Living with someone who is not on a diet

Slharrison14

How do you approach the subject if you are living with someone who is not eating healthy and exercising? I just got married in March and gained 40 lbs after getting married bc we go out to eat a lot and we had lots of junk food in the house. I have previously lost 70 lbs two different times in my life and am really disappointed in myself that I slipped into bad habits again. I am back on the fitness bandwagon and have lost 18 lbs so far with 39 more to go. i count every calorie, weigh my food before I'll eat and have only eaten out once in the last month. My husband has gained weight as well and I'm trying to encourage him to eat healthier and exercise too. He did join the gym and go with me once so far so that is encouraging. He's not so much into the counting calories and eating at home though. I don't really want to say anything because I'm the one who changed my lifestyle habits. He is still free to do whatever he wants and eat whatever he wants but because i love him and want us to both be healthy and able to enjoy life, I do want him to eat right and exercise too but I don't want to be "the nagging wife" lol

jgnatca

My hubby tags along at best, and we eat out less often. He's gradually switched over to healthier choices (salad instead of fries). It is unfair however, to expect him to take the same path I have been on.

I've come to appreciate these past few months how his easygoing acceptance of all my new activity is support.

jgnatca

P.S. his snackies go to the back of the pantry, both for his protection and for mine.

beamer0821

then don't be the "nagging wife" lol
but really, you can't change anyone. they have to want to do it. lead by example. my DH exercises but struggles with food. however i make a healthy dinner every night for us and he eats that. what he does with other meals or after dinner snacks is his business (which i don't buy) especially if you've already had the discussion.

there is nothing you can do. accept him for who he is, lead by example, and who knows he may slowly start to surprise you when he's left to himself!

Slharrison14

That is what I'm thinking. It's unfair to ask him to change bc of what I'm doing. He is very supportive and with him joining the gym and actually going to a Group Power class with me (where there were about 20 women in there and no other men) was a big step. I want him to want to eat better and exercise for health reasons not bc of me. But he is actually the one who cooks the most and he cooks a lot of high fat, high calorie meals (like putting almost a whole bag of extra cheese in a pasta recipe) so not sure how to talk to him about it. I'm a TERRIBLE cook lol but maybe we can find some recipes together that we would both like.

cwolfman13

1 - "junk" food and eating out didn't make either one of you gain weight or get fat. Eating too much did that.

2 - Eating more healthfully is great, and I'm a big nutrition buff...but learning proper portions and how to control those portions is far more important than anything else...especially when eating out a lot.

3 - You can't make anyone do any of this...they have to want it for themselves and will likely have their own reasons.

4 - Just be a good example...it goes a long way.

5 - don't nag...and when you maybe happen to talk about things, talk about it from a health POV, not weight loss.

In my experience as a guy...most guys could give a rats *kitten* what a scale says. I never did...still don't...but I care about my health. That said, I only made the decision to be healthier when I was faced with a lot of bad blood work and I realized I was on the same path as my dad took (who died at 60)...I didn't want that for myself, particularly after my kids were born. The path I was on would have left me sick at best and possibly dead by the time my boys would be in high school...definitely didn't want that.

jgnatca

"...Group Power class with me (where there were about 20 women in there and no other men)..." - this is my hubby's idea of heaven, and yes, he has joined me for Group Power too.

As for cooking healthier, I would frame it that this is something you need for your health, and could he make some small changes on how he's preparing the food? As in, reserve the cheese on the side and you will take what you want.

veronakings

hahah awww! my so generally eats horribly, and i really don't mind. i was actually initially attracted to him for his curvy body. for us, I try to keep my willpower up, and tell him not to offer to order me takeout when he gets some for himself, etc. learning to cook will really help you. it's way more affordable, and you then know exactly what you are putting in your mouth. if you aren't super confident about your cooking skills, watch youtube videos! or look up most recipes and there is a video along with it. I've also seen a ton of cooks posting on here, so if you ever have any cooking questions, post!

tlacox1

Since the beginning of my marriage, I tried and tried to get my husband healthy but nothing came out of it besides turning me into a nagger so I stopped. After eight years, my husband came home one day and said "enough is enough." At that point, he changed for himself. He was 415 pounds and it didn't bother him one bit until he was diagnosed with high blood pressure AND diabetes all in the same doctor's visit. Since that day, he has lost 115 pounds and still going strong.

That's what has to happen. They have to want to do it for themselves and no one else.

beamer0821

Slharrison14 wrote: »

he is actually the one who cooks the most and he cooks a lot of high fat, high calorie meals (like putting almost a whole bag of extra cheese in a pasta recipe) so not sure how to talk to him about it. I'm a TERRIBLE cook lol but maybe we can find some recipes together that we would both like.

i was never taught to cook. i barely knew how to boil water (no joke). I'm self taught. i just started with simple recipes and i grew from there.

i love web sites like skinny taste and cooking light. could you pick out a recipe for DH, just start with one, and ask him could he give it a try. you could say "would you mind trying this recipe for me to start just seeing how these lower calorie/fat options taste so we can finds one we like and would also help me in taking care of myself"

veronakings

ooohh yeah. cooking together could be a really great thing! pick out a recipe or a dish and cook together and he can kinda teach you how to cook, and you can kinda pick out something that will be tasty and healthy for the both of you.

trisH_7183

[quote="

i was never taught to cook. i barely knew how to boil water (no joke). I'm self taught. i just started with simple recipes and i grew from there.

i love web sites like skinny taste and cooking light. could you pick out a recipe for DH, just start with one, and ask him could he give it a try. you could say "would you mind trying this recipe for me to start just seeing how these lower calorie/fat options taste so we can finds one we like and would also help me in taking care of myself"[/quote]

I agree.Ask for his help in trying some healthy recipes for you. Maybe make a short list of foods you need to be careful of. After that.....if it doesn't work,you will need to cook your own food with cheese etc on the side for him.My DH tries in his own way,but he's a very tall beanpole who knows nothing about diet.At least he doesn't cook

_lyndseybrooke_

My husband works out as much as I do, so that's not an issue. I work out after he leaves for work early in the morning and he works out when he gets home and I'm still at work.

He is bulking, though, so he eats A LOT more than I do - about 4000 calories in order to gain .25 lb/week (must be nice!) while I eat half that in order to maintain. He does most of his eating at work or before I get home in the evenings, so I don't sit and watch him eat all day. Plus, the high calorie foods we buy for him are his, so I'm not tempted by them. Our house isn't filled with chips, ice cream, and Cheez-Its since he eats semi-"healthy" for nutritional/health purposes.

I have no need to encourage him to eat any way. He's an adult. I cook the same dinner for both of us, so there's nothing to argue about.

jemhh

Make healthy meals and ask him to go on walks with you when you go or if he wants to go to the gym with you. Other than that, I'd say that you can't do much. He's a grown up and will make his own decisions about this stuff. Sure, it's nice when you're both on board with this stuff but you can't force him.

When I first got married, it bugged me a lot that my husband eats pretty much no fruits/veggies. Seriously, his veggies at that time were pizza sauce, spaghetti sauce, ketchup, french fries, and mashed potatoes. Fruit was strawberries and only if partially frozen. I was completely bothered about this because what about his health? How could eat eat like that? Terrible!

But then, at a certain point, I just got over it. He's a big boy and will eat what he wants. There's absolutely no point in me spending mental energy worrying about it and getting upset. It's now 16 years later and he eats a bit more in the way of fruits and veggies but not a whole lot (lettuce and baby carrots) and...I don't really care. I'm over it. No big deal. Moved on.

michsax14

I'm hoping to lead by example as well

NoelFigart1

The eating at home thing? A way to sell it that might work is a price comparison. "Honey, this will save us SOOO money for that awesome thing you want. What do you think, shouldn't we eat at home awhile so you can have that awesome thing?"

FWIW, when I first married back when dinosaurs roamed the Earth, my husband did start eating salads just because I served a side salad with dinner every night. (If he didnt' eat his, I just saved it in the fridge for my own lunch). You know how if you serve something a certain number of times, a toddler will start eating it if you don't put up a power struggle about it? My husband was the same way.

When we realized we wanted the kids to eat veggies, we did agree that we needed to set a better example. We're empty nesters now and we eat lots of veggies because now WE have developed the habit.

lmr0528

I try to eat healthy but my husband of 3 years does not. He drinks pop everyday, snacks on whatever he sees, doesn't like fresh fruits & veggies. We used to go out to dinner a lot but we recently cut it down to 1 night a week, that is our date night. The rest of the nights, I plan recipes to make. We end up with a lot of leftovers which we use for lunches at work during the week. He tends to go out for lunch pretty much everyday with his work buddies, so this has helped out financially as well. But I do have to remind him in the morning to take something!! But as far as snacking, I really don't buy anything except crackers and popcorn. I refuse to buy potato chips, cookies, etc. If he wants it, he has to go out special to buy it, which he won't do!!

I basically do what I can to help him make better choices, but in the end it's gotta be him. I focus on me and if he has any interest in bettering himself, he'll follow along eventually.

sherbear702

You know, my husband east better just by osmosis. I try not to buy crap food, so he really doesn't have a choice about it. I'm the one who cooks dinner (and I think I'm a pretty damn good cook) so I make what I want, unless he suggests something, and he never complains about what I make for dinner

If your husband inisists on eating junk food and you're fine with him not dieting, than I would say you'll probably just have to resist the temptations in the cupborad. I would also try to stop going out (even though he likes to). You can make smarter choices at home, plus it's easier on the pocket book.

AgentRomanova

My boyfriend is currently trying to gain weight, so that's really not fun to have to be around. The worst part is I have to encourage him to eat or else he forgets, so I can't just leave him to it, and we have a small flat so there's no separate space to eat.

The best solution I've come up with is that we do separate grocery shops and he buys his food for his weight gain, I buy my weight loss stuff, and we make separate meals. Or he eats what I eat and then extra.

It helps that he eats breakfast and lunch at work and so we just have one meal a day together, which I tend to save more calories for so it's more relaxed and we can eat the same foods. So my evening meal will be less diety than my other meals, therefore he won't turn his nose up at the food or still be hungry afterwards. I do healthified versions of typical meals, reducing this, subbing that, that kind of thing. That way he doesn't feel like he's eating rabbit food and I'm still within my daily limits.

Lounmoun

Slharrison14 wrote: »

That is what I'm thinking. It's unfair to ask him to change bc of what I'm doing. He is very supportive and with him joining the gym and actually going to a Group Power class with me (where there were about 20 women in there and no other men) was a big step. I want him to want to eat better and exercise for health reasons not bc of me. But he is actually the one who cooks the most and he cooks a lot of high fat, high calorie meals (like putting almost a whole bag of extra cheese in a pasta recipe) so not sure how to talk to him about it. I'm a TERRIBLE cook lol but maybe we can find some recipes together that we would both like.

My dh and dd are not needing to lose weight while I do.
I plan the meals for the week. I make the grocery list. I cook most of the meals we eat as eating out often is expensive and less healthy.
Sometimes I don't eat everthing dd and dh eat. Sometimes my portion sizes are smaller. Sometimes I eat the same thing but I have to exercise more.
I don't tell dh he needs to eat more vegetables or should exercise. He sees what I am doing. He knows what is healthy. He can make changes if he wants.

If you want to cook more then look for some recipes. Try to make things you've had before so you know what it is supposed to look and taste like. You get better with practice. You could get a cookbook like Better Homes and Gardens or one for kids that usually has very basic stuff with explanations of equipment or techniques. Maybe start with making soup and sandwiches once a week. Soups can be very forgiving and many recipes you will just dump stuff in a pot and let it cook.

bwogilvie

Lounmoun wrote: »

If you want to cook more then look for some recipes. Try to make things you've had before so you know what it is supposed to look and taste like. You get better with practice. You could get a cookbook like Better Homes and Gardens or one for kids that usually has very basic stuff with explanations of equipment or techniques. Maybe start with making soup and sandwiches once a week. Soups can be very forgiving and many recipes you will just dump stuff in a pot and let it cook.

Soup and sandwiches are great ideas for the beginning cook. Mark Bittman's book How to Cook Everything: The Basics is a great introductory book, because he explains essential kitchen techniques as well as giving easy to follow beginners' recipes. (His other books are pretty good, too.)

You can't get someone to change unless they want to do so, and nagging often just makes people dig their heels in deeper. So you have a good instinct there. I would lead by example, and maybe just ask for some slight modifications to recipes.

Or, here's an idea: watch him cook something, write down every ingredient and quantity, and then use MFP's recipe creator to work out the nutritional information. It might be an eye-opener for him to realize that using half as much cheese might produce a dish that tastes just as good but has many fewer calories.

turtlez23

My boyfriend said that he is not ready to start losing weight. He knows that I am very serious now about losing and he has been supportive. I've been making dinner lately ever since I changed my habits and he has slowly been losing weight since I am not his going out to eat buddy anymore. I try and encourage him to eat better when he goes out with his buddies, I say " today, when you go out to lunch with your friends, try to do one healthy thing that you wouldn't normally do." So, sometimes he will not get a pop, but a water instead, or he will not ask for extra sauce on his teriyaki chicken. I am slowly coaxing him into the healthy life.

meagankrkr

My SO is very supportive, trying to help when he can, leaving the candy bars in the car....
But in the two years we've been together, he has put on 50 lbs. He NEVER ate before we got together. That's how he lost 150+ lbs. But my family eats A LOT!! Once he started eating, he eats quite a bit lol. That doesn't bother me, though. His weight doesn't bother me either. It bothers him, just not enough to make changes. He also hasn't been to the doctor in five years!!
My father lives with us as well. He eats garage. All day and night. He brings it in the house and doesn't care. He says he doesn't know what is and is not healthy. Like no, pizza is not healthy. Nor are the frozen meals you bring home. It drives me nuts! SO is the only one who tries to somewhat help me. I really hope he gets fully onboard so our daughter grows up with good role models and doesn't end up in the same place we are with weight!! I try my best not to nag, though.

whatatime2befit

My DH is overweight, but isn't trying to lose weight, and continues to eat his regular junk food/treats. I don't bother him about it. This is my journey, not his. I buy his treats when I shop and I buy separate healthier versions for myself (or whomever wants them). I cook healthier meals, that he is forced to eat (as he doesn't cook), but other than that, everything else is normal for DH and the kids at our house.

If/when he is ready to lose weight, i'll be there to help him if he wants it. Until then, I leave him alone as he's happy as he is.