Female, 5'9'', 422 pounds, 70 inch waist! O_O

UnwrappingCandy

Hi, my name is Candace and I am disgusted with my body. My original run on MFP was from June 2011 through September 2012. During that time I lost about 90 pounds, and I'd lost about 20 before joining the site. I weighed 343 pounds the morning of 3 September 2012, the day my grandmother died. Beginning the day after her death I completely fell apart. The healthy eating and exercise routine I had struggled to develop and firmly get into disappeared. I dove head first into the emotional eating pool and I didn't really come up for air again until just recently. 99% of my food intake over the past 9 months has been Taco Bell, McDonald's, Arby's, and pizzas. I have gained back 80 pounds.

Summary of my life:

I was born 23 May 1986 to traditional/religious English parents. I had a nice childhood and wasn't a fat or even chubby little girl. In December 2001 I was kicked out of the house by my father when I came out lesbian and said I had a girlfriend.

Two months into my homelessness I was beaten, raped, and got pregnant. I was released from hospital to my father soon after and lived there through 2.5 months of begging for consent to abort before I miscarried. After that I moved in with my girlfriend Jen and her mum, and I started rapidly gaining weight.

I was about 150 pounds just before my rape and by the end of 2002 I'd probably reached at least 220 pounds. By the end of 2003 I was easily 300 pounds. My weight gain became less rapid but I kept gaining through mid-April 2011 when I reached my heaviest of 446 pounds. I started losing a little from April through June and then found MFP at the end of June and I had some success until August.

On my birthday in 2011 Jen had proposed to me, but I don't know why because in August 2011 she left me for a skinny woman. From August 2011 to the end of the year I didn't do well, except for starting MFP's LGBT group after the groups feature launch in November. (power to the rainbow!) I started drinking heavily again and eating loads of fast food. In January 2012 I put myself in a rehab program. In March 2012 I came home from that program about 30 pounds lighter, and kept losing weight consistently through 3 September. I deactivated UnwrappingCandy a few days after my grandmother's death, and gave control of the LGBT group to a kind friend. I gained about 50 pounds from September through October. It came on so fast I physically hurt most of the time. I kept gaining through May 2013 (present), and now I quite ready to start conquering it again.

My goals:

I would like to be about 170 pounds by 20 September 2015 (my grandmother's 87th birthday). That gives me 882 days to lose 252 lbs which means my average loss rate needs to be 2 lb/wk. I will probably lose 3-4 lb/wk for the first year, which is realistic given my size. . I don't want to be a stick figure, and I don't want a bunch of sagging skin. So, part of my goal is to avoid most of the sagging skin issue by keeping with a weight lifting routine throughout my fat loss. I say fat loss because I don't really want to lose weight, I want to lose fat and gain lean mass.

Interested in being friends?

Follow the link, enter some kind of a message, and then click 'add as friend'. http://www.myfitnesspal.com/friends/new/44500695 BUT before you do please consider the following: I am a liberal, lesbian, atheist who does not tolerate any form of homophobia, transphobia, racism, or sexism. :flowerforyou:

I am looking forward to meeting and supporting some awesome new people.

Cheers,

Candy

SteelySunshine

That is a very rough story. There are people that don't get the emotional aspect of overeating and why that is a protective mechanism. And even living it, I don't fully get it either so I don't blame anyone for not quite getting it. It's kinda like drugs, I don't get why people do that, but I do get it's what people do to try to cope with out of control emotions.

So a couple of things that I found helpful. I started a journal. I didn't have the intention of it becoming a food journal, but it did and somehow that ended up helping me get control of how much I was eating. I would talk about my feelings and the pain I get from fibrmyalgia and other things. Anyway, that was several months before I found this place. I don't journal as much, but I don't feel as stressed either, so it did something to help me with that.

The other thing was I started practicing volumetrics with my food. I had no idea I was doing that and lots of people do it without really knowing that is what they are doing. It's simple you eat food with a high volume to calorie ration so lots of fiber foods, veggies, things like that-that are filling without busting your calorie budget.

I also accidently started 15-9 or 16-8 intermittent fasting. It really depends on how hungry I am when I get up or if I can make it to bed without having a small snack. But, most days I don't eat after dinner (not that there is anything wrong with that) and I try to wait until 1 pm to eat my first meal of the day. It's pretty hard, but not impossible to overeat in 8-9 hours. But, there are days I would be eating a bit over my calorie allowance if I hadn't exercised at all during the day, so I am sure it is possible. I also stopped eating meat a bit over a year ago, long before I landed here, I avoid dairy (mainly cheese) as well, it just makes it easier to not go over budget, it's a matter of me choosing my battles more than as a spiritual ideal or whatever.

Also keep in mind weight loss is not linear. It's possible to do everything right in fact it is more likely that if you do everything right you will have times you actually gain weight. It's usually water. When you exercise (one of those right things I was talking about) your muscles start sucking up H20 and it can and does show up on the scale and it can and does often do this rather quickly.

I don't think 2 pounds a week is a bad thing at first. I am also morbidly obese so I am not worried if I lose 2 or 3 pounds in a week. Especially since I am retaining water and that can go at anytime. However, at some point it is possible you will slow down. That's for a lot of reasons. You don't burn as fast after you lose weight and you don't need as many calories just to keep breathing. And there is that pesky water weight, if you change up your exercise or you lift then muscles tear and water gets in them. I have no idea how long you can go at 2 pounds a week before it starts getting difficult. I don't think I have hit that mark yet myself.

I tend to focus on two things. Logging and making sure I get at least 90 minutes of exercise a day. If I do those two things the scale will eventually move downwards and I don't worry about a particular timeline to lose weight. But, YMMV.

Pimpmonkey

Congratulations on making it through.

meshashesha2012

That is a very rough story. There are people that don't get the emotional aspect of overeating and why that is a protective mechanism.

very true. losing the emotional baggage is much harder than losing the weight. i do believe that for some people (definitely true for me) that extra weight serves as an extra protective layer between yourself and the outside world.

OP, i wish you the best and congratulate on making steps to bring a new healthier you into being

kitza101

Hey Candace,

Welcome to MFP - I'm glad you found this place. In spite of the horribly difficult things you have been through in life, you clearly have a great deal of strength. Losing weight can be hard as it often means confronting the psychological reasons that helped to lead to gaining weight in the first place, and I can definitely relate a lot to the curve-balls that can throw your way. I wish you the very best - and happy to be friends with you on the way

Take care,
Kate

scling83

Hi Candace,

I'm sure I don't need to tell you this, but I will - you are brave. And I mean that in a totally genuine way. It takes courage to get through the kind of turmoil your life has dealt you; there are aspects of it (not just weight gain) that I can relate to and I know first-hand how hard it can be to bounce back when we've fallen or been pushed.

It would seem though, that you have bounced back. Just by looking to make a change is, in itself, a bold and courageous move. I wish you all the best on your journey and hope we can be MFP friends to motivate each other on the way!

Good luck,

Shona

UnwrappingCandy

Thanks for the messages and friends requests. :-) I thought maybe my post would be too much, but I'm glad some awesome people got through it. It's all on my profile anyway. You're all fabulous. :flowerforyou:

clobern

Invite sent and anyone else can add me.

I am glad you were willing to come back and try again. This time, let's keep at it!

CherylP67

Welcome back!

You've had more than your share of terrible experiences, and I admire you for being strong enough to put it all out there. I admire you even more because you have the ability to recognize what's going on and turn it around.

Rose_bee

{hugs} You've been through a lot.

You CAN do this!

I'm VERY VERY slowly losing weight. 7.5 pounds in the last 12 weeks. I have only 20 pounds to go, but I will have to carefully maintain for the rest of my life as I have an overwhelming family history of morbid obesity.

fbmandy55

Welcome back!!! :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:

Diyamommy

you can do it and you can inspire many of us along the way.

LoriCARoberts

Obviously you are an incredibly strong person so I know that you can get through anything that life throws at you. Welcome back and thanks for sharing your story.

WalkingMermaid_

You are truly courageous... Thank you for sharing your story. The strength of the human spirit never ceases to amaze me.

I wish you all the best on your journey to health

violetbluemornings

Welcome back!! Let all that has happen in your past, make you are stronger person!! You can do this.. we can do this :-)

michellechawner

Welcome back!

Rough story for sure. But since you've seen that you can do it (since you've done it once before), you will be ok and get through it again. Your goals are admirable!

You've made it through being kicked out, raped and beaten (been here too, so I understand), coming out to your family, grandmothers death, and even rehab. But you're not just sitting here saying "well it's par for the course"... you're trying to change and I believe you can do it! It would be easier to just give up, but not you - you're a fighter.

What a wonderful way to honor your grandmother! She'd be so proud of you.

socioseguro

Welcome back and many hugs to you.

It will be a long and winding road. You can do it.

All of us at MFP are here to be healthier, one day at a time.

You have survive a lot, you have to be proud of yourself for your strength. Weaker souls would have wilted under pressure.

Looking forward to hear about your progress.

Good luck in your journey

blakerb29

Wow, just wow..

Ive gone through more than my fair share of crap also and are really interested to see how this goes for you and watch you grow as a person.
You are clearly strong and faced a lot but I bet you can yet become a far stronger and happier version of yourself.

Please feel free to add me but I will leave you with the choice!

Take care & good luck.


-Blake

Thin4life1969

Hi Candy - Welcome Back!! you can do this WITT (We In This Together) I am just starting my journey so we can lean on each other

Akimajuktuq

Instead of having a timeline/deadline for your weight loss, have you considered focusing on health primarily instead? It's working for me. I don't expect to be at my best weight for at least another year, but I have found a permanent lifestyle that I enjoy, based on minimally processed, grain free, low sugar foods. I feel awesome, physically, mentally and spiritually.

I've had a variety of extremely traumatic experiences in my life as well, and I can tell you from personal experience that a healthy lifestyle based on real food (high in healthy fats!) can make a huge difference in recovery and it's actually quite effortless and enjoyable.

blondageh

Hi Candace! You are very strong and from the sounds of things, have used food to comfort yourself through some very terrible ordeals. I have been back and forth and back and forth so many times as well. I think I weighed over 400lbs at one point and I am 5'9 1/2 too! Last year I lost 125lbs and from August to February, gained 60lbs back when my husband was hospitalized. Bad things happen and I tend to stress/emotional eat too. Right now, things are tough and I am stress eating big time. I hope to someday be able to overcome this. I have tried counseling and it always sounds wonderful in theory but felt like I was paying someone to listen to me and be my friend. So, as much as I want to say "get some counseling", I cannot preach what hasn't worked for me. I think it is all in the counselor. Anyways, I would love to see you back on here and working through your issues with food as I do mine as well. I will send a FR shortly.