Article: 'Never Ever Diet With Your Partner'

lemonlionheart

jezebel.com/never-ever-diet-with-your-partner-1671407159

Have any of you had experience trying to lose weight with your significant other? Have you found it helpful or not?

mykaylis

ugh, we're always on the opposite page of each other. i wish to god i could get him on the same page as me - i'm changing my habits to prepare for surgery, he is bringing home cookies every week along with ice cream and sometimes chips. his bmi is well over 50, so obviously this is a tad frustrating.

elphie754

mykaylis wrote: »

ugh, we're always on the opposite page of each other. i wish to god i could get him on the same page as me - i'm changing my habits to prepare for surgery, he is bringing home cookies every week along with ice cream and sometimes chips. his bmi is well over 50, so obviously this is a tad frustrating.

That would be frustrating. If he insists on bringing them home and they are too much of a temptation to you (not saying that cookies/Ice cream/ chips should not be eaten but they can be easily binged on) maybe you can ask him to put them somewhere you can't find them.

trivard676

My boyfriend was able to lose weight just by cutting calories. I prefer to get active in addition to cutting calories, but he did (still does) not want to exercise. When we would go to the gym, he'd be ready to call it done after a half an hour, when I'd typically be in for another 40 minutes. He'd get frustrated, the whole thing ended up being an exercise in frustration. So now I go to the gym by myself.

chloeelizabethm

Me and my boyfriend do it, and always find ourselves saying that it would be impossible if the other one didn't!

Whoever cooks knows that the usual dinner we have shouldn't be more than 800 and lunches should sit around 400 so we can both adjust our day's choices knowing that we can rely on our main meals sitting comfortably around those numbers. It makes food shopping easier so there's no/not a lot of junk food in the house or if it is the portions are around 100 cals and we motivate one another to get up at 5:15am to go to the gym before work!

The only hurdle so far is now I'm trying to maintain and he's still trying to lose so we just stick to his calories for the meals we eat together and I make up my calories with snacks throughout the day

jenilla1

I don't "diet" with anyone. My husband and I made a lifestyle change together a few years ago, and it has been going well ever since. It actually makes it easier when you're on the same page. But we get along well in general...maybe we are unusual?

mykaylis

elphie754 wrote: »

mykaylis wrote: »

ugh, we're always on the opposite page of each other. i wish to god i could get him on the same page as me - i'm changing my habits to prepare for surgery, he is bringing home cookies every week along with ice cream and sometimes chips. his bmi is well over 50, so obviously this is a tad frustrating.

That would be frustrating. If he insists on bringing them home and they are too much of a temptation to you (not saying that cookies/Ice cream/ chips should not be eaten but they can be easily binged on) maybe you can ask him to put them somewhere you can't find them.

you know, i'm finding it surprisingly easy to pretend the treats aren't there (i may have two oreos, in the past i'd have the whole box). it bothers me most because just by looking at us, the family HAS to change our diet and activity, and when i'm trying to make positive changes and weigh and measure everything and eat correct portions... he throws everything into a frying pan and serves me a pile of whatever it is he just cooked. and then the kids start whining for dessert and lo, the ice cream is waiting and when they run out of that, they have a box of oreos, a box of fudgios, and a box of chips ahoy to dive into. sometimes i feel like slapping him upside the head and say "get with the program and stop bringing that garbage into the house!"

so far the kids are not overweight but they are not being fed particularly healthy food a good part of the time. i just want him to come on board and eat however much HE wants for HIS supper, but make available healthy choices for the rest of us and serve up reasonable portions. my 4 year old never eats a full plate of spaghetti..

mamadon

I didnt read the article, but my husband and I have been doing MFP and changing our lives together for almost two years. Combined, we have lost over 250 pounds. I would have had a harder time if we werent both doing it. The way I figure it, we enabled each other to get fat, we can enable each other to be thin.

mymodernbabylon

As I haven't given anything up to lose weight, it doesn't matter if my H joins me or not. We do lift together at least 2x a week and he supports my weight loss efforts.

Carlos_421

It's much harder doing it alone. When my wife and I are both making efforts to lose weight together it is so much easier and we both see greater success.

randrews0407

I'm married to the saboteur. He wants to dine out and order in ... it's part of "enjoying life" but he can afford to eat more, he is taller, has more muscle, higher metabolism and more of an active job. Plus, he gets to play soccer and basketball with colleagues on his lunch break. I can't do the Bonefish Grill and Cheesecake Factory trips. It'll easily negate the time I spent in the gym! I always have to deal with the guilt trips, how "women wish they could have someone to wine and dine them all the time" ... "one meal ain't gonna kill you" and "waiter, we will both have margaritas" after I just said I'll have water with lemon. It can get annoying. To appease him AND reach my goals I have to work twice as hard.

galprincess

my partner is terrible he says hes on board then constantly brings naughties in the house usually my favourites I leave room in my day for a treat so I will have a bit and he will sit and scoff whats left. Actually if im honest its a huge problem and the more he is eating and becoming lazy im finding him less attractive. He is supportive in some ways he will weigh my portion of food or leave off sauces if I don't want them but he will make sarky comments.

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TheVogonVegan

Me and my husband can do the lifestyle change together, but we're both notoriously bad at resisting things when we are craving them. That said, I am a larger woman and he is a rather thin man. He eats easily twice what I do and still loses weight, so it can be discouraging when we eat the same things and only he loses anything.

Angierae75

My weight loss has been incredibly successful this time around because my partner and I are both working on it. We've both lost weight over the last 11 weeks and it's so much easier to cook dinner when we're both eating the same things, and neither of us is bringing home snacks.

TopazCutie

My bf is super slim already! I love it. He knows I'm trying to lose 10-15 lbs and is EXTREMELY supportive and sweet. Definitely no issues.

gothchiq

Once he finally admitted he needed to work on his weight too, things started going okay. I took him to see my nutritionist one time so she could explain to him what sort of goals we were setting and why. So at that point it became good to work out and diet together. When I had gotten started but he was still in denial, it was not so fabulous. I think it works much better when both partners are on the same page.

court_fritch26

My husband and I changed our lifestyle and are working toward being healthy and fit together. We keep each other motivated and love seeing each other get closer and closer to our goals. It does amazing things when your partner is there to support you and lift you up when you don't believe in yourself, and we are building a healthy, happy future for ourselves and our some day family

maxit

My partner is a sloth with intermittent bursts of high intensity exercise (like maybe every three or four days), eats whatever appeals to him in a given period, has never slept well, and is in pretty constant state of dehydration. He's 6-3 and has a lean, but muscular build. I, on the other hand, walk 3-5 miles every day, adopt a lifting routine periodically, eat intentionally to meet desired macros, within a varied diet that is mostly real food, sleep well, am well hydrated, and have little daily stress. I am 5-6 and have been above my weight range most of my adult life. We're in our 60s, if that matters. I guess the point is, to each their own. Partner probably eats much healthier just because I prepare the meals, so at least he is getting good nutrition in addition to the additional sugar, fat and sodium.

sheepotato

My husband and I are completely together on this, he loves when I cook (anything) if it's light in calories for him he just has more calories for larger meat servings, beer or snacks so he's fine with it. We go to the gym together as often as we can (sometimes it's easier for me to go alone but if he's up for going in the evenings I will go a second time to be supportive.) When one of us doesn't feel like going the other can usually talk us into it. (It's actually pretty helpful to have someone to grumble at when you don't feel like going, and thank when you are on the way out.)

He's been gaining and losing the same 5-10 pounds for years now, so even though I have a larger goal he's always interested in going along for the ride with me. Even when the weight loss isn't part of the picture anymore, you can always stand to be a little fitter. I'm not going to complain if he gets hotter.

Lounmoun

lemonlionheart wrote: »

jezebel.com/never-ever-diet-with-your-partner-1671407159

Have any of you had experience trying to lose weight with your significant other? Have you found it helpful or not?

In the past, my dh and I would say we would exercise together but it didn't really work out.
I don't know if it would be helpful to diet together. My dh lost weight before I did without making a particular effort. I'm doing my own thing now and losing weight. Dh is supportive but we aren't a weight loss team. I think it is easier to do it on my own.

cwolfman13

My wife and I made a commitment to each other to live healthier lifestyles...eat better...exercise regularly, etc. It really wasn't about "dieting" or losing weight...it was about being healthier and getting back to some resemblance of what both of used to be...pretty damned good athletes. We're also not getting any younger and had our boys later in life...which means we need to be healthy well into our later years if we want to watch them become men.

I found that doing this together just made us even more awesome than we already were. It has also set a really good example for our kids. We'll be going on about 2.5 years now of all this good livin' and we're loving every second of it and at 40 we both feel about 25 (except for when my tendinitis flares up, then I feel 40 still).

It's funny because we don't really think about it much anymore...we're both just so into what we do...but a friend of ours just returned from Afghanistan and we haven't seen him in over two years...we saw him last weekend and his jaw literally dropped and he was like, "damn...you guys got yourselves *kitten* fit!" Yes...yes we did...we are awesome.

I think the key for us was that we didn't commit to losing weight or sticking to some weird diet...we committed to our health. Losing some weight (40 Lbs for me and all of her baby weight and then some for her) has been a nice bi-product of good livin'.

segacs

I have no scientific proof of this, but if I had to venture a guess, I'd say that when (heterosexual) couples diet together, it's probably more helpful for the man and less helpful for the woman in something like 80-90% of cases.

I know this won't be true for everyone. But in MOST cases, men are (a) heavier to begin with, (b) drop weight more quickly in absolute number of pounds and (c) less likely to be the main grocery shopper and cook of the household.

If a man sees his wife exercising and lifting weights and eating better, and getting herself in shape, he's probably more likely to find that motivating, and to want to do the same. Partly competitive nature, partly because she'll start cooking healthier foods so he'll eat better by default.

If, on the other hand, a woman sees her husband exercising and lifting weights and eating better and getting himself in shape, she might be more likely to see it as discouraging, particularly if he's eating way more than she is and dropping pounds much faster (as is wont to happen). She's also likely to interpret competitive encouragement ("come on, honey, if I can do this, so can you!") as criticism ("I think you're fat and not beautiful anymore and I judge you for it.")

Which is why I bet that this works better for men than for women in a lot of cases.

**Yes, I realize there are LOTS of generalizations and gender stereotypes here. For every generalization there are lots of exceptions. But I'm talking sweeping averages here.

Toria718

my husband is a bean pole, he has a really hard time eating and wants to gain weight, or more specifically right now maintain where he is, he knows that he needs to focus and put in the effort, but he hasnt committed. I on the other hand am still rather heavy and was in denial for a long time. then reality hit and i have lost the same 25-30 lbs twice ( i dropped 30 then became pregnant) my daughter is 6 months old and now i feel comfortable enough to really focus because she is eating solid foods.

KBurkhardt08

Well I only started a little over a week ago but it seems okay right now. I need to lose weight but my boyfriend is basically perfect and really shouldnt lose any weight. My excuse for not eating right before was always "Well I have to feed Jared and he doesnt always want the healthy stuff". So I really had no idea what to do with that. Just came to a point where I said "I'm going to make dinner...this is what were having....if you dont want it you can go and get something else". And he is perfectly fine with that and its working well so far.

dopeysmelly

I think if we tried to do it together, it wouldn't work for us. It would feel like a loss of control for both of us.

Having said that, DH is only too happy to eat the healthier food I prepare, has lost a few pounds as a result, but mainly is happy I log in MFP to maintain my 70 lb loss, so he can copy it all over and log to watch his sodium and keep his blood pressure under control. We are both in the best shape we've ever been in.

We have learned not to comment on what the other is eating (not always easy), although when he binges on candy I do feel I have to say something and I do nag a bit if he has more than a couple of drinks, but only because he snores like a train.

Mr_Knight

lemonlionheart wrote: »

jezebel.com/never-ever-diet-with-your-partner-1671407159

Have any of you had experience trying to lose weight with your significant other? Have you found it helpful or not?

Sure. Experience was fine - able to act as each other's conscience, when needed. And got to....well...enjoy each other's new bodies as time went on, which was pretty cool. :drinker:

segacs

dopeysmelly wrote: »

I do nag a bit if he has more than a couple of drinks, but only because he snores like a train.

Been there. Sympathize. Recommend earplugs.

esjones12

I don't have a significant other to diet with....but it doesn't matter because I've made lifestyle changes, I don't diet.

It's actually funny how it has effected my dating life though. Besides the fact that I don't have time for it much anymore because I'm always at the gym lol - I instantly rule out guys who party a lot or constantly eat out and have horrible diets. If they aren't active I don't give them a second thought. I am living the kind of life I want to live and anyone who wants to be with me will need to follow a similar active healthy path....otherwise we really won't have much in common

JoRocka

I've been doing this alone for so long I really don't particularly care if he gets in on the action or not.

I have two/three complaints.
1.) he eats more than I do- so going out to eat is harder.
2.) He eats like crap-meaning- it's not balanced- meat and breads/starches- no veggies.
3.) He's absolutely the epitome of skinny fat- he's completely squishy and I absolutely detest it.

But none of those things impact me and my path- I am on a path of being the most awesome version of me- come hell or high water.

This awesome waits on no man. or woman. Ever.

DjinnMarie

My husband lifts as well. I do all the cooking. So when I'm on a cut, he's on a cut. I'm not cooking spaghetti for him and turkey/fish/chicken for me. He can have extra sides if he wants. (He's twice my body weight anyways). My husband and kids eat what I eat, or they can make their own meals. They are free to eat as much as they want though.