Picky Eaters?
malavika413
Posts: 474 Member
Just out of curiosity, is picky eating a deal-breaker for you in terms of an SO? I'm very picky in terms of what I eat. We had a Christmas dinner at my university (some sort of beef roast, steamed vegetables, mashed potatoes, gravy, etc). I ended up eating some Caesar salad, everything else was food I didn't like. It annoys BF to no end, especially because he's learned to like Indian food (my native cuisine). He insists I 'try' the food, but it's not at all appetizing to me. Am I in the wrong here, or is this a common quirk that he needs to get over?
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He will eventually get used to your ways and you can find places to compromise where the both of you have some common ground.
My hubby is a very picky eater and generally dislikes America food. So he does most of the cooking in our house. Often it is based on cooking techniques from his native country.
I am fine with not cooking. (I buy the groceries/ingredients and let him know when I prefer that he make certain adjustments. )0 -
He will eventually get used to your ways and you can find places to compromise where the both of you have some common ground.
My hubby is a very picky eater and generally dislikes America food. So he does most of the cooking in our house. Often it is based on cooking techniques from his native country.
I am fine with not cooking. (I buy the groceries/ingredients and let him know when I prefer that he make certain adjustments. )
That makes sense. I wish he could see it that way--but unfortunately he views me rejecting the cafeteria's American cuisine as rejecting his culture. I mean, if he or his family was to cook something, I'd at least choke down a bite, but come on.0 -
I honestly agree with your boyfriend. I used to not bother trying ANYTHING because liek you I just thought "this doesn't look appetizing." I've since tried a buttload of things, even things that I thought would be gross, and I now enjoy them. Like peanut butter, greek yogurt, cottage cheese, cheddar cheese, trout, onions....
That being said, there really isn't much use in someone getting angry when you don't bother to try something. But you'll probably enjoy dieting (or maintaining, or gaining) if you give yourself a lot of food choices.
But how can you not like vegetables? Or beef? or potatoes? For you to assume that you hate 99% of what is being served to me seems like it's more of an "I haven't tried this but it looks gross so I'm not going to eat it." That's why I used to be a picky eater. The only reason I'll reject most of what's available at an event like this is because I eat gluten-free for digestive purposes, and in most cases I cannot guarantee that osmething is okay to eat so I have to choose obvious okay choices.0 -
I happen to be really fond of food and I bond with others over food which is why I would like my SO to at least understand this and at least try the food once. If it's important to your man, then why not just compromise with him and eat something once and if you don't like it, you don't have to ever eat it again and he won't ever badger you over it as well. And firmly tell him this too. That way, he can more appreciate the fact that you took his concerns into consideration but at the same time, you're not willing to bend over backwards eating more of something you don't like. Just my opinion though; life is about communication and understanding!
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My kid has sensory processing disorder, and one of the ways it manifests is by extreme picky eating. We all still eat together for all meals, but often he eats his own seperate thing. Its no big deal.0
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I honestly agree with your boyfriend. I used to not bother trying ANYTHING because liek you I just thought "this doesn't look appetizing." I've since tried a buttload of things, even things that I thought would be gross, and I now enjoy them. Like peanut butter, greek yogurt, cottage cheese, cheddar cheese, trout, onions....
That being said, there really isn't much use in someone getting angry when you don't bother to try something. But you'll probably enjoy dieting (or maintaining, or gaining) if you give yourself a lot of food choices.
But how can you not like vegetables? Or beef? or potatoes? For you to assume that you hate 99% of what is being served to me seems like it's more of an "I haven't tried this but it looks gross so I'm not going to eat it." That's why I used to be a picky eater. The only reason I'll reject most of what's available at an event like this is because I eat gluten-free for digestive purposes, and in most cases I cannot guarantee that osmething is okay to eat so I have to choose obvious okay choices.
Beef has always revolted me, it's just something about the slippery appearance and odd color. And I eat vegetables and potatoes, just not the typical way Americans prepare them--just plain salt and no other seasoning. The Christmas dinner was very traditional, as was the thanksgiving dinner.0 -
he can either accept you or he doesnt. right now he is not accepting you. have that discussion. if he can't "handle" your food choices well then its your turn to accept him that he will consistently create a problem around food or move on yourself
so up to you if its a deal breaker or not.
something like this must trigger "something" in him about you it can't really be about the food. something to think about.0 -
If you don't try it you'll never know if you like it or not. I once dated a picky eater. It didn't work out (not for that reason, it was because... well, he wasn't straight!) and it was incredibly annoying and I personally thought it was childish and rude - particularly because he wouldn't even try the food. That being said, this person wouldn't eat beef, soup, vegetables, condiments, the list goes on and on and crossed off pretty much everything. You're probably not that bad. And I see above you mention it was cafeteria food. No one "likes" cafeteria food hahaha.0
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beamer0821 wrote: »he can either accept you or he doesnt. right now he is not accepting you. have that discussion. if he can't "handle" your food choices well then its your turn to accept him that he will consistently create a problem around food or move on yourself
so up to you if its a deal breaker or not.
something like this must trigger "something" in him about you it can't really be about the food. something to think about.
He tells me it's not about the food itself, it's the fact that I reject things without trying them whereas he tries everything once. I HAVE tried plain steamed vegetables before, and gluey potatoes. No thank you. Beef I will not touch. He sees it as me rejecting his culture and the food he grew up eating outright.
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but thats about him, he's projecting his stuff and insecurities about rejection onto you.
you can't carry that, he's trying to make you carry it. but you can't.
its none of his business what you want to try, sounds like he's trying to control something he cannot.0 -
I guess I should have predicted this sort of thing dating an American man. I just hope his family never invites me home, I'd feel horrible just pushing food around on my plate.0
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My husband and I have similar taste in food, but we're both picky. I can see how picky eating would annoy someone, though. It's like going out to a restaurant and someone in the group orders a tiny salad and doesn't even partake in appetizers or dessert. Party pooper. But it's none of my business what people eat, so more food for me!0
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has nothing to do with culture. has to do with the man.
i was a picky eater when i met DH. and his mother was a horrible cook (even he admitted to). i would politely put a few things on my plate. force a couple of bites and help his mother in the kitchen cleaning up.
i didnt feel bad, and if she felt offended thats about her too not about you. 0 -
I honestly don't understand why people care so much what other people do or do not eat. I am a picky eater. There are many things I really hate because of the texture and/or taste. Why is it anyone else's business? If you aren't cooking for me, it's not your concern.
I think your BF's view is fairly common, but I find it to be really controlling and intrusive when people give me a hard time for not eating what they like to eat. Seriously, worry about your own plate, I'll take care of mine. Food is just food; it's not culture, it's not relationships, it's not a value system. It is nourishment, nothing more.0 -
MakePeasNotWar wrote: »I honestly don't understand why people care so much what other people do or do not eat. I am a picky eater. There are many things I really hate because of the texture and/or taste. Why is it anyone else's business? If you aren't cooking for me, it's not your concern.
I think your BF's view is fairly common, but I find it to be really controlling and intrusive when people give me a hard time for not eating what they like to eat. Seriously, worry about your own plate, I'll take care of mine. Food is just food; it's not culture, it's not relationships, it's not a value system. It is nourishment, nothing more.
PREACH! lol
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Get over yourself.
try the food.
if you hate it move on.
But you should at least try it- even if it looks awful. I've forced THAT issue with my BF- he's a grown man- he doesn't have to eat anything he doesn't like- but I insist that he at least TRY it ... we've progressed on even- gasp- Indian food.
as long as you aren't vastly inconveniencing someone and making it all about YOU- I don't care how picky someone is. The more picky you are- the more incumbent is upon you to work it out- not the party you are hanging out with.
I don't really care for italian food- it's over priced pasta- seriously- not.worth.it. Esp as a low carber. I'm never satisfied and I feel like I spent a lot of money on food I just feel meh about.
So I tend to not like going to such places- but I will- and I work it out. There is ALWAYS something to be ordered on a menu.
that's horribly offensive- honestly and has NOTHING to do with him being American. Seriously.I guess I should have predicted this sort of thing dating an American man. I just hope his family never invites me home, I'd feel horrible just pushing food around on my plate.
I date a Syrian guy- and - see above- picky as hell. As a professional belly dancer- I eat at a LOT of Lebanese/Turkish/Moroccan restaurants- you know what he orders? chicken fingers- and fries.
It has nothing to do with him being American- some people are just godawfulannoyingly picky.
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I'm super picky, but I'll try anything at least once. It doesn't bother my husband at all, especially since I do 95% of the cooking around here. Plus I was a food NIGHTMARE when I was pregnant, so I think he's just thankful that we're done having kids.
Most of my dislikes are texture related though, so no matter how much I force myself, that's not going to change. I can't just stop gagging
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malavika413 wrote: »I guess I should have predicted this sort of thing dating an American man. I just hope his family never invites me home, I'd feel horrible just pushing food around on my plate.
Your boyfriend's issues have nothing to do with him being an American, and everything to do with him being him. And from other posts you've made, you seem to spend a lot of time trying to be who he wants you to be, and not being yourself.
Re-read what you wrote. You're worried about him breaking up with you because you aren't doing something you don't like and do not want to do. Think about that for awhile.
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Get over yourself.
try the food.
if you hate it move on.
But you should at least try it- even if it looks awful. I've forced THAT issue with my BF- he's a grown man- he doesn't have to eat anything he doesn't like- but I insist that he at least TRY it ... we've progressed on even- gasp- Indian food.
as long as you aren't vastly inconveniencing someone and making it all about YOU- I don't care how picky someone is. The more picky you are- the more incumbent is upon you to work it out- not the party you are hanging out with.
I don't really care for italian food- it's over priced pasta- seriously- not.worth.it. Esp as a low carber. I'm never satisfied and I feel like I spent a lot of money on food I just feel meh about.
So I tend to not like going to such places- but I will- and I work it out. There is ALWAYS something to be ordered on a menu.
that's horribly offensive- honestly and has NOTHING to do with him being American. Seriously.I guess I should have predicted this sort of thing dating an American man. I just hope his family never invites me home, I'd feel horrible just pushing food around on my plate.
I date a Syrian guy- and - see above- picky as hell. As a professional belly dancer- I eat at a LOT of Lebanese/Turkish/Moroccan restaurants- you know what he orders? chicken fingers- and fries.
It has nothing to do with him being American- some people are just godawfulannoyingly picky.
I mentioned the part about him being American due to the cuisines offered at the dining hall. For him, that's home cooking. For me, it's prison food. I'm not saying all American food is bad, but there are very few foods that he loves and that I can tolerate. Granted, being picky at college is cumbersome, my diet is rather limited as a result and whenever I can I take a bus home, but still.0 -
If you expect him to try your food.
You should try his.
and no- dining hall food is never that great- but it's food. It gets the job done.0 -
malavika413 wrote: »I guess I should have predicted this sort of thing dating an American man. I just hope his family never invites me home, I'd feel horrible just pushing food around on my plate.
Your boyfriend's issues have nothing to do with him being an American, and everything to do with him being him. And from other posts you've made, you seem to spend a lot of time trying to be who he wants you to be, and not being yourself.
Re-read what you wrote. You're worried about him breaking up with you because you aren't doing something you don't like and do not want to do. Think about that for awhile.
I don't think he'll break up with me over food. But since we eat every meal together, it makes things quite tense when I pick at salad and he tries everything offered. I don't see him as the bad guy, but I was just wondering if I'm being completely unreasonable by refusing to try what looks unappetizing at the dining hall.0 -
If you expect him to try your food.
You should try his.
and no- dining hall food is never that great- but it's food. It gets the job done.
He has always tried it willingly. In the beginning of our relationship I used to hide my food from him--he had never met an Indian person or seen Indian food and I didn't want him to react like my last boyfriend did. But he tries everything of his own volition and claims he likes it. Am I subject to the same standards?0 -
malavika413 wrote: »Just out of curiosity, is picky eating a deal-breaker for you in terms of an SO? I'm very picky in terms of what I eat. We had a Christmas dinner at my university (some sort of beef roast, steamed vegetables, mashed potatoes, gravy, etc). I ended up eating some Caesar salad, everything else was food I didn't like. It annoys BF to no end, especially because he's learned to like Indian food (my native cuisine). He insists I 'try' the food, but it's not at all appetizing to me. Am I in the wrong here, or is this a common quirk that he needs to get over?
Neither my dh nor myself are very picky but there a certain foods one of us doesn't like but the other does. We don't force the other person to eat food they do not like. We do not make negative remarks about the other person's food. We do have a large selection of foods that we both enjoy and both enjoy trying new things. Food hasn't caused conflict and we've been married 15 years.
If dh refused to ever try any food that was different from what he usually ate or got offended that I didn't want to eat seafood then it would be difficult. We might be able to work things out if we just had different food preferences but the attitudes of refusing to try different things, making negative comments about the other person's food or getting offended might not help us stay together long term.
Your situation sounds like it is more about both of your attitudes than what you choose to eat.
Your attitudes may be incompatible.0 -
If he's tried things because you like them, you are being unreasonable if you're not trying things he likes.0
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TheVirgoddess wrote: »
It's my only point of comparison, we don't eat American food at home. I once had an American thanksgiving at a friends house and could only have pie, everything else (and I did try some of it) wasn't good.0 -
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malavika413 wrote: »TheVirgoddess wrote: »
It's my only point of comparison, we don't eat American food at home. I once had an American thanksgiving at a friends house and could only have pie, everything else (and I did try some of it) wasn't good.
But can't you try to make your own "American" food? So you have more control over the flavor? I guarantee that my mashed potatoes don't taste the same as the mashed potatoes of other posters in this thread. When you make things yourself, you're in control of the flavor. Experiment and play with different flavors so you can figure out what you like.
If you're unwilling to do that, you're missing out. Every type of cuisine has something unique and delicious to offer.0 -
malavika413 wrote: »Just out of curiosity, is picky eating a deal-breaker for you in terms of an SO? I'm very picky in terms of what I eat. We had a Christmas dinner at my university (some sort of beef roast, steamed vegetables, mashed potatoes, gravy, etc). I ended up eating some Caesar salad, everything else was food I didn't like. It annoys BF to no end, especially because he's learned to like Indian food (my native cuisine). He insists I 'try' the food, but it's not at all appetizing to me. Am I in the wrong here, or is this a common quirk that he needs to get over?
I have SED (selective eating disorder) which is also now known as ARFID (avoidant/restrictive food intake disorder). I have a very small list of foods that I am willing to eat and that is it. I have been like this since I was 2 years old. When people try to force me to eat things that I have phobias of I will have panic attacks. My boyfriend is very understanding because he looks at it from the perspective of someone who is vegan or gluten free or anything else. He has a daughter who is vegan which helps him understand. This is not a choice, but if he can compare it to something and know where I'm coming from then I'm fine. I can't eat any fruits, any veggies, any fish, any seafood, any nuts or nut butters. I won't eat any foods that come in contact with any of these foods. If someone is eating any of these foods near me then I can't eat or drink during that time because I'm afraid of cross-contamination. It's just part of my life. I always make sure to eat before I go places or eat when I get home from somewhere and I avoid restaurants unless I have no choice. I pack my own lunches for work and I don't apologize for my eating disorder. It is what it is.
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TheVirgoddess wrote: »malavika413 wrote: »TheVirgoddess wrote: »
It's my only point of comparison, we don't eat American food at home. I once had an American thanksgiving at a friends house and could only have pie, everything else (and I did try some of it) wasn't good.
But can't you try to make your own "American" food? So you have more control over the flavor? I guarantee that my mashed potatoes don't taste the same as the mashed potatoes of other posters in this thread. When you make things yourself, you're in control of the flavor. Experiment and play with different flavors so you can figure out what you like.
If you're unwilling to do that, you're missing out. Every type of cuisine has something unique and delicious to offer.
I eat at a college dining hall, and at home I eat what my mother cooks. There's really no getting around that for the next few years.0
This discussion has been closed.
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