Thoughts on 'Vanity Weight'
ES110791
Posts: 43 Member
So, i've gained about 6kg this year, coming from an eating disorder background. I'm still a healthy weight, sitting on BMI of about 20.5, and while I don't necessarily want to get back down to my old weight I wouldn't mind losing about 3kg. I'm recovered and I know I can do it in a healthy way now. But I know i'm healthy and it's unnecessary, really. It's just 'vanity weight,' so I keep wondering if I actually should make an effort or just accept myself.
I know in the end people will be like 'do what you want,' but JW people's thoughts. Do you aim for health or aesthetics?
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Traditionally i aim for neither health nor astetics, having an eating disordered background i am well aware i look like *kitten* under 100 pounds(i'm 5'8") but there is a strange drive to deny yourself everything you need. Right now I am mostly aiming for looks though, i'd love a six pack, not sure what weight its gonna happen at though.0
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I aim for health, definitely.0
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both0
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Both, but the problem with aesthetics is a lot of people can't see themselves the way others do and will be unhappy no matter what. I think it's fine to try to improve appearance--I'm more focused on fitness, but constant improvement is one of my strategies for maintenance--but especially with an eating disorder background I'd be wary of any hint it's coming from some kind of body dysmorphia.0
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Honestly if the photo shows how you really look right now, then you do not need to lose another ounce of weight at all. You should work really hard at maintaining this weight. You look great and any less would be getting too skinny. Any more and you would still look fine.
But at this weight you haven't got much fat on you. I would be utterly thrilled if i looked like you.
So i would understand your desire to lose even 3 kg as completely and utterly anorexic thinking. 3kg would make you very skinny. You should not even lose one kg.
Your anorexic thinking will surface whenever you are a little bit anxious. It is somewhat a response to anxiety. Instead try to focus your thinking outward to the world and other people and way from your body. When thinking about yourself, focus your mind on other more healthful activities. Instead of dieting, think about skill development and interpersonal skills. Skill development is very important. Get your education, develop your career. Do not worry about your weight. That said, you should always pay attention to the quality of your diet: eating healthy food.
Do not be obsessive about your food. Try to eat normally like the people around you. But you can avoid junk food of course. Good luck.
I say this because anorexia is such a dangerous disorder. It can ruin and dominate your whole life if you let it. You need to focus on things that will keep you well. Work on your mental health, through personal growth. Practice the CBT skills you've probably been taught - challenging yourself to think in a way that doesn't create more anxiety.0 -
Your post indicates that you don't accept yourself yet you claimed you're "recovered" ... a bit contradictory.0
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You are NOT recovered. Anorexics are never recovered. Once you are anorexic, you are anorexic for life. Just like an alcoholic. You are in recovery for the remaining years of your life.-3
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You look great and your BMI is in the low healthy range. I would say that vanity is not an option in your case because you already look great. Focus on health.0
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brianpperkins wrote: »Your post indicates that you don't accept yourself yet you claimed you're "recovered" ... a bit contradictory.
My body image is still bad but I eat properly without a meal plan or anxiety or restriction or vomiting and I have no physical symptoms of being underweight anymore.
I just miss being able to fit into certain clothes and looking a certain way and if I can do it in a healthy way I don't consider that to be disordered. Feel free to disagree.
I also do not believe one is anorexic for life and I think that's a dangerous myth. But that's a discussion for another day.
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I'm aiming to be a healthy weight. Once I get there, I'll be concerned with how I look & may decide to go a little lower than my initial goal (which is about 10lb under the top end of a healthy BMI range... another 15 lb beyond that would be a BMI of 21.5 vs. 23.7), though hopefully doing weightlifting & lots of walking all along will keep me toned.
I think you need to understand that 3kg fluctuation could be completely normal during one month, and since you're at a healthy weight & look fine in your picture, focus on maintaining.
Increase your weightlifting, and you may find that you're happy with how you look even at your current weight.
But I agree that your perception of yourself is probably skewed (most of us are, people with eating disorders more than most, to an unhealthy degree).
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Op I think you look gorgeous just the way you are. You have my goal body!!
Can I ask how tall you are, and how much you weigh?
I'm 5"8 and 65kgs, and have 3-5kgs left to lose.0 -
I think you look healthy; keep that.0
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brianpperkins wrote: »Your post indicates that you don't accept yourself yet you claimed you're "recovered" ... a bit contradictory.
My body image is still bad but I eat properly without a meal plan or anxiety or restriction or vomiting and I have no physical symptoms of being underweight anymore.
I just miss being able to fit into certain clothes and looking a certain way and if I can do it in a healthy way I don't consider that to be disordered. Feel free to disagree.
I also do not believe one is anorexic for life and I think that's a dangerous myth. But that's a discussion for another day.
Read your words objectively. You don't accept yourself ... you miss things from your earlier, admittedly unhealthy, time .... "while I don't necessarily want to get back down to my old weight" is a very troublesome phrase ... all of which counter your claim of being recovered.0 -
So, you don't want to be your anorexic weight, you just want to wear the same clothes as when you were anorexic. Get help.0
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Semantics. I don't want to go back to my old weight. Period. I wish I hadn't added that bit about my eating disorder, I did it to clarify that my weight gain has been deliberate as opposed to an accidental change of habit or lifestyle, in which case you probably would say to turn it around. I have been this weight for a while now and I was happy here when I was less stable. But now I feel 'normal' again and confident in my recovery and i'm just starting to wonder if 'getting into better shape,' is something I could think about if I decided it was worth it. I don't believe people with an eating disorder background can never lose weight in a healthy way.
I really did want to know people's thoughts on weight loss for health vs vanity, because I think most people deep down don't care too much about health and it's all about the aesthetics. And i'm sure I would have received a few other answers if i'd been like a normal person without an anorexia background.0 -
Semantics. Definition: the study of meaning. You are in denial.0
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Semantics. I don't want to go back to my old weight. Period. I wish I hadn't added that bit about my eating disorder, I did it to clarify that my weight gain has been deliberate as opposed to an accidental change of habit or lifestyle, in which case you probably would say to turn it around. I have been this weight for a while now and I was happy here when I was less stable. But now I feel 'normal' again and confident in my recovery and i'm just starting to wonder if 'getting into better shape,' is something I could think about if I decided it was worth it. I don't believe people with an eating disorder background can never lose weight in a healthy way.
I really did want to know people's thoughts on weight loss for health vs vanity, because I think most people deep down don't care too much about health and it's all about the aesthetics. And i'm sure I would have received a few other answers if i'd been like a normal person without an anorexia background.
So you know peoples thoughts now..... they all think you are at an healthy weight.
Now i would like to know what you are going to do. Take this advice or throw it overboard?
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I aim for health, but you can have both if you start lifting. Try to focus on making your body stronger instead of thinner, you may find that you are happier with it. There are some great lifting before and after pictures on here.0
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FatFreeFrolicking wrote: »You are NOT recovered. Anorexics are never recovered. Once you are anorexic, you are anorexic for life. Just like an alcoholic. You are in recovery for the remaining years of your life.
Not exactly the best way to put things and not fully accurate either, if eating disorders are cought in young childhood they can recover and never have another problem. Anorexia isn't terminal cancer and negativity is never the way to go.0 -
Semantics. I don't want to go back to my old weight. Period. I wish I hadn't added that bit about my eating disorder, I did it to clarify that my weight gain has been deliberate as opposed to an accidental change of habit or lifestyle, in which case you probably would say to turn it around. I have been this weight for a while now and I was happy here when I was less stable. But now I feel 'normal' again and confident in my recovery and i'm just starting to wonder if 'getting into better shape,' is something I could think about if I decided it was worth it. I don't believe people with an eating disorder background can never lose weight in a healthy way.
I really did want to know people's thoughts on weight loss for health vs vanity, because I think most people deep down don't care too much about health and it's all about the aesthetics. And i'm sure I would have received a few other answers if i'd been like a normal person without an anorexia background.
So you now wish you gave us a misrepresentation of the truth in the hopes you would now hear what you want. Further illustration of how disordered your thinking currently is.0 -
Seriously???, because I think most people deep down don't care too much about health and it's all about the aesthetics.
I find much in your posts very concerneing...
I'm in it for the healthy, anything that comes along with is extra awesome! To me lifting is part of the 'healthy' phase though.0 -
mollymarionet wrote: »FatFreeFrolicking wrote: »You are NOT recovered. Anorexics are never recovered. Once you are anorexic, you are anorexic for life. Just like an alcoholic. You are in recovery for the remaining years of your life.
Not exactly the best way to put things and not fully accurate either, if eating disorders are cought in young childhood they can recover and never have another problem. Anorexia isn't terminal cancer and negativity is never the way to go.
Every single psychologist/psychiatrist I've worked with who specializes in ED's has said they would never refer to a client as "recovered" because someone with an ED can relapse at any given time. Therefore, they are in recovery. Recovery from anorexia or bulimia or EDNOS is an ongoing, lifelong process.0 -
Hearts_2015 wrote: »
Seriously???, because I think most people deep down don't care too much about health and it's all about the aesthetics.
I find much in your posts very concerneing...
I'm in it for the healthy, anything that comes along with is extra awesome! To me lifting is part of the 'healthy' phase though.
Yeah, seriously. I don't believe the bros lifting in the gym are all that concerned about their health. They want to be 'ripped.' The girls signing up for 'Ahsey Bines Bikini Body Challenge' don't care about their health. They want the beach bikini body.
Most of the people I know who express a desire to lose weight or 'tone up,' are already a healthy weight and they only want to get slimmer for superficial reasons.
"Lose those lovehandles!" "Get ready for summer" "You best body EVER". Please. The weight loss industry is built on making people feel bad about themselves. If it was only aimed at people who genuinely need to lose weight for health reasons they would lose half the target consumer, and since the industry only appears to be growing i'd say they're getting business.0 -
you asked what we think. Most people said your at an healthy weight. Now what your going to do?0
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I'm aiming for a healthy weight.0
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christinev297 wrote: »Op I think you look gorgeous just the way you are. You have my goal body!!
Can I ask how tall you are, and how much you weigh?
I'm 5"8 and 65kgs, and have 3-5kgs left to lose.
ES can you please answer above question
And yeah I agree, most people want to look good, health comes second. That's how it was for me, but I only had a small amount to lose, so was never unhealthy due to weight to begin with.
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Hearts_2015 wrote: »
Seriously???, because I think most people deep down don't care too much about health and it's all about the aesthetics.
I find much in your posts very concerneing...
I'm in it for the healthy, anything that comes along with is extra awesome! To me lifting is part of the 'healthy' phase though.
Yeah, seriously. I don't believe the bros lifting in the gym are all that concerned about their health. They want to be 'ripped.' The girls signing up for 'Ahsey Bines Bikini Body Challenge' don't care about their health. They want the beach bikini body.
Most of the people I know who express a desire to lose weight or 'tone up,' are already a healthy weight and they only want to get slimmer for superficial reasons.
"Lose those lovehandles!" "Get ready for summer" "You best body EVER". Please. The weight loss industry is built on making people feel bad about themselves. If it was only aimed at people who genuinely need to lose weight for health reasons they would lose half the target consumer, and since the industry only appears to be growing i'd say their getting business.
Not everyone is a body builder. Not everyone is a bikini competitor. There are individuals who lose weight primarily for health but of course they want to look good too. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. As you know, the problem comes into play when individuals become obsessed with looking good and being thin and begin engaging in unhealthy habits in order to get the results they so desperately desire.0 -
I'm not going to tell you how much I weigh, sorry.
And I will not lose weight probably, just because I don't really have enough motivation and I hate calorie restricting. I could do it, and I could do it healthily, but I don't know if I can be bothered.
But as someone who is neither overly thin nor fat, I cannot help noticing how people my size are still constantly on about weightloss, even though it is unnecessary for them, or even if they're not actively trying to lose weight. Yes I think I would look 'better,' if I weighed less, and I don't think that's unusual. Take away the eating disorder and it's actually a totally normal thing for someone my age and weight to think. It's an unfortunate fact that we live in a society where women are made to feel so bad about themselves.
And that is why I was curious about whether people think vanity weight loss is still a good thing.0 -
Here is how I look at weight loss (coming from an eating disorder background myself) You have to love yourself as is and realize that no amount of weight loss/gain will change who you are.
With that out of the way...If you happen to lose weight because you were not eating a healthy, well rounded diet and getting adequate activity, ok. If you are already living a healthy lifestyle, counting calories and working out and now you think "I need to do MORE" then maybe you should put a pin in that plan for a couple weeks and really evaluate. Relapse is a real thing and it can be a slippery slope.
For the record, no I would not say that you "need" to lose weight and I think you are already pretty slim0 -
FatFreeFrolicking wrote: »mollymarionet wrote: »FatFreeFrolicking wrote: »You are NOT recovered. Anorexics are never recovered. Once you are anorexic, you are anorexic for life. Just like an alcoholic. You are in recovery for the remaining years of your life.
Not exactly the best way to put things and not fully accurate either, if eating disorders are cought in young childhood they can recover and never have another problem. Anorexia isn't terminal cancer and negativity is never the way to go.
Every single psychologist/psychiatrist I've worked with who specializes in ED's has said they would never refer to a client as "recovered" because someone with an ED can relapse at any given time. Therefore, they are in recovery. Recovery from anorexia or bulimia or EDNOS is an ongoing, lifelong process.
^^agree. I have been "recovering" for two years now. I don't engage in behaviors and I really do love myself and I finally have a realistic and healthy attitude on food, portions and my weight. However, if it were not for my child, given a bad day or enough stress I could go back to that in a heartbeat.0
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