Relationship Weight

WickedPineapple

Good advice here. You can work with one big meal and a snack or two in one day (personally if I eat a large meal I'm not too hungry the rest of the day usually anyway). Only eating half is another good solution. I'd like to add that getting a more basic burger (no mayo, bacon, etc.) and a veggie instead of fries is great (if you have the option). The local BBQ place around me has roasted chicken as an option, which isn't as bad as a big burger.

Also, why don't you alternate where you eat? You pick every other time where you go.

MysteriousMerlin

I know for a fact you can get any Red Robin burger wrapped in lettuce, and can get fruit or brocolli for a side dish.

Bellodesiderare

603reader wrote: »

wildwhisper96 wrote: »

JTick wrote: »

Why will an 800 calorie burger kill you?

What restaurants are you going to that a burger is your only option?

It's places like local BBQ places where the alternative salads I just flat out don't like (I'm relatively picky), typically where he wants to go, and in n out, and Red Robin, ect.

Well you have a few options:

1) stop being picky and get a salad
2)eat the 800 calorie burger and just plan around it
3)just break up
4)be an adult and have this conversation with him, sit him down and make him understand. he can't be that dense.
5)just stay fat

I love you.

ash8184

My bf is the same way, though after dating for 5 years (and aging/having slowing metabolisms), he has gotten much better about making conscientious choices about diet. My go to at any restaurant, especially for dinner, is a broth based soup. I'm in Houston, so we have tortilla soup as an option most everywhere. Other option is a salad with protein and dressing on the side.

gramarye

LolBroScience wrote: »

Choose lower calorie options, save up calories for later in the day, lots of ways to go about it.

This is how I've had to do it. My social group eats and drinks, and I'm actually a lot happier if I eat relatively little early in the day, and save the bulk of my calories for the evening. (Usually 800 - 1000.) You could also eat half of your entrees and take the other half home. Or offer to cook, and prepare things that meet both of your needs at the same time.

aSaltandBattery

Make compromises occasionally, go eat the 800 calorie burger and then go for the 5 mile run or find an activity you both enjoy that you could do to burn off those calories. Other times go to places that have more appealing options to you and then you wouldn't have to find ways to burn off the extra calories. Do things that are centered more around activity than eating and that could help with relationship weight gain too.

azwen

It does sound like you'll be happier if you're honest with him and brainstorm together to find some restaurants that can satisfy you both. Red Robin probably does have some healthy options, but I agree In-N-Out is rough. Maybe you can take turns picking the restaurant?

shadowloss

I go out to lunch everyday with a group at work, all male, and mostly out of shape and large, similar to what I was.

Doesn't matter where we go, and I never dictate in order to meet my requirements, but I can always find something health"ier". As others have stated, choose better, or eat less, or adjust around it. There is absolutely NOTHING that can stop you, if you choose!

This reminds me of another thread, but if he can't support you, or rather you can't be flexible around his lifestyle, do you really belong together? As someone who has been married over 20+ years, these are things you should really be looking at. Maybe you are just looking for support and I appreciate that, just thought I would throw that out for thought? I know it's none of my business.

Cortneyrenee04

Eat salad anyway, eat half your dinner, cook at home, exercise more, take turns choosing where to eat- so many choices!

bulbadoof

if you go to in-n-out, order a protein style hamburger plain. it's 160 calories.
if you go to a wings place, peel the skin/breading off and just eat the actual chicken underneath.
if you go to a pizza place, order wings and do the same thing with them.
if you get chinese, order a vegetable dish and skip the rice/noodles.
if you get subs or burgers, skip the bun.
if none of these are satisfying because you actually want the 800-calorie burger, don't blame your boyfriend.

janhiness

I know how you feel. My husbands trying to gain weight. He's eating 3000 calories while I'm over here with my 1200. Right now he eats whatever he wants at work. He knows that's when it won't bother me and he supports me enough to do that for me. I just had to tell him it's kind of like someone with a drinking problem. You wouldn't drink in front of them. He can eat with me but we both agreed we'd eat the same at home so I don't feel I'm missing out and I stay on track. Now I'm finding he can eat certain things and it doesn't bother me as much. Just be honest with him and make sure he knows how important it is to you.

lishie_rebooted

janhiness wrote: »

I know how you feel. My husbands trying to gain weight. He's eating 3000 calories while I'm over here with my 1200. Right now he eats whatever he wants at work. He knows that's when it won't bother me and he supports me enough to do that for me. I just had to tell him it's kind of like someone with a drinking problem. You wouldn't drink in front of them. He can eat with me but we both agreed we'd eat the same at home so I don't feel I'm missing out and I stay on track. Now I'm finding he can eat certain things and it doesn't bother me as much. Just be honest with him and make sure he knows how important it is to you.

With 70lbs to lose, you don't need to suffer on 1200 cals.

JTick

603reader wrote: »

janhiness wrote: »

I know how you feel. My husbands trying to gain weight. He's eating 3000 calories while I'm over here with my 1200. Right now he eats whatever he wants at work. He knows that's when it won't bother me and he supports me enough to do that for me. I just had to tell him it's kind of like someone with a drinking problem. You wouldn't drink in front of them. He can eat with me but we both agreed we'd eat the same at home so I don't feel I'm missing out and I stay on track. Now I'm finding he can eat certain things and it doesn't bother me as much. Just be honest with him and make sure he knows how important it is to you.

With 70lbs to lose, you don't need to suffer on 1200 cals.

But if we don't suffer, how will we ever feel accomplished with our weight loss????!!

workout_ninja

wildwhisper96 wrote: »

I want him to get his greasy goodness, but I need a middle ground where I can eat something too without needing a 5 mile run after to shed it all.

Sounds like you want to put his needs before yours. I bet if you sat down and spoke with him, he would be more than happy to compromise. Your making this drama in your own head. Sit him down, talk to him. if hes a good guy, hell understand and support.

Unknown

This content has been removed.

JTick

BFDeal wrote: »

603reader wrote: »

janhiness wrote: »

I know how you feel. My husbands trying to gain weight. He's eating 3000 calories while I'm over here with my 1200. Right now he eats whatever he wants at work. He knows that's when it won't bother me and he supports me enough to do that for me. I just had to tell him it's kind of like someone with a drinking problem. You wouldn't drink in front of them. He can eat with me but we both agreed we'd eat the same at home so I don't feel I'm missing out and I stay on track. Now I'm finding he can eat certain things and it doesn't bother me as much. Just be honest with him and make sure he knows how important it is to you.

With 70lbs to lose, you don't need to suffer on 1200 cals.

This is true until it's not. "Eat more to lose weight." They say. Then when you stop losing what will people say? "You're eating too much."

The argument can also be made that very, very few people need to be on 1200 calories anyway. Eating too much simply means they are eating too much for their activity level....it's not a 1200 calorie sentence.

SnuggleSmacks

Most burger places have a grilled chicken option. Also, why is he the only one who gets to pick the restaurant? Why aren't you picking sometimes? Also, if he just won't eat at the places you like, get it to go from two separate restaurants and have a picnic.

PRMinx

I think the bigger concern here is that an 800 calorie burger will "kill you."

mfleeg

Check out the book Eat This, Not That on Amazon. It will tell you other things to choose if you want something. Yes, that other something may not necessarily be "good", but it is a better option? I think they've got a restaurant/fast food survival guide for most large chains.

ems212

Do your research before going out. Pre-plan what you'll order and find the lower calorie options. If you feel like because he got a burger, you must get a burger, only eat half of it and save the other half for later or for the next day. My fiance isn't naturally slim, but he eats just about whatever he wants without any fluctuations in his weight. Usually, if he wants to go somewhere without any really good options for me to eat, he waits until guys night to go there. Otherwise, we work as a team. Maybe consider having date night at home and cooking him a nice meal...that way you control what you're eating, and you still get date night.

LolBroScience

Sending via PM instead...

365andstillalive

Honestly, I've struggled with this a bit myself. I've been living with my SO for almost two years, and he works constructions, has a love for all things fast food, and while neither of us drink, we do like our weed which only enhances our appetite, especially for Timbits.

But the reality is, you make your own decisions. Don't want to go out to the BBQ place on date night? Why not make him BBQ at home? I'm sure he'd love that. And then you have control of the sides; things like coleslaw, baked beans, even cornbread can be made to be fairly low cal or at least have the nutritional trade off to justify them. Plus side? You could always make yourself something like pulled chicken, with less BBQ sauce than a real restaurant would give you -- lots of protein, fairly low cal, and you have complete control over whether to add a bun, make it in a lettuce wrap or just eat it off the plate.

Or, make date night plans that don't involve food. If you guys are just spending a couple hours together on a Friday evening or Sunday afternoon, you don't really have to eat. Go out and do something instead.

Really, what "kills me" about your post is that you think that a single hamburger can completely undo all the work you've done. I don't know what type of deficit you're eating at, but chances are, you'll be fine. If you don't want to have the conversation with him and tell him that you're trying to lose weight and want some say in where you go for restaurants (which you should already have anyway since you're an adult with agency, and I'm assuming your own money) then there are other work arounds. Eat 100 calories lower on the days you're not together, come date night you've got an extra 600 calories to work with before you've started eating into your deficit. Research something like the 5:2 diet or try intermittent fasting. Know you guys are going out for dinner? Eat lighter calorie nutrient dense meals -- you'd be surprised how much 1/2 an acorn squash with a little bit of butter and salt and pepper will fill you up.

I feel like if you're so worried about an 800 calorie burger that you're probably eating too little so I'm just going to encourage you to check out your BMR/TDEE. No use eating way less food than you need to.

VeryKatie

Try ordering things that you can just eat half of. I rarely eat an entire restaurant meal. Also, 800 calories for a burger is a pretty good burger (low cal for a burger I mean). If that's what you want, don't eat the sides. Then eat fish for your other meal. Or cut out the rice/pasta/potato with your other meal and stick to lean meat and steamed veggies. Even if you're only eating 1200 cals, you still have 400 for the day left when you go out (assuming 800 cals only for dinner). A baked chicken breast and steamed veggies will likely only run you about 250 - 350 cals.

into_fitness

I would just straight up talk to him about it. I have the same issue - my boyfriend is so lean, naturally, and can eat anything and it won't show - ever! Every time we would eat, it would be crappy stuff that he can consume, but would have a dramatic affect on my body. I told him that I need to eat healthier because not only is this what I want to do, it is what I need to do. He understood after a bit of me telling him I need to eat healthy and to support what I am doing. He eventually said "whatever makes you happy". So, naturally, guys are terrible listeners and although they care, he probably just doesn't keep it in mind that you need to healthy - he most definitely loves you for who you are and doesn't think anything about your weight! You just need to be clear with him about what you want to do and tell him it's something that you need to do for now! and maybe suggest healthier options and help cook with him or something!

You just have to talk it through with guys and explain to them otherwise they won't understand

into_fitness

or if he wants to make an "unhealthy" dish then learn to portion or just have yours with sauce on the side so you can better monitor or on different bread, whatever the case may be! it's just the little things!

allanakern

just break up

ithrowconfetti

OP, do tell your boyfriend about your concerns, and decide what's the best way to move forward. Perhaps, you could take turns between picking the places to eat out? So on days that you get to choose, you can pick ones that offer more options that are friendlier to your calorie intake. Relationships are all about compromise. If your boyfriend can agree to eating at a place of your choice, when it's his turn to pick, you can take it in your stride to make it work too, i.e. save your calories for a big meal when you see him, fill up on some foods before, so that you can order a smaller entree or meal later, et cetera. Don't let something relatively trivial like a single 800-calorie burger dictate how you lead other important aspects of your life (like dates!). Good luck!

snyder755

you could consider eating off the lunch menu assuming those meals have smaller portions.

yesimpson

I'd take turns picking between healthy and more indulgent places to eat, and make sure I exercised that day to earn a few more calories. Ultimately though, enjoy your food and eat til satisfied but not stuffed, and you won't set yourself back when you see that meal as part of a larger picture.

yopeeps025

OP should just read her OP to her Boyfriend. Problem solved.