At war with myself!

SianLouise185

That title couldnt be more true!

One minute im happy and i have all these great ideas for what i want to achieve in my life, I tell myself im going to do it the healthy way this time.. but a few hours later and im back to the extreme, Starving, restricting, sometimes even purging what little i have eaten, or i go the complete other way, i eat everything and i mean EVERYTHING.

Im sick to death of hating myself! Im not ugly, i know that, but my mind loves nothing more than to convince me that i am.

One things for sure, im obese, and no im not delusional or hiding behind an ED, I genuinely am obese and i need help.

Weight is controlling my life, i know realistically that theres more to it than that and that the number on the scale isn't going to fix my problems, but i do believe that if i just looked and felt better then it would give me the strength and motivation to begin fixing everything else.

So many people say just do it the healthy way but if i dont see a difference almost immediately or if i dont have a clear set out plan i quit and go all drastic, at the moment im either fasting or eating 500 calories or less.

Advice anyone?

47Jacqueline

SianLouise185 wrote: »

That title couldnt be more true!
So many people say just do it the healthy way but if i dont see a difference almost immediately or if i dont have a clear set out plan i quit and go all drastic, at the moment im either fasting or eating 500 calories or less.

Advice anyone?

It doesn't sound like you're looking for advice. It takes a definite decision and then sticking with it to lose and keep off weight. You might want to wait until you have that.

That's my advice. You can take it or leave it.

SianLouise185

It asks for advice so im looking for advice, thank you for your comment

lawandfitness

I am going to PM you.. I have lost 75 pounds in the last 6 months and not by starving myself. I will send you details

cloieclo

Firstly, well done for being SO honest. Not just with everyone that will read this thread, but with yourself. Because you're the only person that can genuinely help you.
We can all give advice, but this is your journey and you have to decide how you want to ride this out.

I've spent my whole life telling myself I'm the ugly, fat friend. Drilled it into my brain. I've hated myself for becoming that person.

Once you start seeing the scales decrease, and see clothes fit you a little bit more, its motivation.

There's a quote that helped me at the start of my journey;
"It takes 4 weeks for you to see your body changing. It takes 8 weeks for your friends and family. It takes 12 weeks for the rest of the world. Keep going."
Things don't happen overnight. And you need to constantly remind yourself of that. Please don't give up

You need to do this the right way and eat what MFP suggests. By eating less than 500 calories a day isn't going to help you. I know this through experience. I too tried surviving on just water a day and I made myself physically ill.

If you ever need to talk, just message me

Hope this actually helped and I didn't just ramble on! HA

SianLouise185

I guess i just needed some positivity so thank you! All these fads do not work so maybe trying it the right way for once will help me achieve my goal! My mind frustrates me alot, but i'll keep moving forward!

Lawandfitness please do, id love that

Abstraktimus

You are such a strong person, stronger than you think. You're fuelled by seeing results, it will start slow but I know you and I know you can do this. There's nothing that you can't put your mind to and achieve. Once you start seeing those pounds drop, the reduction in the mirror it will motivate you. But you have to stick with it until it happens.

You're gonna smash this. Find a way to motivate yourself, put a post it on your computer and put a little tick every day to visually show you how far you're coming. Each day is a new achievement, think of when you have 3 post its up there all with 121 ticks! That's a year!! You've got this, I'm not going to let you fall short of your goals.

jgnatca

Try reading up on this:
All or nothing thinking. It typically is related to depression and anxiety, but a lot of people approach dieting with this sort of distorted thinking.

Coming to terms with your unconscious self, using the analogy of the elephant and the rider (I got this from Haidt).

I also found it very helpful to take the emotion out of supposed "failures" (i.e. one pound gain) by following the techniques taught in Stanford's Chronic Disease Self-Management Program.

SianLouise185

Thank you! i'll give anything a try at this point

emdarling07

I had a really hard time with no seeing results immediately too. I had to concentrate on the differences I did feel on a daily basis. I cut out carbs and sugars, and war that was raging in my head simmered down quite a lot. Some weeks my weight doesn't move at all- but I have to constantly refocus myself like I'm a child. I have really similar swings, quite like one minute you've got motivation, and the next you see your reflection and everything crumbles. The way that I redirect myself is by slowing myself down and "parenting" myself. I sound like I'm crazy, but it honestly works. I think about what I would say to my own daughter if she were feeling this way, or what I wish someone would have said to me when I was a little girl. Like, "I know that it's hard right now Emily, and I know that you want to abandon all hope because you don't look or feel the way you want to. But you're so worth waiting this out, and when you stick this out, you will see a difference".


I don't want to assume or put a label on you that's unwanted, but what you have going on sounds like an EDNOS (Not otherwise specified eating disorder). I say that not so you can "hide behind it", but so maybe you can better understand why there is a war waging inside you head. There is truth behind the thought that when you start losing weight, you'll feel better and it will motivate you to continue. But for me, I had to change the way I thought about myself and my body before I was able to set out a plan, and stick to it for good. This will be very, very hard. So start with the motivation, get to a place where you feel completely certain you're going kill it. Then, when that first thought creeps into your head, stomp it out. This war you're fighting isn't with yourself, it's with your demons. So chop their faces off. Tell them to get fooked, and redirect yourself to how good you feel in the moment. This gets tiring because if you're anything like me, you've got a lot of *kitten* thoughts. But take it day by day! Tell yourself, "I'm going to feel the absolute best I can today, I'll worry about tomorrow when it comes." Plan out one day at a time, and stay in tune with your thoughts. Be kind to yourself because what you're doing takes a lot of strength. Lean on the people around you who love you, and look to them for inspiration when you feel like yours is running on low. Best of luck xx

SianLouise185

Thanks Emily xx

999tigger

I think your post is brave, but you answer a lot of your own questions with it.

tryingtogethhealthy2015

i understand how you feel - I still have a hard time seeing my weight loss. I lost 74 so far but have another 80 to go. but I just don't see the loss - yes I know I am in smaller sizes but still difficult. I did recently back slide - I was down like 90 but then gained 20. so I am trying again. I let a lot of emotional issues that came up give me an excuse to eat. We had 2 people pass this past year and unfortunately it effected the relationships between family in a bad way.
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but I am again trying to put that behind me and get back on track. I do find I have one particular food item that is a very strong craving for me.

I guess we all just need take one day at a time and have to forgive if we fall but then try and get back up and keep going.

You are stronger than you think and in the end just do the weight loss for yourself and you will be able to lose the weight.

sophomorelove

Hi, I know how you feel. I really want there to be a switch in my head, that I (or someone else) could just flip, and I don't have to think about food all the time. I even dream about cake, and then feel guilty in my sleep. I have never taken drugs, but sweets are my drug. I can't go one day without them. If I restrict myself, I clench my jaws all day (and at night), so my teeth actually crumble. And when I do lose some weight, I reward myself with food till I gain it all back (and some more).
I feel so desperate and inferiour, but if I give up on myself, I might as well lay down and die. We gotta keep trying to figure it out, while we still have time.

yoovie

a dream without a solid plan is a hallucination.

Unknown

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kwmarissa

I'm such a strong believer in the quote "You don't have to be skinny to have an eating disorder" Whether you are obese or completely emaciated, you are still dealing with a type of disordered eating. I'm not a psychiatrist and have no degree of any sort in that field but I can tell you from experience. You wanna know something? There is no fast and quick way to weight loss. It's a process and I think that's the hardest thing I had to accept coming out of my sickness. Even though I had lost thirty pounds, the moment I went into recovery I gained it all back. For good reason! My body needed it, all the vital nutrients and minerals I had neglected to give it for so long! My point here is, that weight loss starts with eating healthy and working out but no one can push you to do that other than yourself. I do believe you should talk to a professional about this. There's so many wonderful and inspiring people on this website who started out obese and ended up healthy, I have no doubt in my mind that you are fully capable of doing so yourself, in the right way of course! Good luck! Just believe in yourself ok!? I know that's so much easier said than done but you need to love yourself first for who you are not by what the mirror tells you. Those sideways thoughts will eat at you and you don't need such negativity.


Just a tip or two--

I started out by not weighing myself every morning and instead made it once a week so that it didn't seem like such a slow weight loss process!

Also, this one's hard, but I stopped counting calories. Only because I wanted to get rid of the control food had over me and in doing so I became what I call a "normal" eater again. The reason why you binge is because you eat only 500 calories, your body is trying to tell you something, believe me that it knows better than what your mind does!

ems212

cloieclo wrote: »

There's a quote that helped me at the start of my journey;
"It takes 4 weeks for you to see your body changing. It takes 8 weeks for your friends and family. It takes 12 weeks for the rest of the world. Keep going."
Things don't happen overnight. And you need to constantly remind yourself of that. Please don't give up

I love this! It couldn't be more true. I was sooo happy with myself when I lost my first 10 pounds, yet I felt like a failure because nobody else could see how hard I had to work to get there. Now, I keep reminding myself that Rome wasn't built in a day, and as long as I hold my head high, I can accomplish anything.

Just have faith in yourself. Understand that you can do anything you set your mind to, and don't let anybody else tell you differently. Also understand that the extremes are never good.

Personally, I pre-plan my meals. I try and fill out my food diary a day ahead of time, that way I feel more inclined to stick to it. I also make sure that if I'm feeling like over-eating, I drink a lot of water. When I stress and basically stop eating (usually because I lack hunger), I meditate. I sit in the peace and quiet for 15-20 minutes, and I focus on my breathing and relax. When I'm done, I feel much better, and I can usually stomach something.

If you ever need anyone to talk to though, I'm always here. This is one of my favorite go-to places.

mrscronkhite

I'm not one to preach because I feel the same way about myself, but you're a beautiful person inside and out. Keep telling yourself one day at a time. I know I have to. I got on the scale after 3 weeks and had only lost a pound! Not giving up though, and you shouldn't either. It's not going to happen overnight, but it's certainly not going to happen at all if you don't do something (healthy) about it!!

Hang in there!!!