Is it important that your Spouse lose weight too?

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Iwishyouwell
Iwishyouwell Posts: 1,888 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
Many, if not most, of us here constitute the less fat/former fat/how'd I get so fat crowd who have decided that weight loss, for whatever reasons, is an imperative part of our journeys.

And a lot of us have spouses who likewise are overweight or obese.

How important is it that your spouse have the desire, and make the effort, to join in their own weight loss pursuit? Do you find yourself holding them up to similar standards as you do yourself? If they aren't losing weight, or getting fit, and don't plan to, is that an issue in your marriage?

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Replies

  • 4bettermenow
    4bettermenow Posts: 166 Member
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    Could my husband lose 20lbs? yes. Does it bother me that he does not have the motivation to do so right now? No. Will it bother me when I am at my goal weight? No. Why...because we have loved each other through thick and thin. I love him for who he is, unconditionally, just as he does me. And I certainly have been the one who has gone up and down on weight more. The only reason I would ask him to lose weight would be strictly health related and even at that, he needs to be the one motivated to do that. He supports me wholeheartedly in my journey just as I don't push it on him to be healthier. I cook the meals and make his lunches, so he gets a lot of the healthier stuff from me. However if he eats out with his buddies or asks for his nightly bowl of ice cream, it doesn't bother me at all.
  • jemhh
    jemhh Posts: 14,261 Member
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    It is not important to me at all. That is to say that if he chooses not to lose weight, I am as fine with it as I am with him choosing to lose weight. He has been a huge supporter of me through my effort but I don't expect him to do everything that I do.
  • marissanik
    marissanik Posts: 344 Member
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    I don't think it's absolutely necessary but it would make things a whole lot easier.

    Living with my dad/sister is a struggle when they're constantly buying junk that I have easy access to. The last guy I dated was very lazy and didn't exercise and ate junk and slept all day. It annoyed me eventually. I couldn't imagine being married to someone who didn't have some form of an active lifestyle. Otherwise, they have to be very supportive of mine.
  • DiabolicalColossus
    DiabolicalColossus Posts: 219 Member
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    For his health, yes.

    For his appearance, no.
  • Original_Beauty
    Original_Beauty Posts: 180 Member
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    4bettermenow wrote: »
    Could my husband lose 20lbs? yes. Does it bother me that he does not have the motivation to do so right now? No. Will it bother me when I am at my goal weight? No. Why...because we have loved each other through thick and thin. I love him for who he is, unconditionally, just as he does me. And I certainly have been the one who has gone up and down on weight more. The only reason I would ask him to lose weight would be strictly health related and even at that, he needs to be the one motivated to do that. He supports me wholeheartedly in my journey just as I don't push it on him to be healthier. I cook the meals and make his lunches, so he gets a lot of the healthier stuff from me. However if he eats out with his buddies or asks for his nightly bowl of ice cream, it doesn't bother me at all.

    This is how I feel too.

  • mrsmcmo
    mrsmcmo Posts: 109 Member
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    Yes, I wish he would get healthier/lose weight. We have children together and a) I want to know that we are both being positive role models in the eating department, especially because one of our kids is a 'larger' child (not necessarily overweight, but could be if he ate terribly), and b) I want him to be around when they are grown ups and have kids of their own. And of course because I love him and want a healthy husband. In addition, it makes life easier for everyone in the family if we're all on the same page, I think, with living an active, healthy lifestyle, and making healthy food choices.
  • Sabine_Stroehm
    Sabine_Stroehm Posts: 19,263 Member
    edited November 2014
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    4bettermenow wrote: »
    Could my husband lose 20lbs? yes. Does it bother me that he does not have the motivation to do so right now? No. Will it bother me when I am at my goal weight? No. Why...because we have loved each other through thick and thin. I love him for who he is, unconditionally, just as he does me. And I certainly have been the one who has gone up and down on weight more. The only reason I would ask him to lose weight would be strictly health related and even at that, he needs to be the one motivated to do that. He supports me wholeheartedly in my journey just as I don't push it on him to be healthier. I cook the meals and make his lunches, so he gets a lot of the healthier stuff from me. However if he eats out with his buddies or asks for his nightly bowl of ice cream, it doesn't bother me at all.
    My hubs is at a healthy weight, but yes, pretty much this (if it was ever a concern). He's healthy, and that's the most important thing.
  • debsdoingthis
    debsdoingthis Posts: 454 Member
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    DiabolicalColossus wrote: »
    For his health, yes.

    For his appearance, no.
    Ditto

  • amcook4
    amcook4 Posts: 561 Member
    edited November 2014
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    Me getting healthy encouraged my husband to do the same. He wasn't obese like me, but overweight and not at his former fitness level. If he didn't do it with me, I'd be fine as long as he was still supportive and not destroying himself.
  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
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    It has been far more important that he support me in my transformation. Which he is. He has always been keen about fitness and health, and appreciates my food choices and cooking, but now I am far more active than he is. Most annoying, he follows along whatever I am doing and the pounds just melt off him. Cheater. JK
  • 0somuchbetter0
    0somuchbetter0 Posts: 1,335 Member
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    Only for health reasons, not appearance. My hub is active duty military so he's in pretty good shape. However, his eating habits are terrible and he has no self-control. He wants to lose some weight but won't track calories and I won't nag him. I'm afraid that when he retires from the military his weight will balloon and so will his cholesterol (already high) and genetic predisposition to diabetes.
  • deksgrl
    deksgrl Posts: 7,237 Member
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    DiabolicalColossus wrote: »
    For his health, yes.

    For his appearance, no.

    This. But I can't do it for him. He has to want it enough to make the effort. I can't control what or how much he chooses to eat
  • bornforbattles
    bornforbattles Posts: 63 Member
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    I look at it like this, I'm always going to be fit so why should I be with someone that isn't/wont be?
  • 0somuchbetter0
    0somuchbetter0 Posts: 1,335 Member
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    bornforbattles wrote: »
    I look at it like this, I'm always going to be fit so why should I be with someone that isn't/wont be?

    I have a friend who was fit (and hottt!) all his life and suddenly developed a brain tumor that affected his pituitary and now he's 100lbs overweight. Just sayin'
  • lorib642
    lorib642 Posts: 1,942 Member
    edited November 2014
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    DiabolicalColossus wrote: »
    For his health, yes.

    For his appearance, no.

    ^^^This

    In the past he has done better than me. He has a different mentality all-or-none. I am impressed by his discipline but it doesn't work for me. We have made some changes that affect the whole family offering more nutrient dense or lower calorie foods.
  • sgfoster110
    sgfoster110 Posts: 57 Member
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    I think it is helpful if either spouse trys to stay in shape and look their best for one another. Yes, we love each other through thick and thin, but your body is an important part of marriage. A persons looks is a factor ingredient of attraction. Wife and I do this and it has proven very good for health and attraction. Of course there are many more qualities that attract oneanother, but in this forum we are talking exercise and getting in optimum shape.
    I agree that each of us must be self motivated to accomplish a toned body. I would not force anyone to do this. We just love the cloths we are able to wear, how we look and the health we enjoy doing it together.
  • deksgrl
    deksgrl Posts: 7,237 Member
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    bornforbattles wrote: »
    I look at it like this, I'm always going to be fit so why should I be with someone that isn't/wont be?

    It's nice to have the same goals and lifestyle, but you can't predict the future. Any number of things could happen.

  • noexcusesjustresults2014
    noexcusesjustresults2014 Posts: 212 Member
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    I have never been married or dated an overweight person so I can't comment on that. To my fellow single MFP members I would like to say the best solution to the above problems is prevention!

    Not only seek out partners who are aerobically fit, but be sure they have the requisite plan and motivation to remain so for a lifetime. Absent medical problems outside of their control, becoming overweight is a choice.

    I choose to avoid dated anyone who would do anything to diminish their life expectancy (a selfish decision not only impacting them but their entire family). This is not just about weight. I also would never date a smoker, someone who rides a motorcycle or does not buckle their seat beat (although I respect the right of everyone to make those choices).
  • Iwishyouwell
    Iwishyouwell Posts: 1,888 Member
    edited November 2014
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    But yes, my wife needs to lose weight. She's one of those people who carries it pretty well visually, especially since she's more hour glass than sphere, so most people would be shocked to know that she could easily stand to lose between 70-80 lbs. But at only 34 she's already dealing with obesity related health issues, including possible insulin resistance.

    It also affects her psychologically. She doesn't like being overweight and her self esteem has taken a hit since she realized she was. I hurt for her, because I grew up with horrible self image issues due to being fat from childhood. It can do a real number on the mind.

    I'm patient with her, but with both know it's in her best interest to get healthier and leaner. She's been endlessly supportive of me and I will continue to be for her. But the fact that it is an issue isn't something I'm not going to rug sweep, and she doesn't expect me to.

    And while I am still very attracted to my wife sexually, she does look physically better smaller, like most people. We both said in our late 20's that our goal was to look better, and be fitter, than ever in our 30s. I hope we can achieve that goal together! It would be awesome to become one of those really fit couples who go on runs together, who take mutual joy in meeting their body and fitness goals.

    But at the end of the day you can't change anybody, that's the cold, hard fact.
  • 0somuchbetter0
    0somuchbetter0 Posts: 1,335 Member
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    noexcusesjustresults2014 wrote: »
    I have never been married or dated an overweight person so I can't comment on that. To my fellow single MFP members I would like to say the best solution to the above problems is prevention!

    Not only seek out partners who are aerobically fit, but be sure they have the requisite plan and motivation to remain so for a lifetime. Absent medical problems outside of their control, becoming overweight is a choice.

    I choose to avoid dated anyone who would do anything to diminish their life expectancy (a selfish decision not only impacting them but their entire family). This is not just about weight. I also would never date a smoker, someone who rides a motorcycle or does not buckle their seat beat (although I respect the right of everyone to make those choices).

    Ah, youth. You never know what's going to happen in the future. What if you fall in love with a guy tomorrow who is physically fit, but as the years pass, his weight creeps up. Are you going to file for divorce when he becomes 20 lbs overweight? 50 lbs? What if it happens to you? You have a couple of kids, you hit 50, your metabolism slows down...the lbs sneak up on you. Are you going to be understanding when he leaves you for a thinner, fitter woman?

    :)

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