Is it important that your Spouse lose weight too?
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noexcusesjustresults2014 wrote: »Not only seek out partners who are aerobically fit, but be sure they have the requisite plan and motivation to remain so for a lifetime. Absent medical problems outside of their control, becoming overweight is a choice.
I'll echo this point. If that's vitally important to you, make sure that you do all you can to establish that being fit, healthy and if important to you, lean, is of the utmost importance to themselves devoid of your desires.
I say this because I've run into a few people who ended up in LTR or marriage with significant others who pulled a fitness bait n' switch; turns out they only appeared to pick up the lifestyle in order to impress their lover, only to turn around and drop right off after the rings were exchanged, or the relationship had grown comfortable.0 -
Iwishyouwell wrote: »noexcusesjustresults2014 wrote: »Not only seek out partners who are aerobically fit, but be sure they have the requisite plan and motivation to remain so for a lifetime. Absent medical problems outside of their control, becoming overweight is a choice.
I'll echo this point. If that's vitally important to you, make sure that you do all you can to establish that being fit, healthy and if important to you, lean, is of the utmost importance to themselves devoid of your desires.
I say this because I've run into a few people who ended up in LTR or marriage with significant others who pulled a fitness bait n' switch; turns out they only appeared to pick up the lifestyle in order to impress their lover, only to turn around and drop right off after the rings were exchanged, or the relationship had grown comfortable.
+1
When people talk about gaining weight because of becoming "comfortable" in a prior relationship I see it as a big warning sign. People should want to be fit for themselves not to impress a potential mate. Self motivation is essential.
I will exercise until the day I die, not to lose weight or impress anyone but because I enjoy it. I would much rather climb Mount Everest or run a marathon overseas on my honeymoon than dine at the finest restaurants in Paris. I want to be with someone who feels the same.
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0somuchbetter0 wrote: »Ah, youth. You never know what's going to happen in the future. What if you fall in love with a guy tomorrow who is physically fit, but as the years pass, his weight creeps up. Are you going to file for divorce when he becomes 20 lbs overweight? 50 lbs? What if it happens to you? You have a couple of kids, you hit 50, your metabolism slows down...the lbs sneak up on you. Are you going to be understanding when he leaves you for a thinner, fitter woman?
That's not really fair though.
For two people who are active and fit as a passion, the weight isn't as likely to just "creep up" on them. That's more typical of people who never really paid much attention to their eating, or stopped doing so a long time before they woke up 50 lbs overweight.
Not all middle aged people get fat. I have three uncles on my mom's side, all in their 60's; for two of them fitness and keeping their weight down has been an endeavour for as long as I have memory of them. As a result both are still in incredible shape. The other uncle is now obese. He, like the other two, was always slim, but it was "effortless". The "weight creep" happened because he was never in a mindset that you have to work to keep your body fit and healthy.
Me personally? I fell in love with my wife as a teenager. She was never a fitness buff, so that wasn't a prerequisite for me. It wasn't until we were together for 7 years or so before she showed any interest in trying to get really fit. Health, fitness, weight loss, all important to me, but those weren't the foundations our connection or relationship was built on. So yeah, her putting on a lot of weight, or me putting on a lot of weight, hasn't killed our relationship at all.
But if two people mutually agree at the top of a relationship that fitness and health are mutual passions that both are expected to work hard to maintain, short of some serious medical issue, they should be be expected to continue in that lifestyle. I don't see it as any different than two spouses agreeing that smoking isn't welcome in their marriage, or that cheating on each other isn't allowed.0 -
It would be a plus, but I'm not particularly bothered with it right now. This may sound cliche, but I'm honestly more concerned with health issues with him than aesthetics. I don't want him to have a heart attack when he's 40.0
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Accidental double post.0 -
Iwishyouwell wrote: »0somuchbetter0 wrote: »Ah, youth. You never know what's going to happen in the future. What if you fall in love with a guy tomorrow who is physically fit, but as the years pass, his weight creeps up. Are you going to file for divorce when he becomes 20 lbs overweight? 50 lbs? What if it happens to you? You have a couple of kids, you hit 50, your metabolism slows down...the lbs sneak up on you. Are you going to be understanding when he leaves you for a thinner, fitter woman?
That's not really fair though.
For two people who are active and fit as a passion, the weight isn't as likely to just "creep up" on them. That's more typical of people who never really paid much attention to their eating, or stopped doing so a long time before they woke up 50 lbs overweight.
There are people who never really have to pay much attention to their eating until they hit "over 40" and now all of a sudden have to learn how to pay attention.
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Suddenly, after watching me reach my goal weight and maintain it over 3 years, and start exercising at least 3x a week for the same length of time, my OH asked me to show him how to count calories!
He decided that since I had done it, had not regained the weight, and hadn't suffered terrible deprevation, it was worth a try.
He took to it like a duck to water, and even does aqua fit with me for stretch and flexibility.
He is 54, 6'3, SW 245, GW 200, CW 207. Swims x1, runs x1, aquafit x1.
I am 62, 5'1, SW 130, GW 105, CW 104.
Aquafit x3, Zumba x2, rowing machine 20min x3, swimming lessons x1.
Though I would never have said he had to loose weight; I was glad that he decided to.
Just one more thing that we share- health awareness
Cheers, h0 -
Iwishyouwell wrote: »0somuchbetter0 wrote: »Ah, youth. You never know what's going to happen in the future. What if you fall in love with a guy tomorrow who is physically fit, but as the years pass, his weight creeps up. Are you going to file for divorce when he becomes 20 lbs overweight? 50 lbs? What if it happens to you? You have a couple of kids, you hit 50, your metabolism slows down...the lbs sneak up on you. Are you going to be understanding when he leaves you for a thinner, fitter woman?
That's not really fair though.
For two people who are active and fit as a passion, the weight isn't as likely to just "creep up" on them. That's more typical of people who never really paid much attention to their eating, or stopped doing so a long time before they woke up 50 lbs overweight.
There are people who never really have to pay much attention to their eating until they hit "over 40" and now all of a sudden have to learn how to pay attention.
Exactly.
Which is a world away from two people who have avid passions for working out, or watching what they eat, before 40.
There is just a difference between the person who never really thought about it until BOOM, middle aged spread, and the person who always thought about it and is well aware that age will affect their pursuits.
The former is much more likely to be in that ever popular "weight creep" group.0 -
0somuchbetter0 wrote: »noexcusesjustresults2014 wrote: »I have never been married or dated an overweight person so I can't comment on that. To my fellow single MFP members I would like to say the best solution to the above problems is prevention!
Not only seek out partners who are aerobically fit, but be sure they have the requisite plan and motivation to remain so for a lifetime. Absent medical problems outside of their control, becoming overweight is a choice.
I choose to avoid dated anyone who would do anything to diminish their life expectancy (a selfish decision not only impacting them but their entire family). This is not just about weight. I also would never date a smoker, someone who rides a motorcycle or does not buckle their seat beat (although I respect the right of everyone to make those choices).
Ah, youth. You never know what's going to happen in the future. What if you fall in love with a guy tomorrow who is physically fit, but as the years pass, his weight creeps up. Are you going to file for divorce when he becomes 20 lbs overweight? 50 lbs? What if it happens to you? You have a couple of kids, you hit 50, your metabolism slows down...the lbs sneak up on you. Are you going to be understanding when he leaves you for a thinner, fitter woman?
My age is not relevant here. Don't insult my intelligence. I will complete college before I turn 21 and expect to enroll in one of the top med schools in the country. I know how to count. I expect my spouse will be able to count as well. If/when his metabolism slows down he will increase his exercise and/or reduce his caloric intake. Nobody in my family has ever been 1 pound overweight. Like I said unless there is a serious medical condition (which I would accept) its about basic math and willpower. 50 pounds cannot "sneak up" on someone who owns a scale.
Your comment about kids is horrible. Being 50 pounds overweight would negatively impact my life expectancy. How would my kids feel if they knew I purposely chose to decrease the chance I would live to see my grandchildren complete graduate school or get married? I wont judge anyone else, but I would never do that to my family.
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Iwishyouwell wrote: »
How important is it that your spouse have the desire, and make the effort, to join in their own weight loss pursuit? Do you find yourself holding them up to similar standards as you do yourself? If they aren't losing weight, or getting fit, and don't plan to, is that an issue in your marriage?
I hold everybody up to my new standards. I see fat on people that I didn't used to notice. I now have fat radar. If you're fat, I know it, even if you don't. If there's one thing I've learned with my new awareness, it's to keep my mouth shut.
I grew up being pretty thin. In my 20s I started to develop a bit of a beer belly. By my late 20s I had taken up jogging and weight lifting and got into pretty decent shape. I quit jogging a couple years later due to 3 herniated discs in my lower back. I continued lifting off and on through my late 40s. I didn't do much at all during my 50s and I hit an all time high of 188 lbs. I'm now 60. I sometimes run. I sometimes cycle. I strength train 3 to 5 days a week. I've lost 40 pounds. I don't need to lose any more weight, although I might cut another ten pounds or so before intentionally bulking back another 10, 20, or 30 pounds. My goals are more focused on strength, fitness and vanity muscle.
Do I wish my wife would share my interest in health and fitness? Yes. But I'm not going to bug her about it. I spent an entire decade being a complete slug. I can't expect her to suddenly change her lifestyle just because I did. I will love my wife whether she changes or not. But I'd worry less about her health if she'd join me.0 -
My husband is losing weight on his own terms. I asked him to join here, and he doesn't want to. He's doing his thing, and I'm doing mine. I just continue to make food that fits into my goals, and he doesn't complain when I measure out his food along with mine. I think he secretly enjoys knowing that if that's what I'm having then it's a proper serving. :laugh:0
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noexcusesjustresults2014 wrote: »0somuchbetter0 wrote: »noexcusesjustresults2014 wrote: »I have never been married or dated an overweight person so I can't comment on that. To my fellow single MFP members I would like to say the best solution to the above problems is prevention!
Not only seek out partners who are aerobically fit, but be sure they have the requisite plan and motivation to remain so for a lifetime. Absent medical problems outside of their control, becoming overweight is a choice.
I choose to avoid dated anyone who would do anything to diminish their life expectancy (a selfish decision not only impacting them but their entire family). This is not just about weight. I also would never date a smoker, someone who rides a motorcycle or does not buckle their seat beat (although I respect the right of everyone to make those choices).
Ah, youth. You never know what's going to happen in the future. What if you fall in love with a guy tomorrow who is physically fit, but as the years pass, his weight creeps up. Are you going to file for divorce when he becomes 20 lbs overweight? 50 lbs? What if it happens to you? You have a couple of kids, you hit 50, your metabolism slows down...the lbs sneak up on you. Are you going to be understanding when he leaves you for a thinner, fitter woman?
My age is not relevant here. Don't insult my intelligence. I will complete college before I turn 21 and expect to enroll in one of the top med schools in the country. I know how to count. I expect my spouse will be able to count as well. If/when his metabolism slows down he will increase his exercise and/or reduce his caloric intake. Nobody in my family has ever been 1 pound overweight. Like I said unless there is a serious medical condition (which I would accept) its about basic math and willpower. 50 pounds cannot "sneak up" on someone who owns a scale.
Your comment about kids is horrible. Being 50 pounds overweight would negatively impact my life expectancy. How would my kids feel if they knew I purposely chose to decrease the chance I would live to see my grandchildren complete graduate school or get married? I wont judge anyone else, but I would never do that to my family.
O_O
Well. when you know what you want, you know what you want. It's nice that your family hasn't had any weight issues, mine certainly has and it has created a lot of issues....Hopefully you can keep up that trend in a nice healthy way and mindset...
Anyways..
My partner is overweight, and I don't really care, but I do worry about his health. a lot. so I try to encourage healthy eating and exercise. But I love him, so it's not a deal breaker. That's what love is about I suppose.
Granted I suppose everyone has their limits. If his weight made him REALLY sick and he wasn't doing anything to help himself. well we would have words.
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Iwishyouwell wrote: »
How important is it that your spouse have the desire, and make the effort, to join in their own weight loss pursuit? Do you find yourself holding them up to similar standards as you do yourself? If they aren't losing weight, or getting fit, and don't plan to, is that an issue in your marriage?
Do I wish my wife would share my interest in health and fitness? Yes. But I'm not going to bug her about it. I spent an entire decade being a complete slug. I can't expect her to suddenly change her lifestyle just because I did. I will love my wife whether she changes or not. But I'd worry less about her health if she'd join me.
^^ This. Exactly.
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I don't care if my husband looses weight, but I want him to be healthy. Luckily, he has improved his health tremendously since we got married, even though he's actually gained a few pounds.0
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bornforbattles wrote: »I look at it like this, I'm always going to be fit so why should I be with someone that isn't/wont be?
Are you currently married?0 -
DiabolicalColossus wrote: »For his health, yes.
For his appearance, no.
^^ yep0 -
Not at all. Then again she's already in shape and looking sexy. The only thing I encourage is that she weight train for bone and muscle density.0
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Iwishyouwell wrote: »How important is it that your spouse have the desire, and make the effort, to join in their own weight loss pursuit?
Anything less is nothing short of sabotage.
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My husband has always had his weight pretty in check (even though he is probably in the "overweight" category), and I've been obese/morbidly obese since we first met. I'm not pestering him to join me on this lifestyle change, but I also shop for and cook all the food so him losing 15 pounds since I started has been a "side effect" to my own personal changes in the kitchen.
He'll eat whatever I put in front of him. 0 -
Iwishyouwell wrote: »0somuchbetter0 wrote: »Ah, youth. You never know what's going to happen in the future. What if you fall in love with a guy tomorrow who is physically fit, but as the years pass, his weight creeps up. Are you going to file for divorce when he becomes 20 lbs overweight? 50 lbs? What if it happens to you? You have a couple of kids, you hit 50, your metabolism slows down...the lbs sneak up on you. Are you going to be understanding when he leaves you for a thinner, fitter woman?
That's not really fair though.
For two people who are active and fit as a passion, the weight isn't as likely to just "creep up" on them. That's more typical of people who never really paid much attention to their eating, or stopped doing so a long time before they woke up 50 lbs overweight.
Not all middle aged people get fat. I have three uncles on my mom's side, all in their 60's; for two of them fitness and keeping their weight down has been an endeavour for as long as I have memory of them. As a result both are still in incredible shape. The other uncle is now obese. He, like the other two, was always slim, but it was "effortless". The "weight creep" happened because he was never in a mindset that you have to work to keep your body fit and healthy.
Me personally? I fell in love with my wife as a teenager. She was never a fitness buff, so that wasn't a prerequisite for me. It wasn't until we were together for 7 years or so before she showed any interest in trying to get really fit. Health, fitness, weight loss, all important to me, but those weren't the foundations our connection or relationship was built on. So yeah, her putting on a lot of weight, or me putting on a lot of weight, hasn't killed our relationship at all.
But if two people mutually agree at the top of a relationship that fitness and health are mutual passions that both are expected to work hard to maintain, short of some serious medical issue, they should be be expected to continue in that lifestyle. I don't see it as any different than two spouses agreeing that smoking isn't welcome in their marriage, or that cheating on each other isn't allowed.
I suppose you're right...if it's a passion. I was talking more about regular people who never have a weight problem and just eat whatever they want and then all of a sudden they develop a gut in middle age. It's more common than not. I'm not the kind of person who would leave my husband over that, but I suppose some people would. And I don't think it's as extreme as agreeing not to smoke or cheat.0
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