Picky Eaters?
Replies
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where do you live?
do you live at home? can't you pack food/ can't you cook for yourself?
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where do you live?
do you live at home? can't you pack food/ can't you cook for yourself?
In the summers/breaks/random homesick weekends I live at home. At college I can't pack any food, I eat what they offer--unfortunately. I don't know how to cook and I have no need to, my mom knows how much I hate the food at school so she makes all sorts of food I like over break. She does work very long days, but always makes the time to cook and often refuses help.0 -
ew. my ex was super picky. total deal breaker. the worst thing ever is eating something while the person you are eating w/ is looking at you disgustedly, talking about how nasty the food you are like consuming is, and making faces, etc. (yes, he was a worthless child >:( ) as long as you don't talk about what he is eating, i don't see anything wrong with just sticking to what food you do like, though. just be sensitive! my brother's wife is Chinese and when visiting my family in USA she could hardly eat anything and ended up losing 10 lbs. be polite about it! if they insist you try something, THAT is rude. just politely say "no thanks, not interested" or whatever you need to say. they should understand, especially realizing that you are used to eating a different type of food than them and there is nothing wrong with that! good luck!0
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also, good for him for trying out Indian food! It's wonderful! TBH not trying super American dining hall food is probably a good idea, and I don't really see that as being picky. I think it's really just being picky if you say "omg I HATE carrots, I will never eat a carrot" or something like that. just picking a few things you will eat. American food is kinda super gross, unless it's done flawlessly... by a chef (still not that interesting.. burgers? roasts? chicken?), and I don't blame you for thinking of it as "prison food" lol.0
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Have you ever taken someone to a restaurant you love (or made them a dish you love) and watched them just push the food around the plate and not eat it? It's really a terrible feeling. Even if they're willing to sit there while you eat, it'll kill the experience for you too.
That's what you're doing to him.
I really understand having opposite tastes from your BF. I'm a vegetarian and grew up eating a lot of Persian and Indian food, whereas my BF comes from a big Italian family where it's not dinner if it doesn't include beef. If you want to be with him, you have to care more about him than you do about the one meal that is in front of you.
If my BF wants to go to a steakhouse, we go. I'll load up on protein for lunch and order a baked potato, salad and some other vegetable side dish. He'll be really happy that he's getting to eat something he loves, and I like to be able to share his happiness. Sulking because I don't get to eat something I like for that one meal would be a really cr@ppy thing to do to him. It works both ways, too. He's learned how to order kebabs or tandoori -- they're not his favorite things, but he does it for me. If we didn't both do this for the other one, that would be a different story, but as an adult, you need to learn how to handle some things you maybe don't want to do.0 -
Have you ever taken someone to a restaurant you love (or made them a dish you love) and watched them just push the food around the plate and not eat it? It's really a terrible feeling. Even if they're willing to sit there while you eat, it'll kill the experience for you too.
That's what you're doing to him.
I really understand having opposite tastes from your BF. I'm a vegetarian and grew up eating a lot of Persian and Indian food, whereas my BF comes from a big Italian family where it's not dinner if it doesn't include beef. If you want to be with him, you have to care more about him than you do about the one meal that is in front of you.
If my BF wants to go to a steakhouse, we go. I'll load up on protein for lunch and order a baked potato, salad and some other vegetable side dish. He'll be really happy that he's getting to eat something he loves, and I like to be able to share his happiness. Sulking because I don't get to eat something I like for that one meal would be a really cr@ppy thing to do to him. It works both ways, too. He's learned how to order kebabs or tandoori -- they're not his favorite things, but he does it for me. If we didn't both do this for the other one, that would be a different story, but as an adult, you need to learn how to handle some things you maybe don't want to do.
Thanks for putting these things into perspective. I suppose he's not really asking for too much. In his words "you don't need to grab a whole plate, just have a bite!" It really comes down to me being set and rigid in my ways (goes beyond food--I'm very particular about activities, movies, etc) and him being open to everything. I guess I'll have to learn to tiptoe out of my comfort zone if I want things to work out long-term.0 -
I'm an extremely picky eater, and my fiance has come to terms with that. We did, however, come to an agreement that we will both try anything once. That way, if I like something he doesn't, or he likes something that I don't, we can at least say "I tried it before, I know I don't like it" and there aren't any hurt feelings.0
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By being an adult, I started trying different foods, that I didn't like before or thought I wouldn't like based on looks. But I have gone from a picky eater who only ate a few staple foods to someone who will try anything at least twice (never know if the first time was just a bad example) then make a decision as to whether or not I like it.
However, I blame my wife for this, she has given me the opportunity and pushed me to try new things and I am forever grateful.0 -
If it's someone you don't really care about, it doesn't matter. I wouldn't eat bland, salt-only vegetables for just anyone! But if you really care about him, especially if it's an important meal (like a holiday or a family event), find a way to enjoy the food. People bond through the experience of eating together, and you don't want to cut yourself out of those experiences just because it's not the type of food that you'd prefer. As your relationship grows, you can find ways to incorporate the things you like into his traditions, too.malavika413 wrote: »Have you ever taken someone to a restaurant you love (or made them a dish you love) and watched them just push the food around the plate and not eat it? It's really a terrible feeling. Even if they're willing to sit there while you eat, it'll kill the experience for you too.
That's what you're doing to him.
I really understand having opposite tastes from your BF. I'm a vegetarian and grew up eating a lot of Persian and Indian food, whereas my BF comes from a big Italian family where it's not dinner if it doesn't include beef. If you want to be with him, you have to care more about him than you do about the one meal that is in front of you.
If my BF wants to go to a steakhouse, we go. I'll load up on protein for lunch and order a baked potato, salad and some other vegetable side dish. He'll be really happy that he's getting to eat something he loves, and I like to be able to share his happiness. Sulking because I don't get to eat something I like for that one meal would be a really cr@ppy thing to do to him. It works both ways, too. He's learned how to order kebabs or tandoori -- they're not his favorite things, but he does it for me. If we didn't both do this for the other one, that would be a different story, but as an adult, you need to learn how to handle some things you maybe don't want to do.
Thanks for putting these things into perspective. I suppose he's not really asking for too much. In his words "you don't need to grab a whole plate, just have a bite!" It really comes down to me being set and rigid in my ways (goes beyond food--I'm very particular about activities, movies, etc) and him being open to everything. I guess I'll have to learn to tiptoe out of my comfort zone if I want things to work out long-term.
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malavika413 wrote: »where do you live?
do you live at home? can't you pack food/ can't you cook for yourself?
In the summers/breaks/random homesick weekends I live at home. At college I can't pack any food, I eat what they offer--unfortunately. I don't know how to cook and I have no need to, my mom knows how much I hate the food at school so she makes all sorts of food I like over break. She does work very long days, but always makes the time to cook and often refuses help.
You plan on always living at home having mom cook for you?
Might be time to learn how to cook and take care of yourself0 -
malavika413 wrote: »where do you live?
do you live at home? can't you pack food/ can't you cook for yourself?
In the summers/breaks/random homesick weekends I live at home. At college I can't pack any food, I eat what they offer--unfortunately. I don't know how to cook and I have no need to, my mom knows how much I hate the food at school so she makes all sorts of food I like over break. She does work very long days, but always makes the time to cook and often refuses help.
You plan on always living at home having mom cook for you?
Might be time to learn how to cook and take care of yourself
I'll learn how to cook when I have to. My mother couldn't boil water till after she married, but she learned in time and now she's an amazing cook. In my culture we typically don't move out till we get married, so I guess I'll learn then.0 -
For me, a picky eater would be a deal breaker. I might be able to get over it if I really like the person. Not sure, but it's a big pet peeve of mine.0
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Since you don't know how to cook, it might be fun to take cooking classes with your BF...I think people do that.0
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malavika413 wrote: »malavika413 wrote: »where do you live?
do you live at home? can't you pack food/ can't you cook for yourself?
In the summers/breaks/random homesick weekends I live at home. At college I can't pack any food, I eat what they offer--unfortunately. I don't know how to cook and I have no need to, my mom knows how much I hate the food at school so she makes all sorts of food I like over break. She does work very long days, but always makes the time to cook and often refuses help.
You plan on always living at home having mom cook for you?
Might be time to learn how to cook and take care of yourself
I'll learn how to cook when I have to. My mother couldn't boil water till after she married, but she learned in time and now she's an amazing cook. In my culture we typically don't move out till we get married, so I guess I'll learn then.
I can't offer suggestions to someone who doesn't want to help themselves.0 -
I'm a picky eater, and it's something that someone will just have to accept about me. If they don't want to, that's okay, I don't see myself accepting a smoker, and that's ok.
At the end of the day, you're an adult. And if you don't want to do something you don't have to. I hate food police, just like I hate diet police. Worry about yourself. I don't concern myself with what other people are eating, even if it's revolting to me, I keep my comments to myself.
Are you making derogatory remarks about the food he eats? If so, then stop doing that, and maybe it will make things better.
Here are a few examples about my pickiness:
I have issues with textures, which means I don't eat things like cottage cheese, pie, yoghurt, most anything that has a filling I pass on. I don't like most vegetables, and the only way I get my veggies in is if I juice them, or put them in a smoothie (I'll eat corn or raw carrots - but not baby carrots).
I don't like mashed potatoes (unless I make them from scratch), but I'll eat a baked potato or wedges.
I don't like sauces (ie "salmon dressed in a butter sauce"), so if I go to a restaurant, if an entrée comes with a sauce, I'll ask them to leave it off or put it on the side so I can ignore it.
I could go on. I like to think of all of these things as quirks. Everyone has them. And that's ok.0 -
we have a "no comments/yucky faces" policy about our dinners. You can eat something different, but you cant complain that what the rest of the table is eating is gross.0
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For me, a picky eater would be a deal breaker. I might be able to get over it if I really like the person. Not sure, but it's a big pet peeve of mine.
me too, more so toward an adult who isn't even open to just TRYING it and they live off oreos and fried chicken well into their 30s.
i used to be SUCH a picky eater until i got to college. i wouldn't touch anything with tomatoes, onions, sour cream, nuts, raisins, mayo, spices, etc. and then my bf in college was a huge foodie and would always ask me, "how do you know you don't like it if you don't try it?" and then i would try it and now i'll eat ANYTHING.
however, i believe being a picky eater can have its benefits in the weight-loss department. instead of eating around a raisin or nut or being curious to try a new dish, you completely snub it for that one ingredient and save yourself the calories. i felt that way in high school: yes i was picky, yet i didn't worry one bit about my weight and was a stable 125. that number is a distant memory now LOL
honestly malavika413 i would just try a little bite to appease him. you might surprise yourself! i did
now i'm a vacuum. 0 -
malavika413 wrote: »I guess I should have predicted this sort of thing dating an American man. I just hope his family never invites me home, I'd feel horrible just pushing food around on my plate.
Oh, Stop. That is not an American thing -- to be controlling.
A good man is accommodating.
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Oh my god, you have to be kidding. There are sooooo many real deal-breakers, picky eating doesn't even make the first cut.
The "insisting" would be way higher on the list.0 -
oh lord- learn to cook for yourself. You say when you'll learn when ti's time.
It's time to learn to cook when you're 7 years old.
Seriously. You're way behind the curve.0 -
malavika413 wrote: »malavika413 wrote: »I guess I should have predicted this sort of thing dating an American man. I just hope his family never invites me home, I'd feel horrible just pushing food around on my plate.
Your boyfriend's issues have nothing to do with him being an American, and everything to do with him being him. And from other posts you've made, you seem to spend a lot of time trying to be who he wants you to be, and not being yourself.
Re-read what you wrote. You're worried about him breaking up with you because you aren't doing something you don't like and do not want to do. Think about that for awhile.
I don't think he'll break up with me over food. But since we eat every meal together, it makes things quite tense when I pick at salad and he tries everything offered. I don't see him as the bad guy, but I was just wondering if I'm being completely unreasonable by refusing to try what looks unappetizing at the dining hall.
Well, for one, what does he care if you're just picking at a salad? Let him worry about what he eats. You're not restricting what he can eat by not eating yourself.
You should also do some research into Selective Eating Disorder (also called Avoidant/Restrictive Eating Disorder). It's hard to tell from your posts if you're just picky or may have this (I do, and I'm pretty unapologetic about not giving a single F what other people think about my eating anymore), but this website is a good place to start:
http://mealtimehostage.com/2012/12/13/picky-eating-vs-selective-eating-disorder/
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malavika413 wrote: »Just out of curiosity, is picky eating a deal-breaker for you in terms of an SO? I'm very picky in terms of what I eat. We had a Christmas dinner at my university (some sort of beef roast, steamed vegetables, mashed potatoes, gravy, etc). I ended up eating some Caesar salad, everything else was food I didn't like. It annoys BF to no end, especially because he's learned to like Indian food (my native cuisine). He insists I 'try' the food, but it's not at all appetizing to me. Am I in the wrong here, or is this a common quirk that he needs to get over?
If you have Facebook come join this group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/55498983024/ .
There are a lot of people there who will understand your plight and not be so condescending and rude about it.-1 -
oh lord- learn to cook for yourself. You say when you'll learn when ti's time.
It's time to learn to cook when you're 7 years old.
Seriously. You're way behind the curve.
I think that's just a cultural difference, to be honest. It's not an objective fact that you should learn to cook at age 7.0 -
But yet here you are- as an adult- with no drive or inclination to do so.
hey you're world- I'm just living in it- but I survived just fine in college- and I knew how to boil water and put together a reasonable meal to make sure I could eat well and not pack on weight.
time to educate yourself and move on.
it's one thing to honor your culture and respect it's traditions- but it's another to use it as an excuse to hold you back- which seems to be what you're doing. not a judgement- just an observation.0 -
But yet here you are- as an adult- with no drive or inclination to do so.
hey you're world- I'm just living in it- but I survived just fine in college- and I knew how to boil water and put together a reasonable meal to make sure I could eat well and not pack on weight.
time to educate yourself and move on.
it's one thing to honor your culture and respect it's traditions- but it's another to use it as an excuse to hold you back- which seems to be what you're doing. not a judgement- just an observation.
As I said before, my mother learned when she married. Her mother learned when she married. As a cultural norm, we don't live independently until then. I don't see anything wrong with this way of thinking.0 -
Well- then no one can help you.
Good luck.0 -
Cafeteria food is terrible full stop!! Not all western food is terrible; I'm half english half chinese and I love both cuisines and many more. You are limiting your own life so badly by not stepping outside the walls you have built around yourself. And I've learnt this the hard way - don't wait to learn your mum's cooking secrets; they can be gone all too quickly
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pineapple_jojo wrote: »Cafeteria food is terrible full stop!! Not all western food is terrible; I'm half english half chinese and I love both cuisines and many more. You are limiting your own life so badly by not stepping outside the walls you have built around yourself. And I've learnt this the hard way - don't wait to learn your mum's cooking secrets; they can be gone all too quickly
I'm sorry about your loss. That's a good point, my mom is my best friend and I'd hate to lose her.0 -
So, culturally speaking, you are behind your North American counterparts in understanding food, for instance how to cook it and prepare it the way you like. That's why a cooking class or an interview with your mother might be an eye-opener. It could also open you up to new food experiences.0
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So, culturally speaking, you are behind your North American counterparts in understanding food, for instance how to cook it and prepare it the way you like. That's why a cooking class or an interview with your mother might be an eye-opener. It could also open you up to new food experiences.
I wouldn't say 'behind' my north american counterparts. Most people here at college can't cook a single thing. I can bake (it's a hobby of mine) but I don't know how to make full-on meals. I just remembered that I'll be going abroad soon and will have to cook for myself and boyfriend. Maybe it's worth finding some dishes we can compromise on--I don't want him living off frozen dinners.0
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