Living with someone who is not on a diet

My hubby tags along at best, and we eat out less often. He's gradually switched over to healthier choices (salad instead of fries). It is unfair however, to expect him to take the same path I have been on.

I've come to appreciate these past few months how his easygoing acceptance of all my new activity is support.

then don't be the "nagging wife" lol
but really, you can't change anyone. they have to want to do it. lead by example. my DH exercises but struggles with food. however i make a healthy dinner every night for us and he eats that. what he does with other meals or after dinner snacks is his business (which i don't buy) especially if you've already had the discussion.

there is nothing you can do. accept him for who he is, lead by example, and who knows he may slowly start to surprise you when he's left to himself!

1 - "junk" food and eating out didn't make either one of you gain weight or get fat. Eating too much did that.

2 - Eating more healthfully is great, and I'm a big nutrition buff...but learning proper portions and how to control those portions is far more important than anything else...especially when eating out a lot.

3 - You can't make anyone do any of this...they have to want it for themselves and will likely have their own reasons.

4 - Just be a good example...it goes a long way.

5 - don't nag...and when you maybe happen to talk about things, talk about it from a health POV, not weight loss.

In my experience as a guy...most guys could give a rats *kitten* what a scale says. I never did...still don't...but I care about my health. That said, I only made the decision to be healthier when I was faced with a lot of bad blood work and I realized I was on the same path as my dad took (who died at 60)...I didn't want that for myself, particularly after my kids were born. The path I was on would have left me sick at best and possibly dead by the time my boys would be in high school...definitely didn't want that.

hahah awww! my so generally eats horribly, and i really don't mind. i was actually initially attracted to him for his curvy body. for us, I try to keep my willpower up, and tell him not to offer to order me takeout when he gets some for himself, etc. learning to cook will really help you. it's way more affordable, and you then know exactly what you are putting in your mouth. if you aren't super confident about your cooking skills, watch youtube videos! or look up most recipes and there is a video along with it. I've also seen a ton of cooks posting on here, so if you ever have any cooking questions, post!

Slharrison14 wrote: »

he is actually the one who cooks the most and he cooks a lot of high fat, high calorie meals (like putting almost a whole bag of extra cheese in a pasta recipe) so not sure how to talk to him about it. I'm a TERRIBLE cook lol but maybe we can find some recipes together that we would both like.

i was never taught to cook. i barely knew how to boil water (no joke). I'm self taught. i just started with simple recipes and i grew from there.

i love web sites like skinny taste and cooking light. could you pick out a recipe for DH, just start with one, and ask him could he give it a try. you could say "would you mind trying this recipe for me to start just seeing how these lower calorie/fat options taste so we can finds one we like and would also help me in taking care of myself"

[quote="

i was never taught to cook. i barely knew how to boil water (no joke). I'm self taught. i just started with simple recipes and i grew from there.

i love web sites like skinny taste and cooking light. could you pick out a recipe for DH, just start with one, and ask him could he give it a try. you could say "would you mind trying this recipe for me to start just seeing how these lower calorie/fat options taste so we can finds one we like and would also help me in taking care of myself"[/quote]

I agree.Ask for his help in trying some healthy recipes for you. Maybe make a short list of foods you need to be careful of. After that.....if it doesn't work,you will need to cook your own food with cheese etc on the side for him.My DH tries in his own way,but he's a very tall beanpole who knows nothing about diet.At least he doesn't cook

Make healthy meals and ask him to go on walks with you when you go or if he wants to go to the gym with you. Other than that, I'd say that you can't do much. He's a grown up and will make his own decisions about this stuff. Sure, it's nice when you're both on board with this stuff but you can't force him.

When I first got married, it bugged me a lot that my husband eats pretty much no fruits/veggies. Seriously, his veggies at that time were pizza sauce, spaghetti sauce, ketchup, french fries, and mashed potatoes. Fruit was strawberries and only if partially frozen. I was completely bothered about this because what about his health? How could eat eat like that? Terrible!

But then, at a certain point, I just got over it. He's a big boy and will eat what he wants. There's absolutely no point in me spending mental energy worrying about it and getting upset. It's now 16 years later and he eats a bit more in the way of fruits and veggies but not a whole lot (lettuce and baby carrots) and...I don't really care. I'm over it. No big deal. Moved on.

The eating at home thing? A way to sell it that might work is a price comparison. "Honey, this will save us SOOO money for that awesome thing you want. What do you think, shouldn't we eat at home awhile so you can have that awesome thing?"

FWIW, when I first married back when dinosaurs roamed the Earth, my husband did start eating salads just because I served a side salad with dinner every night. (If he didnt' eat his, I just saved it in the fridge for my own lunch). You know how if you serve something a certain number of times, a toddler will start eating it if you don't put up a power struggle about it? My husband was the same way.

When we realized we wanted the kids to eat veggies, we did agree that we needed to set a better example. We're empty nesters now and we eat lots of veggies because now WE have developed the habit.

You know, my husband east better just by osmosis. I try not to buy crap food, so he really doesn't have a choice about it. I'm the one who cooks dinner (and I think I'm a pretty damn good cook) so I make what I want, unless he suggests something, and he never complains about what I make for dinner

If your husband inisists on eating junk food and you're fine with him not dieting, than I would say you'll probably just have to resist the temptations in the cupborad. I would also try to stop going out (even though he likes to). You can make smarter choices at home, plus it's easier on the pocket book.

Slharrison14 wrote: »

That is what I'm thinking. It's unfair to ask him to change bc of what I'm doing. He is very supportive and with him joining the gym and actually going to a Group Power class with me (where there were about 20 women in there and no other men) was a big step. I want him to want to eat better and exercise for health reasons not bc of me. But he is actually the one who cooks the most and he cooks a lot of high fat, high calorie meals (like putting almost a whole bag of extra cheese in a pasta recipe) so not sure how to talk to him about it. I'm a TERRIBLE cook lol but maybe we can find some recipes together that we would both like.

My dh and dd are not needing to lose weight while I do.
I plan the meals for the week. I make the grocery list. I cook most of the meals we eat as eating out often is expensive and less healthy.
Sometimes I don't eat everthing dd and dh eat. Sometimes my portion sizes are smaller. Sometimes I eat the same thing but I have to exercise more.
I don't tell dh he needs to eat more vegetables or should exercise. He sees what I am doing. He knows what is healthy. He can make changes if he wants.

If you want to cook more then look for some recipes. Try to make things you've had before so you know what it is supposed to look and taste like. You get better with practice. You could get a cookbook like Better Homes and Gardens or one for kids that usually has very basic stuff with explanations of equipment or techniques. Maybe start with making soup and sandwiches once a week. Soups can be very forgiving and many recipes you will just dump stuff in a pot and let it cook.

My boyfriend said that he is not ready to start losing weight. He knows that I am very serious now about losing and he has been supportive. I've been making dinner lately ever since I changed my habits and he has slowly been losing weight since I am not his going out to eat buddy anymore. I try and encourage him to eat better when he goes out with his buddies, I say " today, when you go out to lunch with your friends, try to do one healthy thing that you wouldn't normally do." So, sometimes he will not get a pop, but a water instead, or he will not ask for extra sauce on his teriyaki chicken. I am slowly coaxing him into the healthy life.

My DH is overweight, but isn't trying to lose weight, and continues to eat his regular junk food/treats. I don't bother him about it. This is my journey, not his. I buy his treats when I shop and I buy separate healthier versions for myself (or whomever wants them). I cook healthier meals, that he is forced to eat (as he doesn't cook), but other than that, everything else is normal for DH and the kids at our house.

If/when he is ready to lose weight, i'll be there to help him if he wants it. Until then, I leave him alone as he's happy as he is.