Fat people in your family hating on your efforts to lose

amaysngrace

This is not about you. It's about their own insecurities. I experienced the same thing from a close family member and my best friend has never congratulated me on losing the weight. Mind you, she was available every time I cried about being fat, but once I was motivated she went silent on me.I lost 45 pounds and she has not said a word! That is just how some people are. Please don't let it discourage you from continuing on your journey.

Another thing I learned is people may not say anything about your weight loss in the beginning, but sooner or later they'll be seeking you out for weight loss advice. Stay focused. Stay positive. Stay motivated. It will all work out.

I just don't see how people that are extremely close to us, think by being silent, that it actually helps us. We need all the encouragement we can get, but oh well, like you said, we can do this, with or without their support! Thanks!

Garlicmash

sounds like making fun of you became a habbit for them,and habbits are hard to break.
If they've been doing it for years they must turn to say something but then have to change what they was about to say but continue to say some thing.
I think that sad that they are like that towards you.
I come from a family that will take the p*** .but in the way that we all end up laughing..normally.

I told my mum that she she was a size zero....she was shaped as the 0.

Now she couldn't stop laughing and i think her teeth nearly fell out,a long with my Dad's as well after I said that but it wasn't said in horrible way it was an on the spot joke cause she wasn't even round like that.

I've always said nothing about when I'm loosing weight to anyone unless I feel i need to for food reasons and I find i get better results by just keeping it to myself and just getting on with it.

sights like this one are here to help ppl who don't get the help they need from home.

ckish

Hi Friend,

First off I AM SO PROUD OF YOU! I was raised in a warm loving family. Some extended family members were mean but my immediate family members were supportive and even defended me in front of them. Therefore I grew up having good self esteem. Once I met my husband's family I was shocked at how badly they could treat one another. I began dating my husband my freshman year of college when I was still living at home. Sometimes I would tell my family about what I had witnessed and they though I was exagerating. Years later, my parents actually witnessed the horrible behavior and appologized for not believing me. I have seen my niece told some things that a parent or grandmother should never say to a young girl. It broke my heart. I stepped in when I could and tried to bolster her self esteem but I couldn't undo it all. I have needed to go toe to toe with many family members and let them know that I could not stop the damage they did to my niece but I would not let them do it to my daughters. My mother in law has had a few instances wheere she was told that she would be lucky to have supervised with our kids but faced losing them all together. Luckily she backed off with the kids and my husband was able to teach them some survival skills. The last big blow up we had was when my mother in law was screaming in my youngest daughter's face telling her that WE (meaning my hubby, eldest daughter, and myself) hated her, did not love her, and thought she was a useless piece of ****, and we wished she was never born. This tiraid came about because my daughter was sick and was not helping load the car. Needless to say I nearly tore my MIL's face off when I read her the riot act. Luckily she backed down and lived to see another day. (We knew our daughter was sick, dizzy, AND nauceous. We had told her to relax and try to settle her stomach before our long car ride home.) We did our best to protect our daughters as best as we could. Thankfully, my hubby also equipped them with survival skills he had acquired. The end result is my kids have learned to create a wall of protection around them and only let kind people into their heart. I am proud that they are not closed off to new people but they emotionally distance themselves from people who are mean and destructive. Because they saw both sides of the fence they can accept criticism that is healthy and positive and reject the negative B.S. Sadly, now that my MIL has mellowed out after a serious medical crisis she is actually much nicer to my kids now and does not insult them. They like the fact that she is nicer now but they will never be as close as they would have been with out the hypercriticism. One technique that we've used that sounds silly but works surprisingly well...is training ourselves to complete an insult in our minds to make it ridiculous and pointless to make us laugh instead of cry. As a small child my daughter smiled and laughed at the thought of purple elephants. So if my MIL said "You are fat, ugly, stupid, etc." she would simply imagine my MIL ending her negative remark with "but see purple elephants flying around the room so I must be blind or crazy!" I have to incredibly fit, thin, drop dead gorgeous daughters. (My profile pic doesn't do them justice) I learned a little while ago that my MIL would poke them when they were out of our view and tell them how fat they were. We laughed that we had no idea what she thought was an ideal weight because I went from her criticising me for being anorexic (I wasn't) to be criticised for being obese. At now time in my entire life have a ever been thin, fit, or healthy. In the end what my family has learned from being around family that does not support you and is destructive is that you need to take control in your own mind. If you want to spend time with them accept the fact that they will be mean and ugly. Talking to them will not change who they are. Just because someone who should care about you is mean to you doesn't mean that what they say about you is true. I've learned to just smile knowing that I think they are an assh*le. I have also learned to treasure and value the many people in the world who will support you like family should even though they are not blood. I also used the serenity prayer a lot too. Insecure assh*les will try to undermine your success when they see you doing something they are too afraid to try to accomplish. Wear their insults with pride knowing that they respect and admire you greatly but are afraid to show it. Don't waste time trying to figure out why they are mean. Live your life knowing that Christ was turned in by someone close to him too. God uses us all. Maybe they are in your life as a visible reminder of the fact YOU have a choice to carve out the life you want for you and your son. Raise your son with the love and support you wished you had. Let go and let God...

amaysngrace

Hi Friend,

First off I AM SO PROUD OF YOU! I was raised in a warm loving family. Some extended family members were mean but my immediate family members were supportive and even defended me in front of them. Therefore I grew up having good self esteem. Once I met my husband's family I was shocked at how badly they could treat one another. I began dating my husband my freshman year of college when I was still living at home. Sometimes I would tell my family about what I had witnessed and they though I was exagerating. Years later, my parents actually witnessed the horrible behavior and appologized for not believing me. I have seen my niece told some things that a parent or grandmother should never say to a young girl. It broke my heart. I stepped in when I could and tried to bolster her self esteem but I couldn't undo it all. I have needed to go toe to toe with many family members and let them know that I could not stop the damage they did to my niece but I would not let them do it to my daughters. My mother in law has had a few instances wheere she was told that she would be lucky to have supervised with our kids but faced losing them all together. Luckily she backed off with the kids and my husband was able to teach them some survival skills. The last big blow up we had was when my mother in law was screaming in my youngest daughter's face telling her that WE (meaning my hubby, eldest daughter, and myself) hated her, did not love her, and thought she was a useless piece of ****, and we wished she was never born. This tiraid came about because my daughter was sick and was not helping load the car. Needless to say I nearly tore my MIL's face off when I read her the riot act. Luckily she backed down and lived to see another day. (We knew our daughter was sick, dizzy, AND nauceous. We had told her to relax and try to settle her stomach before our long car ride home.) We did our best to protect our daughters as best as we could. Thankfully, my hubby also equipped them with survival skills he had acquired. The end result is my kids have learned to create a wall of protection around them and only let kind people into their heart. I am proud that they are not closed off to new people but they emotionally distance themselves from people who are mean and destructive. Because they saw both sides of the fence they can accept criticism that is healthy and positive and reject the negative B.S. Sadly, now that my MIL has mellowed out after a serious medical crisis she is actually much nicer to my kids now and does not insult them. They like the fact that she is nicer now but they will never be as close as they would have been with out the hypercriticism. One technique that we've used that sounds silly but works surprisingly well...is training ourselves to complete an insult in our minds to make it ridiculous and pointless to make us laugh instead of cry. As a small child my daughter smiled and laughed at the thought of purple elephants. So if my MIL said "You are fat, ugly, stupid, etc." she would simply imagine my MIL ending her negative remark with "but see purple elephants flying around the room so I must be blind or crazy!" I have to incredibly fit, thin, drop dead gorgeous daughters. (My profile pic doesn't do them justice) I learned a little while ago that my MIL would poke them when they were out of our view and tell them how fat they were. We laughed that we had no idea what she thought was an ideal weight because I went from her criticising me for being anorexic (I wasn't) to be criticised for being obese. At now time in my entire life have a ever been thin, fit, or healthy. In the end what my family has learned from being around family that does not support you and is destructive is that you need to take control in your own mind. If you want to spend time with them accept the fact that they will be mean and ugly. Talking to them will not change who they are. Just because someone who should care about you is mean to you doesn't mean that what they say about you is true. I've learned to just smile knowing that I think they are an assh*le. I have also learned to treasure and value the many people in the world who will support you like family should even though they are not blood. I also used the serenity prayer a lot too. Insecure assh*les will try to undermine your success when they see you doing something they are too afraid to try to accomplish. Wear their insults with pride knowing that they respect and admire you greatly but are afraid to show it. Don't waste time trying to figure out why they are mean. Live your life knowing that Christ was turned in by someone close to him too. God uses us all. Maybe they are in your life as a visible reminder of the fact YOU have a choice to carve out the life you want for you and your son. Raise your son with the love and support you wished you had. Let go and let God...

Thanks, as usual your advice is always comforting. XOXO

Sqeekyjojo

1. people tease and joke for the reaction, and if they can't get a reaction, they will either move on to a new person or a new joke. keep your head up and keep your replies above board. occasionally my dad can fall into the "mean teasing" trap with me, and nothing takes the wind out of his sails faster than not getting a reaction from me.
2. don't get upset with people for not acknowledging your weight loss. they don't have to, and you shouldn't expect them to. and some people have been taught that it isn't polite to ask people about their weight, or maybe she thinks you already know how good you look.

I agree with it being awkward for some people. After all, who wants to go up to somebody in public and say 'you look fantastic! Absolutely amazing? How have you achieved all this?', to hear the answer 'I got cancer'?

True story. Not me, I'd like to say I had more sense than to say anything, but the truth is that I'd seen the person's name on the clinic list for the clinic I worked in at the time.

So I won't ever make a fuss/make comments about their appearance unless I actually bump into them at the gym.

amaysngrace

1. people tease and joke for the reaction, and if they can't get a reaction, they will either move on to a new person or a new joke. keep your head up and keep your replies above board. occasionally my dad can fall into the "mean teasing" trap with me, and nothing takes the wind out of his sails faster than not getting a reaction from me.
2. don't get upset with people for not acknowledging your weight loss. they don't have to, and you shouldn't expect them to. and some people have been taught that it isn't polite to ask people about their weight, or maybe she thinks you already know how good you look.

I agree with it being awkward for some people. After all, who wants to go up to somebody in public and say 'you look fantastic! Absolutely amazing? How have you achieved all this?', to hear the answer 'I got cancer'?

True story. Not me, I'd like to say I had more sense than to say anything, but the truth is that I'd seen the person's name on the clinic list for the clinic I worked in at the time.

So I won't ever make a fuss/make comments about their appearance unless I actually bump into them at the gym.

This is a good point, but my neighbor and I were pretty close, so she knows A LOT of stuff about me and she knows that I was always trying to lose weight, but never knew just how. She was the one I was always complaining to about my weight. All of the sudden, now, as someone said earlier about their friend, she says nothing, not even "you look nice." No, I am not expecting her to say anything if she was a stranger, but I know that if she was me and I was her, she would want me to say something to her or she would bring it to my attention. With that being said, her daughter boldly commented to me that I had lost a lot of weight and that I was looking good, so I don't see why she could not even acknowledge it, when she is suppose to be my friend. But, I don't care, it is water under the bridge. But, good point! Thanks.

craigmandu

It has been my experience that "misery loves company". My family is hundreds of miles away, but my wife's family is right around the corner. When I'm eating healthy, making lower calorie selections, deciding not to have dessert etc.... They think that is a "green light" to make whatever lude/crude/rude comment they can to show how much more "fun" they are having by indulging themselves where I don't.

I've had a person actually say to me..."I can't believe you aren't having fries, everyone here but you has fries." I don't really get it either.

I'm a pretty big d!ck though, and am relatively quick to say something like "Who are you to question my choices?" They have calmed down quite a bit in the last couple of months, but in the beginning, I sorta had to put a few in their place.

Good luck with your weight loss! I wish you great success!

bill323

I don't get outright hate but I do have a bunch of people ignoring my loss and my wife hates when I talk about losing weight or anything to do with calories. She accuses me of wanting to lose weight so I can find another wife. LOL

My mom is very supportive because she has struggled with her weight forever. My good friend was supportive at first and now seems to be less so as I make my rapid descent and get closer to his weight.

AJinBirmingham

First, congratulations to you on your weight loss! You rock.

When it comes to dealing with unsupportive people, I take a Roadhouse approach: I'm nice. I'm always nice . . . until it's time to not be nice.

For example, I've a hefty aunty who tried to make me eat dessert on holiday. She was pushy and even implied that I was being rude and not participating in the festivities if I didn't eat cake, pie, or cookies . . . I politely refused several times, then when she said, "I can't believe you're just going to sit there and not enjoy a dessert with the rest of us!" I said, "You go ahead. I'm enjoying being a size 4."

amaysngrace

First, congratulations to you on your weight loss! You rock.

When it comes to dealing with unsupportive people, I take a Roadhouse approach: I'm nice. I'm always nice . . . until it's time to not be nice.

For example, I've a hefty aunty who tried to make me eat dessert on holiday. She was pushy and even implied that I was being rude and not participating in the festivities if I didn't eat cake, pie, or cookies . . . I politely refused several times, then when she said, "I can't believe you're just going to sit there and not enjoy a dessert with the rest of us!" I said, "You go ahead. I'm enjoying being a size 4."

Haha, I have to admit, that was a slick comeback. I might have to use that one