Getting social anxiety
salves90
Posts: 18
Hello! I think I am becoming socialy anxious... It probably is related to weight gain too (emotional eating etc).
So for those of you who have a bit of social anxiety... Do you ever feel like people are looking at you funny or fear they are talking/laughing about you when in fact they probably arent? Feeling self conscious about going to the gym/running because of other people judging you (even though they probably don t even notice you)?
I have always had a bit of that, but I am reaching new lows. Context: I study in the German speaking part of Switzerland, but my German is really bad. Yesterday evening my two roommates were talking and I thought I heard them talking about me (not sure because of my bad German). This morning I politely confronted them (in English) about it and it turned out they were NOT talking about me. Either that or they are really good liars. I was mortified, still am. I said I was sorry but was happy I had cleared the air. Now I have given them reason to talk about me. They probably think I am crazy now. In fact I am wondering that myself.
Actually I doubt myself so much I feel everyone doubts me too. I am afraid this will destroy my relationships with other people.
Thank you strangers on the Internet for reading. I feel better already.
So for those of you who have a bit of social anxiety... Do you ever feel like people are looking at you funny or fear they are talking/laughing about you when in fact they probably arent? Feeling self conscious about going to the gym/running because of other people judging you (even though they probably don t even notice you)?
I have always had a bit of that, but I am reaching new lows. Context: I study in the German speaking part of Switzerland, but my German is really bad. Yesterday evening my two roommates were talking and I thought I heard them talking about me (not sure because of my bad German). This morning I politely confronted them (in English) about it and it turned out they were NOT talking about me. Either that or they are really good liars. I was mortified, still am. I said I was sorry but was happy I had cleared the air. Now I have given them reason to talk about me. They probably think I am crazy now. In fact I am wondering that myself.
Actually I doubt myself so much I feel everyone doubts me too. I am afraid this will destroy my relationships with other people.
Thank you strangers on the Internet for reading. I feel better already.
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Replies
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Set up regular appointments with the school counselor at the health center.0
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I constantly feel like people are laughing at me or making comments about my body or judging me, but I think it comes from how I was treated when I was in school. I have a horrible self image and am very anxious around other people and have low self-esteem, so even though I've lost 60lbs and weigh 144lbs (I'm 5'9½) now, I still feel like a cow and still hate how I look and still think that people are constantly commenting on how terrible my body is. And it doesn't help that when I turned 25 my face started breaking out and no matter how many antibiotics or facial creams the dermatologist puts me on it hasn't helped at all in the past 3 years. If you have free counseling on campus then take advantage! I wish I could go to therapy, but I can't afford it.0
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That sounds more like paranoia to me than social phobia. Do you fear being among other people as well? As a total social phobe myself I avoid people like the plague, don't like to interact with them IRL and live practically like a hermit.
I agree with the others: try if you can see a counselor, if possible!0 -
I am not afraid of people, I have lived like a hermit since I got here (early September) and I am socially isolated, mainly because I don't speak the language. I do have friends that came a long way to visit me and I was really happy about it. I am visiting my previous university in two days and I have lots of people to see and I am looking forward to it. I do not like crowds however, or going out clubbing. I had a side job as a sales person for 5 years and I was pretty good at it. I did some waitressing and I am ok with that too. I do blush a lot (which everyone but me finds funny). I have trouble getting close to people and trusting people.
And I do avoid people. Like last time I was at the library a guy I don't know sat next to me and chat me up and I couldn't concentrate and was very uncomfortable. so today I went to an entirely different building. ( and yet another guy is sitting right next to me and I am praying he just ignores me).0 -
loribethrice wrote: »I constantly feel like people are laughing at me or making comments about my body or judging me, but I think it comes from how I was treated when I was in school. I have a horrible self image and am very anxious around other people and have low self-esteem, so even though I've lost 60lbs and weigh 144lbs (I'm 5'9½) now, I still feel like a cow and still hate how I look and still think that people are constantly commenting on how terrible my body is. And it doesn't help that when I turned 25 my face started breaking out and no matter how many antibiotics or facial creams the dermatologist puts me on it hasn't helped at all in the past 3 years. If you have free counseling on campus then take advantage! I wish I could go to therapy, but I can't afford it.
That is kind of bad news, I was hoping losing weight would solve all my problems... (Only half joking... The other half actually believes it would solve my problems). I am sorry you have problems with your skin. Do you think it could be hormonal? Weight loss can cause hormonal imbalances... I had really bad acne at 16 (bad enough that my general physician sent me to the dermatologist ) and it was hormonal (so no creams or anti biotics). It's funny I am the exact same weight as you, though way shorter.0 -
fearlessleader104 wrote: »Set up regular appointments with the school counselor at the health center.
Actually a good idea, why didn't I think of it? They do have health advisors. I'll try to get an appointment for after the exams.0 -
you sound paranoid. take advantage of on campus mental health counseling.0
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I never thought of myself as being paranoid....
that is scary!
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Go today.0
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Only by appointement... And it's the end of the term and exam period... This isn't exactly an emergency...0
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They might not be open, unless it's an emergency, after the exams period ends.
It's only 1 hour.0 -
Should I say sorry again to my roommates and try explain or just not talk about this again? (I was polite when I confronted them, I am always polite). They do live with me... I don't want them to think I am paranoid and be scared or something. They are good roommates.0
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Let it go0
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loribethrice wrote: »I constantly feel like people are laughing at me or making comments about my body or judging me, but I think it comes from how I was treated when I was in school. I have a horrible self image and am very anxious around other people and have low self-esteem, so even though I've lost 60lbs and weigh 144lbs (I'm 5'9½) now, I still feel like a cow and still hate how I look and still think that people are constantly commenting on how terrible my body is. And it doesn't help that when I turned 25 my face started breaking out and no matter how many antibiotics or facial creams the dermatologist puts me on it hasn't helped at all in the past 3 years. If you have free counseling on campus then take advantage! I wish I could go to therapy, but I can't afford it.
That is kind of bad news, I was hoping losing weight would solve all my problems... (Only half joking... The other half actually believes it would solve my problems). I am sorry you have problems with your skin. Do you think it could be hormonal? Weight loss can cause hormonal imbalances... I had really bad acne at 16 (bad enough that my general physician sent me to the dermatologist ) and it was hormonal (so no creams or anti biotics). It's funny I am the exact same weight as you, though way shorter.
I have not a clue. I was 160 when I was 25, then I went up to 204, and now I'm back down to 144. I have PCOS and endometriosis and a few other issues, so it could be. I've done minocycline, doxycycline, Finacea cream, Metrogel, Metrocream, Retinol, sulfur washes, and a billion other expensive things. Plus I tried Proactiv and Mary Kay Clearproof. And I wash my face daily with Cetaphil. It's so frustrating! I've seen multiple dermatologists now and they don't know what to do because my skin is so sensitive that they're out of ideas. I thought weight loss would fix all my problems too...I mean that though, lol.
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I know they do to a degree but that is because I have pissed them off lol. But as far as ones just trashing me, I ignore them and could care less.0
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But then again I am one of those people you either like or you don't and I find having ADHD does and in some cases does not help0
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You're post totally reminds me of me
I am terrified of people, I was teased and bullied growing up.. I guess I was the 'quiet' weird girl in school, it got so bad in high school that besides for my parents divorce and grans death, I dropped out. I felt everyone was looking at me, talking about me, laughing at me etc.
I tried to study at a college 2 years later and sadly didn't even last a month..
I'm the quiet person in the corner who people hang their coats on!
Anyway, I'm better now, I ended up gaining confidence and a lot of it! When I was 18 I started exercising, dieting, I decided I wanted to change and I did, I became quite skinny, and amongst me getting more tattoos, piercings, dying my hair bright blue and just doing the things I felt made me attractive, I finally found confidence.
I'm not saying get tattoos and stuff, I'm saying do what you think is nice, get your hair done or coloured, be devoted to changing your body and yourself and I promise you, once you've done that, people will look and talk about you, positively and you'll feel awesome! Carry yourself with confidence
and learn to not care about what other people think, I know it sounds impossible now, but believe me.. you can do it! (*) 0 -
this is 100% me.
I can talk my face off on the internet, but face to face with strangers? do not engage.
what helped me was having a program to concentrate on at the gym. Hard Work that I understood and needed to get done.
By the time I'd been bravely at it for about 6 months, people saw me as a quiet regular that came in and got work done. I saw everyone else as people that came in and got work done.
What everyone told me was absolutely true.
No one in the weight room judges you.
That's the treadmill jury's job.
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this is 100% me.
I can talk my face off on the internet, but face to face with strangers? do not engage.
what helped me was having a program to concentrate on at the gym. Hard Work that I understood and needed to get done.
By the time I'd been bravely at it for about 6 months, people saw me as a quiet regular that came in and got work done. I saw everyone else as people that came in and got work done.
What everyone told me was absolutely true.
No one in the weight room judges you.
That's the treadmill jury's job. [\b]
um. no. projecting much?0 -
loribethrice wrote: »loribethrice wrote: »I constantly feel like people are laughing at me or making comments about my body or judging me, but I think it comes from how I was treated when I was in school. I have a horrible self image and am very anxious around other people and have low self-esteem, so even though I've lost 60lbs and weigh 144lbs (I'm 5'9½) now, I still feel like a cow and still hate how I look and still think that people are constantly commenting on how terrible my body is. And it doesn't help that when I turned 25 my face started breaking out and no matter how many antibiotics or facial creams the dermatologist puts me on it hasn't helped at all in the past 3 years. If you have free counseling on campus then take advantage! I wish I could go to therapy, but I can't afford it.
That is kind of bad news, I was hoping losing weight would solve all my problems... (Only half joking... The other half actually believes it would solve my problems). I am sorry you have problems with your skin. Do you think it could be hormonal? Weight loss can cause hormonal imbalances... I had really bad acne at 16 (bad enough that my general physician sent me to the dermatologist ) and it was hormonal (so no creams or anti biotics). It's funny I am the exact same weight as you, though way shorter.
I have not a clue. I was 160 when I was 25, then I went up to 204, and now I'm back down to 144. I have PCOS and endometriosis and a few other issues, so it could be. I've done minocycline, doxycycline, Finacea cream, Metrogel, Metrocream, Retinol, sulfur washes, and a billion other expensive things. Plus I tried Proactiv and Mary Kay Clearproof. And I wash my face daily with Cetaphil. It's so frustrating! I've seen multiple dermatologists now and they don't know what to do because my skin is so sensitive that they're out of ideas. I thought weight loss would fix all my problems too...I mean that though, lol.
I also have PCOS and all the nice things that come with it. For the acne they gave me roacutane, which worked like a charm. However it dries out your skin (and lips and eyes) and makes your skin super sensitive (I had SFP 60 sunscreen). After that I was given androcur to correct hormonal imbalances and I have clear skin, but if I stop taking it, in 2 months the skin problems (and other problems) come back . Those medications can have nasty (and dangerous) side effects so maybe your doctors are trying other things beforehand? None of the creams/pills I tried before this worked.
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You're post totally reminds me of me
I am terrified of people, I was teased and bullied growing up.. I guess I was the 'quiet' weird girl in school, it got so bad in high school that besides for my parents divorce and grans death, I dropped out. I felt everyone was looking at me, talking about me, laughing at me etc.
I tried to study at a college 2 years later and sadly didn't even last a month..
I'm the quiet person in the corner who people hang their coats on!
Anyway, I'm better now, I ended up gaining confidence and a lot of it! When I was 18 I started exercising, dieting, I decided I wanted to change and I did, I became quite skinny, and amongst me getting more tattoos, piercings, dying my hair bright blue and just doing the things I felt made me attractive, I finally found confidence.
I'm not saying get tattoos and stuff, I'm saying do what you think is nice, get your hair done or coloured, be devoted to changing your body and yourself and I promise you, once you've done that, people will look and talk about you, positively and you'll feel awesome! Carry yourself with confidence and learn to not care about what other people think, I know it sounds impossible now, but believe me.. you can do it! (*)
Yeah I am definitely "the weird girl". I've made through undergraduate studies by mostly not going to class and studying at home. I started my graduate studies and it is much harder and you are supposed to work with others. I am handing in assignments you can do in pairs or threes on my own ... extra work just because I (strongly) prefer working alone... I hope I make it
It's great to know you are doing better, there's hope for me! Except I am already 24 and still no breakthrough... sigh.
Ahah not getting piercings/tattoos... it must HURT. You look great though
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this is 100% me.
I can talk my face off on the internet, but face to face with strangers? do not engage.
what helped me was having a program to concentrate on at the gym. Hard Work that I understood and needed to get done.
By the time I'd been bravely at it for about 6 months, people saw me as a quiet regular that came in and got work done. I saw everyone else as people that came in and got work done.
What everyone told me was absolutely true.
No one in the weight room judges you.
That's the treadmill jury's job.
The treadmill jury! They are in there for so long that they must find something to do.
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Eek! That sounds scary difficult! I understand though, and I'm sure you will manage, and benefit greatly from doing things this way... however teamwork is apparently an important skill to learn. Sigh!
Don't stress! It's never too late I think you just need to be proud of yourself to get that confidence, set your goals and make yourself into what you believe is beautiful! When you see your progress, you'll feel awesome and see less reason for people to talk about you etc, from my experience.. I was so terrified because I saw so many flaws with myself.
Hehe, they not so bad! Thank you! Best of luck to you 0 -
michellemybelll wrote: »this is 100% me.
I can talk my face off on the internet, but face to face with strangers? do not engage.
what helped me was having a program to concentrate on at the gym. Hard Work that I understood and needed to get done.
By the time I'd been bravely at it for about 6 months, people saw me as a quiet regular that came in and got work done. I saw everyone else as people that came in and got work done.
What everyone told me was absolutely true.
No one in the weight room judges you.
That's the treadmill jury's job. [\b]
um. no. projecting much?
eh? confused.0 -
this is 100% me.
I can talk my face off on the internet, but face to face with strangers? do not engage.
what helped me was having a program to concentrate on at the gym. Hard Work that I understood and needed to get done.
By the time I'd been bravely at it for about 6 months, people saw me as a quiet regular that came in and got work done. I saw everyone else as people that came in and got work done.
What everyone told me was absolutely true.
No one in the weight room judges you.
That's the treadmill jury's job.
The treadmill jury! They are in there for so long that they must find something to do.
HAHAHA!!!!
my gym's squat rack and TRX area is along one side of the room and it faces a big line of treadmills, sometimes when Im deadlifting or squatting, i pretend Im doing an Olympic dismount for the judges!!!
the silly things we do once we are comfortable in our gym right?
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my deepest apologies if i sounded like I was calling calling the treadmill jury a group of judgmental people. I edited my post before I posted it and it came across a way other than I intended.
I try to make them laugh if I feel their eyes on me.
It's my answer to gym anxiety.
sorry if you think that means im projecting my own judgmental issues on other people Im scared of at the gym.0 -
so sorry for not inferring that from your initial post that annoyed me. how silly of me for assuming anything different from your innocent intentions.my deepest apologies if i sounded like I was calling calling the treadmill jury a group of judgmental people. I edited my post before I posted it and it came across a way other than I intended.
I try to make them laugh if I feel their eyes on me.
It's my answer to gym anxiety.
sorry if you think that means im projecting my own judgmental issues on other people Im scared of at the gym.
i'm glad it helps with your gym anxiety, truly. engaging with others is not at all how i deal with mine, so the thought didn't even cross my mind.
no need to PM me to reiterate your point.0 -
I pm'd you before, because that's what TOS says to do, and cause it's not cool to blast a stranger in writing on the internet when you don't know them. Your sarcasm isn't very kind either. Enjoy your success.
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I never thought of myself as being paranoid.... that is scary!
You seem like you're just out of your element. Excessive fears, anxiety, and even some paranoia can come about because of a culture shock. Work on your language skills since that seems to be the big barrier for you. Also force yourself to go out and be a part of the culture. It will help you learn the language and feel less intimidated by everything.0 -
I have similar social anxiety. When I was in high school, I couldn't even go into stores alone, because I was afraid of doing something wrong and being judged. It's a slow process to accepting that people will think what they think about you, and often they aren't thinking about you at all. It never fully goes away, but it gets better.0
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