steve for 19 years. If he's walking out of a hotel room with another woman, he's having an affair. Same for Monger (with another man). (That is obviously NOT family)
Now, your POV obviously was just a POV you were sharing, but I felt the need to reply, as some of us aren't simply gossip Mongers, but people who genuinely love our family (and we consider our friends our family), and believe this IS the right thing to do. That turning a blind eye, is a slap in the face to someone you love.
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Alatariel75 wrote: »I'd confront the partner and give them the chance to tell my friend/relative and if they refused or didn't within a reasonable period (I'm talking a few hours), I'd tell my friend/relative. Been there, done that.
Yes. i would give that person a chance to come clean and/or explain themselves.
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not my business. to each their own.0
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I would break it too them as gently as possible, and I'd want them to do the same for me. Tell me the truth, even if it will hurt me.0
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I'd keep my mouth shut unless I was extremely close to the person. If it was someone I was close to, and I could save them added pain and heartbreak, I'd do it... but very gently. And I'd be prepared for it to backfire. I'd still be okay with the choice though.0
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As long as I am some-what close to a person, I would tell the individual 100%. I would also expect someone to tell me if it was my partner.
I just think about "what if my brother-in-law or this person who I thought was my friend, who did not bother to tell me about something so serious...I could never trust them again" So basically, by not saying something and if they ever found out down the road - I believe that relationship would be permanently damaged just because someone "did not want to get involved".0 -
It really depends on the personalities of the cheater and the person cheated on. A lot of things can affect your actions, even if your intentions are great. Like a pretty extreme example would be if the couple are codependent or have an open relationship or something. Often, when we're not part of a relationship, it's difficult to know what both parties are going through, or what the true nature of their relationship is like. I'd speak out only if I know both parties really well.
If I don't, yes I saw something suspicious...
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People, she does say the words "best friend". That implies a good degree of closeness. lol0
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Not my monkeys...not my circus. NOT my business.0
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secrets secrets are no fun, secrets secrets hurt someone0
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Men: Stay out of it
Women: OMG you have to tell him/her.
Just interesting.0 -
One solution for all of those who are afraid to approach their best friend about a possible unloyal spouse could also be to send an anonymous email or letter. That way - you said your piece and the relationship can either continue or end without guilt.0
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Not my business or my problem.0
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I'd want to know. and, I would owe it to my best friend to give her the same honesty. but then, my best friends are 25 years and committed - we're like sisters. and, through thick and thin - friends are there forever - husbands can be transitory.
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I wouldn't say anything about it to anyone, except maybe my husband to see what he thought of it.
If a friend saw my husband come out of a hotel room with someone else, I doubt I would believe the friend, so in the interest of saving the friendship, it'd probably be best not to tell me. These things usually come out anyway, regardless of how they get caught or who catches them.0 -
Mind my own business in each of these scenarios...My motto is: NOT MY CIRCUS, NOT MY MONKEYS! Stay out of other people's business.
But for those of you who would tell - everyone now days has a cell phone and a picture is worth a thousand words.0
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