Lack of Support - Lots of Sabotage

megalin9

While I understand how it makes this process more difficult, you are ultimately responsible for your own decisions. I say this not to hurt you or offend you but to encourage you, motivate you, and make you realize that YOU CAN DO THIS.

My husband has an extremely unhealthy diet and is very overweight. He and my step-daughter are both ridiculously picky eaters and refuse to eat anything I cook. They eat out at a restaurant or fast-food every day. Every. Day. He has no desire to exercise with me or make any changes I suggest to his diet. The only time he ever says that I'm doing a good job is when I text him about my latest weight loss or a new PR with my weight lifting. He's forced to respond. Haha. And it's usually just a "good job," or "you're on a roll."

When I wanted to get fit a year & 1/2 ago, I made the decision then and there that I would do it for me and me alone, that I would find a way to make it work regardless of what my husband and other people around me were doing. I didn't care who I offended, who I convenienced, whose toes I stepped on. I've had to make sacrifices and changes to our family dynamic. Fortunately, while my husband isn't on the same page with me when it comes to health and fitness, he is extremely supportive just by letting me do this. He is OK with eating out while I cook at home. He is OK with watching the kids so I can go for a run. He is OK with me eventually buying a power rack so I can lift in our basement. He might not want to do it with me, but he is at least respecting my decision.

Sometimes he will bring cookies or ice cream home knowing those things are a huge challenge for me, but he's not doing it to sabotage me, and it's ultimately MY choice if I indulge in those things.

It's up to you and only you. You CAN do this with or without our husband! See my ticker below: 57 down, 26 to go. Good luck!

lua262

I hear you. I also have a hard time to put myself first. But I'm going baby steps, and trying not to lose hope. I'm been up and down with my weight for too long. But I sabotage myself, and this is crazy! I sometimes think I'm the one who is scared of a thinner me!

So, I'm beginning again, and I'm sure that eventually your husband will figure it out, and provide the support you need! Family sometimes take a while to catch up, and join us in a project that will make us different from the one they are used to- a happier us, with new goals, and really going for our dreams.

ForMyAngelBaby

I hear you. I also have a hard time to put myself first. But I'm going baby steps, and trying not to lose hope. I'm been up and down with my weight for too long. But I sabotage myself, and this is crazy! I sometimes think I'm the one who is scared of a thinner me!

I have to be honest with you - being scared of a thinner me is something I'm realistically struggling with. I've never been thin and I don't know what I'll look like or how my life will change. I just keep telling myself, it's got to be better than the train wreck I've got now.

abeechu

My husband can't even bring himself to show me any kind of encouragement or support. To make it worse - he's always enabling me or sabotaging my diet. I don't think he sabotages on purpose - but it's really starting to weigh on me (literally).

I'm finding it really hard to keep myself going when I can't have those I'm close to on the same page as me.

For once in my life it would be so nice if someone would just show one little ounce of interest in what I'm trying to do for me. I feel so alone.

I hate to play Devil's Advocate, but have you tried to include him on your transformation into healthier living? When I first started my fitness regimen my parents (especially my mom) were extremely doubtful since I had "tried" many times before but never really stuck to it. I think part of it was that I would unintentionally lord it over them ("Oh I can't eat that for dinner-- it has too much fat") rather than helping to cook and shop for healthier groceries.

You don't have to get him to exercise with you, but you can always try to subtly adjust his eating habits in addition to yours without pointing it out. When you cook a healthy meal, it doesn't have to be the case where you pull an "I told you so-- healthy food CAN taste good," but just treat it as "I'm just trying out new recipes-- what do you think?" moment so he can come to the same conclusion. That way at the end of the day he's not complaining about it and will start craving more of the healthy options.

erinsueburns

I am going to go with tough love here. You are doing this for you, and you have to keep that in mind always. Also, you are responsible for yourself, and he is not. You can only give up to him what you choose to give to him.

Does it suck, YES. Do those of us with less than supportive friends and family wish it were otherwise. Of course!. But reality is what it is and you have to decide on your course of action. Sit down and make a list of the things that cause you to struggle, then devise a list of things to do to combat them. If you struggle with having junk food in the house-DON"T BUY IT. If hubby buys it, make him keep it in the car or at his work and not in the house.

jljshoe1979

I hear you. I also have a hard time to put myself first. But I'm going baby steps, and trying not to lose hope. I'm been up and down with my weight for too long. But I sabotage myself, and this is crazy! I sometimes think I'm the one who is scared of a thinner me!

I have to be honest with you - being scared of a thinner me is something I'm realistically struggling with. I've never been thin and I don't know what I'll look like or how my life will change. I just keep telling myself, it's got to be better than the train wreck I've got now.

I think you need to ask yourself what about being thin scares you - maybe write the reasons out on paper...Then take each reason and analyze it (most of them may not have to do with weight at all, so much as the changes that will occur after hitting your goal weight/size)..I think you should mentally tell yourself that when you get thin you are going to try it out for a while (if you really don't enjoy it, you can always go back to not being thin). Change - even a good change can be hard and scary and stressful.

mmm_drop

I understand your frustrations and I advise you to learn the power of the words, "no thank you". Once you realize only you can hold yourself accountable and make the choices of what you eat and how often and when you work out you will be much stronger and more able to sustain your change in life style.

While it is hard to do this on your own, without the support of loved ones in your life, it is possible and keep in mind that you are doing this for you and only you, and that only you can make the decision to either be healthy or not.

saxmaniac

I think one of my biggest problems is I seldomly ever do things just for me...it's always for everyone else.
It's so hard for me to put myself first - but we see where I've ended up by putting myself last...

I can see how getting the time to go out an exercise by yourself, might require support from family.

But, in the end, the food you put into your mouth is entirely under your control... unless you're being force-fed. I'm not joking around here, getting the mental and emotional issues straight is definitely the hardest part. You control what you eat, you are the final judge of what is OK. Nobody's opinion should matter.

Eventually, you will go out into the world and go to a party, a business lunch, a restaurant, a food court, or some place where people really aren't going to support you at all. In fact, they might want to sell you tasty stuff and make you fail. The things you learn now at home, will be necessary skills for making this permanent in real life.

Spindigo1

It took my partner MONTHS before she got on board with my life style change. I thought that she was completely uninterested and I felt alone, just like you. Turns out she didn't think I needed to change a thing and was trying not to fuel any negative body images I have of myself. Now that she knows that this isn't a temporary diet but something I am committed to she is MUCH more supportive, sharing healthy meals with me, buying fewer "bad" foods, and encouraging me to continue training.

Meanwhile, I relied pretty heavily on my MFP friends to provide the support and encouragement I couldn't get at home. I suggest you do the same and stick with what you're doing! Your husband might come around eventually.