Article: 'Never Ever Diet With Your Partner'

Lounmoun

My dh and I mostly eat the same foods but different portion sizes. Sometimes the main item is the same but I skip the side dish or have a salad instead.

Mediocrates55

esjones12 wrote: »

I don't have a significant other to diet with....but it doesn't matter because I've made lifestyle changes, I don't diet.

It's actually funny how it has effected my dating life though. Besides the fact that I don't have time for it much anymore because I'm always at the gym lol - I instantly rule out guys who party a lot or constantly eat out and have horrible diets. If they aren't active I don't give them a second thought. I am living the kind of life I want to live and anyone who wants to be with me will need to follow a similar active healthy path....otherwise we really won't have much in common

This. When I first started to gain was when I married a much older, sedentary man. Instead of running with me in the mornings, we sat and had coffee and donuts and pastries. Instead of making my own meals, we'd go out and wine and dine. Constantly at the movies, nights were spent in the bars (he was a musician and I was a tour photographer). I crashed and burned and hit the 50 pound gain wall. I lost a large portion of it when we divorced, then gained it all back when I remarried years later and got pregnant twice.

The Man now is naturally slim and muscular. Used to drive me crazy when I was at my fattest; he was so beautiful and I felt so awful. I try hard to keep him fed well to support his physique and it's a challenge. Hopefully once I hit maintenance it will even out a bit more.

bainsworth1a

not helpful at all dieting together or separately. We were eating buddies. If either one of us wanted ice cream we both had ice cream. We gave each other permission to break the diet.

segacs

bainsworth1a wrote: »

not helpful at all dieting together or separately. We were eating buddies. If either one of us wanted ice cream we both had ice cream. We gave each other permission to break the diet.

That reminds me of my last gym buddy. Whenever either of us didn't feel like going, the other would see it as permission not to go.

Sydking

Nah its a freeking hassle now, all the tears and arguments.

I just train on my own now, and i usually cook for both of us so it dosnet bother me as i cant weigh and log all my food as i please.

I have finally gotten her to use MFP and actually be constant. but if she stops that's her problem as its hard enough to worry about my own work, training and diet let alone someone else who dosent really care for it.

being eating buddies was the hardest part as be both love our food.

Still do just in moderation

End of the day you can never force someone to do something. they need to want it.

and at the moment i want is 10000X more and im getting the results i want

Sydking

galprincess wrote: »

Actually if im honest its a huge problem and the more he is eating and becoming lazy im finding him less attractive.

This is also a big problem i find, its not even an issue of being shallow or whatever its just unattractive to see someone is lazy and no motivation to do something about it.

There is ALOT to be said to sexual attraction in a relationship, i don't care what anyone says on it were are all human and thats life.

Amzing_amy

segacs wrote: »

I have no scientific proof of this, but if I had to venture a guess, I'd say that when (heterosexual) couples diet together, it's probably more helpful for the man and less helpful for the woman in something like 80-90% of cases.

I know this won't be true for everyone. But in MOST cases, men are (a) heavier to begin with, (b) drop weight more quickly in absolute number of pounds and (c) less likely to be the main grocery shopper and cook of the household.

If a man sees his wife exercising and lifting weights and eating better, and getting herself in shape, he's probably more likely to find that motivating, and to want to do the same. Partly competitive nature, partly because she'll start cooking healthier foods so he'll eat better by default.

If, on the other hand, a woman sees her husband exercising and lifting weights and eating better and getting himself in shape, she might be more likely to see it as discouraging, particularly if he's eating way more than she is and dropping pounds much faster (as is wont to happen). She's also likely to interpret competitive encouragement ("come on, honey, if I can do this, so can you!") as criticism ("I think you're fat and not beautiful anymore and I judge you for it.")

Which is why I bet that this works better for men than for women in a lot of cases.

**Yes, I realize there are LOTS of generalizations and gender stereotypes here. For every generalization there are lots of exceptions. But I'm talking sweeping averages here.

You have us to a tee! He has recently got the mfp app. He is so competitive! I'm not worried about him outdoing me though, I know my limits and I work at pushing them, not matching his. He's very encouraging, without hurting my feelings. i cook the meals too, which means we all eat what I eat. He plays football three times a week and has a very active job, by he eats way too much. Hopefully I can be a good influence on his diet and he can be a good influence on my activity level.

ChristineRoze

My partner and I are hopeless at dieting together, if one of us gives in the other follows hahaha.

lemonlionheart

Quoted in the article, in case people didn't read it:

"We also found that among 50 overweight, romantic couples who made New Year's resolutions to lose weight, the more successful a partner was at restricting his or her diet and eating healthier, the less confident the other partner was in controlling their own food portions. Why might this be the case? Many factors contribute to why people deviate from their weight-loss goals, and the ability to regulate portion sizes is a critical piece for solving the weight-loss puzzle. When people strive to reach a goal, being close (in this case, romantically) with someone who is successfully reaching the same goal can make the other partner less confident in their own efforts to reach the goal. You heard that right: People feel less confident achieving their goals when they see others succeeding at the same goals."

Anyone experience this in particular? I've never tried losing weight at the same time as a partner (though I did gain quite a bit with my last one, ha) but interested if this has happened with anyone here!

akuster0211

My husband and I took up exercising and changing our diet together. I think I would have continued my change in diet/exercising even without my husband, but he has told me he would NOT have continued without me. I've heard from a coworker that her husband often 'thwarts' her by making excessive quantities of pasta and bringing home beer or pizza but is supportive of her lifestyle changes anyway.

hedgiie

it's different for every couple, i mean some couple are doing it well some is on the brink of divorce just because of dieting, some also evolve from not doing it well to being good at it as a couple.

in other words, it depends...

gin_fb33

When I started getting serious about losing the baby weight + added weight I'd gained over the last 2 years, bf offered to eat the same things I did when he saw me. I declined, I'm not going to force someone else to only eat chicken and salad because that's what I'm eating. But I did appreciate the offer of it. Now if I could just get him walking with me, it would be awesome (he hates walking because he does a lot of it at work).

sheepotato

lemonlionheart wrote: »

Quoted in the article, in case people didn't read it:

"When people strive to reach a goal, being close (in this case, romantically) with someone who is successfully reaching the same goal can make the other partner less confident in their own efforts to reach the goal. You heard that right: People feel less confident achieving their goals when they see others succeeding at the same goals."

Anyone experience this in particular? I've never tried losing weight at the same time as a partner (though I did gain quite a bit with my last one, ha) but interested if this has happened with anyone here!

Our situation just isn't one where I can comment on that being the case. My husband has never had more than a few pounds to lose and when he reaches his goals he lets his weight creep back up, so our goals (beyond the general idea of eating well and staying active) are no where on the same scale weight-loss wise. When he has reached his target I've appreciated the confidence boost it gives him, it's good to see someone you care about feel good about themselves. I have a way to go before I'm at my target weight and I am intentionally taking a long time to get there so I will be happier with how I look once I am there again. (I don't want to lose too fast and get loose skin, so I maintain and strength train in between calorie restrictions.) It is during my maintenance when I'm cooking higher calorie meals that his weight goes up a bit, but that's because he does not track his calories that comes from places other than the meals I cook. (He will copy over my meals that I track but he doesn't like to track his snacks or liquid calories, I don't know if he will try harder to maintain when I eventually am maintaining too or just keep circulating those few pounds.)

All I can comment on is what I already have, he eats what I cook so I don't need to make separate meals for him (and we don't need to double up on groceries or anything.) When it's time to go to the gym we trade off motivating each other when one of us doesn't feel like it. It's worked out pretty well and hasn't put any strain on our relationship, if anything it's made it a bit better. We don't have anywhere near the same goals, but we are supportive of each other and we are happy with each other's successes not threatened by them. The first time we went hiking together I complained most of the way, and instead of being annoyed with me at the end (he really should have been) he gave me a hug and said 'you did it.' It made me happy to go back again with him (and I didn't complain as much as it got easier although some of the parts of the trail were really hard for me), we kept at it each time it was easier for me, and still beneficial for him and pleasant for both of us.

I've seen several posts about couples who had vastly different diets and habits and those are likely the ones that have more problems with it. I've seen the word 'sabotage' thrown around. My husband has never been overweight so he didn't need to make any changes, but he was happy to eat healthier and he's glad that going to the gym is something we can do together instead of one more thing that we have to try and work around to see each other. Sure we only talk to each other on the car ride there but it's still motivating to see him there.